A wife and husband had been on a strict diet and the wife said yaknow weve been good about our diet lets have a cheat night tonight. The wife came home with kfc and wendys. the husband came home with sylvia from the office.

Hey what is the difference between a painting and a wife?

Only the wife was hung up

My ex-wife was deaf. She left me for a deaf friend of hers. To be honest, I should have seen the signs.

How do you know when your wife is cheating on you?

She comes home with sparkles on her face