Best Jokes

What’s the difference between Bird flu and swine flu? – For one you get tweetment, for the other you get oinkment.

Wait isnt this sans job to make a joke?

Ur so ugly that when u came out of the hunted house u had a job offer

Why are priests called father? because its too suspicious to call them daddy.

Dont trust atoms they make up everything.

You know why I don’t buy Velcro items anymore?

They are a total rip off.

Thanks for explaining the word “many” to me, it means a lot.

The weirdest thing happend to me today i was driving 50mph and hit a speedbump aand it screamed

Do you like Wendy’s? Yeah Wendy’s nuts finna go in your mouth

Me:Have you seen a mr.weewoo Most people:no Me: he drives the ambulance down stairs

Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, for instance when you push them down the stairs.

What do you call a cow with two legs

Answer: Your mom

911 what’s your emergency Me, my grandma just passed out in the living room and I think she’s dead Well it’s not a living room any more Me, hangs up

Whats worse than 1000 dead babies hanging off a tree? 1 dead baby hanging of 1000 trees

The teacher asked her student to say the alphabet, The student recited the alphabet abcdefghijklmnoqrstuvwxyz, Where’s the p, He looked down to the floor and said: it’s running down my legs

A guy walks into a bar with a revolver and yells, “WHO THE F*** F***ED MY WIFE!” A man in the back responds, “YOU AINT GOT ENOUGH BULLETS MATE!”

A friend of mine just got divorced. He and his ex-wife split the house. He got the outside.

So a girl says to her ex I can’t get you out of my mind the boyfriend I knew you we’ve the girl replies I see you in everything like htm title=' even at work like trash cans are everywhere'>when I’m walking down the street even at work like trash cans are everywhere

Why did the guitarist get fired as a carpenter? He was shredding the floor…

ME: when I saw an orphan on the street in rags also me: are u okay orphan: yeah what gave it way ME: because you have no family

We were so poor that every time I passed by a butcher shop I thought there had been a horrible accident.

Flag of Congo — Kinshasa @osowxvyy I was in Portugal enjoying my lunch when I saw a man choking! i wanted to save him but a local stopped me. “that’s Penandes, he always chokes when it matters most and ghosts in big games.” True enough, Penandes’ Ghost emerged from his body! Poor Penandes, may he get well soon!