Best Jokes

Why are priests called father? because its too suspicious to call them daddy.

It’s all fun and games until someone fails at becoming superman.

I was watching my daughter at a park she was playing with a few people another parent came up to me and said which was is yours, just for fun i said “i am still choosing” she looked horrified

Your forehead is so big that you dream in 4K.

Why did the plum put sugar under its pillow?

So it could have sweet dreams.

My doctor told me that I had to burn calories, so I took a fat kid and lit them on fire

My doctor said “you have 1year to live”

I said " you wanna bet"

Bam a gun shot

A kid has an older brother that’s a very popular lifeguard. He sees all of the people that talk to his brother but he’s fairly ignored. So one day he asks his brother why everyone likes him so much. His older brother says “well all you gotta do is stick a potato in your pocket”. So the next day the boy goes back to the pool and he has a potato in his pocket, but everyone is avoiding him even more now. At the end of the day he goes up to his brother and asks why it didn’t work, and his brother says “dumbass, you were supposed to put it in the front!”

My teacher asked what was the worst time you got paddled by your parents my one friend said that he got in trouble and got whacked htm title=' that my dad whacked me with his dick'>by a stick i raised my hand and said that my dad whacked me with his dick

My dad still hasn’t come back with the milk. Now we are stuck eating dry cereal.

You know why I don’t buy Velcro items anymore?

They are a total rip off.

I told the doctor I didn’t want a brain surgery. But he changed my mind.

I got my daughter a fridge for her birthday. I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it.

What is the weirdest thing to wear and what is weirdest thing to say. Weirdest thing to ware: Socks with sandals, also with flip flops! Weirdest thing to say: “Would you rather be a bath or a toilet?” “The blue angel sea slug looks like an alien.” (weird). Bonus: Things to ware with other things: Crop top with t-shirt(really hip), Crop top with tights or shorts, dresses with tights! (Cool) Oh well byeeeeeee!

All these sea monster jokes are just Kraken me up.

Why don’t oysters share their pearls?

Because they’re shellfish!

What did the fish get on his math test?

A sea plus.

I will always remember my uncle’s last words, “What’s The Shovel For?”

I remember my grandfathers last words: “is that loaded?”

I will always remember my grandpa’s last words. SHIT, THE LADDER IS FALLING!

Employer: Can you preform under pressure? Me: No, but i do a pretty good Bohemian Rhapsody.

What’s the difference between a job and a wife

The job keeps sucking after 5 years