Best Jokes

Yo mama so fat thanos had to snap twice

I go into get a prostate exam, I’m nervous but the doctor says its all natural and needs to be done.

So he pulls down my pants and sticks one finger up my ass. I feel it go deeper inside, feeling for abnormalities.

That’s when I realize his hands are on my shoulders.

What do u call it when a boxer cums? Busting a nut

Yo girl…do you like squirrels, because i’m about to nut in your hole

Q:Whats the difference between a computer and an abortion clinic A: Ctrl+Alt+Delete

There was a car accident and the cops pull up to the crime seen to start asking people questions. The police started talking to a blonde lady and said what happened here she responded by saying a car crash. They then asked but how did it happen, she responded the cars crashed into each other. They finally said but why did it happen. The lady said oh i know where your going with this. It happened because when cars push on the gas peddle the car goes forward and they both pushed it so they both went forward and hit each other. One cop said never mind ma’m and they stared walking away. The blonde lady then said oh and officers my computer froze do you think i should put in the microwave or in the oven?

One time their was a depressed man standing in the middle of a train track a girl said excuse me can you move please I’m trying than the man stopped her sentence htm title=' than she said back easy hung it up'>and said how is your t shirt so clean than she said back easy hung it up

Why was the train late?

It kept getting side-tracked.

Once there were three Indians. Two were smart and one was… not so smart. One day, the first smart Indian went out hunting. He came back with a dead deer. The not so smart Indian asks “How’d you do it?” The smart one replies, "I followed the deer tracks, shot the deer, and brought it home." The next day, the next smart Indian goes out. He comes back with a dead bear. The not so smart Indian asks once again “How’d you do it?” The smart one replies, "I followed the bear tracks, shot the bear, and brought it home." Finally, it’s now the not so smart Indian’s turn to go hunt. Multiple hours had passed since he left. The smart Indians go out to search for him. They finally find him, bloodied and on the verge of dying. The smart Indians exclaimed "WHAT HAPPENED!" The not so smart Indian replies, “Well I… I followed the train tracks, an… and shot th- the train… bu- but it kept going…”

My grandfather said we rely on technology too much so I unplugged his life support. Luckily I remember his last words. “You little bastard!”

This man got his left arm and left leg cut off and someone asked him “How are You?” And he said “I’m all right now.”

How do we know Stephen is dying in hell

There’s a stairway to heaven.

Vagina jokes aren’t funny.

Moist of the time.

I have just started a sexual relationship with a blind woman. It’s very rewarding, but quite challenging. – Took me ages to get her husband’s voice right.

What’s Thanos’ favorite game? Half-life

Why did the man get fired from work cause he took 2 days off in febuary

What’s the difference between a Cop and a bullet? When a bullet kills someone it gets fired.

I usually dont make 9/11 jokes. But they just are fire.

How many babies do you need to paint a wall?

Depends on how hard you throw them.