Best Jokes

I know five fat people and you’re three of them

Wait isnt this sans job to make a joke?

Ur so ugly that when u came out of the hunted house u had a job offer

Man: I know how to please a woman. Woman: Then please leave me alone, you ugly two-faced hypocrite.

Man: I want to give myself to you. Woman: Sorry, I don’t like ugly peasants.

Man: Your hair colour is fabulous. Woman: I hate your hair colour, though.

Man: You look like a dream. Woman: Then open your ugly eyes and stop sleeping, hypocrite!

Man: I can tell that you want me. Woman: Yes, I want you dead.

R.I.P

Man: Hey, baby, what’s your sign? Woman: F*** you, pedophile!

Man: Your body is like a temple. Woman: Sorry, there are no services for pedophiles.

Man: Is this seat empty? Woman: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down, you little peasant.

Man: What’s it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar? Every other woman I see looks ugly. Bleuch! Woman: How dare you!

Man: Haven’t I seen you someplace before? Woman: Yeah, that’s why I don’t go there anymore. I saw you playing with boxes in the store room and saying “I AM KING OF THE WORLD!”

What do you call a dog with no legs?

It doesn’t matter he isn’t coming to you.

What do you call a sheep with no legs? A cloud

Whats a depressed persons favorite drink Depresso expresso Jk bleach

Q: If Adolf Hitler was a sea creature which would he be? A: Adlof-in

What does Osama bin Laden have in common with Spongebob?

Both can be found at the bottom of the sea, filled full of holes.

The blind person can’t eat fish, it’s “sea food”

You’re so short, when you were born, the doctor couldn’t tell if you were a boy, a girl, or a Jimmy Dean pork sausage.

/en/doctor

Yo mama so fat that when i banged her in the jacuzzi there was a level 8 tsunami

How do we know Stephen is dying in hell

There’s a stairway to heaven.

Three people die on the same day: a German, an American, and an Italian. They all go to Hell for various reasons. American: I won’t ever see my dog again! Italian: I won’t ever make pizzas again! German: Hey, granddad, how have you been?

My friend:What are you doing Me:I?m making holy water My friend:How? Me:I?m boiling the hell out of it.

Q If a electric train heads south what way does the steam go A no steam

Whats yellow and cant swim but screams when it goes under. A school bus full of kids

I entered ten puns into a contest to see which one would win.

No pun in ten did

How does Moses prepare his tea? – Hebrews it.

I hated church growing up as a child, it was always standing, kneeling, sitting, standing, kneeling, sitting. I wish the priest would just pick a position and f*** me!