Best Jokes

What’s the difference between a priest and acne? At least acne waits til the boy is 12 to come on his face.

What has two legs but can’t walk? Pants??

Asian pregnancy test: Stick a Rubik cube into vagina. Wait 30 seconds, if it’s solved then there’s a little Asian in there.

Whats the difference between a hippie chick and a hockey player? – The hockey player showers after 3 periods.

What’s the difference between a battery and my wife? The battery has a positive side

Q: What is the difference between a stripper and a bungee cord?

A: It is cheap fast, and if the rubber breaks, your pretty much screwed.

There was a car accident and the cops pull up to the crime seen to start asking people questions. The police started talking to a blonde lady and said what happened here she responded by saying a car crash. They then asked but how did it happen, she responded the cars crashed into each other. They finally said but why did it happen. The lady said oh i know where your going with this. It happened because when cars push on the gas peddle the car goes forward and they both pushed it so they both went forward and hit each other. One cop said never mind ma’m and they stared walking away. The blonde lady then said oh and officers my computer froze do you think i should put in the microwave or in the oven?

I love the smell of my F5 key. – It’s very refreshing.

What did one ocean say to the other ocean? nothing, they just WAVED. can you SEA what i did there? im SHORE you did. Why are you so SALTY? dont be a BEACH.

Fun fact! You can hold your breath till the rest of your life

Do you know why i dont like stairs…they are always UP TO SOMETHIG#dadjokes

Sometimes, stairs get me down.

Think about you are so f@cking high that you walking to a lift and inside the lift are stairs???

What’s a depressed kids favorite holiday… Christmas because everything is hanging

If you hit a child that’s child abuse. if you hit a family member that’s abuse. if you kill either, it’s murder for some reason. if it’s a whole family, its genocide for another reason.

What makes a joke a dad joke?

I don’t know. I don’t even have one as an example.

My friend was pissed of with me. I was sniffing his sisters knickers. It was worse that they were still on her. It was worse the family were there. It made the rest of her funeral really awkward

Why did the carrots laugh?

They saw Mrs. Green Pea over the fence.