Best Jokes

The last words my Dad spoke before he passed was, “Honey put down the knife we were only talking about getting a divorce.”

Kid: hey dad whats dark humor? Dad: go walk up to that homeless guy and throw a rock at him. Kid: but dad I dont have any legs or arms. Dad: exactly son.

Why should old womon never eat sea food?

Cuz then she’ll start acting crabby.

I went for a job interview today and the manager said, “We’re looking for someone who is responsible.”

“Well, I’m your man.” I replied, “In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible.”

What is the best thing about living in Switzerland? – Well, the flag is a big plus.

If you drop an emo and a piece of paper from a tree which will hit the ground first?

The piece of oaper because the rope will stop the emo

What’s a similarity between your best friend and a tree? They both fall over when you hit them with an axe.

What does a priest and a clown have in common?

They both make children cry

I was raised a Catholic and my priest told me when I was 12, “God is watching you when you masturbate”.

I said, “Is God a pedophile too, Father?”

Myrtle Beach has a clear blue sky and sunny, a pleasant air to visit as a family. Don’t you think they are not evil creatures and do you think they have them? “No, there are no gost or evil creatures.” You can say that, but don’t be surprised when Gina Claw Scare comes for you, aka GCS for short. Gina Claw Scare was born in North Carolina in August 1991. She died in 2000. No, that’s not real. WRONG. Gina’s real name was Gina Clawien Scaren. Yes, that’s why her name is Gina Claw Scare. Why did she die? I know right? She died from a curse from her bad companions. We never knew their names. The curse sent her down a dark path, demons and hate comments from people on istagram, facebook and the worst jokes on the site.

Gina Claw Scare loved fire. Which means she was a pyromaniac. She would rise from the grave in which she was buried. Did what? Stop, for real this time! They buried her on a loan in the forest. That caught fire. “HARSH MAN!” I know right? She rises from that grave, she comes for the people who call her by name four times. Then she beat the drums and set your house on fire! A fire so harmful that you can feel hurt, friends. You can hear everyone’s screaming. And then become like her. Never say her name. NEVER

I pushed an orphan in a wheelchair into a fire and yelled hot wheels

Why did the plum put sugar under its pillow?

So it could have sweet dreams.

My sister told me she like Medusa. I said h. My sister said my blow jobs are so good she looks up at the guy facial expression and when the look down they do nothing, but stay still.

What’s the difference between a job and a wife

The job keeps sucking after 5 years

Man: I got fired from my job at the calander factory. Lady: What did you do? Man: I took a day of…

My grief counsellor died today. He did such a great job. I don’t even care

What do you call a Dino stripper?

A dinowhore

When I throw a dodge ball at a person taller than its always a nut shot

I went out with this girl the other night, she wore this real slinky number. She especially looked great going down the stairs.

What goes up stairs but doesnt move, stairs! laugh now!

Mr.Smith lived in an apartment. in the apartment, he went to the elevator and went to the 16th floor then he went to the 21st floor by 5 stairs every morning. why did he do that?

Because he was too short! ! so he pressed the highest button he could and went to his apartment

Why was the stair case so sad? Because every one walks on them.