Best Jokes

Do one day i was sitting on my couch watching youtube when i heard a knock on the door. i opened the door and to my surprise it was my dad. i haven’t seen him in 16 years, so i let him in. i noticed he had a gallon of milk in his hand and he went to the kitchen and put the milk in the fridge. then he walked towards me and said “Oh no! i forgot the cereal! ” then he walked out the door and drove away. i never saw him again

Me and my friend got in to a fight I look straight forward and said look me in my eyes

My doctor said “you have 1year to live”

I said " you wanna bet"

Bam a gun shot

Once my sister was a sister now shes a blister

I got my daughter a fridge for her birthday. I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it.

Employer: Can you preform under pressure? Me: No, but i do a pretty good Bohemian Rhapsody.

I was sitting with my little brother when he was about four-ish. He was starting to really like to identify objects for some reason, so he was showing me his toys. He grabbed his toy Mator truck and then pointed to the wheels, saying, “These are wheels.” I said, “Good job, yes they are.” Then he pointed to the bumper and said, “This is a bumper.” Again, I congratulated him. Then, he grabbed the toy’s wire with the hook at the end and said, “And this is a hooker.” I died laughing.

I was watching my daughter play at the park, a woman came up to me and asked which one was mine, I said I was still choosing.

What’s the difference between a battery and my wife? The battery has a positive side

Despite Michael Jackson’s legal problems while we was alive, McDonald’s is still going to honor his life achievements in the music industry by naming a sandwich after him.

They’re going to call it the McMichael! It’s going to be a fifty year old piece of meat pressed between two eight year old buns.

You know what relationships and life? They both come to an end

The twin towers was basically angry birds but in real life

What was stephan Hawkins last words\windows10shutting down

What is the difference between a sloth and a depressed kid? A sloth doesn’t need a rope to hang

I bought a gun from Walmart today. I guess they knew what I was going to do with it, because when I pulled the gun on the cashier, I realized the firing mechanism was in reverse.

Did you know that Former Australian Prime Minister Scott Morrison was a firefighter? He got fired for trying to fight a fire with tickets to Hawaii.

Q: If Adolf Hitler was a sea creature which would he be? A: Adlof-in

What does Osama bin Laden have in common with Spongebob?

Both can be found at the bottom of the sea, filled full of holes.

Why are quantum physicists so poor at sex? – Because when they find the position, they can’t find the momentum, and when they have the momentum, they can’t find the position.