Best Jokes

Whats green and smells like bacon?

Kermit the frogs finger.

So a neutron went to a bar, he asked the bartender how much for a beer, the bartender said, " For you, NO charge."

Someone stole my toilet and the police have nothing to go on.

If i’m the night guard at the Samsung store, does that make me a… guardian of the galaxy?

Two artists had an art contest. – It ended in a draw.

My mom always said garlic powder makes everything better so i sprinkled some on my divorce papers and my wifes broken leg.

What do you call a high school student? Alone and depressed.

What’s the easiest way to get straight As? Use a ruler.

Yo mama is so fat when she got on the scale it said one at a time please.

What do you get if you eat 3.14 cakes?

Fat, you get Fat.

What? were you expecting a pi joke?

Yo mama so fat that when she sits down, the earth falls out of the Solar System.

Luca’s Mom & Dad Be throwing the kids into the Fountain in the city but there sea monster so if the went to jail for that the would be on death row anyways.??

What do you call a rejected guitarist who now lives on the beach?

A sea minor.

Why is the sea salty? because the land never waves back

Why did the kid drop his ice cream cone?

Because he got hit by a bus!

A bus full of nuns die in a car crash and end up at the pearly gates where saint Peter greets them hello sisters welcome to heaven before you enter I must ask you all a question he asks the first nun have you ever touched a penis well she said just once with the tip of my little finger ok dip it in the holy water and you can enter he repeats the question to the second nun well she says I might of held one once ok says st Peter wash your hands in the holy water and you can enter just then there’s a commotion down the line one nun is trying to push in front of another st Peter says sister Susan there is no rush you will get in that’s fine she replys but if I have htm title=' before sister Mary sticks her arse in it.'>to gargle that stuff I want to get in before sister Mary sticks her arse in it.

It’s all fun and games until someone fails at becoming superman.

Why cant the orphan play the game of life? they dont know what a family road trip is.??

When you loose a game of Kahoot so you kashoot up the school

As a son I like sports and I watch sports with my mom. So one day we were looking at football. My mom ask me who makes the most money I said the quarter back. My mom told me I going to get a quarter back has my new boyfriend and it be your new step father. a week lady my mom went out I came home I see my mom making out with a high school kid. I said whats going on my mom said look my new boyfriend and new step father is the high school quarter back. My mom said see mission accomplish. I said yeah job well done.