Best Jokes

Why is Steven hawking going to hell not heaven? Because it’s a stair way to heaven not a ramp.

Q:What’s black and white and red all over A: a nun falling down the stairs

What did the beach say as the tide came in?

Long time, no sea.

%%Rules of Dark humor:

All subject matter can be used, nothing is off limits.

No saying “Me” or “My Life” as a joke. Nobody finds those funny. We want actual good and meaningful jokes.

Don’t Repeat Previously Posted Jokes. If you are saying the same joke that the person right before you posted you are just begging for attention and nobody by any means likes that. I will add more in the future and be frequent on this site.

Sincerely, Zane

My mom trying to get me to do dishes

Mom: I gave you life and you should be able to wash dishes.

Me: Why did you?

Mom: I was very drunk…

Explains a lot…

What is a fish’s?? favorite game?

Salmon Says!

You walk in to a old ran down house and you see that a light is on you walk over to the light and you see blood all over the room and you run to the exit to leave but when you get to the door somehow it is locked from the outside and you have no choice but to go in to the house more and you see another room with a light on so you go in when you go In “flip” all the light go off then yo7 see a bright light and then a screen shows up and it says “let the game show begin” yiu see other people next to you and they seem scared then a wall comes down yiu see a optical cores and yi7 go on and then a chainsaw comes at yiu and it misses you but the other kid behind you gets hit and dies

Part two comeing soon this is inspired by the scp foundation have a nice summer

What’s the difference between my phone and my sister? I actually give a damn if my phone dies.

I saw my sister masturbating with a carrot. I said “Come on I was gonna eat that later! Now it’s just gonna taste like carrots!”

So my dad said to me and my sister don’t fight but did he mean “fist fight” or “yelling fight?”

One day the teacher asks a boy why can’t fish talk underwater. The Kid says " If I put your head underwater will you be able to talk.

A mom cows last words were to the mom cows son they were you are then died the son though that he was adopted but then 3 years later the mom cow rose from the dead and said to her son that she was going to say you were adorable then she died once more then 2 years later she rose from htm title=' her son and that’s why we adopted you.'>the dead for the last time to say to her son and that’s why we adopted you.

Are you a toaster? Bc I want to take a bath w you ;)

If somebody cuts their leg off and hits you with it. Works they be kicking or hitting you?

So my friends birthday was coming up, so I got him a new box to live in.

Women only call me ugly until they find out how much money I make.

Then they call me ugly and poor

If I place a slide on the edge of a cliff or a really high building, would going down it be considered suislide?

Asking for a friend.

THIS IS A RYTHME

Jack and jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana

Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said u know u wanna

Jill said yes as he grabbed her dress

And they had a little fun

Jill forgot her pills so now they have a son

Yo momma is so fat when she got on the scale it said, “I need your weight not your phone number.”

Yo mama so fat thanos had to clap

Yo mama so fat she sat on an iPhone and turned it into an iPad.

How do you get a fat girl to bed? Piece of cake

John: hi boss it is raining heavily today so I would not be coming

Boss: u stated in ur job application that swimming was it hobby so see u at at 11am

A guy was on trial for murder and if convicted, would get the electric chair. His brother found out that a redneck was on the jury and figured he would be the one to bribe. He told the redneck that he would be paid $10,000 if he could convince the rest of the jury to reduce the charge to manslaughter.

The jury was out an entire week and returned with a verdict of manslaughter.

After the trial, the brother went to the redneck’s house, told him what a great job he had done and paid him the $10,000.

The red neck replied that it wasn’t easy to convince the rest of the jury to change the charge to manslaughter. They all thought he was not guilty and, wanted to let him go.