Best Jokes

This isnt an orphan joke but. I got a job at a library, but it only lasted 15 minutes. Turns out, books about women’s rights shouldn’t go in the Sci-Fi / Fantasy section.

Yo mamas so poor the ducks through bread at her

I lost at Kahoot so I had to ka-shoot

What’s a similarity between your best friend and a tree? They both fall over when you hit them with an axe.

The last words my Dad spoke before he passed was, “Honey put down the knife we were only talking about getting a divorce.”

I’ll always remember my Dad’s last words before he died on 9/11…

Allahu Akbar!

I will always remember my grandpa’s last words. SHIT, THE LADDER IS FALLING!

Why do priests appreciate educated children? They don’t spit.

I just got a job at the prison library. It has its prose and cons.

Man: I got fired from my job at the calander factory. Lady: What did you do? Man: I took a day of…

My grief counsellor died today. He did such a great job. I don’t even care

R u a toaster? cuz i wanna take a bath wit u r u a knife? cuz u make me wanna kms r u a painting? cuz i hang u r u the flu? cuz u make me wanna hurl r u a newspaper? cuz u have new problems everyday r u the ground? cuz im six feet deep in u ;)

What is 14 inches long and starts with D

A Dookie From GREEN DAY

So a guy is taking a piss in a public bathroom. He looks over and sees a short guy with a very large green dick, who looks up at him and says “is there a problem boyoh?”. “I’m sorry, it’s just that thing is huge, and why the hell is it green?!”. The man reply’s “I’m a leprechaun”. “Really?” says the man. “That’s right. And I’ll grant you three wishes if you let me stick it in your pooper”. “Anything I want?! 3 of them?” reply’s the man. “Anything in your wildest dreams boyoh, but you have to let me finish”. The man bends over, and the leprechaun puts in in, thrusting back and forth he asks for the man’s first wish. “I want a giant yacht” “Aye”, says the leprechaun. “It’s pulling into your own private harbor now”. “For my second wish I want a billion dollars” the man says, beginning to sweat. “Aye, it’s stacked inside the yacht waiting for you” the leprechaun reply’s. “Okay”, the man groans in pain. “For my final wish I want this yacht to be full of beautiful women”. “You betcha boyoh” says the leprechaun. “The girls are there waiting for you nooWWW” as he lets out a moan of pleasure. The man exhausted and sore says “that was rough, but worth it for those wishes. Where do I go?”

The little man with the giant green dick, pulling up his pants, his accent now gone says: “aren’t you a little old to be believing in leprechauns?”.

I tried to eat ass once the donkeys got one hell of a kick!

Did you know that Iceland is only one sea away from Ireland?

Why are dolphins so smart? Because within three hours they can train a human to stand at the edge of the pool and feed them fish!