Best Jokes

I know five fat people and you’re three of them

Why did the blind man fall down the well?

He just couldn’t see that well.

When I become a parent I’m gonna regergetate my food to feed my children.

It’ll give me an excuse to make out with my daughter.

Where did the software developer go?! I don’t know, he ransomware!

What do you call a crazy computer? Wired.

I love the smell of my F5 key. – It’s very refreshing.

Life is like a box of chocolate, it doesn’t last long if you’re fat

Yo mama so fat that when i banged her in the jacuzzi there was a level 8 tsunami

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip. After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.

“Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”

Watson replied, “I see millions of stars.”

“What does that tell you?”

Watson pondered for a minute.

“Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.” “Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.” “Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.” “Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant.” “Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.” “What does it tell you, Holmes?”

Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: “Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!”

My family is like a apple tree my sister is that ugly one that has to ruin in

What do tampons and your sister have in common!

I had a dream that i was destroyin the world and i blew up my house for fun I woke up and couldnt find my pillow… Nor the house

A woman walks onto the Bus with his child. The driver says, "That’s the ugliest child I have seen!" The woman sits down and tells her neighbor. The neighbor replies, “Go say something back. Here, I’ll hold your monkey for you!”

Why can’t a steam locomotive sit down?

Because it has a tender behind.

Chuck Norris trained dude perfect how to do it

A farmer walks up to his farmer neighbor with a jug of milk. the farmer says “I milked your cow”. the neighbor replies “i have a bull not a cow”

When does a joke become a dad joke? When it goes to get the milk yet never comes back. Miss you dad. -Aniya

I was watching my daughter play at the park, a woman came up to me and asked which one was mine, I said I was still choosing.

I see a poor guy. Mini me be like- mama can I giwve mwy spare money to him.?? and my mum sais yes so I give my money and home feeling SO NICE while MY MOM knows he’s going to spend it on DRUGS we go back tomorrow and then after we go to the same place and then I see him with drugs. Me- what I think fck what I do??.