Best Jokes

1st daughter: Dad I;m lesbian! Dad: oh OK! 2nd daughter: I’m also lesbian Dad: WTF does any 1 in this family love d!cks?!? Son: I do…

Guy starts chatting to pretty woman at a party Seeing that she didn’t back off he asked her name. “Carmen,” she replied. That’s a nice name," he said warming up the conversation,

“Who named you, your mother?”

"No, I named myself, she answered.

“Oh, that’s interesting. Why Carmen?”

“Because I like cars, and I like men,” she said looking directly into his eyes. “So what’s your name?” she asked.

‘BJ Titsngolf’

If I place a slide on the edge of a cliff or a really high building, would going down it be considered suislide?

Asking for a friend.

As a son I like sports and I watch sports with my mom. So one day we were looking at football. My mom ask me who makes the most money I said the quarter back. My mom told me I going to get a quarter back has my new boyfriend and it be your new step father. a week lady my mom went out I came home I see my mom making out with a high school kid. I said whats going on my mom said look my new boyfriend and new step father is the high school quarter back. My mom said see mission accomplish. I said yeah job well done.

What do you come a dog with no legs? It don’t matter what you it, cause it ain’t gonna come to you.

Where to people with no legs go to have fun? legno land

If I was a party, then anxiety must be the cousin depression felt obligated to bring to the party and insomnia the little annoying sibling.

Whats green and sticky? … a stick.

What’s green and smells like bacon?

Kermit’s finger.

I walked in to the doctors surgery and and he said to me “pick a star sign any star sign” “I said Capricorn” He said “Nahh you got cancer”

A guy is at home and he’s about to go get a physical at the Doctor’s office. When he gets there, the Doctor says, “Brian, you’re going to have to stop masturbating. ” He asked the Doc why? The Doc said, “So I can examine you!”

Why don’t midgets fight? They walk away to be the bigger man

My doctor told me that I had to burn calories, so I took a fat kid and lit them on fire

Yo mama so fat when she ordered a water bed they gave her the pacific ocean.

East Richmond has a train station at East Richmond but Richmond is better why

What do you call a Dino stripper?

A dinowhore

At school nobody:do u want nuts me: wait u have some nobody: yeah their my own me::0

I see a poor guy. Mini me be like- mama can I giwve mwy spare money to him.?? and my mum sais yes so I give my money and home feeling SO NICE while MY MOM knows he’s going to spend it on DRUGS we go back tomorrow and then after we go to the same place and then I see him with drugs. Me- what I think fck what I do??.

My mother wanted to test my responsibility and wanted me to cook dinner for the family to help mean understand how it feels to constantly cook for a whole family. So me with my horrible humor decided to make a giant joke for when dinner time came around and so I just got four plates and set them in front of my family and I then said, “Here you are a fine African meal.” then everybody looked at me in disappointment and then I continued to say, “what poor taste?”