Best Jokes

A man was having a dream. He dreamt about a mystical creature that was commonly known as the god of toast. When the man woke up, he turned to tell his wife about the dream. When he delivers the toast god punch line, his wife shrugged as she faced the opposite direction to the man. The man turned around also and started sobbing as he realised his marriage is in shambles

My sister told me she like Medusa. I said h. My sister said my blow jobs are so good she looks up at the guy facial expression and when the look down they do nothing, but stay still.

Why did the carrots laugh?

They saw Mrs. Green Pea over the fence.

You have to do this and my sister said well I don’t care and I said well you care enough to respond back oh my gosh.

Why don’t cows have any money?

Because farmers milk them dry.

The other day a man with some cheese and milk attacked me …how dairy

Why does a milking stool only have 3 legs? – Because the cow has the udder.

I am still trying to figure out why paying the covid doctors a complement is so offensive. They even kicked me out and all I said was to stay positive…

An apple a day can do so much more than keep the doctor away… it can keep ANYONE away.

If you throw it hard enough.

What game did Al-Qaeda Play With The Twin Towers On September 11th 2001? Jenga.

How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?

Ask them to pronounce “unionized”.

Whats the difference between McDonald’s and a priest

Nothing… they both stick their meat in ten year old buns

I once ate a watch. It was time consuming.

I named my dog 5-Miles so now I tell people I walk 5-Miles everyday

What did the fork say to the cake when he said i hope u get eaten

Fork off

I just quit my job at a can crushing factory.

It was soda-pressing.