Best Jokes

If seagulls fly over the sea what flies over the bay

Bagels

Yo mama’s so poor I knocked on her front door of her house and realised I was already outside her backyard!

You don’t have a forehead you have a five head.

You don’t have dreams you have movies.

What is the best thing about living in Switzerland? – Well, the flag is a big plus.

I couldn’t quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.

What’s green then red all over?

A frog in a blender!:)

How do Chinese people get their names? Their parent’s throw woks down the stairs and name their children after the sound it makes,

What fell down the tree first the emo or the apple

Guess what the apple because the emo got left hanging

I remember my dad’s last words “I met your father.”

I was crying at school telling my friends my grandpa died, And they asked me what his last words were. His last words were “Are you still holding the ladder?”

Stage 4 cancer is like a woman you can’t beat it but if you do she’ll probably come back again

A woman decides to take a well-earned vacation and she asks her brother to watch her cat while she’s away.

On the second day, when she calls her brother to see how things are going he tells her bluntly that the cat is dead.

The woman is really upset and goes into hysterics, before saying, “You can’t tell a person bad news so bluntly. You should break the news gently. The first day, you should have said that Fluffy was stuck on the roof and couldn’t get down. The second day, you could have said that she had fallen, but the vet said she would be okay. Then on the third day you could have said that she died from complications.”

The next day, the woman calls her brother again and asks how things are. He says, “Well, Grandma is stuck on the roof and can’t get down …”

What’s the difference between a potted plant and your wife?

The first is easier to bury.

You wanna know what’s the difference between a girl and a refrigerator? “a refrigerator doesn’t moan when I put my meat in it”

How do we know Stephen is dying in hell

There’s a stairway to heaven.

Why are short people so angry?? Cause their closer to hell

I went for a job interview today and the manager said, “We’re looking for someone who is responsible.”

“Well, I’m your man.” I replied, “In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible.”