Best Jokes

Confucius say, man who runs behind car will get exhausted, but man who runs in front of car will get tired.

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. “Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?” The blonde said, “How about 50 dollars?” The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man’s wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, “Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?” The man replied, “She should. She was standing on the porch.” A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. “You’re finished already?” he asked. “Yes,” the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. “And by the way,” the blonde added, “that’s not a Porch, it’s a Ferrari.”

What’s the difference between you and Hitler? Hitler knew when to kill himself.

What is the difference between stephen hawkings and a walkie talkie he doesnt walkie or talkie

Why is Steven hawking going to hell not heaven? Because it’s a stair way to heaven not a ramp.

Q:What’s black and white and red all over A: a nun falling down the stairs

I fell down the stairs once.

I’ll never forget my sister’s last word. “Is it edible?”

Brian has a crush on a cute girl Sally from school so he goes and tells his dad about her and he says sorry son you cant like her she is your sister. So Brian is okay with it and he starts to like another girl Madison and he goes up to his dad and says I have a crush on this girl Madison and again the dad goes oh sorry son you cant like any girl in school they are all your sisters so he goes crying to his mom and says dad said I cant like any girl because they are all my sisters and the mom goes oh it’s okay you can like any girl you want because he is not your dad.

/en/doctor

Your so poor not even dollar tree has your prices

My friend dreamed of being a porno star. He did it for 3 months and decided it was not for him The next job he got was pumping petrol, halfway through filling up, he pulled the hose out and started spraying all over the car!

I had a dream of swimming in an ocean of orange soda guess it is just a FANTAsea.

Why did the silly girl?? put sugar under her pillow?

She wanted to have sweet dreams.??

If seagulls fly over the sea what flies over the bay

Bagels

Why does this Stingray’s wife can’t stop babbling? Cause, she can’t watch her mouth.

A wife is like a grenade. Pull the ring and the house is gone.

An American woman married a British man. On their honeymoon, the British husband said,?You look like a million pounds!? The wife divorced him.

Yo mama is so ugly, she walked into a haunted house and walked out with a job application.

(To a mexican person) When i first met you I thought you were going to say,My name is enrique i have a job for you.