Best Jokes
21 June: Top today:
What’s the difference between Micheal Jackson and a plastic bag
One’s made of plastic and dangerous for kids to play with, and the other carries groceries
| What’s the difference? |
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Man: I know how to please a woman. Woman: Then please leave me alone, you ugly two-faced hypocrite.
Man: I want to give myself to you. Woman: Sorry, I don’t like ugly peasants.
Man: Your hair colour is fabulous. Woman: I hate your hair colour, though.
Man: You look like a dream. Woman: Then open your ugly eyes and stop sleeping, hypocrite!
Man: I can tell that you want me. Woman: Yes, I want you dead.
R.I.P
Man: Hey, baby, what’s your sign? Woman: F*** you, pedophile!
Man: Your body is like a temple. Woman: Sorry, there are no services for pedophiles.
Man: Is this seat empty? Woman: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down, you little peasant.
Man: What’s it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar? Every other woman I see looks ugly. Bleuch! Woman: How dare you!
Man: Haven’t I seen you someplace before? Woman: Yeah, that’s why I don’t go there anymore. I saw you playing with boxes in the store room and saying “I AM KING OF THE WORLD!”
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A d v e r t i s e m e n t:
21 June: Job jokes:
I just quit my job at a can crushing factory.
It was soda-pressing.
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A surgeon loses his job as he botched a surgery
Boss: “we have to let you go.”
Surgeon: “I protest innocence.”
Boss: “how?”
Surgeon: “I thought to do your job and saving people’s lives were two different things. ”
Boss: “get out”
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21 June: Hell jokes:
[god creating sharks] god: ok give them 3 rows of teeth. Angel: seems excessive but ok. God: and make them mean as hell. Angel: wtf y. God: BECAUSSE I SAID SO. Angel:… god: and make one of the types have a hammer for a head angel: why do I still work for you? God: because I’m the only employer as of right now.
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21 June: Priest jokes:
What does a priest hold on to when having sex. He holds on to the schoolbag.
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A d v e r t i s e m e n t:
21 June: Dark Humor:
Did you fall from heaven? or did you fall from the cliff up there?
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What do depressed people and Apple’s have in common?
They both hang from trees
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21 June: Stairs jokes:
Me:Have you seen a mr.weewoo Most people:no Me: he drives the ambulance down stairs
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Joe mama so fat she could not walk the stairs of heaven.
Credits: to my freind
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21 June: Fat jokes:
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A d v e r t i s e m e n t:
21 June: Bar jokes:
A lady walked into a bar and ordered their special drink, the bartender then gave her a brown glass full of milk, the lady complained about this but then the bartender said, “just shut up and swallow”
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Jim walks into a bar and asks for a shot of vodka. He then says to the barkeep, “Who’s the toughest guy in here?” The barkeep points to a man at the pool table. Jim then knocked him out and paid for the shot and left. He did this every Friday for 2 months. Finally, the barkeep is pissed because Jim keeps knocking out all of his customers. He then orders a gorilla and puts him in the bathroom. Jim walks into the bar and gets another shot of vodka. He asks again, “Who’s the toughest guy in here tonight?” The bartender points to the bathroom and says he’s in there. Jim walks into the bathroom and everyone in the bar can hear yelling and screaming. The bartender asks, “What happened in there?” Jim smiles and says, “I don’t know who that was, but when he wakes up tell him I put his fur jacket int the toilet.”
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21 June: Game jokes:
What is a tornado favorite game?
Twister!
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Did you hear the score in the Eqypt vs Ethiopia football game? Eqypt 8, Ethiopia didn’t
What animal do you always find at a baseball game? A bat
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A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, “This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you.”
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, “Which do you want, son?” The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
“What did I tell you?” said the barber. “That kid never learns!”
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream parlor.
“Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?”
The boy licked his cone and replied:
“Because the day I take the dollar the game is over!”
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21 June: Doctors jokes:
Asian man goes to the eye doctor. Doctor says, “It looks like you have a cataract.” Asian guy says, “No Doc, I drive a Rincoln.”
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You’re so short, when you were born, the doctor couldn’t tell if you were a boy, a girl, or a Jimmy Dean pork sausage.
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I told the doctor I didn’t want a brain surgery. But he changed my mind.
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