Best Jokes

What is the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of babies?

U can’t unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitch fork.

What do you call a green camel.

My parents left me.

Thanks for explaining the word “many” to me, it means a lot.

A prisoner was told how he’ll be executed. Needless to say, he was shocked.

Dont trust atoms they make up everything.

When I was a little boy I had this dream I was eating a giant marshmallow

When I woke I was being sexually abused

So a doctor walks into the room with a dying patient. He looks the man up and down and says gravely: “I’m sorry, you only have ten left.” The other man smiles nervously and asks, “T-ten what doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?” The doctor calmly looks at him. “Nine.”

A man woke up from a serious surgery. He screamed, “Doctor! Doctor! I can’t feel my legs!”. And the doctor replied, “I know. I amputated you arms.”

I was sitting with my little brother when he was about four-ish. He was starting to really like to identify objects for some reason, so he was showing me his toys. He grabbed his toy Mator truck and then pointed to the wheels, saying, “These are wheels.” I said, “Good job, yes they are.” Then he pointed to the bumper and said, “This is a bumper.” Again, I congratulated him. Then, he grabbed the toy’s wire with the hook at the end and said, “And this is a hooker.” I died laughing.

Why did the zookeeper lose his job? for choking the chicken and spanking the monkey!

I pushed an orphan in a wheelchair into a fire and yelled hot wheels

What’s red green and smells like shit

…red and green shit

My gf told me she was pregnant. So I punched her in the stomach. She asked me why the hell did I did that. I told her I wanted to let her know I’m pro abortion.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana, Jack got high and grabbed her thigh and said you know you wanna. Jill said yes and lifted her dress so they could have some fun, but stupid Jill forgot her pill and now they have a son.

Question- What happend to the depresses kid who tried to high 5 a tree? Answer- He was left hanging

Daughter: “Hey dad, how do you feel about abortion?” Father: "Ask your sister” Daughter: “I don’t have a…”

What’s the worst part of Breaking up with a Japanese girl?

You have to drop the bomb twice until she finally gets it.

I have a problem my dad any my girlfriend have the same birthday. So one took my virginity and the other is my girlfriend