Best Jokes

Emo kids counting be like: 1,2,3 come hang with me! 4,5,6 Gonna get new slits! 7,8,9 Suicide! 10,11,12 Bring some pills!

Yo mama is so fat when she got on the scale it said one at a time please.

Why do bees have sticky hair

They always use honeycombs

How does a crazy person get to the woods?

He takes the psychopath.

I can barely remember the last words my uncle told me

Let go of my nose

I wanna be a Christmas decoration cause they always do be hanging

Kids are so ungrateful sometimes. I bought a wheelchair for my son, Did he say thank you? Nope! That mtf just sat in his wheelchair the whole time crying the whole day.??

Mother: Who do you like more, me or your dad. Liam: I like you both. Mother: Ok, if I go to america and your dad goes to paris, where will you go Liam: I will go to paris. Mother: That’s means you like dad more Liam: No, its because i like paris Mother: Ok, fine, if I go to paris and your dad goes to america, where will you go. Liam: I will go to America. Mother: Why Liam: Because I have already gone to paris.

I wont ever Forget my dads last words: “OH GOD THE POLICE!!!”

What is a lion call as a baby cocota

What do priest and doctors have in common?

They both do physicals on kids.

Have you heard of the new sequel to “the exorcist”?

A woman hires the devil to get a priest out of her son

Why couldn’t the dairy farmer find his home? He lost the whey!??

Little Johnny went up to his mom and said: “Can i have some milk?” He waited for three hours to get an answer. His mom finally said: “No your dad still isn’t back with it.”

Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning and his dad was making alot of mistakes. Suddenly his dad screams " bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant and his dad replied " aunts and uncles" Oh. next thing he hears is “dicks and pussies!” Johnny asks " what’s that mean?" To which his dad replied " uh coats and hats." Oh next thing he know he sees his dad jumping around the the bathroom yelling " f@cking, f@ck,f@ck,f@ck" " what does that mean dad?" And his dad yells " cut Johnny, it means cut!!!" Oh. Next week is Thanksgiving and the doorbell rings and Johnny answers it and says " Hey bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, dad’s in the kitchen f@cking the turkey.

Why did the fish cross the sea?

To get to the other tide!??????

Once upon a time there was a poor man, a middle class man, and a rich man. They were all talking about how they found happiness in their lives. The rich man said “I found happiness through money and all of my assets.” The middle class man said “I found happiness through my steady job and my loving household.” The poor man said “I may not have much, but I find my happiness through the little acts of kindness people show me. ” And then the wall fell on them.

Old mother Hubbard went to the cupboard to get her poor dog a bone.

But when she bent over, Rover took over, and gave her a bone of his own

What is the difference between stephen hawkings and a walkie talkie he doesnt walkie or talkie

What’s the difference between people and chocolate? I can still buy dark chocolate