Best Jokes

What do u call it when a boxer cums? Busting a nut

It’s all fun and games until someone fails at becoming superman.

So this gu named andrew furda was my boy friend for like a half a week so five days then bam i cut my hair he only liked me for my looks and htm title=' if u see dis u going down andrew!'>i hoped he regrets it because it is WAR so if u see dis u going down andrew!

I Googled “How to start a Wildfire”. I got 48,500 matches.

Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak

Girls are like blackjack you shoot for 21 but I keep hitting 14

Two homeless alcoholics want to get drunk but don’t have enough money for even the cheapest drinks in any bar. So one of them devises a clever plan: he tells his friend “We should buy a hot-dog sausage with the last of our money and stick it down my pants, then drink a load of drinks but then when the bill comes you get down and suck on the hot-dog and it’ll look like you’re sucking on my dick so then we’ll get thrown out without paying and we can just go to another bar and do the same thing again”. His friend agrees so they buy the hot-dog, stick it down the first dude’s pants, go to the bar and then the second dude begins to suck on the hot-dog as agreed. They are thrown out and hit another four bars this way. In the end, as they lie drunk on the floor in some alleyway, the second guy says, “Well, what a great night. Free beers in five different bars!” The first guy says “Yeah! Especially since the hot-dog fell out before we even reached the first bar!”

What do friends and trees have in common? They both fall down when you hit them with an axe.

What do priest and doctors have in common?

They both do physicals on kids.

A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, “Do you have that book for men with small penises?”

The librarian looks on her computer and says, “I don’t know if it’s in yet.”

“Yeah, that’s the one!”

I love the smell of my F5 key. – It’s very refreshing.

Why do i love a block? because i can fall off the stairs

How to fall down stairs Step 1 Step 2 Step 6,7,8 9,10

They say string theory is hanging on by a thread.

Why do we tell actors to “break a leg”?

Because every scene has a cast!

Me: want to play 911

My little brother: what’s that

Me: It’s where i kick your legs and you fall

Sending gay men to prison makes no sense to me. I mean, you have sex with a man and then they lock you up with a bunch of other men.

That would be like arresting someone for drunk driving and forcing them to become a bartender.

The real reason Steven Hawking died is he was drunk and tried to go down a flight of stairs

Woman: Doctor, where are we going? Doctor: To the morgue. Woman: I’m not dead yet, doctor. Doctor: We’re not at morgue yet, either

I got a handjob of a blind woman the other day she said its the biggest thing i ever had in my hand i said no love your just pulling my leg

So a daughter goes to her dad and says “daddy can I borrow the car?” He the tells her “you know what to do”. So then she proceeds to suck him off, almost immediately pulls out in disgust and says “ugh tastes like shit” her dad then said “damn I forgot your brother took the car”

Once upon a time, fraternal twins, brother and sisters, with almost 100% equal DNA were separated at birth. At the age of 42, they were married, had 2 sons and 2 daughter. They took an ancestryDNA test, and the results were scientifically sexually shocking.