Best Jokes

What is yellow and can’t swim? A school bus full of kids.

Yo dad’s so stupid he came back after he got the milk.

Your at your girlfriends house for a family dinner. Your GF says, " Daddy please pass me the salt." when you and her father begin to reach for the salt.

Daughter: I know this is weird but I feel like that someone is watching me when I am sleeping.

Father: Sorry

Q: what’s worst fingerbanging your sister? A: finding your dads wedding ring

How do you give a redneck a circumcision? Kick his sister in the jaw.

What’s the difference between a priest and acne? At least acne waits til the boy is 12 to come on his face.

Why do priests appreciate educated children? They don’t spit.

What is a reverse exorcism? It is when the Devil tries to pull a priest out of a child.

Did you know that Iceland is only one sea away from Ireland?

Why are dolphins so smart? Because within three hours they can train a human to stand at the edge of the pool and feed them fish!

Why cant emos come out of the closet to their parents? because they wont be there to stick around

Why did the blind man fall down the well?

He just couldn’t see that well.

When a family friend passed away, my granddaughter took her three-year-old son to visit the widow. As they approached the front door, she whispered to the boy, “Make sure to tell her how sorry you are. ”

He whispered back, “Why? I didn’t kill him.”

I’m not saying I hate you. But if you got hit by a bus I’d be driving that bus.

When its been halloween for a few months but there’s still a body hanging from your neighbours tree

Why don’t cows have any money?

Because farmers milk them dry.

The other day a man with some cheese and milk attacked me …how dairy

Me: Hey how are you? Depression: I’m doing fine. We are just looking for a home:3 Insomnia: Mommy can we get a home? Anxiety: Insomnia wait for mommy to finish. Depression: Anyway here is my resume! Me: Okie thank you, Ok… mhmmm… WOW! Okie this is a nice resume! (Didn’t Read it…) Depression: Also I have 2 more friends that want to move in too! Me: Ok and there names? Depression: There names are: PTSD and Trauma! Me: Ok they seem fine (Doesn’t know about them) Depression: Okie here is the money (a penny:() Thank you we will call you if we need anything. Me: Ok see you soon!:3 Me now hates my life.:)

What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit? A zit will wait until you’re twelve before it comes on your face.

So there’s a little girl playing hopscotch at the front of her house while her mother hangs up the washing and her father mows the lawn. She says “Step on a crack and you break your mother’s back,”. The father laughs, until his daughter steps on a crack resulting in her mother’s back breaking. The little girl’s father looks in terror, she then says “step on a line and you break your father’s spine,”. The father closes his eyes waiting for his spine to break, but nothing happens. When he opens his eyes again he sees that he is ok, and nothing has happened to him. Suddenly he hears someone yell out “OW MY SPINE, ”. The father runs around the corner to see the mailman laying on the floor.