Best Jokes
4 August: Top today:
| Transport jokes |
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What do you call 100 rabbits walking backwards?
A receding hare line.
How do you cut ancient Rome in half?
With a pair of Caesars.
| Puns jokes |
A d v e r t i s e m e n t:
4 August: Doctors jokes:
Woman: Doctor, where are we going? Doctor: To the morgue. Woman: I’m not dead yet, doctor. Doctor: We’re not at morgue yet, either
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Doctor: you’ll be at peace soon, sir. Me: what am I dying? Doctor: no your wife is.
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Michael Jakson gets really ill so he’s rushed to hospital. When they get there he says ‘am i in heaven?’ The doctor replies ‘Nah sir we’re just taking a quick shortcut through the children’s ward.’
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4 August: Fight jokes:
Best way to stop a fight between deaf people? Just turn off the Lights
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When deaf people fight, they let their fists do the talking.
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4 August: What’s the difference?:
What’s the difference between a potted plant and your wife?
The first is easier to bury.
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A d v e r t i s e m e n t:
4 August: Green jokes:
They saw Mrs. Green Pea over the fence.
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4 August: Dark Humor:
Whats the benefit of taking a depressed kid to the store
Scan the wrist and you might get a discount
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911 what’s your emergency Me, my grandma just passed out in the living room and I think she’s dead Well it’s not a living room any more Me, hangs up
Whats worse than 1000 dead babies hanging off a tree? 1 dead baby hanging of 1000 trees
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4 August: Ex jokes:
“Hey today was great” “What happened” “I ran into my ex today” “What’s so great about that?” “I was in my car”
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A d v e r t i s e m e n t:
4 August: Priest jokes:
One day, a priest is walking down the street and sees a little girl with a box. “What’s in the box?”, the priest asks. “Christian kittens”, the little girl answers. Pleased, the priest smiles and continues on his way. A week later, the same priest is walking down the street with a nun when he sees the little girl and the box again. “Ask her what she has in the box”, he says, “It’s the cutest thing!” The nun walks up and asks the girl what she has in the box. “Atheist kittens”, she says. The priest rushes forward and says "ATHEIST KITTENS!!! Last week you said they were “Christian kittens! !!” “They were”, she says. “Now their eyes are open”.
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A Muslim is about to commit suicide when a Catholic priest stops him “What are you doing?!” Exclaims the priest
“There is nothing on this Earth for me.” The Muslim says “I will commit suicide to go to paradise and get 72 virgins!”
The priest shakes his head
“Foolish Muslim, suicide is not the way! ” He says
“Follow me, Ill take you to the local primary school.”
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4 August: Straight jokes:
I KNOW IT’S MARCH, BUT I THOUGHT OF THIS!!
Jingle bells, jingle bells! OH GOD, SANTA FELL! I guess it’s time for Mrs. Claus to go straight down to hell!
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I was digging in our garden and found a chest full of gold coins. I wanted to run straight home to tell my wife about it. Then I remembered why I’m digging in our garden.
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4 August: Puns jokes:
If i’m the night guard at the Samsung store, does that make me a… guardian of the galaxy?
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A d v e r t i s e m e n t: