Best Jokes

What’s the difference between a coat hangerband an emo? Nothing that both hang

My Grandpa said, “Your generation relies too much on technology!” I replied, “No, your generation relies too much on technology!” Then I unplugged his life support.

When I was a little boy I had this dream I was eating a giant marshmallow

When I woke I was being sexually abused

I encountered a milf at a bar last night although she is 57 years old, she is still very charming and sexy

We were drinking, chatting, laughing, and having a good time

Then, she asked me flirtatiously

“have you ever tried a mother-daughter threesome before?”

I said, “Nope, not yet”.

She drank a little more, and said, “well, darling, tonight is your lucky night.”

So she took me to her place.

She took out her keys

Opens her door

Turn on the light

And she yells towards upstairs

"Mom, are you still awake?”

Sometimes, I think back on all the mistakes I’ve ever made.

Then I realize “My daughter isn’t THAT bad…”

My mum told me to stop playing with my sister; she said at least wait for her to be born first.

Someone stole my toilet and the police have nothing to go on.

Yesterday, a clown held the door open for me. It was such a nice jester!:D

You wanna know why I hate circles so much? They’re just so pointless! But I guess that’s how they roll

I tried to high five a tree, but it just left me hanging.

Last week I felt so high and mighty I thought I could fly I took one shot puffed through my pipe and jumped in the air on a trampoline I woke up in heaven. I asked an angel how did I die you? "Well little monkey you thought your bed was a trampoline and you hit your head your mom called the doctor and doctor said you were dead.

Why can’t depressed people leave the maze?

Because their lives are the walls and they are to scared to meet the exit.

I cannot moderate myself at all. It’s either I don’t take my meds, or I take the entire bottle. Decisions decisions…

Bleach solves so many problems, Staines, Dirty dishes, messes, and over population

Sex is like math. Subtract the clothes, Add the bed, Divide the legs, and pray to God there is no multiplying.

Things you never want to do in jail

Never piss off an inmate

Don’t start fights with the cops

Don’t drop the soap

Don’t run away from the cops

My bf: knock knock me:whos there my bf:ice cream me:ice cream who my bf: ice cream if you don’t let me see that smoking hot body

I told her roses are red violets are blue god made me pretty what the hell happened to you!! MF???

Kobe never missed a shot but he missed the helipad

I’m going to hell!!!

Me: Do you like smash? Friend: Smash Rolls? Me: No, Smash DEEZ NUTS! Friend: AHHHHH (*moans)