Best Jokes

A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, “Do you have that book for men with small penises?”

The librarian looks on her computer and says, “I don’t know if it’s in yet.”

“Yeah, that’s the one!”

What is the difference between a baby and a watermelon?

One is a refreshing summertime snack the other one is a watermelon.

Here’s a better version of a previous joke:

I would tell you a milk joke, but its whey too cheesy!

Q:Why did the father through butter out the window?A:he wanted to see a butterfly

Daughter: I know this is weird but I feel like that someone is watching me when I am sleeping.

Father: Sorry

What’s Thanos’ favorite game? Half-life

My life is like a broken pencil, it’s pointless.

What do you call Mexican that smokes weed.a Baked bean

What’s green and smells of bacon???

KERMITS FINGERS??

Why is a cabage green? Because its in Greenland

What’s green and orange and sits at the bottom of the swimming pool?

A baby with burst armbands

What’s the difference between a priest and acne? At least acne waits til the boy is 12 to come on his face.

One day, a priest is walking down the street and sees a little girl with a box. “What’s in the box?”, the priest asks. “Christian kittens”, the little girl answers. Pleased, the priest smiles and continues on his way. A week later, the same priest is walking down the street with a nun when he sees the little girl and the box again. “Ask her what she has in the box”, he says, “It’s the cutest thing!” The nun walks up and asks the girl what she has in the box. “Atheist kittens”, she says. The priest rushes forward and says "ATHEIST KITTENS!!! Last week you said they were “Christian kittens! !!” “They were”, she says. “Now their eyes are open”.

Three sons left home, went out into the world and each of them made a lot of money. During a reunion, they discussed the gifts they’d given to their elderly mum.

‘I built a big house for our mum,’ said the first.

‘I sent her a Mercedes, with a chauffeur,’ said the second.

And the third smiled and said, ‘I think my gift was the best. You know how much mum enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know that her eyes aren’t so good anymore? Well, I sent her a remarkable cockatoo that recites the entire Bible, both old and new testaments. It took a priest twelve years to teach him. That cockatoo is the only one in the world that can do it. All mum has to do is name the chapter and verse, and the cockatoo recites it.’

A few days later, mum sent out her thankyou letters. She wrote to the first son,

‘The house you built is so enormous that I only live in one room. The trouble is, I have to clean the whole house.’

To the second son she said, ‘I’m far too old to travel anymore. I stay at home most of the time, so I’ve hardly used the Mercedes. In any case, the driver is so rude.’

To the third son she wrote ‘Dearest Freddie. You have the good sense to know what your mum likes. The chicken was delicious!’

Me:Have you seen a mr.weewoo Most people:no Me: he drives the ambulance down stairs

Why was the stair case so sad? Because every one walks on them.

I find this website i see this person named gwen i simp fr her but just for a troll. next thing ik were some how dating? then her ex comes in and dates her again apparently he is gay. and im pretty shure gwen could be a boy but he or she has 3 friends who always back her up, just to let yall know this isnt really supposed be a dating app or drama app its a joke app and this isnt really a joke. but one last thing u guys are all biches…

I started crying when dad was cutting onions. Onions was such a good dog.

My dad, unfortunately, passed away when we couldn’t remember his blood type… His last words to us were, “Be positive!”

Why can’t depressed people leave the maze?

Because their lives are the walls and they are to scared to meet the exit.