Best Jokes

A fat man meets a skinny man The fat man tells the skinny man: “when people look at you, they think the world’s starving to death”

And the skinny man responds: “when they look at you, they know why”

I really hate waiting to die… Its taking a lifetime

Yo dad’s so stupid he came back after he got the milk.

I was addicted to the hokey pokey… but thankfully, I turned myself around.

I entered ten puns into a contest to see which one would win.

No pun in ten did

My life is like a broken pencil, it’s pointless.

I was hit on by president kennedy, too bad i shot him down

What is a suicide packs favorite song… Let the bodies hit floor

This joke is so funny I’ll bet you greened (grined)

What’s green and smells of bacon???

KERMITS FINGERS??

Why is a cabage green? Because its in Greenland

A Pedphile brings his Eight year old Daughter to the doctors office. The doctor asked her if she would like some Candy? Her father replies please no more candy for her i gave her enough today.

A son walks up to his dad and says "Dad! I just had sex for the first time." The dad goes "Great! Wanna sit down and talk about it? “ The son says "I cant sit right now, my butt is very sore.”

What’s the difference between a baby and an onion?

One cries when you peel its skin off, the other makes you cry when you peel its skin off.

Q:What did one koala say to the other? A:Hows it hanging.??

I KNOW IT’S MARCH, BUT I THOUGHT OF THIS!!

Jingle bells, jingle bells! OH GOD, SANTA FELL! I guess it’s time for Mrs. Claus to go straight down to hell!

So, I was walking down the path of my life with bigfoot, noticing the two pairs of footprints, mine and his. One day, I notice his prints are gone. I look up to him and say, “You had promised you would always be there for me. How is this possible?” He, then, looks me straight in the eyes, and say,“Raw!”

You know, I got a SKELETON, of these jokes, all are HUMERUS, yeah, this get’s Under people’s SKIN, but I guess you could call their FUNNY BONE BROKEN! People try and hit me when this happens, luckily, I got THICK SKIN! Yeah, thanks for listening, hope you got these puns down TO THE BONE!

A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant. After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: “Well, I hope you like changing nappies/diapers”.

She replies: “Oh my god am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?”

To which he responds: “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”

I hope ya’ll that have depression kys you are worthless trash

Just kidding