I just quit my job at a can crushing factory.

It was soda-pressing.

I was on a bus when this girl offered to blow me for $5…

?…and never being a person to pass up a good deal, I gave her $5 and watched her do her thing. After she was finished she lit up a cigarette and started smoking right there on the bus.

I was disgusted. I thought to myself, “What is this world coming to? Who sells cigarettes to a 12 year old?”

Why is there a lot of whites in hockey? It’s the only other job that involves beating something black other than being a cop

Employer: Can you preform under pressure? Me: No, but i do a pretty good Bohemian Rhapsody.