Have you ever tried eating a clock? It’s really time-consuming, especially if you go for seconds.

You wanna know why I hate circles so much? They’re just so pointless! But I guess that’s how they roll

My boss yelled at me the other day, “You’ve got to be the worst train driver in history. How many trains did you derail last year? ”

I said, “Can’t say for sure, it’s so hard to keep track!”

Last night I had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. I guess it was just a Fanta sea!