Q: What did the drunk emo say to the bartender? A: Nothing! He was hung over.
My sister thinks shes so smart, shes said onions are the only food that makes you cry
So I threw a coconut at her
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I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.

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I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. – A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

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