Bar jokes

A man and a giraffe walk into a bar, the man orders a beer one for him and one for the giraffe. After they finish their drinks the giraffe falls over and the man gets his stuff and heads for the door. The bartender says "Stop! you can’t leave that thing lying on the floor" The man says "Mate, that’s not a lion, it’s a giraffe".

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

A nucleus walked into a bar, he asked the bartender, “How much for a drink?” The bartender replied, “For you, NO CHARGE!”

-2 -1 0 +1 +2


A pirate walks into a bar and has a ship’s wheel in his pants. The bartender asks, “What’s with the wheel in your pants?” The pirate replies, “Yarrr! It’s drivin’ me nuts!”

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

So a guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender says tell me a joke. So the guy says: so a guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender says tell me a joke. So the guy says: so a guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender says tell me a joke. So the guy says: so a guy walks into a bar and he asks the bartender for a drink. So he gives the guy a drink. So he gives the guy a drink. So he gives the guy a drink. Credit to Sans (undertale)

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

A guy runs into a bar, and yells, “Quick! How tall is a penguin?” The bartender says, “Three feet tall.” The guy says, “Oh my God! I just ran over a nun!”

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

Coronavirus walks into a bar and tells the bartender, “Gimme a shot of whiskey, will ya?” The bartender says, “Sorry. We don’t serve viruses here. ” Corona replies, “Well, you’re not a very good host.”

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

A blind man walks into a bar, and asks the bartender, “Wanna hear a blonde joke?” The bartender replies with, “I’m blonde, the man working next to me is blonde, the woman next to you is blonde, and the fat guy behind you is blonde.” Then says “Do you really wanna tell the blonde joke? ” the blind guy responds with "No I don’t wanna tell it that many times.

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

A horse a fox and a bunny join together and make a rock band they started doing tiny gigs but they got famous and went on tour they all got so famous it went to their heads and the band disbanded the fox made his and bunny made her own the horse was sad that the band was no more so he went to a bar and the bartender asked why the long face Why did the chicken cross

-2 -1 0 +1 +2


An infinite amount of mathematicians walked into a bar. The first ordered a pint, the second ordered a half pint, the third ordered a fourth-pint, etc. The Bartender eventually walked up and gave them two pints and said: “you mathematicians don’t know your limits.”

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

I was at the bar with a friend, and he said to me, “Veronica, I just stopped a rape.” The bartender overheard him and had a puzzled look on his face, because he never moved. He then said, “I saw this girl walk into the bathroom, and I decided not to go.”

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *
-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

A guy walks into a bar. He goes up to the bartender and says: If i can suprise you, i get a free drink. The bartender was unsure but agreed. The guy pulled up a 30cm long pianist out of his pocket and he starts to play The bartender was suprised and gave the guy a free drink The guy then sais: You see, i have a little wizard in my pocket that grants wishes, can i get another free drink if you get a free wish? The bartender agrees without hesitation The bartender wishes for a 1000 bucks, but he gets a 1000 ducks WTF! the man shouts. The guy answered: Did you think i wanted a 30cm long pianist

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

A blind man walks into a bar and starts to swing his guide dog around his head, the bartender asks him nervously “are you okay” the blind man replies “yeah I’m just looking around”

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

A hitman walks into a bar and tells the bartender I m here to assassinate John Tucker. The bartender replies he’s in the restroom. The hit man goes inside the restroom and comes out after 1 hour. The bartender asks him did u kill him? The hitman replies with a sad face “I asked him any last wishes and the guy asked me to allow him to finish his shit as he is half way in passing his stools so I gave him my word that I would wait and so I waited for an hour and when I asked him what’s taking him so long he says he will not be able to finish because he is just getting started”.

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *
-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *


© àíåêäîòîâ.net, 1997 - 2026