A pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel on his pants, a peg leg and a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender says, “Hey, you’ve got a steering wheel on your pants. ” The pirate says, “Arrrr, I know. It’s driving me nuts.”
A ham sandwich walks into a bar, and orders a beer. The bartender says, ?Sorry, we don’t serve food here."
A blond a bernet and a red head walked into a bar the bartender told them their was a magic merror in the bathroom.He said that if you spoke the truth infront of the merror you would have your greatest desires but if you told a lie you would disappear .The red head sais that she was the pretiest girl in the bar and she walked out the bathroom and she got athusand dollars.The berrnet walked in and said she was the smartest one in the bar she walked out the ber with a new car. The bland went she said I think poof she was gone
A priest, a rabbi and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them and says, “What is this – a joke?”
A bartender says, “We don’t serve time travelers in here!” A time traveler walks into a bar.
A piece of toast and a hard boiled egg walked into a bar. The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve breakfast here.”
A TWELVE VOLT BATTERY walks into a tavern and orders a drink.The bartender serves him , and comments now don’t start anything .
A lady walked into a bar and ordered their special drink, the bartender then gave her a brown glass full of milk, the lady complained about this but then the bartender said, “just shut up and swallow”
man drinks beer jumps off a tower and he’s okay the other guy says Whoa how’d you do that.he does it again so the guy gets a beer the same beer and jumps off he died.the bartender looks at the original man who jumped off and says Superman you’re a real butthole whenever you’re drunk
A guy walks into a bar and sees a 1 foot piano player over by the door. He goes over to the bartender, orders a beer, and says “man, how’d you get such a short piano player.” The bartender says in response” there’s a genie in the back of the bar.” The man finishes his beer and runs to the back, looking for the genie. He finds it and says “I wish for a million bucks.” Suddenly, a million ducks fly out of the bar. The customer looks confused and goes back to the bartender and says “what just happened” the bartender replies “the genie is half deaf, do you really think I’d ask for a 12 inch pianist?”
A grasshopper walks into a bar and sits down. The bartender says, “Hey! We have a drink named after you!” The grasshopper looks confused and says, “Oh really? You have a drink named ‘Bob’??”
A guy walks into a bar and tells the bartender “give me 2 beers”. The bartender gives him two beers and coughs in the guys beers bottles before giving it to him. The guy says to the bartender “hey what are u doing I didn’t order for bud lights I want corona beer”. The bartender replies “ sir I gave you a mix of bud light and corona and it’s on the house everyone is drinking corona tonight”.
A vampire walks into a bar and orders a cup of hot water. The bartender asks, “I thought you guys only drink blood?” The vampire pulls out a used tampon and says, “I’m making tea.”
A Roman walks into a bar and orders a martinus,the bartender says "Don’t you mean a Martini?"the Roman then says "Look,if I want a double I’ll ask for one.
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second orders half a beer. The third orders a third of a beer. The bartender bellows, “Get the hell out of here, are you trying to ruin me?”
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