Bar jokes

A horse a fox and a bunny join together and make a rock band they started doing tiny gigs but they got famous and went on tour they all got so famous it went to their heads and the band disbanded the fox made his and bunny made her own the horse was sad that the band was no more so he went to a bar and the bartender asked why the long face Why did the chicken cross

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A mushroom walked into a pub. He asked the bartender to give him a beer. The bartender said, "I can’t, you’ll get too rowdy. " The mushroom then said, “Oh come on! When I drink, I’m a fun guy!”

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A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders. As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, “I’ll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me three wishes if I would release her back into the sea. So I told her I wanted a yacht and, sure enough, she came through for me. Next, I asked for a million bucks and now I am set for life. Last of all, I asked her if I could have sex with her and her response was, ‘I don’t know how you can make love to me with your type of body.’ So I asked her, ‘How about a little head?’” Other jokes: Why did the ketchup blush? He saw the salad dressing. What did the elephant ask the naked man? How do you breathe out of that thing? How do you make your husband scream during sex? Call him and let him hear it. Why does the mermaid wear seashells? She outgrew her b-shells! How is life like toilet paper? You’re either on a roll or taking shit from someone. What does one boob say to the other boob? If we don’t get support, people will think we’re nuts. What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball? A man will actually search for a golf ball. What did Cinderella do when she arrived at the ball? She gagged.

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A man walks into a bar and orders three shots. “Long day?” the bartender asks. “Well… My oldest son just came out…” The man finishes the shots and leaves the bar. The next day, the man comes back and orders four shots. “What now?” the bartender asks. “My middle son just came out.” The man finishes his drinks and leaves. He comes back the next day and orders five shots. “Again?” the bartender asks. “Yeah. My youngest son.” He drinks his shots and leaves. The next day, he comes in again. This time, he orders ten shots. “My God! Is there anyone in your family that likes girls? ?” the bartender asks. “Yeah… My wife.”

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Steven hawking walks into a bar, the bartender says… WAITTTT WHATTT

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A blind guy walks into a bar with his seeing eye dog. He then picks his dog up by the tail and starts to swing him around. The bartender asks him “Hey man What the hell you doing? ”. Blind guy says “Just looking around”

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Man walks up to a priest. The man says “I am Jesus Christ.” The priest says “No you are not my son.” The man says " Follow me. " The man walks into the bar and the bartender says “Jesus Christ your back!”

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A guy runs into a bar, and yells, “Quick! How tall is a penguin?” The bartender says, “Three feet tall.” The guy says, “Oh my God! I just ran over a nun!”

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A guy goes onto a rooftop bar, and is sitting next to a guy who says he’s drinking a magical drink. He asks “What’s so magical about it?” the guy drives a car and flies it around the rooftop. the other tries, but falls of and dies. The bartender shakes his head, and says. "Y’know, you’re a real jerk when you’re drunk superman.

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A block of gold walked into a bar, the bartender said ‘AU, get out!”

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A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time and robbing banks in Texas. The banks offered a reward for his capture, dead or alive, but offered a much larger award for the recovery of the stolen funds. An enterprising Texas Ranger decided to track him down. After a long and difficult search, he traced the bandit to

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So a guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink, the bartender says “I’ll give you a drink if you can tell me a meta joke” so the guy says “alreight so a guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink” the bartender says “I’ll give you a drink if you can tell me a meta joke” so the guy says “ so a guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink” the bartender says”I’ll give you a drink if you can tell me a meta joke” so the guy says” so a guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink” the bartender says” ok here you go” so he gives the guy a drink, so he gives the guy a drink, so he gives the guy a drink

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My favorite bartender serves drinks so strong, he gives a “get well soon” card with each one of them!

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a horse walks in a bar. the bartender said why the long face

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Little johnny is a trucker, he stops at a bar. johnny sees a sign that says hamburgers for two dollers, cheeseburger for three dollars, handjob for ten dollars. he walks up to the bartender and whispers to her, “are you the one that gives the handjobs for ten dollars?” she replies “yes, thats me” johnny says “well can you wash your hands because i want a cheeseburger”

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