Best Jokes

Brian has a crush on a cute girl Sally from school so he goes and tells his dad about her and he says sorry son you cant like her she is your sister. So Brian is okay with it and he starts to like another girl Madison and he goes up to his dad and says I have a crush on this girl Madison and again the dad goes oh sorry son you cant like any girl in school they are all your sisters so he goes crying to his mom and says dad said I cant like any girl because they are all my sisters and the mom goes oh it’s okay you can like any girl you want because he is not your dad.

What do you call an alligator with a vest?

An investigator.

I entered ten puns into a contest to see which one would win.

No pun in ten did

Yesterday, a clown held the door open for me. It was such a nice jester!:D

What do you call a pig with no legs?

A groundhog.

Friend: hey,wanna play hid and seek? me:sure, i’ve got a great spot! me: grabs nuce and runs to my closet

What do you call a fake speedrunner?

Dream

There was a car accident and the cops pull up to the crime seen to start asking people questions. The police started talking to a blonde lady and said what happened here she responded by saying a car crash. They then asked but how did it happen, she responded the cars crashed into each other. They finally said but why did it happen. The lady said oh i know where your going with this. It happened because when cars push on the gas peddle the car goes forward and they both pushed it so they both went forward and hit each other. One cop said never mind ma’m and they stared walking away. The blonde lady then said oh and officers my computer froze do you think i should put in the microwave or in the oven?

Why is Steven Hawkins arrested? The police used computer GPS

I know five fat people and you’re three of them

Yo mama so fat, she needed cheat codes for WII FIT!

Why are people in Japan always skinny?

Because last time there was a Fat Man, a whole city disappeared.

As a son I like sports and I watch sports with my mom. So one day we were looking at football. My mom ask me who makes the most money I said the quarter back. My mom told me I going to get a quarter back has my new boyfriend and it be your new step father. a week lady my mom went out I came home I see my mom making out with a high school kid. I said whats going on my mom said look my new boyfriend and new step father is the high school quarter back. My mom said see mission accomplish. I said yeah job well done.

Why didnt Logan Paul high five the asain man…because he loves to leave asains hanging

My first high-school football game was a lot like my first time having sex… I was bloody and sore at the end, but at least my dad came.

If seagulls fly over the sea what flies over the bay

Bagels

What do you get when a dinosaur farts a blast from the past

Me:Have you seen a mr.weewoo Most people:no Me: he drives the ambulance down stairs

Hey, I’m not an alcoholic! I only drink 2 times a year. When it’s my Birthday, and when it’s not…

For steven hawking why is being drunk and having his power shutout the same He blacks out

A Teacher asked her young students to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and one by one, began to tell their stories. There were all the regular type of stuff.

But then the teacher realized that only Janie was left. "Janie, do you have a story to share?’ ""Yes madam…My daddy told me a story about my Mom " “OK, let’s hear” said the teacher.

“My Mom was a Marine pilot in Operation Desert Storm in Iraq and her plane got hit”. “She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife”. “She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn’t break and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops.” “She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.”

Pin drop silence in the class!!

""Good Heavens" said the horrified teacher “What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story? ”

“Stay away from Mummy when she’s drunk```…!!!”