Best Jokes

What’s red and green and go’s 100 miles per hour? A frog in a blender…

I GOT a job as a pencil sharpener I would tell you about it but you wouldn’t get the point.

I bought a gun from Walmart today. I guess they knew what I was going to do with it, because when I pulled the gun on the cashier, I realized the firing mechanism was in reverse.

What do you call a fake speedrunner?

Dream

What is different about priests and acne.

Acne waits until your 13 to cum on your face

To All The Naruto Fans:

Sharingan is red rasengan are blue if you dare touch my daughter ill chidori you

What is a lion call as a baby cocota

What has 5 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon.

I cannot moderate myself at all. It’s either I don’t take my meds, or I take the entire bottle. Decisions decisions…

Bleach solves so many problems, Staines, Dirty dishes, messes, and over population

I will always remember my grandfathers last words “ill just check if its poisonous”.

Yo mama so fat thanos had to snap twice

Fatty and skinny were in a bed. Fatty rolled over and skinny was dead.

Stage 4 cancer is like a woman you can’t beat it but if you do she’ll probably come back again

A woman decides to take a well-earned vacation and she asks her brother to watch her cat while she’s away.

On the second day, when she calls her brother to see how things are going he tells her bluntly that the cat is dead.

The woman is really upset and goes into hysterics, before saying, “You can’t tell a person bad news so bluntly. You should break the news gently. The first day, you should have said that Fluffy was stuck on the roof and couldn’t get down. The second day, you could have said that she had fallen, but the vet said she would be okay. Then on the third day you could have said that she died from complications.”

The next day, the woman calls her brother again and asks how things are. He says, “Well, Grandma is stuck on the roof and can’t get down …”

Two men were talking about their wives

The first man says “My wife is an angel.” The second man says “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.”

(Bus Driver) What did you learn in school today? (Kid) We learned that you are a sussy baka. (Bus Driver) Oh yeah? Well I quit! (Kid) Quit What? (Bus Driver) Living. (Kid) But it was a joke! (Bus Driver) Doesn’t matter. I will die but you will still be alive. (Kid) Ok (Bus Driver) That was a joke too!

What’s Yellow and Can’t Swim?

A school bus full of kids drowning

There were three indians that got kick out of the tride. One said “me find food” and he came back with a decent size rabit. The other two asked him what happened he said "me see rabit me shoot rabit and rabit fall down dead. The 2nd indian “me find food” he came back with a good sized deer the other two asked him what happened he said"me see deer me shoot deer deer fall down dead. The third indian said “me find food” he came back crwling mising a leg and an arm and he was all cut up the others anded what happened he said "me see train me shoot trai train no stop

What do friends and trees have in common? They both fall down when you hit them with an axe.

If you ever get Mad, just hit an orphan

What are they gonna do, tell their parents?