Best Jokes

My Aunt visited and saw all of the stuff around the house my mom had kept over the years and said “If you have something that no one likes, and it only makes people upset, or its useless, throw it away.” the next time my Aunt visited she said “Where is you daughter? ” my Mom said “I took your advice”

What do you call a green camel.

My parents left me.

“I bought my little sister a trampoline for her birthday but all she wants to do is sit in her wheelchair and cry”

Im jealous at me led lights. cause they r hanging from the celling ans im not.

I remember grandpas last words “oh shit it’s in drive”

Two artists had an art contest. – It ended in a draw.

How does a crazy person get to the woods?

He takes the psychopath.

Dont trust atoms they make up everything.

You wanna know what’s the difference between a girl and a refrigerator? “a refrigerator doesn’t moan when I put my meat in it”

/en/transport

Is it normal my emo cousins hobby is tying himself to train tracks.

What’s green then red all over and goes 100mph?

A frog in a blender

A man walked into a shop and asked the shop keeper for a potato-clock. The shop keeper said, "I dont know what a potato clock is’ The man said, "me neither but im starting a new job and my boss told me work starts at 9 so id have to get a potato clock

The teacher asked the class what sound does a cow make mooo said sally good job said the teacher what sound does a sheep make baa said jack good now what sound does a pig make little johnny raised his hand really high in the sky the teacher called him he said htm title=' ur hands on ur head u black moterf@cker'>the pig says get on the ground and put ur hands on ur head u black moterf@cker

Chinese Names — Annie Wan (Anyone)

Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan (anyone)?

Operator: Yes, you can speak to me.

Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan (anyone)!

Operator: You are talking to someone! Who is this?

Caller: I’m Sam Wan (Someone). And I need to talk to Annie Wan (anyone)! It’s urgent.

Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what’s this urgent matter about?

Caller: Well… just tell my sister Annie Wan (anyone) that our brother Noel Wan (no one)?as involved in an accident. Noel Wan (no one) got injured and now Noel Wan (no one) is being sent to the hospital.

Operator: Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn’t an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don’t have time for this!

Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?

Operator: I’m Saw Lee (Sorry).

Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!

Bf: Do you love me?

Gf: Most of time.

Bf: Well it’s either yes or no.

Gf: …

Bf: Well when is it that you don’t love me?

Gf: 2:30 to 4:00. Every time when you to the river an hour than it takes me a half hour to love you again.

Bf: Why?

Gf: Cuz you always see that OTHER GIRL.

Bf: MY LOVE! That other girl is my sister!!!

Gf: Ohh…

Yo mama so fat, when she walked by the TV, I missed three episodes.

Your mama so fat when she jump in the pool the water jump out

Why couldn’t the dairy farmer find his home? He lost the whey!??