Best Jokes

If I place a slide on the edge of a cliff or a really high building, would going down it be considered suislide?

Asking for a friend.

I pushed an orphan in a wheelchair into a fire and yelled hot wheels

Why don’t emos live alone?they like to hang with their freinds.

This boy was in school one day when he became desparate to go to the bathroom. So he asked the teacher, “May I use the bathroom?”

The teacher replied, “No, not unless you say your alphabet.”

So the boy said “a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o q r s t u v w x y z.”

When he finished, the teacher asked him, “Where’s the p?”

The boy replied, “Half way down my leg…”

I hear skeletons like to play the saxaBONE, though i think the tromBONE would be better, but tibia honest, both can be HUMERUS, wouldnt wanna hurt your funny bone, but i think your starting to get BONELY so ill stop pulling your leg. Now get out before i give you a bad time.

Knock knock? who’s there? Not sally she doesn’t have and arms Why did sally fall off the swing? She doesn’t have any arms Why did sally drop her ice cream? She got hit by a bus

Why did the kid drop his ice cream cone

He got ran over by a bus

A fat man meets a skinny man The fat man tells the skinny man: “when people look at you, they think the world’s starving to death”

And the skinny man responds: “when they look at you, they know why”

You’re so fat astronomers discovered a planet larger than earth but smaller than Uranus

I couldn’t quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.

What do you call an alligator with a vest?

An investigator.

What did Earth say to the other planets? – “You guys have no life!”

What’s My Favorite Thing About My Grandpa?

His life insurance…

Asian pregnancy test: Stick a Rubik cube into vagina. Wait 30 seconds, if it’s solved then there’s a little Asian in there.

I go into get a prostate exam, I’m nervous but the doctor says its all natural and needs to be done.

So he pulls down my pants and sticks one finger up my ass. I feel it go deeper inside, feeling for abnormalities.

That’s when I realize his hands are on my shoulders.

Why did the little girl’s ice cream melt?

She was on fire.

What do you call a red neck on fire. A fire cracker

I had a friend who was a deep sleeper. One day, a fire started in his house. Now he’s a really deep sleeper.

I just got a job at the prison library. It has its prose and cons.

As a son I like sports and I watch sports with my mom. So one day we were looking at football. My mom ask me who makes the most money I said the quarter back. My mom told me I going to get a quarter back has my new boyfriend and it be your new step father. a week lady my mom went out I came home I see my mom making out with a high school kid. I said whats going on my mom said look my new boyfriend and new step father is the high school quarter back. My mom said see mission accomplish. I said yeah job well done.

(To a mexican person) When i first met you I thought you were going to say,My name is enrique i have a job for you.

What goes up and down but stays in the same place? Stairs.

Why is Steven hawking going to hell not heaven? Because it’s a stair way to heaven not a ramp.

Q:What’s black and white and red all over A: a nun falling down the stairs

How do chinese people name there children? They thro pots and pans down the stairs and listen for the sounds, Ching Chong Chang.