Best Jokes

Why’d sally drop her ice cream she was hit by a bus

What’s the difference between America and a bottle of milk? – In 200 years the milk will have developed a culture.

Lets make a joke on how depressing monday is to ignore how depressing everyday is.

They say Chuck Norris’s tears cure cancer, too bad he doesn’t cry

I was addicted to the hokey pokey… but thankfully, I turned myself around.

I have many jokes about unemployed people, sadly none of them work.

I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire today. Now they call him Hot Wheels.

Wood fired pizza?

Hows pizza gonna pay child support now?!:O

Please drop a like

My dad posted a picture of his condom challenge fail to his social media — it was a picture of me.

Why do i love a block? because i can fall off the stairs

You know, I got a SKELETON, of these jokes, all are HUMERUS, yeah, this get’s Under people’s SKIN, but I guess you could call their FUNNY BONE BROKEN! People try and hit me when this happens, luckily, I got THICK SKIN! Yeah, thanks for listening, hope you got these puns down TO THE BONE!

Man: I know how to please a woman. Woman: Then please leave me alone, you ugly two-faced hypocrite.

Man: I want to give myself to you. Woman: Sorry, I don’t like ugly peasants.

Man: Your hair colour is fabulous. Woman: I hate your hair colour, though.

Man: You look like a dream. Woman: Then open your ugly eyes and stop sleeping, hypocrite!

Man: I can tell that you want me. Woman: Yes, I want you dead.

R.I.P

Man: Hey, baby, what’s your sign? Woman: F*** you, pedophile!

Man: Your body is like a temple. Woman: Sorry, there are no services for pedophiles.

Man: Is this seat empty? Woman: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down, you little peasant.

Man: What’s it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar? Every other woman I see looks ugly. Bleuch! Woman: How dare you!

Man: Haven’t I seen you someplace before? Woman: Yeah, that’s why I don’t go there anymore. I saw you playing with boxes in the store room and saying “I AM KING OF THE WORLD!”

How do we know Stephen is dying in hell

There’s a stairway to heaven.

Ten Catholic priests all die in a bus accident. When they arrive at the pearly gates, St. Peter acknowledges them. He sees that they’re all priests and immediately says "If any of you are pedophiles, there’s no point waiting here. You might as well eff off straight to hell right now!” Nine of the priests turn around and begin to walk away. St. Peter calls after them, "AND TAKE THE DEAF BASTARD WITH YOU TOO!”

What’s black and white and red all over? The prisoner I just hit with my car.

What is a suicide packs favorite song… Let the bodies hit floor

My life is a lot like a game of Black Jack

I always hit on 16, the get busted