Best Jokes

Despite Michael Jackson’s legal problems while we was alive, McDonald’s is still going to honor his life achievements in the music industry by naming a sandwich after him.

They’re going to call it the McMichael! It’s going to be a fifty year old piece of meat pressed between two eight year old buns.

How does a crazy person get to the woods?

He takes the psychopath.

What did the fork say to the cake when he said i hope u get eaten

Fork off

I have a pun, but I will nut-tella you!

When you throw your peanut butter sandwich at the nut allergy table 25+ kill streak

How many babies do you need to paint a wall?

Depends on how hard you throw them.

I punched an orphan and told him to go back to his parents and tell them about it… oh wait

You are so fat that the waiter said to you everytime: ‘sorry for your weight’ instead of ‘sorry for the wait’

There was a kidnapping at school…

Don?t worry, he woke up.

What did the drummer call his 2 twin daughters?

Anna 1 Anna 2

Today my idiot brother screamed"ahhhhh im dead!’ but it wasn’t really, so i d3cded to make it a reality until my sister came…

AND HELPED ME! — for once but then two minutes later my mom showed up, we k!lled him right infront of her and she screamed! "DONUTS AND PIZZA FOR YPU AND MORE IF YOU GO TO MRS ROBERTS HOUSE AND SAY HI AND BYE TO DADDY!!! and she hands us both a sharp tool and i say what about tommy!!! arn’t u MAD!!! then she replied who’s THAT??? COZ HE AINT MINE HIS NAME IS TOMMY, TOMMY ROBERTS. so then me and my sister visit mrs ROBERTS AND SHE SAID OH THIS ISN’T ANYTHING IMPORTANT GO HOME! so then my sister nd i say hi! and do a countdount aftr that my nike white jumper had turned red! IT WAS A MUCH BETTER COLOUR, MUM SEEMED TO APROVE AS WELL!??? but then the police question us where daddy was so then mom said… oh he’s moved on! so then the police officer was like ahem ma’m where! SO THEN I BELLOWED… UP — UR -A##. And we got let off the hook, then we moved oh and we k!lled the cop 2 and oh did i meantion we HAD a maid, and a landlord and a cat but they were all 2 annoying so we got rid of them and now our new backyard is very smellyyy and i dont think there is enoff space to put muummy anymore so now i dont think sissy will fit either? ? i will ask my neibour nessy she’ll obviously say YES or ill…

Guy 1: "Tell me a bad pun" Guy 2: "Alright What’s the difference between a tuna fish, a piano and a tube of glue" Guy 1: "Ok that last one was random as heck what is the difference" Guy 2: " you can tuna a piano, but you can’t piano a tuna" Guy 1: "Ok where does the glue come in" Guy 2: “Ah i knew you’d get stuck on that”

You might be

What’s the difference between a prostitute and a daredevil?

One has cunning stunts, whilst the other has a stunning…

What’s the difference between humans and bullets?

Humans miss John Lennon

Have you heard of the new sequel to “the exorcist”?

A woman hires the devil to get a priest out of her son

A priest walks into a wine store

"Do you have any 10-year-olds?" Seller: "What the f- Oh you meant 10-year-old wine." Priest: “I said what I said.”

What do you call a reverse exorsism. It’s where a demon pulls a priest out of a child

The last words my Dad spoke before he passed was, “Honey put down the knife we were only talking about getting a divorce.”

Stephen Hawking’s last words were, “Ethernet cable not detected, shutting down.”

What’s the difference between a onion and a viola? No one cries when they cut up the viola