Best Jokes

Why is Steven hawking going to hell not heaven? Because it’s a stair way to heaven not a ramp.

Q:What’s black and white and red all over A: a nun falling down the stairs

My sister told me she like Medusa. I said h. My sister said my blow jobs are so good she looks up at the guy facial expression and when the look down they do nothing, but stay still.

A man boards a plane with six children of various ages.

After the plane takes off, a woman sitting sitting behind the man asks him, “are all of them yours?”

“No,” the man responds. “I work for a condom company and these are some of the customer complaints.”

So i was sitting on the couch with a woman,and i asked her,does this napkin smell like chloroform?

My sister argued with me that you can’t make a car out of spaghetti, you should have seen her face when I drove pasta

What’s the difference between a priest and acne? At least acne waits til the boy is 12 to come on his face.

What does a priest and a clown have in common?

They both make children cry

What do you call a crazy computer? Wired.

I heard the man who invented Autocorrect died; may he wrist in peach.

A man goes into a job interview and sits down. The interviewer is looking over his resume and says, "I see here that there’s a 4-year gap on your resume. What were you doing?" The man says, "Oh, that was when I went to Yale!" The interviewer is impressed and says, "That’s great! You’re hired! " The man smiles. “Really? I’m so glad, because I really need this Yob.”

I had an uncle who was a conductor. He wasn’t a symphony conductor, nor was he a street car conductor, nor was he a train conductor. He was struck by lightning.

I still remember my granpas last words: turn the lawn mower off!

What do you call a dog with no legs?

It don’t matter what you call it. It ain’t coming.

Why did the turkey cross the road twice? To prove he wasn’t a chicken!

I have big balls said the kid holding to soccer balls

Why did Adolf Hitler like nuts? He only had one.

The doctor told me I had aids I said it’s your fault sister.

A man woke up from a serious surgery. He screamed, “Doctor! Doctor! I can’t feel my legs!”. And the doctor replied, “I know. I amputated you arms.”