Best Jokes

What’s the difference between a priest and acne? At least acne waits til the boy is 12 to come on his face.

Knock Knock! Who’s their? It’s Dave! Dave Who? *Dave proceeds to break down crying at the realization that his grandmother’s Alzheimers has progressed to the point where she no longer remembers him.

Person: ‘Doctor, doctor I’ve only got 50 seconds to live’

Doctor: ‘Just give me a minute’

“I work with animals” the man said to his date. his date said “I love a man who works with animals what job is it for the animal” “I am a butcher” said the man

What is the perfect job for a paedophile

A physical doctor for kids

There were once three brothers, Shit, Shut up and Manners. One day Shit got hit by a car. Shut up went to find help at the local police station whilst Manners tried to help Shit. When Shut up got to the police station he says “my brother has just been hit by a car.” The policeman replied with “OK then first I need to know your name.” “Shut up” “No, I need to know your name.” “Shut up. ” “Excuse me but where are your manners.” “Round the corner picking up shit.”

Why does sally have a 100 sisters? She lives in a orphanage

What talks high pitched and can’t fly?

A gay man in Iran

/en/transport

I had an uncle who was a conductor. He wasn’t a symphony conductor, nor was he a street car conductor, nor was he a train conductor. He was struck by lightning.

What did one ocean say to the other ocean? nothing, they just WAVED. can you SEA what i did there? im SHORE you did. Why are you so SALTY? dont be a BEACH.

Where do you find a dog with no legs?

Where you left it.

The only time you see a depressed person lifted up — when they hang themselves.

You wanna know what’s the difference between a girl and a refrigerator? “a refrigerator doesn’t moan when I put my meat in it”

What’s the difference between a school and a isis military base? Don’t ask me I only fly the drone…

What’s the difference between an American 12 yearold and an African 12 year old? About 40 pounds.