Best Jokes

Whats the difference between a blonde and a car door: the harder you slam the blonde the looser it gets

One day Little Johnny’s class is having an English lesson. The teacher asks them, “Who can use the word intelligent in a sentence?” Little Mary says, “The teacher is very intelligent.” The teacher asks them, “Who can use the word fashionable in a sentence?” Little Suzie says, “They are very fashionable.” The teacher says, “Johnny, why don’t you have a go? Use the word dictate in a sentence.” Johnny thinks for a moment and then says, "Last night I heard Daddy asking Mommy ‘Darling how does my dictate’ "

What do you call a train with buble gum?

A chew chew train

Oh man im depressed

What’s Thanos’ favorite game? Half-life

Twinkle, twinkle little star. I hope i’ll get hit by a car. am not dead yet, i hope i’ll die. I hope i’ll born to a new hole life.

My life is like a broken pencil, it’s pointless.

What’s a suicidal person’s favorite game? Hangman

Whats an orphans favorite roblox game adopt me

Me: Wanna play 9/11? Friend: What’s that?

Me: Its a game where I kick you in both legs and watch you fall.

I hope when I inevitably choke to death on gummy bears, people just say I was killed by bears and leave it at that

Never say to a orphan “ bye buddy hope you find your dad”

Dads are boomerangs, I hope.???

Is that a quirked-up white boi with a little bit of swag, busting it down sexual style?

Is HE goated with the sauce?

Why do i love a block? because i can fall off the stairs

Why is Steven hawking going to hell not heaven? Because it’s a stair way to heaven not a ramp.

Q:What’s black and white and red all over A: a nun falling down the stairs

A man is watching TV and his wife comes down and says"I just fell down the stairs, did you not hear me?" Man,“Sorry i thought it was the start of Eastenders”

What goes White, Black, White, Black, red?

A Zebra falling down the stairs.

What do you call an alligator with a vest?

An investigator.

Yesterday, a clown held the door open for me. It was such a nice jester!:D

Claustrophobic people are more productive thinking out of the box.

So theres a orphan in a hospital and the doctor walks up and says “sorry kid but this is a family hospital”

I am still trying to figure out why paying the covid doctors a complement is so offensive. They even kicked me out and all I said was to stay positive…

An apple a day can do so much more than keep the doctor away… it can keep ANYONE away.

If you throw it hard enough.

The weirdest thing happend to me today i was driving 50mph and hit a speedbump aand it screamed

A man walks into a bar with an alligator and a stick. He walks up to the bartender and offers to put on a show for the bar’s patrons in exchange for a drink. The bartender agrees, so he pulls down his pants, sticks his dick in the alligators mouth and starts whacking it with the stick. After he’s done and gets his drink he asks if anyone else would like a go.

A lady gets up and says yes she would like a go, asks that he doesn’t hit her with the stick.

Women are like blackjack. I’m trying for 21, but I always hit on 14.