Best Jokes

A guy went to the doctor and told him that whenever he drinks a cup of tea his eye hurts,the doctor brought him a cup and asked him to drink … when he finished the doctor told him: from now on take off the spoon.

What’s under the bottom?

Your legs.

You know the song getting drunk on a plane it was written by the pilot of the linerd skinerd pilot

A bear and a rabbit are at a bar getting high smoking weed talking about nothing but lies and straight up garbage. and then the bear starts to drink too much damn liquor gets drunk and ask the rabbit can i have one more scotch pretty please? And the rabbit says hell to the naw I’m not about to carry your drunk ass home with me and smell your breath.

I’ve never worn my gay sweater, it hasn’t come out of the closet yet

Last night I had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. I guess it was just a Fanta sea!

Two artists had an art contest. – It ended in a draw.

An apple a day keeps the doctor away… Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough…???

There were once three brothers, Shit, Shut up and Manners. One day Shit got hit by a car. Shut up went to find help at the local police station whilst Manners tried to help Shit. When Shut up got to the police station he says “my brother has just been hit by a car.” The policeman replied with “OK then first I need to know your name.” “Shut up” “No, I need to know your name.” “Shut up. ” “Excuse me but where are your manners.” “Round the corner picking up shit.”

What is the difference between a Old Chest and a kid?

One doesn’t cry when you drop it in the basement.

Why don’t emos live alone?they like to hang with their freinds.

"Most Deadly Sport" Playing chicken with a Train!

To become a licensed, airline pilot requires 1,500 hours (two years) of training. But it only takes 10 seconds to steal the pilot’s jacket and hat.

What’s the difference between an ISIS training center and a school??

I don’t know, I just fly the drone

Donald Trump is making hospitals so poor that they are using kidney beans for their transplants

The other day, I donated my car keys, $1,000, and a passport to a homeless man. You could feel the happiness come from me after he holstered his suppressed shotgun.

My mom was poor so we had nothing to eat me sleep on the floor but now I’m rich rich rich??

I heard the man who invented Autocorrect died; may he wrist in peach.

Q: How do you know when an Asian broke into your house?

A: Your math homework is done, your computer is upgraded, and 2 hours later he’s still trying to back out of the driveway.

I asked my mum why she’s depressed, she said her life has been a wreck? I asked how long has it been, she then asked when I was born

Whats sad and has no life. the person reding this

What’s a depressed person’s least favorite type of cereal???

LIFE

The most confusing day of my life was when I found out my toaster was waterproof.