Best Jokes

Lets make a joke on how depressing monday is to ignore how depressing everyday is.

What’s the difference between America and a bottle of milk? – In 200 years the milk will have developed a culture.

Why’d sally drop her ice cream she was hit by a bus

I pushed a kid in a wheelchair into a fire today. Now they call him Hot Wheels.

Wood fired pizza?

Hows pizza gonna pay child support now?!:O

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They say Chuck Norris’s tears cure cancer, too bad he doesn’t cry

My dad posted a picture of his condom challenge fail to his social media — it was a picture of me.

Whats the difference between a school bus and my Dad’s van?

Schools buses usually don’t have screaming and crying children

I was addicted to the hokey pokey… but thankfully, I turned myself around.

I have many jokes about unemployed people, sadly none of them work.

Why do i love a block? because i can fall off the stairs

Woman: Doctor, where are we going? Doctor: To the morgue. Woman: I’m not dead yet, doctor. Doctor: We’re not at morgue yet, either

Man: I know how to please a woman. Woman: Then please leave me alone, you ugly two-faced hypocrite.

Man: I want to give myself to you. Woman: Sorry, I don’t like ugly peasants.

Man: Your hair colour is fabulous. Woman: I hate your hair colour, though.

Man: You look like a dream. Woman: Then open your ugly eyes and stop sleeping, hypocrite!

Man: I can tell that you want me. Woman: Yes, I want you dead.

R.I.P

Man: Hey, baby, what’s your sign? Woman: F*** you, pedophile!

Man: Your body is like a temple. Woman: Sorry, there are no services for pedophiles.

Man: Is this seat empty? Woman: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down, you little peasant.

Man: What’s it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar? Every other woman I see looks ugly. Bleuch! Woman: How dare you!

Man: Haven’t I seen you someplace before? Woman: Yeah, that’s why I don’t go there anymore. I saw you playing with boxes in the store room and saying “I AM KING OF THE WORLD!”

How do we know Stephen is dying in hell

There’s a stairway to heaven.

Ten Catholic priests all die in a bus accident. When they arrive at the pearly gates, St. Peter acknowledges them. He sees that they’re all priests and immediately says "If any of you are pedophiles, there’s no point waiting here. You might as well eff off straight to hell right now!” Nine of the priests turn around and begin to walk away. St. Peter calls after them, "AND TAKE THE DEAF BASTARD WITH YOU TOO!”