Best Jokes

Why are priests called father? because its too suspicious to call them daddy.

The pope drives around in a glass box or as I like to call him a snipers dream

Why should old womon never eat sea food?

Cuz then she’ll start acting crabby.

Watches sad movie with family

Everyone else: Crying

Sister: How aren’t you crying?

Me: I have no tear left to cry…

Why did the turkey cross the road twice? To prove he wasn’t a chicken!

Me having a good day Going on a walk on a peaceful day* my depression: hey whats up! Me: go away. My depression: well how rude. Me:??. My depression: remeber that one tim… Me: no, dont even. My depression: that we… Me: nope. My deprssion: says really fast:said that one stupid joke that wasnt funny and everybody just stared at you, and then you spilt water all over yourself and it looked like you peed yourself. And you went home and cried yourself to sleep just like yoy do every single night. Me:???. My depression:?? dont worry I’ll always be here for you.

What do priest and doctors have in common?

They both do physicals on kids.

Yo mama is so fat it took Nation Wide 15 years to get on her side.

Give Kobe a plane ticket, he’ll fly for the trip, but give Kobe a helicopter and he’ll fly for the rest of his life.

I’M GOING TO HELL FOR THIS!!!

Kidnapping is just surprise adoption, congrats! You are now all my children! Just hop into the portal that leads to the Lust ring in hell-

I named my daughter Kennedy so when I talked about how her brain was shot out of her head people just thought I paid really close attention in history.

Mr smith had four daughters. Each of his daughters had a brother. How many children does Mr smith have

Tell me answers in comment box

Knock knock? who’s there? Not sally she doesn’t have and arms Why did sally fall off the swing? She doesn’t have any arms Why did sally drop her ice cream? She got hit by a bus

A bully walks up to a kid named Billy to insult him and steal his lunch money. Later that night when he is at home, the bully’s father comes into his room to insult him and take the lunch money he stole. The father walks down stair to check on his father in the living room. When he walks in, his father insults him and takes the lunch money. The grandfather of the bully walks into the back yard and in the dark is Billy. The grandfather walks up to him and says “Where’s my money you worthless old fart.”

If u tell a girl there pretty they wont believe u if u tell them their ugly their never forget it…

Elephants never forget.

Ex-Boy-Friend: You have no ass so we’re through! Me: Stop being a dick head dude!! It ain’t gonna make your little sausage any bigger!

What is a geographical discovery? Little Johnny found his geography homework undone

Little johnny was late to class the teacher ask him where was he little johnny said i was on top of marry hill the a kid comes late to class and also said he was on marry hill then a little girl htm title=' who are you she said IM MARRY HILL'>thats about 4 or 5 comes in the teacher ask who are you she said IM MARRY HILL