Best Jokes

A computer is a HARDware device. How come someone still feels it is MicroSOFT

Hey guys! It’s Triple G you can give me more ideas on jokes, mainly Fish and Sea jokes as those are the jokes I specialise and only do best on the comment section below. Please do feel free to thumbs down and comment on improvements as well as thumbsing up and saying what you liked! :)

Au revouir, GGG

Why don’t midgets fight? They walk away to be the bigger man

So i saw two homeless people on the road fight i said stop fighting and go home i gess it was a little insensitive

If I place a slide on the edge of a cliff or a really high building, would going down it be considered suislide?

Asking for a friend.

What happened when the emo kid tried to high 5 a tree?

It left him hanging

A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window and jumps out.

The guy sitting next to him can’t believe what he just saw. He’s more surprised when, 10 minutes later, the same guy walks back into the bar and sits down next to him.

The astonished onlooker asks, “How did you do that? I just saw you jump out the window, and we’re hundreds of feet above the ground!”

The jumper responds by slurring, “Well, I don’t get it either. I slam a shot of tequila, and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch.” He takes a shot, goes to the window and jumps out.

The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls to just above the sidewalk, slows down and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the jumper walks back into the bar.

The other guy has to try it, too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He slams it and jumps out the window. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn’t slow down at all. SPLAT!

The first guy orders another shot of tequila. The bartender shakes his head. “You’re really an a**hole when you’re drunk, Superman.”

(Bus Driver) What did you learn in school today? (Kid) We learned that you are a sussy baka. (Bus Driver) Oh yeah? Well I quit! (Kid) Quit What? (Bus Driver) Living. (Kid) But it was a joke! (Bus Driver) Doesn’t matter. I will die but you will still be alive. (Kid) Ok (Bus Driver) That was a joke too!

Boss: Why are you so bad at driving trains, how many have you derailed this year

Me: Sorry boss, it’s hard to keep track

1.) What’s Yellow And Can’t Swim?

A Bus Full Of Children 2.) Did you hear bout the pilsbury dough boy?

He died of a yeast infection 3.) I will never forget my grandads last words…

“you’re still holding the ladder right?” 4.) I have a fish that can breakdance…

Only for 20 seconds though, and only once 5.) give a man a match and he will be warm for a few hours…

Lite a man on fire and he will be warm for the rest of his life

What do priest and doctors have in common?

They both do physicals on kids.

3 nuns are talking and the first nun says, “u would never believe what i discovered.” intrigued, the other to signal her to continue. " i found a phone in the priests room." said the first nun. “oh thats nothing said the second one, i found condoms in one of his drawers.” said the second one. " what did u do with them." said the first nun. pridefully the second nun responds with, " i poked holes in all of them." and the third nun says, “oh sh*t…”

I accidentally drank a little food colouring last night. I ended up dying inside.

I wanted to make a belt out of watches, then I realized, it was a waist of time!

I used to have a phobia of pogo-sticks. Those things always made me jump.

A guy took his blonde girlfriend to the Super Bowl game.

They had great seats right behind their teams bench.

After the game the guy asked his girlfriend how she liked the experience.

“Oh, I really liked it!” she replied, “Especially the tight pants and all the big muscles, but I couldn’t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents.”

Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, “What do you mean?”

She said, “Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was, ‘Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!’ I’m like, hellooooo! It’s only 25 cents!”

What’s a orphan favourite game?

GTA because there actually wanted?

Lol

My doctor said “you have 1year to live”

I said " you wanna bet"

Bam a gun shot

Woman: Doctor, where are we going? Doctor: To the morgue. Woman: I’m not dead yet, doctor. Doctor: We’re not at morgue yet, either

“Doctor, there’s a patient on line 1 that says he’s invisible” “Well, tell him I can’t see him right now.”

I saw my sister masturbating with a carrot. I said “Come on I was gonna eat that later! Now it’s just gonna taste like carrots!”

Daughter:dad why did mom do best? dad:nothing except pretend to love us and leave

Daughter:so she only loves my sister? dad:yep