Best Jokes

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31 August: Top today:

So what if I can’t spell Armageddon? It’s not the end of the world

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Puns jokes
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I WAS GONNA CLEAN MY ROOM

BEFORE I GOT HIGH

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High jokes
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I punched an orphan and told him to go back to his parents and tell them about it… oh wait

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Waiting jokes
31 August: What’s the difference?:

What is the difference between a cat and a complex sentence? – A cat has claws at the end of its paws. A complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.

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31 August: Sea jokes:

What did the beach say as the tide came in?

Long time, no sea.

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What Would you find on a haunted beach?

A Sand-witch!

“Hey guys I’m a new Jokester, remeber my name as I’ll be making a lot more! !! P.s. They will be much better than this one!”

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Why was the sea so friendly because it gave a little wave

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31 August: Transport jokes:

Why did the little boy drop his ice cream?

Because he was hit by a bus.

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There were 15 ugly guys on a bus. The bus crashed and they all went to heaven. God took pity on them and told the ugly dudes they could have one wish. The first guy said,"I want to be handsome. " God granted his wish. The second guy said,“I want to be more handsome than the first guy.”, God granted his wish. “The third guy said " I want to be more handsome than the second guy.” God granted his wish and this continued on and on until the 15 ugly guy.The ugly guy was laughing. Really hard. “What is your wish? ” God asked him. “I WANT ALL THESE GUYS UGLY AGAIN!!!” God granted his wish

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Why did they make bus stops? So the bus driver would know where to pick the orphan up.

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31 August: Ex jokes:

Words that have ho in them:

Thot Whore Asshole Horrible Horena (my ex gf)

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What do you call a cow with three legs? My ex

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31 August: Nut jokes:

I have a pun, but I will nut-tella you!

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Me:what’s that girls name from phinease and ferb the sister Crush:candice Me:candice dick fit in your mouth Crush: slaps me Walks away

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31 August: Dark Humor:

My grandfather said we rely on technology too much so I unplugged his life support. Luckily I remember his last words. “You little bastard!”

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What’s the difference between a baby and an onion?

One cries when you peel its skin off, the other makes you cry when you peel its skin off.

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Why do we tell actors to break a leg … so they can get in the cast!

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31 August: Job jokes:

The teacher once said to some students?i was an orphan before your principle hired me.? the students said?oof that is sad? the teacher tried to ignore them and take attendance she said?is anyone missing? the students said? your parents.? the teacher got offended and later that day quit her job

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This isnt an orphan joke but. I got a job at a library, but it only lasted 15 minutes. Turns out, books about women’s rights shouldn’t go in the Sci-Fi / Fantasy section.

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(To a mexican person) When i first met you I thought you were going to say,My name is enrique i have a job for you.

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31 August: Paint jokes:

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. “Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?” The blonde said, “How about 50 dollars?” The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man’s wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, “Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?” The man replied, “She should. She was standing on the porch.” A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. “You’re finished already?” he asked. “Yes,” the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. “And by the way,” the blonde added, “that’s not a Porch, it’s a Ferrari.”

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As I’m lying down on the table for a radiation treatment, a small angel lands on one shoulder, a tiny devil on the other shoulder. And then the mind game begins:

Angel: This won’t last long. You are perfectly lined up. The treatment only lasts a few mins. Remember, stay absolutely still.

Devil: Did she just twitch?

A: No. She didn’t twitch.

D:

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31 August: Doctors jokes:

I go into get a prostate exam, I’m nervous but the doctor says its all natural and needs to be done.

So he pulls down my pants and sticks one finger up my ass. I feel it go deeper inside, feeling for abnormalities.

That’s when I realize his hands are on my shoulders.

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