Best Jokes

Michael Jakson gets really ill so he’s rushed to hospital. When they get there he says ‘am i in heaven?’ The doctor replies ‘Nah sir we’re just taking a quick shortcut through the children’s ward.’

How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period? She can taste the blood off her son’s cock!

If you hit a child that’s child abuse. if you hit a family member that’s abuse. if you kill either, it’s murder for some reason. if it’s a whole family, its genocide for another reason.

What does a priest hold on to when having sex. He holds on to the schoolbag.

What’s the difference between a priest and acne? At least acne waits til the boy is 12 to come on his face.

What to gift a child molester, who already has everything? A bigger county with more believers

When a family friend passed away, my granddaughter took her three-year-old son to visit the widow. As they approached the front door, she whispered to the boy, “Make sure to tell her how sorry you are. ”

He whispered back, “Why? I didn’t kill him.”

I named my dog 5-Miles so now I tell people I walk 5-Miles everyday

What Football Club das Mason green wood play for? Prison Fc

Whats green and sings? ELVIS PARSELY!!!

What’s green and has wheels? Grass, I lied about the wheels

A boy got a soccer ball and a bike for Christmas. Why is he sad?

He doesn’t have legs

Kids are so ungrateful sometimes. I bought a wheelchair for my son, Did he say thank you? Nope! That mtf just sat in his wheelchair the whole time crying the whole day.??

I started crying when my mom was cutting up onions

Onions was a good dog

So Kenny finally found his one true love. But he can’t be with her because it’s illegal to marry your sister.

This boy heard from a friend that if you tell an adult “I know the whole truth” they will be all weird so he went home and told his mom “I know the whole truth” and she gave him 20$ and said to keep quiet. Pleased when his dad got home he said “I know the whole truth” and his dad gave him 40$ an said don’t tell mom. really pleased he met the mailman the next day and said “I know the whole truth” then the mailman got down on his knee opened his arms and said come to daddy.

I know five fat people and you’re three of them

Yo mama so fat, she needed cheat codes for WII FIT!

Sticks and stones may break my bones but a crowbar could do it so much quicker

According to all known laws of aviation,

There is no way a bee should be able to fly.

Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground.

The bee, of course, flies anyway

Because bees don’t care what humans think is impossible.

Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black.

Ooh, black and yellow! Let’s shake it up a little.

Barry! Breakfast is ready!

Ooming!

Hang on a second.

Hello?

Barry?

Adam?

Oan you believe this is happening?

I can’t. I’ll pick you up.

Looking sharp.

Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those.

Sorry. I’m excited.

Here’s the graduate. We’re very proud of you, son.

A perfect report card, all B’s.

Very proud.

Ma! I got a thing going here.

You got lint on your fuzz.

Ow! That’s me!

Wave to us! We’ll be in row 118, 000.

Bye!

Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house!