Best Jokes

I know five fat people and you’re three of them

Asian pregnancy test: Stick a Rubik cube into vagina. Wait 30 seconds, if it’s solved then there’s a little Asian in there.

When your mom tries to hit you with the belt but misses and hits herself… #victoryroyale

Old man goes to the doctor. The doctor says “The test results are back, and I’m sad to say you have cancer and Alzheimer’s.”. The old man says “Phew! At least it’s not cancer!”

I’m a Model. my doctor asked me to make an acronym for POST because I post pictures on Instagram. (Trying to) P-ut O-ff Suicidal T-houghts

Why did the kid drop his ice cream cone

He got ran over by a bus

What’s the difference between America and a bottle of milk? – In 200 years the milk will have developed a culture.

A man walked into a shop and asked the shop keeper for a potato-clock. The shop keeper said, "I dont know what a potato clock is’ The man said, "me neither but im starting a new job and my boss told me work starts at 9 so id have to get a potato clock

What’s a aliens favorite computer key?

The space bar!

If a computer was an apartment, the only passage would be the windows. It would have had doors but why was it ever spelt DOS

R u a toaster? cuz i wanna take a bath wit u r u a knife? cuz u make me wanna kms r u a painting? cuz i hang u r u the flu? cuz u make me wanna hurl r u a newspaper? cuz u have new problems everyday r u the ground? cuz im six feet deep in u ;)

How do you confuse a blonde? paint yourself green and throw forks at her

I really hate waiting to die… Its taking a lifetime

An old man gets the call from the IRS The man on the phone says, “we’ve noticed large sums of money coming in and going out of your account constantly and we gotta get this straight. Come in tomorrow and we’ll have a chat about this.” The old man thinks for a while and then decides he better get his lawyer to come with him.

The next day the old man and his

Wife: "How would you describe me?" Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK." Wife: "What does that mean?" Husband: "Adorable (A), beautiful (B), cute, delightful (D), elegant (E), fashionable (F), gorgeous (G), and hot (H). " Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?" Husband: “I’m just kidding!”

Thanks for explaining the word “many” to me, it means a lot.

New Teslas don’t come with a new car smell they come with an Elon Musk

My poor knowledge of Greek mythology has always been my Achilles’ elbow.