Best Jokes

What do you call a girl with an hourglass figure? – A waist of time.

Doctor: you’ll be at peace soon, sir. Me: what am I dying? Doctor: no your wife is.

Yo mama so fat that when i banged her in the jacuzzi there was a level 8 tsunami

I went out with this girl the other night, she wore this real slinky number. She especially looked great going down the stairs.

What goes up stairs but doesnt move, stairs! laugh now!

A surgeon loses his job as he botched a surgery

Boss: “we have to let you go.”

Surgeon: “I protest innocence.”

Boss: “how?”

Surgeon: “I thought to do your job and saving people’s lives were two different things. ”

Boss: “get out”

I just found out my ex got stabbed today…lets just say i lost my job as a butcher

Friends are like trees, they fall over if you hit them with an ax.

Define abnormal life.

Waking up everyday living a sane life!

I liked my life when I first got it…later they said no because I didn’t have the receipt.

The more suicidal people there are the less suicidal people there are

What did the rope and the tree say to the kid

Do you want to hang later

You can’t YEE your last H A W! but I put my BALLS in ur JAW.

When does a joke become a dad joke?

When it Leaves and never comes back

Father: I don’t trust you, You poured your seed in my daughter’s belly,. Son: But Paah you can’t fire me. Father: You’re lucky you’re my brother too or I’d kill you.

Why couldn’t the dairy farmer find his home? He lost the whey!??

Why didnt the cows eat the lemon grass.

It made sour milk.

Why did the kid drop his ice cream cone

He got ran over by a bus

What’s the difference between an ISIS training center and a school??

I don’t know, I just fly the drone

“Sanderson, fire a warning shot.”

“Uhh sir, this is an M32 rotary grenade launcher.”

“Ah potato-potato, just pull the trigger.”