Best Jokes

What’s the difference between a priest and acne? At least acne waits til the boy is 12 to come on his face.

I got my daughter a fridge for her birthday. I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it.

I was addicted to the hokey pokey… but thankfully, I turned myself around.

According to all known laws of aviation,

There is no way a bee should be able to fly.

Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground.

The bee, of course, flies anyway

Because bees don’t care what humans think is impossible.

Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black.

Ooh, black and yellow! Let’s shake it up a little.

Barry! Breakfast is ready!

Ooming!

Hang on a second.

Hello?

Barry?

Adam?

Oan you believe this is happening?

I can’t. I’ll pick you up.

Looking sharp.

Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those.

Sorry. I’m excited.

Here’s the graduate. We’re very proud of you, son.

A perfect report card, all B’s.

Very proud.

Ma! I got a thing going here.

You got lint on your fuzz.

Ow! That’s me!

Wave to us! We’ll be in row 118, 000.

Bye!

Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house!

Man: I got fired from my job at the calander factory. Lady: What did you do? Man: I took a day of…

My grief counsellor died today. He did such a great job. I don’t even care

My ex boyfriend’s dick is so small that instead of giving him a handjob I had to give him a thumb and forefinger job.

I just found out my ex got stabbed today…lets just say i lost my job as a butcher

I want to die in my sleep, like grandpa did, not screaming and crying like the people on the bus he drove.

Gays are always welcome on my redneck Party Bus. NOT!

Why did the kid drop his ice cream cone

He got ran over by a bus

I started crying when my mom was cutting up onions

Onions was a good dog

My memes are ironic but my depression is chronic.

Denki- hey mineta i have a joke Mineta- …go on… Denki- Ochakos booty Mineta- i dont get it? Denki- exactly Mineta- cries T_T

In the hospital paralyzed kid: I’m out walks out the room blind kid: you can walk?! mute kid: you can see?! deaf kid: you can talk?! doctor: wut the f(beep)k

A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant. After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: “Well, I hope you like changing diapers!” She replies: “Oh my god! Am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?” To which he responds: “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”

Luca’s Mom & Dad Be throwing the kids into the Fountain in the city but there sea monster so if the went to jail for that the would be on death row anyways.??

What did Earth say to the other planets? – “You guys have no life!”

Whats the difference between a maze and a depressed life? one of them you can find a way out of

Once my sister was a sister now shes a blister

I would name my daughter awesome so I can tell people that I’m f@cking awesome.

My dad died when we couldn’t remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without him.