Best Jokes

A fat man meets a skinny man The fat man tells the skinny man: “when people look at you, they think the world’s starving to death”

And the skinny man responds: “when they look at you, they know why”

In the hospital paralyzed kid: I’m out walks out the room blind kid: you can walk?! mute kid: you can see?! deaf kid: you can talk?! doctor: wut the f(beep)k

Why does sally have a 100 sisters? She lives in a orphanage

I called my boss the other Monday and told him I needed the day off because I was sick. He said “how sick?”. I said “well I’m in bed with my 12 year old sister”.

What’s the worst part of Breaking up with a Japanese girl?

You have to drop the bomb twice until she finally gets it.

I have a problem my dad any my girlfriend have the same birthday. So one took my virginity and the other is my girlfriend

I can’t hang out with a emo when they are sad? Why? Because it cuts deeply

What’s the similarity between a Christmas ornament and a person?

They both hang…

I tried to high five a tree it left me hanging

Why did the 18 year old girl need s ladder to go to school? Because it was High-School

Michael Jakson gets really ill so he’s rushed to hospital. When they get there he says ‘am i in heaven?’ The doctor replies ‘Nah sir we’re just taking a quick shortcut through the children’s ward.’

A guy went to the doctor and told him that whenever he drinks a cup of tea his eye hurts,the doctor brought him a cup and asked him to drink … when he finished the doctor told him: from now on take off the spoon.

Why did the fish cross the sea?

To get to the other tide!??????

Person A:Hey,what’s the next subject? Person B:Let me check. Person B:It’s greenglish!

I got suspended at school today, I lit a kids wheelchair on fire and called him hot wheels

What is the difference between a cat and a complex sentence? – A cat has claws at the end of its paws. A complex sentence has a pause at the end of its clause.

A husband got a message from his neighbor one day. It read “Hey im sorry i had to tell you like this but i have been doing your wife for months now” The husband went to go grab his gun and shot his wife. He hid the evidence and a few hours later he got another message from his neighbor saying “Sorry meant using your wifi”

One day a couple was walking when the man stepped on something hard and squishy then they heard a sound from the bushes, instead of looking down they both ran.

Two years later they turned on the TV to find Ted Bundy on trial they asked him if he has ever been caught he said “No but a couple was walking as soon as i killed a girl i jumped into a bush they didnt know i was there but the man stepped on the dead body but didn’t look down then he and his girlfriend ran.”