Best Jokes

Once there were three Indians. Two were smart and one was… not so smart. One day, the first smart Indian went out hunting. He came back with a dead deer. The not so smart Indian asks “How’d you do it?” The smart one replies, "I followed the deer tracks, shot the deer, and brought it home." The next day, the next smart Indian goes out. He comes back with a dead bear. The not so smart Indian asks once again “How’d you do it?” The smart one replies, "I followed the bear tracks, shot the bear, and brought it home." Finally, it’s now the not so smart Indian’s turn to go hunt. Multiple hours had passed since he left. The smart Indians go out to search for him. They finally find him, bloodied and on the verge of dying. The smart Indians exclaimed "WHAT HAPPENED!" The not so smart Indian replies, “Well I… I followed the train tracks, an… and shot th- the train… bu- but it kept going…”

Why did the loo roll roll down the stairs — to get to the bottom What do you call a bear with no teeth — a gummy bear! !!

What’s wite and black and red allover? A nun that fell down stairs

Me:Have you seen a mr.weewoo Most people:no Me: he drives the ambulance down stairs

Your forehead is so big I bet your dreams are in IMAX.

Why did Logan Paul go to the suicide forest?

To see who’s hanging around.

“I always like walking in the rain, so no one can see me crying.” -Charlie Chaplin

I fear my last words will be ‘‘hold my beer and watch this.’’

Yo mama is so fat when she got on the scale it said one at a time please.

Doctor: you’ll be at peace soon, sir. Me: what am I dying? Doctor: no your wife is.

Any girl can be a squirter if you hit the right artery

There were once three brothers, Shit, Shut up and Manners. One day Shit got hit by a car. Shut up went to find help at the local police station whilst Manners tried to help Shit. When Shut up got to the police station he says “my brother has just been hit by a car.” The policeman replied with “OK then first I need to know your name.” “Shut up” “No, I need to know your name.” “Shut up. ” “Excuse me but where are your manners.” “Round the corner picking up shit.”

A man walks into a bar, and notices a steak hanging from the ceiling. when he asks the bartender about it, the bartender says “If you can jump up and hit it, drinks are on the house for the night, but if you miss, everyone’s drinks are on your tab for the next two hours. Do you want to try? ” the man decided not to take the risk. he thought the steaks where too high.

What’s the difference between your jokes and your penis? Nobody laughs at your jokes

What’s the difference between flat earthers and my grandfather? flat earthers are more disconnected from reality than my grandfather is disconnected from his life support.

What is the difference in having a granny fetish and necrophilia? A few weeks.

How do you know your sister is on her period? Your dad’s c–k tastes like s–t!

Daughter: I know this is weird but I feel like that someone is watching me when I am sleeping.

Father: Sorry

911 jokes are just plane wrong, my dad was a great pilot you know.

This joke problably flew over peoples heads, but for some people it flew into their head

I was in Alabama last year. I walked into a store and noticed a couple kissing eachother and I said excuse where is the bathroom and the man said right over there. I went into the bathroom and then heard the girl say “Dad I have to go to school soon”

Yo mamas so poor the ducks through bread at her

Disney just released a new film about a poor kid with cancer. It’s called Finding Chemo.

Why are cheetahs the best animals? The cheetah is the fastest land animal in the world. They can reach a top speed of around 113 km per hour. A cheetah can accelerate from 0 to 113 km in just a few seconds. Cheetahs are extremely fast however they tire quickly and can only keep up their top speed for a few minutes before they are too tired to continue. Cheetahs are smaller than other members of the big cat family, weighing only 45 – 60 kilograms. One way to always recognise a cheetah is by the long, black lines which run from the inside of each eye to the mouth. These are usually called “tear lines” and scientists believe they help protect the cheetah’s eyes from the harsh sun and help them to see long distances. Cheetahs are the only big cat that cannot roar. They can purr though and usually purr most loudly when they are grooming or sitting near other cheetahs. While lions and leopards usually do their hunting at night, cheetahs hunt for food during the day. A cheetah has amazing eyesight during the day and can spot prey from 5 km away. Cheetahs cannot climb trees and have poor night vision. With their light body weight and blunt claws, cheetahs are not well designed to protect themselves or their prey. When a larger or more aggressive animal approaches a cheetah in the wild, it will give up its catch to avoid a fight. Cheetahs only need to drink once every three to four days.