Best Jokes

For steven hawking why is being drunk and having his power shutout the same He blacks out

“I bought my little sister a trampoline for her birthday but all she wants to do is sit in her wheelchair and cry”

What do you call a green camel.

My parents left me.

What does a priest hold on to when having sex. He holds on to the schoolbag.

What did the choir boy sing to the priest? Nothing his mouth was full.

Women are like dogs… “Where are you going? Where are you going? Where are you going?” “Can I come? Can I come? Can I come? ” “I’ll wait right here… I’ll wait right here… I’ll wait right here…”

SHOES

“I’m not sure why my girlfriend’s father doesn’t like me.”

“What was your first impression on him?”

“I told him, she calls me daddy too.”

How do we know Stephen is dying in hell

There’s a stairway to heaven.

Give Kobe a plane ticket, he’ll fly for the trip, but give Kobe a helicopter and he’ll fly for the rest of his life.

I’M GOING TO HELL FOR THIS!!!

If you hit a child that’s child abuse. if you hit a family member that’s abuse. if you kill either, it’s murder for some reason. if it’s a whole family, its genocide for another reason.

Why did the kid drop his icecream?

He got hit by a bus.

If you ever feel depressed, drink some coffee.

Expresso Expresso, no more depresso!

What is the simularite with a sloth and a depresed kid

They both hang from trees

I started crying when my mom was cutting up onions

Onions was a good dog

The doctor told me I had aids I said it’s your fault sister.

Why do orphans eat cereal with water? because their dad never came home with the milk

What’s the difference between a Catholic Priest and a pedophile?

One is Catholic

I was addicted to the hokey pokey… but thankfully, I turned myself around.

My boss yelled at me the other day, “You’ve got to be the worst train driver in history. How many trains did you derail last year? ”

I said, “Can’t say for sure, it’s so hard to keep track!”