Best Jokes

What do you call an alligator with a vest?

An investigator.

Brian has a crush on a cute girl Sally from school so he goes and tells his dad about her and he says sorry son you cant like her she is your sister. So Brian is okay with it and he starts to like another girl Madison and he goes up to his dad and says I have a crush on this girl Madison and again the dad goes oh sorry son you cant like any girl in school they are all your sisters so he goes crying to his mom and says dad said I cant like any girl because they are all my sisters and the mom goes oh it’s okay you can like any girl you want because he is not your dad.

What do you call a pig with no legs?

A groundhog.

Friend: hey,wanna play hid and seek? me:sure, i’ve got a great spot! me: grabs nuce and runs to my closet

As a son I like sports and I watch sports with my mom. So one day we were looking at football. My mom ask me who makes the most money I said the quarter back. My mom told me I going to get a quarter back has my new boyfriend and it be your new step father. a week lady my mom went out I came home I see my mom making out with a high school kid. I said whats going on my mom said look my new boyfriend and new step father is the high school quarter back. My mom said see mission accomplish. I said yeah job well done.

There was a car accident and the cops pull up to the crime seen to start asking people questions. The police started talking to a blonde lady and said what happened here she responded by saying a car crash. They then asked but how did it happen, she responded the cars crashed into each other. They finally said but why did it happen. The lady said oh i know where your going with this. It happened because when cars push on the gas peddle the car goes forward and they both pushed it so they both went forward and hit each other. One cop said never mind ma’m and they stared walking away. The blonde lady then said oh and officers my computer froze do you think i should put in the microwave or in the oven?

Why is Steven Hawkins arrested? The police used computer GPS

What do you call a fake speedrunner?

Dream

Hey, I’m not an alcoholic! I only drink 2 times a year. When it’s my Birthday, and when it’s not…

For steven hawking why is being drunk and having his power shutout the same He blacks out

I know five fat people and you’re three of them

Yo mama so fat, she needed cheat codes for WII FIT!

Me:Have you seen a mr.weewoo Most people:no Me: he drives the ambulance down stairs

If seagulls fly over the sea what flies over the bay

Bagels

What do you get when a dinosaur farts a blast from the past

Why do priests appreciate educated children? They don’t spit.

A Muslim is about to commit suicide when a Catholic priest stops him “What are you doing?!” Exclaims the priest

“There is nothing on this Earth for me.” The Muslim says “I will commit suicide to go to paradise and get 72 virgins!”

The priest shakes his head

“Foolish Muslim, suicide is not the way! ” He says

“Follow me, Ill take you to the local primary school.”

What’s the difference between a Catholic priest and a zit? A zit will wait until you’re twelve before it comes on your face.