Best Jokes

%%whats the difference between my dad and cancer cancer dosent leave you

I punched an orphan and told him to go back to his parents and tell them about it… oh wait

Friend: hits head* others: how many fingers am i holding up? me: to friend* how suicidal am i on a scale from one to ten? friend: ten me: hes fine guys

Women are like blackjack. I’m trying for 21, but I always hit on 14.

I entered 10 puns in a pun contest, hoping one would win, but no pun in ten did.

Despite Michael Jackson’s legal problems while we was alive, McDonald’s is still going to honor his life achievements in the music industry by naming a sandwich after him.

They’re going to call it the McMichael! It’s going to be a fifty year old piece of meat pressed between two eight year old buns.

My doctor said I only have 1 year to live, so I killed him. Got sentenced to life in prison, problem solved!

My friend got mad when he caught me smelling his sister’s panties. I don’t know why he was mad, maybe because she was wearimg them, or because his whole family was watching. Either way it made the funeral a bit awkward.

I’ll never forget my sister’s last word. “Is it edible?”

My sister reminds me of 911 one moan of OMG got everyone’s attention.

They should add an eleventh commandment to the Bible:

Thou shalt not f… altar boys

I have big balls said the kid holding to soccer balls

My uncle is a computer genius! The police even called him a pdf file!!

A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, “Do you have that book for men with small penises?”

The librarian looks on her computer and says, “I don’t know if it’s in yet.”

“Yeah, that’s the one!”

What do you get when you cross a shark and a computer? Computer bytes!

A father of five puts on gas mask and a hazard suit, and walks outside, but before he could make it, his son came and asked “Dad, what are you wearing?”. The father would answer with “A costume for Halloween.”. the child asked “can i join?”. He said no, for he said it’s their last Halloween. *after that, I saw green smoke all over the same house they lived in.

What do you call a green camel.

My parents left me.

Employer: Can you preform under pressure? Me: No, but i do a pretty good Bohemian Rhapsody.