What do you call an orphan who grows up to become a priest?
Father les.
I was raised a Catholic and my priest told me when I was 12, “God is watching you when you masturbate”.
I said, “Is God a pedophile too, Father?”
Johnny is walking along and a priest is coming the other way. Johnny says, “Hey, mister, why are you wearing your collar backwards?” The priest says, “Because I’m a father.” Johnny says, “Yeah? Well, my old man’s got three kids and he don’t wear his collar backwards.” The priest says “You don’t understand, son. I have thousands of children. ” Johnny says, “You should wear your f@ckin’ trousers backwards.”
Whats the difference between a Silver Medal and a Priest?
They both came in a little behind.
Three sons left home, went out into the world and each of them made a lot of money. During a reunion, they discussed the gifts they’d given to their elderly mum.
‘I built a big house for our mum,’ said the first.
‘I sent her a Mercedes, with a chauffeur,’ said the second.
And the third smiled and said, ‘I think my gift was the best. You know how much mum enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know that her eyes aren’t so good anymore? Well, I sent her a remarkable cockatoo that recites the entire Bible, both old and new testaments. It took a priest twelve years to teach him. That cockatoo is the only one in the world that can do it. All mum has to do is name the chapter and verse, and the cockatoo recites it.’
A few days later, mum sent out her thankyou letters. She wrote to the first son,
‘The house you built is so enormous that I only live in one room. The trouble is, I have to clean the whole house.’
To the second son she said, ‘I’m far too old to travel anymore. I stay at home most of the time, so I’ve hardly used the Mercedes. In any case, the driver is so rude.’
To the third son she wrote ‘Dearest Freddie. You have the good sense to know what your mum likes. The chicken was delicious!’
What to gift a child molester, who already has everything? A bigger county with more believers
How do you get a nun pregnant?
– Dress her up as an alter boy.
What do a girl and a bar have in common?
A- Liquor in the front poker in the back!!
There are Three Sons Journey Korean and Little Joe. They were trapped on a floating island and a priest gave them each one wish the first son wished to go back to the ground. The Second Son wished to go back to the ground. The third son was lonely and wished for his two brothers to come back to the floating island.
My uncle was a preist he had a two-inch penis but when it was in my ass it felt like a torpedo
A priest and a rabbi are walking down the street and they come to a kid playing in a sandbox. The priest says, “Hey, you wanna go screw that kid?” To which the rabbi replies, "Out of what?
To which the rabbi replies, "Out of what?
Girl: daddy ive been a bad girl priest: for the last time its father I have sinned
A little girl beinng Girl: “Forgive me Father for I have sinned”
Priest: “What did you do Child?”
Girl: “I called a man a son of a bitch.”
Priest: “Why did you call him a son of a bitch?”
Girl: “Because he touched my hand.”
Priest: “Like this?” (as he touches her hand)
Girl: “Yes father.”
Priest: “That’s no reason to call a man a son of a bitch.”
Girl: “Then he touched my breast.”
Priest: “Like this?” (as he touched her breast)
Priest: “That’s no reason to call him a son of a bitch.”
Girl: “Then he took off my clothes, father.”
Priest: “Like this?” (as he takes off her clothes)
Girl: “Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where.”
Priest: “Like this?” (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where)
Girl: “YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!”
Priest: (after a few minutes): “That’s no reason to call him a son of a bitch. ” Girl: “But father he had AIDS!” Priest: “THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!”
Girl: “But father he had AIDS!”
Priest: “THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!”
What did the choir boy sing to the priest? Nothing his mouth was full.
One day, a priest is walking down the street and sees a little girl with a box. “What’s in the box?”, the priest asks. “Christian kittens”, the little girl answers. Pleased, the priest smiles and continues on his way. A week later, the same priest is walking down the street with a nun when he sees the little girl and the box again. “Ask her what she has in the box”, he says, “It’s the cutest thing!” The nun walks up and asks the girl what she has in the box. “Atheist kittens”, she says. The priest rushes forward and says "ATHEIST KITTENS!!! Last week you said they were “Christian kittens! !!” “They were”, she says. “Now their eyes are open”.
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