Best Jokes

So what if I can’t spell Armageddon? It’s not the end of the world

When I was young, I decided to go to a medical school. At the entrance exam, we were asked to re-arrange letters

‘PNEIS’

And form the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect.

Those who answered ‘SPINE’ are doctors.

What’s the difference between kinky and perverted? Kinky is when you tickle your girlfriend with a feather, perverted is when you use the whole bird.

Last halloween i went dressed as a woman. When i rang the doorbell an elderly woman opened and i made grunting noise and knocked the bowl of candy out of her hands. She immediately called the police and told them excactly what happened. The officer pulled me aside and asked me a few questions. First he asked are your parents here and i said nothing. Concerned by my answer he then asked if i was ok so i said nothing. He asked me what my name and i responded, "Hellen Keller.

What’s Thanos’ favorite game? Half-life

Define abnormal life.

Waking up everyday living a sane life!

I liked my life when I first got it…later they said no because I didn’t have the receipt.

Why do black men have nightmares?

Because the only one that had a dream got shot.

The pope drives around in a glass box or as I like to call him a snipers dream

What do you call a high school student? Alone and depressed.

. why cant depressed kids high five a tree? It will leave them hanging…. why cant orphans play baseball, Because they cant find home!. a serial killer was at my house all killed all my family but me why, i was in the living room…. what do sloths and depressed have in common, they both hang off trees…. what is a group of depressed kids called, the suicide squad

Yo dad’s so stupid he came back after he got the milk.

Whats green and sticky? … a stick.

What is green, fuzzy, and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you? A pool table

Man: I got fired from my job at the calander factory. Lady: What did you do? Man: I took a day of…

My grief counsellor died today. He did such a great job. I don’t even care

R u a toaster? cuz i wanna take a bath wit u r u a knife? cuz u make me wanna kms r u a painting? cuz i hang u r u the flu? cuz u make me wanna hurl r u a newspaper? cuz u have new problems everyday r u the ground? cuz im six feet deep in u ;)

Sending gay men to prison makes no sense to me. I mean, you have sex with a man and then they lock you up with a bunch of other men.

That would be like arresting someone for drunk driving and forcing them to become a bartender.

A drunk walks out of a bar late at night and see’s a nun walking past on the footpath. He utters something hateful to himself as he begins running building momentum before launching himself at the nun catching her with a massive superman punch to the back of the head knocking her tumbling brutally to the pavement. He proceeded with a swift kicking to the nuns ribs and spine before grabbing the nun by the scruff of her habbit and lifting her limp to her feet til face to face. Looking the nun dead in her eyes with menace the drunk victoriously growled. Your not so bloody tough tonight are ya Batman.

Knock knock who"s there? it’s the grim reaper grim reaper who? The grim reaper who is about to come in your house smoke some weed drink some grim reaper liquor and then get drunk.