Julius Caesar walks into a bar and orders a Martinus. The bartender asks, "Don’t you mean Martini?" Julius Caesar says, “No, I only want one.”
A TWELVE VOLT BATTERY walks into a tavern and orders a drink.The bartender serves him , and comments now don’t start anything .
A guy walks into a bar and sees a 1 foot piano player over by the door. He goes over to the bartender, orders a beer, and says “man, how’d you get such a short piano player.” The bartender says in response” there’s a genie in the back of the bar.” The man finishes his beer and runs to the back, looking for the genie. He finds it and says “I wish for a million bucks.” Suddenly, a million ducks fly out of the bar. The customer looks confused and goes back to the bartender and says “what just happened” the bartender replies “the genie is half deaf, do you really think I’d ask for a 12 inch pianist?”
A Pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to his dick. The Bartender asks him why And the Pirate says: Argh, It’s driving me nuts.
A man walks into a bar with an alligator and a stick. He walks up to the bartender and offers to put on a show for the bar’s patrons in exchange for a drink. The bartender agrees, so he pulls down his pants, sticks his dick in the alligators mouth and starts whacking it with the stick. After he’s done and gets his drink he asks if anyone else would like a go. A lady gets up and says yes she would like a go, asks that he doesn’t hit her with the stick.
A hamburger walks into a bar. The bartender says, “I’m sorry. We don’t serve food here.”
A block of gold walked into a bar, the bartender said ‘AU, get out!”
A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink. When the neutron gets his drink, he asks, “Bartender, how much do I owe you?” The bartender replies, “For you, neutron, no charge.”
An infinite number of mathematicians walk into a bar. The first one orders a beer. The second one orders half a beer. The third one orders a fourth of a beer. The bartender stops them, pours two beers and says, “You guys should know your limits.”
So a guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender says tell me a joke. So the guy says: so a guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender says tell me a joke. So the guy says: so a guy walks into a bar and asks the bartender for a drink. The bartender says tell me a joke. So the guy says: so a guy walks into a bar and he asks the bartender for a drink. So he gives the guy a drink. So he gives the guy a drink. So he gives the guy a drink. Credit to Sans (undertale)
A blind man walks into a bar and starts to swing his guide dog around his head, the bartender asks him nervously “are you okay” the blind man replies “yeah I’m just looking around”
Christopher and Tony were tempted for a beer but they only had 2 dollars each. Christopher got an idea and run away to the butcher and see if he got something good. He came back with a sausage. So they went to a pub and ordered 2 beers and 2 whiskeys. Are you crazy?! Said Tony to Christopher. ‘We don’t have any money!’ Take it easy now, said Christopher. "I have a plan." When they finnished drink everything up christopher put the sausage through his own zipper and begged Tony to bend on his knees and take the sausage with his mouth. The bartender saw what they did and throw them out without even paying. So Christopher and Tony kept doing the same thing pub after pub after pub. After the 10th pub said Tony: I can’t do this anymore. I am drunk and my knees are in too much pain to even handle the walk. How do you think i feel? Said Christopher exhausted. ’ I dropped the sausage in the 3th pub!’
A mushroom walked into a pub. He asked the bartender to give him a beer. The bartender said, "I can’t, you’ll get too rowdy. " The mushroom then said, “Oh come on! When I drink, I’m a fun guy!”
One afternoon, a man was walking to a bar after work. Across the street, an Irish nun stood there waving her arms at the man. “Look at this poor drunkard! The Lord does not love him! He will be sent to Hell!” the nun shouted. The man walked over to the nun. “Hey! I had a hard day at work! I was going to get ONE beer! Have you ever even tried a drink before?” the man asked. The nun looked down and shook her head. “Well, if you tried it, you would probably like it! Would you want to try something?” the man asked. The nun replied, “Okay, only one thing.” “What would you like?” asked the man. He offered her beer and whiskey, but she declined. “How about a little gin?” the man concluded. “Okay, sure. But, can you ask them to put it in a mug so people don’t see what I’m drinking?” asked the nun. “Fine,” the man walks into the bar and waves to the bartender. “Hey, can I have a bottle of beer and a bit of gin? Also, can that be in a mug?” asked the man. The bartender looked up, with fury in his eyes. “Don’t tell me that damn nun is out there again!” the bartender said.
A priest, a rabbi and a minister walk into a bar. The bartender looks at them and says, “What is this – a joke?”
RUS | ENG
