Two homeless alcoholics want to get drunk but don’t have enough money for even the cheapest drinks in any bar. So one of them devises a clever plan : he tells his friend “We should buy a hot-dog sausage with the last of our money and stick it down my pants, then drink a load of drinks but then when the bill comes you get down and suck on the hot-dog and it’ll look like you’re sucking on my dick so then we’ll get thrown out without paying and we can just go to another bar and do the same thing again”. His friend agrees so they buy the hot-dog, stick it down the first dude’s pants, go to the bar and then the second dude begins to suck on the hot-dog as agreed. They are thrown out and hit another four bars this way. In the end, as they lie drunk on the floor in some alleyway, the second guy says, “Well, what a great night. Free beers in five different bars!” The first guy says “Yeah! Especially since the hot-dog fell out before we even reached the first bar!”
What’s the difference between light and hard? It’s easy to get to sleep with a light on.
What’s the difference between meat and fish? If you beat your fish, it’ll die.
whats the difference between a cat and a bannana, its hard to peel a cat
What’s the difference between a hamster and a cigarette? They’re both harmless until you stick them in your mouth and light them on fire
What’s the difference between a prostitute and a daredevil? One has cunning stunts, whilst the other has a stunning…
What’s the difference between the real Jesus and a picture of him ? It only takes one nail to hang up the picture.
What’s the difference between you and Jesus? Your parents remember Jesus’s birth date
Q: What’s the difference between me and you? A: I’m not wasting my time reading this joke.
What’s the difference between a priest and acne? At least acne waits til the boy is 12 to come on his face.
3 construction workers where sitting on the bridge that they where building having their lunch break. The first guy says “If I get a vegimite sandwich again I am going to jump off this bridge.” The second guys says “If get a peanut butter sandwich again I am going to jump off this bridge”. The third guy says if I get another strawberry jam sandwich then I am going to jump off this bridge.” The next day the first guy gets a vegimite sandwich, the second guy gets a peanut butter sandwich and the third guy gets a strawberry jam sandwich. All 3 guys jump of the bridge and die. The next day at their funerals the first wife says “If he just told me I would have given him a different sandwich.” The second guys wife says “It is all my fault. If only I knew.” The third wife says “I don’t get it, he makes his own lunch.”
What’s the difference between a mosquito and a blonde?the mosquito stops sucking after you slap it.
the difference between dark jokes and morbid is dark jokes are 10 babies in 1 trash can and morbid jokes are 1 baby in 10 trash cans
What’s the difference between a teacher and a train? The teacher says, “Spit out your gum,” but a train says, “Chew chew!”
“Why did Susie fall off the swing?” “Because she had no arms” “Why could she get up off the ground?” “Because she had no friends” “Knock knock” “Who’s there?” “Not Susie, she’s still on the ground” “Where did Susie go when the bomb went off?” “Everywhere” “Why couldn’t Susie scratch her leg?” “Because it was in a different body bag” “Why did Susie drop her ice cream?” “She was hit by a bus” “Why did Susie fall off the swing? ” “Someone threw a refrigerator at her”
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