What is the difference between a frog and a horny toad? One says “Ribbit, Ribbit” and the other says “Rub it, Rub it”.
My kids are so ungrateful. I got them a new dishwasher and they just won’t stop complaining about their mom whats the difference between a lightbulb and a preganant woman you can unscrew the lightbulb
What the difference between an Irish wedding and a Irish funeral, one less drunk.
My girlfriend asked me to write her a poem for Valentines Day: Roses are red, Watches are gold. Get on your knees, And do as you’re told. What’s the difference between your girlfriend and sister ? Nothing if your from Alabama
what is the difference between a baby and a watermelon, one smashes open when you hit it with a sledge hammer and the other is a water melon
What’s the difference between England and a tea bag? – The tea bag stays longer in a cup.
What is the difference between a sloth and a depressed kid? A sloth doesn’t need a rope to hang
What’s the difference between a cranky two-year-old and a duckling? – One is a whiny toddler, and the other is a tiny waddler.
What’s the difference between a gay guy and a microwave? The microwave doesn’t brown the meat.
what’s the difference between puppies and orphans the puppies actually get adopted
What is the difference between a washing machine and a child…? The washing machine doesn’t cry when you put a load in it.
What’s the difference between a potted plant and your wife? The first is easier to bury.
What is the differences an orphan and pikachu? Pikachu I chose you!
What’s the difference between a prostitute and a daredevil? One has cunning stunts, whilst the other has a stunning…
Two homeless alcoholics want to get drunk but don’t have enough money for even the cheapest drinks in any bar. So one of them devises a clever plan : he tells his friend “We should buy a hot-dog sausage with the last of our money and stick it down my pants, then drink a load of drinks but then when the bill comes you get down and suck on the hot-dog and it’ll look like you’re sucking on my dick so then we’ll get thrown out without paying and we can just go to another bar and do the same thing again”. His friend agrees so they buy the hot-dog, stick it down the first dude’s pants, go to the bar and then the second dude begins to suck on the hot-dog as agreed. They are thrown out and hit another four bars this way. In the end, as they lie drunk on the floor in some alleyway, the second guy says, “Well, what a great night. Free beers in five different bars!” The first guy says “Yeah! Especially since the hot-dog fell out before we even reached the first bar!”
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