Doctors jokes

“Doctor, I’m shrinking!” “Well, you’ll just have to be a little patient.”

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

So i went to the doctors and the doctor said "Pick a star sign any star sign" So i said "Aquarius" And the doctor said “nah mate you’ve got cancer”

-2 -1 0 +1 +2

The person who made it a law to not hurt girls is stupid because we’ve all kicked a pregnant woman before we where even born. the doctor says to the woman there was good and bad news. the woman says she wants the bad news first the doctor says the bad news is the baby had red hair. then he said the good news is it is dead.

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

A woman comes to the doctor and tells her ‘doctor, my husband wants intense sex all day, what should I give him?’ The doctor says ‘my number’

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

Patient: “Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake.” Doctor: “Next time, take off the candles.”

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

A man lost his toe when he dropped a knife on it: Doctor: I have good news and bad news Guy" Whats the bad news Doc: They replaced your toe with a piece of candy Guy: Good news? Doc: You now have tic tac toe

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

My doctor said I only have 1 year to live, so I killed him. Got sentenced to life in prison, problem solved!

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

Patient: “Doctor my bottom hurts” Doctor: “Can you tell me exactly where it hurts?” Patient: “Right around the entrance” Doctor: “As long as you call it the entrance it will hurt”

-2 -1 0 +1 +2

Doctor: I have good news and I have worse news Patient: Well what’s the bad news Doctor: You have one day left to live Patient: What news could possibly be worse Doctor: I’ve been trying to contact you sense yesterday

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

I’m a family doctor and I wish I could help but… you’re an orphan

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

Why did the computer go to the doctor ? Because it had a virus

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

Michael Jakson gets really ill so he’s rushed to hospital. When they get there he says ‘am i in heaven?’ The doctor replies ‘Nah sir we’re just taking a quick shortcut through the children’s ward.’

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

Me: DOCTOR! DOCTOR! I HAVE 50 SECONDS TO LIVE! Doctor: sit down for a minute.

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

A man wakes up from his operation and the doctor says ‘I have bad news and good news, what do you want to hear first?’ The man says ‘bad’ so the doctor says ‘during the surgery your girlfriend decided to leave a message that she’s leaving you for another man’ the man says ‘what’s the good then? ’ And the doctor says ‘I’m picking her up at 7’

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

My doctor called me fat. I told him I wanted a second opinion and he said, “OK, you’re ugly too.”

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *
- up - << N E X T! >> random

© àíåêäîòîâ.net, 1997 - 2025