Doctors jokes

You’re forehead so big when you were being born the doctors thought you had no face

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

My doctor said “you have 1year to live” I said " you wanna bet" Bam a gun shot

-2 -1 0 +1 +2

A pregnant wife and her husband were in a hospital as she was in labour, the doctor suggested using a machine that transfers the birth pains from the mother to the father, they agree so the machine is used, 40%, the husband feels nothing, 70% still not felling anything, 100%, nothing. The doctor says it must be broken. When the pair return home, the milkman is dead in the front yard.

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

When I was young, I decided to go to a medical school. At the entrance exam, we were asked to re-arrange letters ‘PNEIS’ and form the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect. Those who answered ‘SPINE’ are doctors.

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

what is the perfect job for a paedophile a physical doctor for kids

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

Patient to doctor "will I be ok Doc?" Doctor:"I doubt it. Mercury is in Uranus now" Patient: "I dont do that astrology stuff" Doctor:“Nor me. My thermometer just broke”

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

I am still trying to figure out why paying the covid doctors a complement is so offensive. They even kicked me out and all I said was to stay positive… An apple a day can do so much more than keep the doctor away… it can keep ANYONE away. if you throw it hard enough.

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

So, Satan is in the delivery room having a child. Soon, a feathered creature comes out. “Doctor,” say Satan. “What is it?” The doctor sighs. “Well, it’s not a boy, and it’s not a girl.” Satan looks frustrated. “THEN WHAT IS IT?!?!?” The doctor looks up. “It’s a goose.”

-2 -1 0 +1 +2

Place a man in a morgue, he’ll try to leave. Place a doctor in a morgue, he’ll go to work. Place a necrophiliac in a morgue, he’ll stay happy for a week.

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

Patient: “Doctor my bottom hurts” Doctor: “Can you tell me exactly where it hurts?” Patient: “Right around the entrance” Doctor: “As long as you call it the entrance it will hurt”

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

What did the doctor say to the chinese patient? Sum ting wong

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

My friend was told by her doctor that she was morbidly obese. As if she doesn’t have enough on her plate.

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

I told the doctor I didn’t want a brain surgery. But he changed my mind.

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

Doctor: you’ll be at peace soon, sir. Me: what am I dying? Doctor: no your wife is.

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

I walked in to the doctors surgery and and he said to me “pick a star sign any star sign” “I said Capricorn” He said “Nahh you got cancer”

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *
- up - << N E X T! >> random

© àíåêäîòîâ.net, 1997 - 2026