Doctors jokes

A guy went to the doctor and told him that whenever he drinks a cup of tea his eye hurts ,the doctor brought him a cup and asked him to drink … when he finished the doctor told him : from now on take off the spoon.

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The doctor and said he had good news and bad news. The Good news is that you have 24 hours to live. The bad news is I forgot to call you yesterday.

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When does a doctor get mad? When he runs out of patients!

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When I was born the doctors said , “it’s a boy!” Then when they went to cut the embilical cord, they cut the wrong thing. Then they said , “OH, It’s a girl.”

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A Blonde walks into a hospital claiming that everywhere she touches hurts. So she goes into the examination room and the doctor says “Okay I’d like you to point to wherever it hurts”. So the Blonde pokes her cheek and says “Here. Ow.” She then pokes her arm and says “Here. Ow.” She then repeats this with different parts of her body until the doctor finally says that she should stop. The doctor say “I know what’s happened to you.” “What’s happened to me??” The Blonde says, concerned. The doctor simply replies, “You have a broken finger.”

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So theres a orphan in a hospital and the doctor walks up and says “sorry kid but this is a family hospital”

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My doctor said I only have 1 year to live, so I killed him. Got sentenced to life in prison, problem solved!

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You’re forehead so big when you were being born the doctors thought you had no face

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What do priest and doctors have in common? They both do physicals on kids.

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A man lost his toe when he dropped a knife on it: Doctor: I have good news and bad news Guy" Whats the bad news Doc: They replaced your toe with a piece of candy Guy: Good news? Doc: You now have tic tac toe

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Doctor: I’ve got good news and bad news Patient: What’s the good news? Doctor: I’ve got u flowers Patient: Awww, What’s the bad news? Doctor: They’re for your grave

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So, Satan is in the delivery room having a child. Soon, a feathered creature comes out. “Doctor,” say Satan. “What is it?” The doctor sighs. “Well, it’s not a boy, and it’s not a girl.” Satan looks frustrated. “THEN WHAT IS IT?!?!?” The doctor looks up. “It’s a goose.”

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A man woke up from a serious surgery. He screamed, “Doctor! Doctor! I can’t feel my legs!”. And the doctor replied, “I know. I amputated you arms.”

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By the way, this joke is easily found on Google, this was not created by me, I just have not seen it in these fat jokes so I thought I’d say it. Doctor: I diagnoss you with obesitiy. Patient: It runs in the family. Doctor: Nothing can run in your family.

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A woman comes to the doctor and tells her ‘doctor, my husband wants intense sex all day, what should I give him?’ The doctor says ‘my number’

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