Doctors jokes

So theres a orphan in a hospital and the doctor walks up and says “sorry kid but this is a family hospital”

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Why did the computer go to the doctor ? Because it had a virus

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9 out of 10 doctors recommend for children to drink water instead of soda. – That 1 doctor lives in Flint, Michigan.

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My doctor said “you have 1year to live” I said " you wanna bet" Bam a gun shot

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My friend was told by her doctor that she was morbidly obese. As if she doesn’t have enough on her plate.

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An apple a day keeps a doctor away… at least if you throw it hard enough Doctor: You’re as healthy as a horse! Jimmy: That’s great! Doctor: A horse with cancer.

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You’re forehead so big when you were being born the doctors thought you had no face

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Michael Jakson gets really ill so he’s rushed to hospital. When they get there he says ‘am i in heaven?’ The doctor replies ‘Nah sir we’re just taking a quick shortcut through the children’s ward.’

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I went to see my grandfather in the hospital because I Wanted to get to know him better before he passed, maybe take a selfie with him. But when I got there my phone died so I unplugged a vacuum to plug in my phone, and it turns out he only knows Spanish so When he kept saying “Me desconectaste el soporte de mi vida.” I thought he wanted water, but when I got back with the water he was asleep and now my phone was charged so I translated what he said. And it was “You unplugged my life support”, that’s when I called the doctor… Good news is, I got one sick selfie!

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“Doctor, I’m shrinking!” “Well, you’ll just have to be a little patient.”

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A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell into a coma. After 6 months she woke. She asked the doctor “hows the baby?” “You had twins” the doctor replied. “Your brother named them” the woman said *oh no not my brother what did he call them?" “He called the girl Denise” “what about the boy” the woman asked the doctor said “denephew”

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What did the doctor say to the chinese patient? Sum ting wong

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My ex got into a bad accident recently. I told the doctors the wrong blood type. Now she will really know what rejection feels like

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Doctor : what makes you feel depressed? Me: I used to work at the word trade centre, before the plane hit. Doctor: a lot of people fell to pieces after that.

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Lil Jimmy:hey doc Doctor:hi sorry but I can’t see u any more Lil Jimmy:why Doctor: because Lil Jimmy I’m a family doctor your an orphan Lil Jimmy:????????

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