Doctor: I’m sorry but your surgery will cost a lot of money. Buuuuuut what’s this behind your ear? Oh it’s still cancer
So i went to the doctors and the doctor said "Pick a star sign any star sign" So i said "Aquarius" And the doctor said “nah mate you’ve got cancer”
Patient: “Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake.” Doctor: “Next time, take off the candles.”
An orphan goes to a doctor. Doctor: Sorry I can’t help you Orphan: But why? Doctor: I’m a family doctor
A GUY GOES TO SEE HIS PSYCHIATRIST DRESSED ONLY IN BUBBLE WRAP. WHEN HE GETS THERE HE ASKED THE PSYCH, cAN YOU PLEASE HELP ME? THE PSYCH SAYS NO, I’M SORRY, I CAN CLEARLY SEE YOUR NUTS.
Person: I broke my arm in three places Doctor: well don’t go to those three places then.
What do priest and doctors have in common? They both do physicals on kids.
A woman walks into a doctor’s office. She schedules an appointment and sits down it the waiting room. Whem it’s her turn to talk to the doctor, she describes all of her symptoms, and they’re unlike anything he’s heard before. The doctor runs a few tests and steps out of the room. He comes back later, and says, ‘Well I have good news and bad news.’ The woman says, ‘I’ll hear the good news first please. ’ The doctor replies ‘The good news is we’re naming a disease after you!’
You’re so short, when you were born, the doctor couldn’t tell if you were a boy, a girl, or a Jimmy Dean pork sausage.
A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of child birth to the father. He asks if it is ok to use the new device. The couple agrees and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.
A Blonde walks into a hospital claiming that everywhere she touches hurts. So she goes into the examination room and the doctor says “Okay I’d like you to point to wherever it hurts”. So the Blonde pokes her cheek and says “Here. Ow.” She then pokes her arm and says “Here. Ow.” She then repeats this with different parts of her body until the doctor finally says that she should stop. The doctor say “I know what’s happened to you.” “What’s happened to me??” The Blonde says, concerned. The doctor simply replies, “You have a broken finger.”
Five little monkeys jumping on the bed, One fell off and bumped his head. The momma called the doctor and the doctor said… “We’re calling Child Protective Services.”
A man wakes up from his operation and the doctor says ‘I have bad news and good news, what do you want to hear first?’ The man says ‘bad’ so the doctor says ‘during the surgery your girlfriend decided to leave a message that she’s leaving you for another man’ the man says ‘what’s the good then? ’ And the doctor says ‘I’m picking her up at 7’
what is the perfect job for a paedophile a physical doctor for kids
What’s the difference between Bird flu and swine flu? – For one you get tweetment, for the other you get oinkment.
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