Doctor: you don’t have long to live. 10… Patient: ten what? ten years, ten months? Doctor: 9… 8… 7…
I asked the doctor doing my prostate exam where i should put my pants. “next to mine” was not the answer i was expecting
Why did the library book go to the doctor? – It needed to be checked out.
%% %%I took a banana to the doctor. It wasn’t peeling well.
When I was young, I decided to go to a medical school. At the entrance exam, we were asked to re-arrange letters ‘PNEIS’ and form the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect. Those who answered ‘SPINE’ are doctors.
A man got in a bad car accident. He was at risk of losing his arm. The doctors had to perform complicated surgery on his arm. The man’s wife visited after the surgery. The doctor came up to her and said: "I have good news and bad news." The wife said: "What’s the good news? “We managed to save his arm. ” “What’s the bad news?” “We couldn’t save the rest of him.”
Doctor: I have good news and I have worse news Patient: Well what’s the bad news Doctor: You have one day left to live Patient: What news could possibly be worse Doctor: I’ve been trying to contact you sense yesterday
I walked in to the doctors surgery and and he said to me “pick a star sign any star sign” “I said Capricorn” He said “Nahh you got cancer”
A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of child birth to the father. He asks if it is ok to use the new device. The couple agrees and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.
My doctor said I only have 1 year to live, so I killed him. Got sentenced to life in prison, problem solved!
What do priest and doctors have in common? They both do physicals on kids.
Doctor: I’m sorry but your surgery will cost a lot of money. Buuuuuut what’s this behind your ear? Oh it’s still cancer
“Doctor, there’s a patient on line 1 that says he’s invisible” “Well, tell him I can’t see him right now.”
Patient: “Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake.” Doctor: “Next time, take off the candles.”
A heavily pregnant woman is in an accident and gives birth to twins while comatose. Upon awakening some days later, the doctors tell her that her brother Tom filled out the birth certificates while she was out. “Oh no, Tom’s an idiot, what did he name my daughter?” she asked the nurse. “Denise.” “That’s not a bad name. And what did he name the boy?” “Tom Junior.”
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