Doctors jokes

I asked my doctor if it was normal for one of my nuts to be bigger than the other two.

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

A man goes for his annual checkup. Afterwords he’s sitting the the doctor’s office and the doctor comes in with the results of his tests. The doctor says, “I have some bad news; you have cancer and Alzheimer’s. ” The man replies, “well, at least I don’t have cancer.”

-2 -1 0 +1 +2

A heavily pregnant woman is in an accident and gives birth to twins while comatose. Upon awakening some days later, the doctors tell her that her brother Tom filled out the birth certificates while she was out. “Oh no, Tom’s an idiot, what did he name my daughter?” she asked the nurse. “Denise.” “That’s not a bad name. And what did he name the boy?” “Tom Junior.”

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

My doctor told me that I had to burn calories, so I took a fat kid and lit them on fire

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

I’m a family doctor and I wish I could help but… you’re an orphan

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

The doctor and said he had good news and bad news. The Good news is that you have 24 hours to live. The bad news is I forgot to call you yesterday.

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

“Doctor, there’s a patient on line 1 that says he’s invisible” “Well, tell him I can’t see him right now.”

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

You’re so short, when you were born, the doctor couldn’t tell if you were a boy, a girl, or a Jimmy Dean pork sausage.

-2 -1 0 +1 +2

Doctor: I’ve got good news and bad news Patient: What’s the good news? Doctor: I’ve got u flowers Patient: Awww, What’s the bad news? Doctor: They’re for your grave

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

Patient: I’m starting to forget things Doctor: Since when have you had this condition? Patient: What condition?

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

My doctor said I only have 1 year to live, so I killed him. Got sentenced to life in prison, problem solved!

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

9 out of 10 doctors recommend for children to drink water instead of soda. – That 1 doctor lives in Flint, Michigan.

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

Doctor: I have good news and I have worse news Patient: Well what’s the bad news Doctor: You have one day left to live Patient: What news could possibly be worse Doctor: I’ve been trying to contact you sense yesterday

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

Person: I broke my arm in three places Doctor: well don’t go to those three places then.

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of child birth to the father. He asks if it is ok to use the new device. The couple agrees and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *
- up - << N E X T! >> random

© àíåêäîòîâ.net, 1997 - 2026