Doctors jokes

A guy is at home and he’s about to go get a physical at the Doctor’s office. When he gets there, the Doctor says, “Brian, you’re going to have to stop masturbating. ” He asked the Doc why? The Doc said, “So I can examine you!”

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

So a doctor walks into the room with a dying patient. He looks the man up and down and says gravely: “I’m sorry, you only have ten left.” The other man smiles nervously and asks, “T-ten what doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?” The doctor calmly looks at him. “Nine.”

-2 -1 0 +1 +2

Patient to doctor "will I be ok Doc?" Doctor:"I doubt it. Mercury is in Uranus now" Patient: "I dont do that astrology stuff" Doctor:“Nor me. My thermometer just broke”

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

What’s the difference between an anal and oral thermometer? The taste.

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

Doctor: I have good news and I have worse news Patient: Well what’s the bad news Doctor: You have one day left to live Patient: What news could possibly be worse Doctor: I’ve been trying to contact you sense yesterday

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

A women just went through laber,she ask the doctor"was it a healthy delivery"the doctor replies"it wasn’t delivery,it’s digiorno"

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

My doctor said “you have 1year to live” I said " you wanna bet" Bam a gun shot

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

“Doctor, there’s a patient on line 1 that says he’s invisible” “Well, tell him I can’t see him right now.”

-2 -1 0 +1 +2

Person: I broke my arm in three places Doctor: well don’t go to those three places then.

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

I walked in to the doctors surgery and and he said to me “pick a star sign any star sign” “I said Capricorn” He said “Nahh you got cancer”

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

what is the perfect job for a paedophile a physical doctor for kids

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

Old man goes to the doctor. The doctor says “The test results are back, and I’m sad to say you have cancer and Alzheimer’s.”. The old man says “Phew! At least it’s not cancer!” I’m a Model. my doctor asked me to make an acronym for POST because I post pictures on Instagram. (Trying to) P-ut O-ff Suicidal T-houghts

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

The doctor says “your wife is PREGNENT” the man says that he used a condom and the doctor says "ya but I didn’t

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

So i was sitting with my little brother and talk about our dreams. “What do you wanna be when you grow up?” I asked him. He answered “A doctor!”. I wanted to tease him so i said “I wouldn’t be treated by a doctor like you”. I was hoping he would get mad or something but instead, he calmly replied “Brother, i said doctor. Not a vet”

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

Five little monkeys jumping on the bed, One fell off and bumped his head. The momma called the doctor and the doctor said… “We’re calling Child Protective Services.”

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *
- up - << N E X T! >> random

© àíåêäîòîâ.net, 1997 - 2026