Doctors jokes

The doctor and said he had good news and bad news. The Good news is that you have 24 hours to live. The bad news is I forgot to call you yesterday.

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A man lost his toe when he dropped a knife on it: Doctor: I have good news and bad news Guy" Whats the bad news Doc: They replaced your toe with a piece of candy Guy: Good news? Doc: You now have tic tac toe

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“Doctor, I’m shrinking!” “Well, you’ll just have to be a little patient.”

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I walked in to the doctors surgery and and he said to me “pick a star sign any star sign” “I said Capricorn” He said “Nahh you got cancer”

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You’re forehead so big when you were being born the doctors thought you had no face

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%% %%I took a banana to the doctor. It wasn’t peeling well.

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Michael Jakson gets really ill so he’s rushed to hospital. When they get there he says ‘am i in heaven?’ The doctor replies ‘Nah sir we’re just taking a quick shortcut through the children’s ward.’

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A guy is at home and he’s about to go get a physical at the Doctor’s office. When he gets there, the Doctor says, “Brian, you’re going to have to stop masturbating. ” He asked the Doc why? The Doc said, “So I can examine you!”

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I go into get a prostate exam, I’m nervous but the doctor says its all natural and needs to be done. So he pulls down my pants and sticks one finger up my ass. I feel it go deeper inside , feeling for abnormalities. That’s when I realize his hands are on my shoulders.

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Doctor: you’ll be at peace soon, sir. Me: what am I dying? Doctor: no your wife is.

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My ex got into a bad accident recently. I told the doctors the wrong blood type. Now she will really know what rejection feels like

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So this guy and his wife figure out that she has gotten pregnant. The baby is due March 31st. Well the guy is at work and he gets a call from his wife. She tells him she is going into labor. He rushes to pick her up, and once he is on the road he starts speeding. Eventually he hits another car and swerves off the road into a ditch. He wakes up in the hospital, looks around but doesn’t see his wife. He asks the doctor, is my wife okay, she was carrying my child. The doctor said the wife is fine and the baby is in good health. 10 seconds later he goes “APRIL FOOLS! Your wife is dead and your child has brain damage

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Person: ‘Doctor, doctor I’ve only got 50 seconds to live’ Doctor: ‘Just give me a minute’

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“Doctor, there’s a patient on line 1 that says he’s invisible” “Well, tell him I can’t see him right now.”

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Patient: I’m starting to forget things Doctor: Since when have you had this condition? Patient: What condition?

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