Doctors jokes

I asked my doctor if it was normal for one of my nuts to be bigger than the other two.

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A doctor is telling three women what they are addicted to. He says to the first one "You are addicted to money, you named your daughter Penny" He says to the second one "You are addicted to food, you named you daughter Candy" Then the third one whispers to her son “Come on Dick, lets go.”

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An apple a day keeps the doctor away… Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough…????

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%% %%I took a banana to the doctor. It wasn’t peeling well.

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what is the perfect job for a paedophile a physical doctor for kids

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I asked the doctor doing my prostate exam where i should put my pants. “next to mine” was not the answer i was expecting

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Five little monkeys jumping on the bed, One fell off and bumped his head. The momma called the doctor and the doctor said… “We’re calling Child Protective Services.”

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A man got in a bad car accident. He was at risk of losing his arm. The doctors had to perform complicated surgery on his arm. The man’s wife visited after the surgery. The doctor came up to her and said: "I have good news and bad news." The wife said: "What’s the good news? “We managed to save his arm. ” “What’s the bad news?” “We couldn’t save the rest of him.”

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A woman comes to the doctor and tells her ‘doctor, my husband wants intense sex all day, what should I give him?’ The doctor says ‘my number’

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“Doctor, I’m shrinking!” “Well, you’ll just have to be a little patient.”

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My doctor told me that I had to burn calories, so I took a fat kid and lit them on fire

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Michael Jakson gets really ill so he’s rushed to hospital. When they get there he says ‘am i in heaven?’ The doctor replies ‘Nah sir we’re just taking a quick shortcut through the children’s ward.’

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The person who made it a law to not hurt girls is stupid because we’ve all kicked a pregnant woman before we where even born. the doctor says to the woman there was good and bad news. the woman says she wants the bad news first the doctor says the bad news is the baby had red hair. then he said the good news is it is dead.

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You’re forehead so big when you were being born the doctors thought you had no face

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A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. So she gets a divorce.

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