A guy went to the doctor and told him that whenever he drinks a cup of tea his eye hurts ,the doctor brought him a cup and asked him to drink … when he finished the doctor told him : from now on take off the spoon.
Pinocchio goes to the doctor for a checkup. When he gets there the doctor asks him “Do you have cancer?” Pinocchio replies, “That was very straight up, but, no I’m pretty sure I don’t have cancer.” After saying this, his nose grew.
So a doctor walks into the room with a dying patient. He looks the man up and down and says gravely: “I’m sorry, you only have ten left.” The other man smiles nervously and asks, “T-ten what doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?” The doctor calmly looks at him. “Nine.”
A woman comes to the doctors an says ‘doctor, I think I have cancer’ the doctor checks it out ‘it’s all in your head’ the doctor says ‘phew’ said the woman, ‘a bunch of tumors, all in your head’
What did the doctor say to the chinese patient? Sum ting wong
An apple a day keeps the doctor away… Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough…????
Person: ‘Doctor, doctor I’ve only got 50 seconds to live’ Doctor: ‘Just give me a minute’
A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant. After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: “Well, I hope you like changing diapers!” She replies: “Oh my god! Am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?” To which he responds: “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”
Asian man goes to the eye doctor. Doctor says, “It looks like you have a cataract.” Asian guy says, “No Doc, I drive a Rincoln.”
Five little monkeys jumping on the bed, One fell off and bumped his head. The momma called the doctor and the doctor said… “We’re calling Child Protective Services.”
An old woman goes to the doctor complaining of extremely smelly gas. “I don’t understand it, Doc”, she said, “I have this terrible, terrible gas”. “Thankfully”, she added, “they are at least silent when I fart”. Doctor hands her a bottle of pills, tells her take them all and then come back to see him. The old woman returned a short time later extremely mad. “I took those pills like you said and not only is my gas smelly, but now when I fart they are obnoxiously loud!”, she yelled. The doctor said, “well, now that we’ve solved your hearing problem, let’s see what we can do about that gas”.
Patient: “Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake.” Doctor: “Next time, take off the candles.”
The doctor told me I had aids I said it’s your fault sister.
The person who made it a law to not hurt girls is stupid because we’ve all kicked a pregnant woman before we where even born. the doctor says to the woman there was good and bad news. the woman says she wants the bad news first the doctor says the bad news is the baby had red hair. then he said the good news is it is dead.
Place a man in a morgue, he’ll try to leave. Place a doctor in a morgue, he’ll go to work. Place a necrophiliac in a morgue, he’ll stay happy for a week.
RUS | ENG
