Doctor: I’m sorry but your surgery will cost a lot of money. Buuuuuut what’s this behind your ear? Oh it’s still cancer
Patient: I’m starting to forget things Doctor: Since when have you had this condition? Patient: What condition?
9 out of 10 doctors recommend for children to drink water instead of soda. – That 1 doctor lives in Flint, Michigan.
Old man goes to the doctor. The doctor says “The test results are back, and I’m sad to say you have cancer and Alzheimer’s.”. The old man says “Phew! At least it’s not cancer!” I’m a Model. my doctor asked me to make an acronym for POST because I post pictures on Instagram. (Trying to) P-ut O-ff Suicidal T-houghts
When I was born the doctors said , “it’s a boy!” Then when they went to cut the embilical cord, they cut the wrong thing. Then they said , “OH, It’s a girl.”
Place a man in a morgue, he’ll try to leave. Place a doctor in a morgue, he’ll go to work. Place a necrophiliac in a morgue, he’ll stay happy for a week.
An apple a day keeps the doctor away… Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough…????
My friend was told by her doctor that she was morbidly obese. As if she doesn’t have enough on her plate.
A man lost his toe when he dropped a knife on it: Doctor: I have good news and bad news Guy" Whats the bad news Doc: They replaced your toe with a piece of candy Guy: Good news? Doc: You now have tic tac toe
Patient: “Doctor my bottom hurts” Doctor: “Can you tell me exactly where it hurts?” Patient: “Right around the entrance” Doctor: “As long as you call it the entrance it will hurt”
what is the perfect job for a paedophile a physical doctor for kids
Where do sick boats go? – The dock! There is a man in the hospital the power went out and the man was stabbed to death, there are three witnesses, the nurse who was with another patient, the doctor who was reading some paperwork, and The Who was at the vending machine, who killed the man? The mom did because you can’t use a vending machine when the powers out!
A man got in a bad car accident. He was at risk of losing his arm. The doctors had to perform complicated surgery on his arm. The man’s wife visited after the surgery. The doctor came up to her and said: "I have good news and bad news." The wife said: "What’s the good news? “We managed to save his arm. ” “What’s the bad news?” “We couldn’t save the rest of him.”
A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of child birth to the father. He asks if it is ok to use the new device. The couple agrees and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.
When I was young, I decided to go to a medical school. At the entrance exam, we were asked to re-arrange letters ‘PNEIS’ and form the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect. Those who answered ‘SPINE’ are doctors.
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