Doctors jokes

I go into get a prostate exam, I’m nervous but the doctor says its all natural and needs to be done. So he pulls down my pants and sticks one finger up my ass. I feel it go deeper inside , feeling for abnormalities. That’s when I realize his hands are on my shoulders.

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So i was sitting with my little brother and talk about our dreams. “What do you wanna be when you grow up?” I asked him. He answered “A doctor!”. I wanted to tease him so i said “I wouldn’t be treated by a doctor like you”. I was hoping he would get mad or something but instead, he calmly replied “Brother, i said doctor. Not a vet”

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what is the perfect job for a paedophile a physical doctor for kids

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Woman: Doctor, where are we going? Doctor: To the morgue. Woman: I’m not dead yet, doctor. Doctor: We’re not at morgue yet, either

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A GUY GOES TO SEE HIS PSYCHIATRIST DRESSED ONLY IN BUBBLE WRAP. WHEN HE GETS THERE HE ASKED THE PSYCH, cAN YOU PLEASE HELP ME? THE PSYCH SAYS NO, I’M SORRY, I CAN CLEARLY SEE YOUR NUTS.

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What did the doctor say to the chinese patient? Sum ting wong

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Patient: “Doctor my bottom hurts” Doctor: “Can you tell me exactly where it hurts?” Patient: “Right around the entrance” Doctor: “As long as you call it the entrance it will hurt”

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in the hospital paralyzed kid : I’m out walks out the room blind kid : you can walk?! mute kid : you can see?! deaf kid : you can talk?! doctor : wut the f(beep)k

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A guy went to the doctor and told him that whenever he drinks a cup of tea his eye hurts ,the doctor brought him a cup and asked him to drink … when he finished the doctor told him : from now on take off the spoon.

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Doctor: I have good news and I have worse news Patient: Well what’s the bad news Doctor: You have one day left to live Patient: What news could possibly be worse Doctor: I’ve been trying to contact you sense yesterday

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When does a doctor get mad? When he runs out of patients!

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My doctor said “you have 1year to live” I said " you wanna bet" Bam a gun shot

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So i went to the doctors and the doctor said "Pick a star sign any star sign" So i said "Aquarius" And the doctor said “nah mate you’ve got cancer”

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Michael Jakson gets really ill so he’s rushed to hospital. When they get there he says ‘am i in heaven?’ The doctor replies ‘Nah sir we’re just taking a quick shortcut through the children’s ward.’

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What’s the difference between an anal and oral thermometer? The taste.

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