Doctors jokes

The person who made it a law to not hurt girls is stupid because we’ve all kicked a pregnant woman before we where even born. the doctor says to the woman there was good and bad news. the woman says she wants the bad news first the doctor says the bad news is the baby had red hair. then he said the good news is it is dead.

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You’re forehead so big when you were being born the doctors thought you had no face

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So theres a orphan in a hospital and the doctor walks up and says “sorry kid but this is a family hospital”

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So a doctor walks into the room with a dying patient. He looks the man up and down and says gravely: “I’m sorry, you only have ten left.” The other man smiles nervously and asks, “T-ten what doc? Hours? Days? Weeks?” The doctor calmly looks at him. “Nine.”

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I asked the doctor doing my prostate exam where i should put my pants. “next to mine” was not the answer i was expecting

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My ex got into a bad accident recently. I told the doctors the wrong blood type. Now she will really know what rejection feels like

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My doctor called me fat. I told him I wanted a second opinion and he said, “OK, you’re ugly too.”

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Lil Jimmy:hey doc Doctor:hi sorry but I can’t see u any more Lil Jimmy:why Doctor: because Lil Jimmy I’m a family doctor your an orphan Lil Jimmy:????????

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what is the perfect job for a paedophile a physical doctor for kids

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What’s the difference between an anal and oral thermometer? The taste.

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A woman comes to the doctor and tells her ‘doctor, my husband wants intense sex all day, what should I give him?’ The doctor says ‘my number’

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My doctor said I only have 1 year to live, so I killed him. Got sentenced to life in prison, problem solved!

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An old woman goes to the doctor complaining of extremely smelly gas. “I don’t understand it, Doc”, she said, “I have this terrible, terrible gas”. “Thankfully”, she added, “they are at least silent when I fart”. Doctor hands her a bottle of pills, tells her take them all and then come back to see him. The old woman returned a short time later extremely mad. “I took those pills like you said and not only is my gas smelly, but now when I fart they are obnoxiously loud!”, she yelled. The doctor said, “well, now that we’ve solved your hearing problem, let’s see what we can do about that gas”.

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Doctor : what makes you feel depressed? Me: I used to work at the word trade centre, before the plane hit. Doctor: a lot of people fell to pieces after that.

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What do priest and doctors have in common? They both do physicals on kids.

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