A woman comes to the doctors an says ‘doctor, I think I have cancer’ the doctor checks it out ‘it’s all in your head’ the doctor says ‘phew’ said the woman, ‘a bunch of tumors, all in your head’
A GUY GOES TO SEE HIS PSYCHIATRIST DRESSED ONLY IN BUBBLE WRAP. WHEN HE GETS THERE HE ASKED THE PSYCH, cAN YOU PLEASE HELP ME? THE PSYCH SAYS NO, I’M SORRY, I CAN CLEARLY SEE YOUR NUTS.
A pregnant wife and her husband were in a hospital as she was in labour, the doctor suggested using a machine that transfers the birth pains from the mother to the father, they agree so the machine is used, 40%, the husband feels nothing, 70% still not felling anything, 100%, nothing. The doctor says it must be broken. When the pair return home, the milkman is dead in the front yard.
Why did the computer go to the doctor?
Because it had a virus
The doctor says “your wife is PREGNENT” the man says that he used a condom and the doctor says "ya but I didn’t
By the way, this joke is easily found on Google, this was not created by me, I just have not seen it in these fat jokes so I thought I’d say it.
Doctor: I diagnoss you with obesitiy. Patient: It runs in the family. Doctor: Nothing can run in your family.
“I’m sorry,” the doctor says, “you have rare and very contagious disease. We must quarantine you and you’ll only be fed cheese and bologna.”
“Will that cure me?” the patient asks.
“Well, no,” the doctor replies, “but it’s the only food that will fit under the door.”
%%(Tripple Pun)
What did the momma grape say to the pappa grape?
Raisin are kids is usually pretty fun, but some times they get sunburn and I have to take them to the doctor for dry skin.
My doctor called me fat. I told him I wanted a second opinion and he said, “OK, you’re ugly too.”
9 out of 10 doctors recommend for children to drink water instead of soda. – That 1 doctor lives in Flint, Michigan.
I am still trying to figure out why paying the covid doctors a complement is so offensive. They even kicked me out and all I said was to stay positive…
An apple a day can do so much more than keep the doctor away… it can keep ANYONE away. If you throw it hard enough.
If you throw it hard enough.
I asked my doctor if it was normal for one of my nuts to be bigger than the other two.
“Doctor, I’m shrinking!” “Well, you’ll just have to be a little patient.”
A Blonde walks into a hospital claiming that everywhere she touches hurts. So she goes into the examination room and the doctor says “Okay I’d like you to point to wherever it hurts”. So the Blonde pokes her cheek and says “Here. Ow.” She then pokes her arm and says “Here. Ow.” She then repeats this with different parts of her body until the doctor finally says that she should stop. The doctor say “I know what’s happened to you.” “What’s happened to me??” The Blonde says, concerned. The doctor simply replies, “You have a broken finger.”
My doctor said I only have 1 year to live, so I killed him. Got sentenced to life in prison, problem solved!
Doctor: you’ll be at peace soon, sir. Me: what am I dying? Doctor: no your wife is.
RUS | ENG
