A guy is at home and he’s about to go get a physical at the Doctor’s office. When he gets there, the Doctor says, “Brian, you’re going to have to stop masturbating. ” He asked the Doc why? The Doc said, “So I can examine you!”
A pregnant wife and her husband were in a hospital as she was in labour, the doctor suggested using a machine that transfers the birth pains from the mother to the father, they agree so the machine is used, 40%, the husband feels nothing, 70% still not felling anything, 100%, nothing. The doctor says it must be broken. When the pair return home, the milkman is dead in the front yard.
Why did the library book go to the doctor? – It needed to be checked out.
I walked in to the doctors surgery and and he said to me “pick a star sign any star sign” “I said Capricorn” He said “Nahh you got cancer”
My ex got into a bad accident recently. I told the doctors the wrong blood type. Now she will really know what rejection feels like
An old woman goes to the doctor complaining of extremely smelly gas. “I don’t understand it, Doc”, she said, “I have this terrible, terrible gas”. “Thankfully”, she added, “they are at least silent when I fart”. Doctor hands her a bottle of pills, tells her take them all and then come back to see him. The old woman returned a short time later extremely mad. “I took those pills like you said and not only is my gas smelly, but now when I fart they are obnoxiously loud!”, she yelled. The doctor said, “well, now that we’ve solved your hearing problem, let’s see what we can do about that gas”.
A man woke up from a serious surgery. He screamed, “Doctor! Doctor! I can’t feel my legs!”. And the doctor replied, “I know. I amputated you arms.”
I told the doctor I didn’t want a brain surgery. But he changed my mind.
My doctor said “you have 1year to live” I said " you wanna bet" Bam a gun shot
A man got in a bad car accident. He was at risk of losing his arm. The doctors had to perform complicated surgery on his arm. The man’s wife visited after the surgery. The doctor came up to her and said: "I have good news and bad news." The wife said: "What’s the good news? “We managed to save his arm. ” “What’s the bad news?” “We couldn’t save the rest of him.”
You’re so short, when you were born, the doctor couldn’t tell if you were a boy, a girl, or a Jimmy Dean pork sausage.
I asked the doctor doing my prostate exam where i should put my pants. “next to mine” was not the answer i was expecting
Doctor: I’ve got good news and bad news Patient: What’s the good news? Doctor: I’ve got u flowers Patient: Awww, What’s the bad news? Doctor: They’re for your grave
Patient to doctor "will I be ok Doc?" Doctor:"I doubt it. Mercury is in Uranus now" Patient: "I dont do that astrology stuff" Doctor:“Nor me. My thermometer just broke”
When I was young, I decided to go to a medical school. At the entrance exam, we were asked to re-arrange letters ‘PNEIS’ and form the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect. Those who answered ‘SPINE’ are doctors.
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