Doctors jokes

A man woke up from a serious surgery. He screamed, “Doctor! Doctor! I can’t feel my legs!”. And the doctor replied, “I know. I amputated you arms.”

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Patient to doctor "will I be ok Doc?" Doctor:"I doubt it. Mercury is in Uranus now" Patient: "I dont do that astrology stuff" Doctor:“Nor me. My thermometer just broke”

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An apple a day keeps the doctor away… Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough…????

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I asked my doctor if it was normal for one of my nuts to be bigger than the other two.

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The doctor told me I had aids I said it’s your fault sister.

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what is the perfect job for a paedophile a physical doctor for kids

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I’m a family doctor and I wish I could help but… you’re an orphan

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Patient: “Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake.” Doctor: “Next time, take off the candles.”

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I am still trying to figure out why paying the covid doctors a complement is so offensive. They even kicked me out and all I said was to stay positive… An apple a day can do so much more than keep the doctor away… it can keep ANYONE away. if you throw it hard enough.

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My ex got into a bad accident recently. I told the doctors the wrong blood type. Now she will really know what rejection feels like

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You’re so short, when you were born, the doctor couldn’t tell if you were a boy, a girl, or a Jimmy Dean pork sausage.

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Lil Jimmy:hey doc Doctor:hi sorry but I can’t see u any more Lil Jimmy:why Doctor: because Lil Jimmy I’m a family doctor your an orphan Lil Jimmy:????????

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The person who made it a law to not hurt girls is stupid because we’ve all kicked a pregnant woman before we where even born. the doctor says to the woman there was good and bad news. the woman says she wants the bad news first the doctor says the bad news is the baby had red hair. then he said the good news is it is dead.

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When does a doctor get mad? When he runs out of patients!

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A GUY GOES TO SEE HIS PSYCHIATRIST DRESSED ONLY IN BUBBLE WRAP. WHEN HE GETS THERE HE ASKED THE PSYCH, cAN YOU PLEASE HELP ME? THE PSYCH SAYS NO, I’M SORRY, I CAN CLEARLY SEE YOUR NUTS.

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