Doctors jokes

I’m a family doctor and I wish I could help but… you’re an orphan

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in the hospital paralyzed kid : I’m out walks out the room blind kid : you can walk?! mute kid : you can see?! deaf kid : you can talk?! doctor : wut the f(beep)k

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You’re forehead so big when you were being born the doctors thought you had no face

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My doctor said “you have 1year to live” I said " you wanna bet" Bam a gun shot

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A women just went through laber,she ask the doctor"was it a healthy delivery"the doctor replies"it wasn’t delivery,it’s digiorno"

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A woman comes to the doctors an says ‘doctor, I think I have cancer’ the doctor checks it out ‘it’s all in your head’ the doctor says ‘phew’ said the woman, ‘a bunch of tumors, all in your head’

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A man got in a bad car accident. He was at risk of losing his arm. The doctors had to perform complicated surgery on his arm. The man’s wife visited after the surgery. The doctor came up to her and said: "I have good news and bad news." The wife said: "What’s the good news? “We managed to save his arm. ” “What’s the bad news?” “We couldn’t save the rest of him.”

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My doctor said I only have 1 year to live, so I killed him. Got sentenced to life in prison, problem solved!

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Doctor: I have good news and I have worse news Patient: Well what’s the bad news Doctor: You have one day left to live Patient: What news could possibly be worse Doctor: I’ve been trying to contact you sense yesterday

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What’s the difference between Bird flu and swine flu? – For one you get tweetment, for the other you get oinkment.

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I told the doctor I didn’t want a brain surgery. But he changed my mind.

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Place a man in a morgue, he’ll try to leave. Place a doctor in a morgue, he’ll go to work. Place a necrophiliac in a morgue, he’ll stay happy for a week.

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Lil Jimmy:hey doc Doctor:hi sorry but I can’t see u any more Lil Jimmy:why Doctor: because Lil Jimmy I’m a family doctor your an orphan Lil Jimmy:????????

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The doctor and said he had good news and bad news. The Good news is that you have 24 hours to live. The bad news is I forgot to call you yesterday.

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My friend was told by her doctor that she was morbidly obese. As if she doesn’t have enough on her plate.

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