Doctor: Madam, Your Husband Needs Rest And Peace So Here Are Some Sleeping Pills. Wife: Doctor, When Should I Give Them To Him? Doctor: They Are For You.!!
A woman comes to the doctor and tells her ‘doctor, my husband wants intense sex all day, what should I give him?’ The doctor says ‘my number’
“Doctor, there’s a patient on line 1 that says he’s invisible” “Well, tell him I can’t see him right now.”
Asian man goes to the eye doctor. Doctor says, “It looks like you have a cataract.” Asian guy says, “No Doc, I drive a Rincoln.”
An old woman goes to the doctor complaining of extremely smelly gas. “I don’t understand it, Doc”, she said, “I have this terrible, terrible gas”. “Thankfully”, she added, “they are at least silent when I fart”. Doctor hands her a bottle of pills, tells her take them all and then come back to see him. The old woman returned a short time later extremely mad. “I took those pills like you said and not only is my gas smelly, but now when I fart they are obnoxiously loud!”, she yelled. The doctor said, “well, now that we’ve solved your hearing problem, let’s see what we can do about that gas”.
What’s the difference between Bird flu and swine flu? – For one you get tweetment, for the other you get oinkment.
Doctor: I’m sorry but your surgery will cost a lot of money. Buuuuuut what’s this behind your ear? Oh it’s still cancer
My friend was told by her doctor that she was morbidly obese. As if she doesn’t have enough on her plate.
A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. So she gets a divorce.
Doctor: you don’t have long to live. 10… Patient: ten what? ten years, ten months? Doctor: 9… 8… 7…
So i went to the doctors and the doctor said "Pick a star sign any star sign" So i said "Aquarius" And the doctor said “nah mate you’ve got cancer”
A guy is at home and he’s about to go get a physical at the Doctor’s office. When he gets there, the Doctor says, “Brian, you’re going to have to stop masturbating. ” He asked the Doc why? The Doc said, “So I can examine you!”
What do priest and doctors have in common? They both do physicals on kids.
Five little monkeys jumping on the bed, One fell off and bumped his head. The momma called the doctor and the doctor said… “We’re calling Child Protective Services.”
“I’m sorry,” the doctor says, “you have rare and very contagious disease. We must quarantine you and you’ll only be fed cheese and bologna.” “Will that cure me?” the patient asks. “Well, no,” the doctor replies, “but it’s the only food that will fit under the door.” %%(Tripple Pun) What did the momma grape say to the pappa grape? Raisin are kids is usually pretty fun, but some times they get sunburn and I have to take them to the doctor for dry skin.
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