You’re so short, when you were born, the doctor couldn’t tell if you were a boy, a girl, or a Jimmy Dean pork sausage.
Patient: “Doctor, I get heartburn every time I eat birthday cake.” Doctor: “Next time, take off the candles.”
An apple a day keeps the doctor away… Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough…????
A doctor is telling three women what they are addicted to. He says to the first one "You are addicted to money, you named your daughter Penny" He says to the second one "You are addicted to food, you named you daughter Candy" Then the third one whispers to her son “Come on Dick, lets go.”
Doctor: I’m sorry but your surgery will cost a lot of money. Buuuuuut what’s this behind your ear? Oh it’s still cancer
What’s the difference between an anal and oral thermometer? The taste.
My family loves to have dance parties. My dad will just play music from his iPod, and I’ll go to the light switch and make a nice strobe light effect. Everyone loves it, especially my younger cousin. He gets down on the floor and starts breakdancing! It makes him so happy, and he needs that extra joy in his life, especially since the doctor recently diagnosed him with epilepsy.
When does a doctor get mad? When he runs out of patients!
The doctor told me I had aids I said it’s your fault sister.
The person who made it a law to not hurt girls is stupid because we’ve all kicked a pregnant woman before we where even born. the doctor says to the woman there was good and bad news. the woman says she wants the bad news first the doctor says the bad news is the baby had red hair. then he said the good news is it is dead.
I go into get a prostate exam, I’m nervous but the doctor says its all natural and needs to be done. So he pulls down my pants and sticks one finger up my ass. I feel it go deeper inside , feeling for abnormalities. That’s when I realize his hands are on my shoulders.
I asked my doctor if it was normal for one of my nuts to be bigger than the other two.
A guy went to the doctor and told him that whenever he drinks a cup of tea his eye hurts ,the doctor brought him a cup and asked him to drink … when he finished the doctor told him : from now on take off the spoon.
Pinocchio goes to the doctor for a checkup. When he gets there the doctor asks him “Do you have cancer?” Pinocchio replies, “That was very straight up, but, no I’m pretty sure I don’t have cancer.” After saying this, his nose grew.
My ex got into a bad accident recently. I told the doctors the wrong blood type. Now she will really know what rejection feels like
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