Doctors jokes

So theres a orphan in a hospital and the doctor walks up and says “sorry kid but this is a family hospital”

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

Patient: “Doctor my bottom hurts” Doctor: “Can you tell me exactly where it hurts?” Patient: “Right around the entrance” Doctor: “As long as you call it the entrance it will hurt”

-2 -1 0 +1 +2

Doctor: you’ll be at peace soon, sir. Me: what am I dying? Doctor: no your wife is.

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

Lil Jimmy:hey doc Doctor:hi sorry but I can’t see u any more Lil Jimmy:why Doctor: because Lil Jimmy I’m a family doctor your an orphan Lil Jimmy:????????

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

An apple a day keeps a doctor away… at least if you throw it hard enough Doctor: You’re as healthy as a horse! Jimmy: That’s great! Doctor: A horse with cancer.

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

The person who made it a law to not hurt girls is stupid because we’ve all kicked a pregnant woman before we where even born. the doctor says to the woman there was good and bad news. the woman says she wants the bad news first the doctor says the bad news is the baby had red hair. then he said the good news is it is dead.

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

Asian man goes to the eye doctor. Doctor says, “It looks like you have a cataract.” Asian guy says, “No Doc, I drive a Rincoln.”

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

I went to see my grandfather in the hospital because I Wanted to get to know him better before he passed, maybe take a selfie with him. But when I got there my phone died so I unplugged a vacuum to plug in my phone, and it turns out he only knows Spanish so When he kept saying “Me desconectaste el soporte de mi vida.” I thought he wanted water, but when I got back with the water he was asleep and now my phone was charged so I translated what he said. And it was “You unplugged my life support”, that’s when I called the doctor… Good news is, I got one sick selfie!

-2 -1 0 +1 +2

A woman was 3 months pregnant when she fell into a coma. After 6 months she woke. She asked the doctor “hows the baby?” “You had twins” the doctor replied. “Your brother named them” the woman said *oh no not my brother what did he call them?" “He called the girl Denise” “what about the boy” the woman asked the doctor said “denephew”

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

Pinocchio goes to the doctor for a checkup. When he gets there the doctor asks him “Do you have cancer?” Pinocchio replies, “That was very straight up, but, no I’m pretty sure I don’t have cancer.” After saying this, his nose grew.

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

“Doctor, I’m shrinking!” “Well, you’ll just have to be a little patient.”

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

A man got in a bad car accident. He was at risk of losing his arm. The doctors had to perform complicated surgery on his arm. The man’s wife visited after the surgery. The doctor came up to her and said: "I have good news and bad news." The wife said: "What’s the good news? “We managed to save his arm. ” “What’s the bad news?” “We couldn’t save the rest of him.”

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

9 out of 10 doctors recommend for children to drink water instead of soda. – That 1 doctor lives in Flint, Michigan.

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

So, Satan is in the delivery room having a child. Soon, a feathered creature comes out. “Doctor,” say Satan. “What is it?” The doctor sighs. “Well, it’s not a boy, and it’s not a girl.” Satan looks frustrated. “THEN WHAT IS IT?!?!?” The doctor looks up. “It’s a goose.”

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

Old man goes to the doctor. The doctor says “The test results are back, and I’m sad to say you have cancer and Alzheimer’s.”. The old man says “Phew! At least it’s not cancer!” I’m a Model. my doctor asked me to make an acronym for POST because I post pictures on Instagram. (Trying to) P-ut O-ff Suicidal T-houghts

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *
- up - << N E X T! >> random

© àíåêäîòîâ.net, 1997 - 2026