Doctors jokes

A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant. After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: “Well, I hope you like changing diapers!” She replies: “Oh my god! Am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?” To which he responds: “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

A guy went to the doctor and told him that whenever he drinks a cup of tea his eye hurts ,the doctor brought him a cup and asked him to drink … when he finished the doctor told him : from now on take off the spoon.

-2 -1 0 +1 +2

“Doctor, I’m shrinking!” “Well, you’ll just have to be a little patient.”

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

What do priest and doctors have in common? They both do physicals on kids.

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

Woman: Doctor, where are we going? Doctor: To the morgue. Woman: I’m not dead yet, doctor. Doctor: We’re not at morgue yet, either

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

Person: ‘Doctor, doctor I’ve only got 50 seconds to live’ Doctor: ‘Just give me a minute’

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

Me: DOCTOR! DOCTOR! I HAVE 50 SECONDS TO LIVE! Doctor: sit down for a minute.

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

My doctor said I only have 1 year to live, so I killed him. Got sentenced to life in prison, problem solved!

-2 -1 0 +1 +2

%% %%I took a banana to the doctor. It wasn’t peeling well.

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

What did the doctor say to the chinese patient? Sum ting wong

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

So theres a orphan in a hospital and the doctor walks up and says “sorry kid but this is a family hospital”

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

in the hospital paralyzed kid : I’m out walks out the room blind kid : you can walk?! mute kid : you can see?! deaf kid : you can talk?! doctor : wut the f(beep)k

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

A doctor is telling three women what they are addicted to. He says to the first one "You are addicted to money, you named your daughter Penny" He says to the second one "You are addicted to food, you named you daughter Candy" Then the third one whispers to her son “Come on Dick, lets go.”

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

When I was young, I decided to go to a medical school. At the entrance exam, we were asked to re-arrange letters ‘PNEIS’ and form the name of an important human body part which is most useful when erect. Those who answered ‘SPINE’ are doctors.

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

“Doctor, there’s a patient on line 1 that says he’s invisible” “Well, tell him I can’t see him right now.”

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *
- up - << N E X T! >> random

© àíåêäîòîâ.net, 1997 - 2025