A man was having a dream. He dreamt about a mystical creature that was commonly known as the god of toast. When the man woke up, he turned to tell his wife about the dream. When he delivers the toast god punch line, his wife shrugged as she faced the opposite direction to the man. The man turned around also and started sobbing as he realised his marriage is in shambles
Jump in the cadillac girl lets put some miles on it
What do you call a fake speedrunner? Dream
I had a dream about a car, and I woke up exhausted
My friend dreamed of being a porno star. He did it for 3 months and decided it was not for him The next job he got was pumping petrol, halfway through filling up, he pulled the hose out and started spraying all over the car!
What kind of dreams do hotels have? Suite dreams
Sniff a liter of petrol You’ll go back to the dream time at
Can people please shut up about ‘male privileges’. There is no right that men have that women don’t. Women have the right to genital integrity. Women can vote without having to sign up for the draft. Women have the right to choose parenthood, men do not. Women have the right to be assumed caregivers for children. Women have the right to call unwanted, coerced sex rape. Women have the right to lower jail sentences for the same crime. Women have the right to not be assumed sexual predators. Women have the right to government departments that solely serve their interests. They also have the luxury of “women only” events that men cannot even dream of. (They even took the boy scouts away from us) Women have the right to government-enforced gender quotas Women have the right to exclusive tax benefits for being a business owner. Women have the right to domestic violence shelters Women have the right to not be assumed the primary aggressor in a domestic depute Women have the right to rape a man or boy and if she gets pregnant from that man/boy they can sue him for child support. So it is women who have more rights. So shut up feminists please.
I’m a little piss baby! -dream
Me: I have a dream Mom: what? Me: for you to f@cking shut up
An ugly man with a gun walks into a bar. He sees a woman, and falls in love with her. Man: Hey, cute lady! Woman: Leave me alone, you ugly two faced man! I already have a boyfriend. Man: Not for long! And then the man shoots the woman’s boyfriend. Woman: How dare you murder such a beautiful man! Man: Now you shall be my girlfriend. Woman: Never. And then the man takes the seat that the woman’s boyfriend was sitting in before. Man: You look like a dream. Woman: Then open up your ugly eyes and stop sleeping, murder. Man: What’s it like being the most beautiful girl in the world, compared to all those ugly woman? Bleuch! Woman: What’s it like being the ugliest mother f***ing murder in the world, compared to all those beautiful men? And then the man orders flowers and candy. Bartender: We don’t serve flowers, or candy. And the man shoots the bartender. Another man can’t believe what he just saw, so he strangles the first man, and throws him out.
I had a dream that i was destroyin the world and i blew up my house for fun I woke up and couldnt find my pillow… Nor the house
Why did the plum put sugar under its pillow? So it could have sweet dreams.
A little boy got the homework that he had to learn the four first letters of the alphabet. He went to his mother, who was knitting and had hurt herself. He asked her what the first letter of the alphabet was, and she said a swear word. He wen’t to his brother, who was playing with a superman, and asked what the second letter of the alphabet was, and he answered ‘SUPERMAN!!!’. Then he went to his little sister, and asked what the third letter of the alphabet was, and given the fact that she was playing with Barbies, she said "in the barbie dream house! Then he went to his father who was watching a soccer game, and his team just scored, so when he asked what the fourth letter of the alphabet was, he said ‘Ole Ole Ole!!!’. The next day at school, the teacher asked the little boy what the first four letters of the alphabet were. He said the swear word. ‘WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE, YOUNG MAN!!!’, the teacher boomed. ‘Superman’, the boy replied. ‘WHERE DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?!?!?!’, the teacher continued. ‘In the Barbie Dream House’ ‘GO TO THE PRINCIPALS OFFICE! !!’ ‘OLE OLE OLE OLE!’, the boy chanted on his was down the hall.
There once was a man from Peru.who dreamed he was eating his shoe. He woke up at night ,with a terrible fright,to find out his dream had come true.
RUS | ENG
