So i was sitting with my little brother and talk about our dreams. “What do you wanna be when you grow up?” I asked him. He answered “A doctor!”. I wanted to tease him so i said “I wouldn’t be treated by a doctor like you”. I was hoping he would get mad or something but instead, he calmly replied “Brother, i said doctor. Not a vet”
It would have been better if Martin Luther King didn’t have a dream. You know, for his sake.
An ugly man with a gun walks into a bar. He sees a woman, and falls in love with her. Man: Hey, cute lady! Woman: Leave me alone, you ugly two faced man! I already have a boyfriend. Man: Not for long! And then the man shoots the woman’s boyfriend. Woman: How dare you murder such a beautiful man! Man: Now you shall be my girlfriend. Woman: Never. And then the man takes the seat that the woman’s boyfriend was sitting in before. Man: You look like a dream. Woman: Then open up your ugly eyes and stop sleeping, murder. Man: What’s it like being the most beautiful girl in the world, compared to all those ugly woman? Bleuch! Woman: What’s it like being the ugliest mother f***ing murder in the world, compared to all those beautiful men? And then the man orders flowers and candy. Bartender: We don’t serve flowers, or candy. And the man shoots the bartender. Another man can’t believe what he just saw, so he strangles the first man, and throws him out.
Last night I had a dream of led but your mom won’t led me tell you.
Can people please shut up about ‘male privileges’. There is no right that men have that women don’t. Women have the right to genital integrity. Women can vote without having to sign up for the draft. Women have the right to choose parenthood, men do not. Women have the right to be assumed caregivers for children. Women have the right to call unwanted, coerced sex rape. Women have the right to lower jail sentences for the same crime. Women have the right to not be assumed sexual predators. Women have the right to government departments that solely serve their interests. They also have the luxury of “women only” events that men cannot even dream of. (They even took the boy scouts away from us) Women have the right to government-enforced gender quotas Women have the right to exclusive tax benefits for being a business owner. Women have the right to domestic violence shelters Women have the right to not be assumed the primary aggressor in a domestic depute Women have the right to rape a man or boy and if she gets pregnant from that man/boy they can sue him for child support. So it is women who have more rights. So shut up feminists please.
so one time I had a dream where I as on a road trip and we drove a gulf cart and a Susan, which I don’t know why the heck the name of the car was called a Susan. We went into this house and there was like a woman there and we went into this bathroom which looked like a public bathroom which was so weird!!!
People can say whatever they want about pedophiles. At least they are pursuing their dreams. In a white van.
People having seizures are just people dreaming about rollercoasters.
It was the year 1912, I was in the SS. titanic, and I woke from a dream to think, “I’ve heard of wet dreams, but is that WATER?”
You don’t have a forehead you have a five head. You don’t have dreams you have movies.
I was being interviewed by Elon Musk. He asked “where are you from” and I said Portugal. He replied, “so you are a fellow country man of a Pen merchant whose freekick ball broke my rover on Mars. Get out! !”. Tears ran down my face. Shame on you Penaldo for costing me my dream job
Last night I had the strangest dream ! I sailed away to China! And I caught the coronavirus! You said you needed to wash your hands! Didn’t want no one else to touch you! What does that mean ?! And you said!! Ain’t nothing gonna break my lungs ? ?! Ain’t no way of slowing Covid down! Oh no I’ve got to keep on coughing!!!
just killed a woman feeling good -Tommyinnit
So a guy is taking a piss in a public bathroom. He looks over and sees a short guy with a very large green dick, who looks up at him and says “is there a problem boyoh?”. “I’m sorry, it’s just that thing is huge, and why the hell is it green?!”. The man reply’s “I’m a leprechaun”. “Really?” says the man. “That’s right. And I’ll grant you three wishes if you let me stick it in your pooper”. “Anything I want?! 3 of them?” reply’s the man. “Anything in your wildest dreams boyoh, but you have to let me finish”. The man bends over, and the leprechaun puts in in, thrusting back and forth he asks for the man’s first wish. “I want a giant yacht” “Aye”, says the leprechaun. “It’s pulling into your own private harbor now”. “For my second wish I want a billion dollars” the man says, beginning to sweat. “Aye, it’s stacked inside the yacht waiting for you” the leprechaun reply’s. “Okay”, the man groans in pain. “For my final wish I want this yacht to be full of beautiful women”. “You betcha boyoh” says the leprechaun. “The girls are there waiting for you nooWWW” as he lets out a moan of pleasure. The man exhausted and sore says “that was rough, but worth it for those wishes. Where do I go?” The little man with the giant green dick, pulling up his pants, his accent now gone says: “aren’t you a little old to be believing in leprechauns?”.
have you ever heard of a dream that that that that the universe was a fake machine?
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