Dream jokes

There was once a man from Peru Who fell asleep in a canoe While dreaming of Venus He played with his penis And awoke with a hand full of goo

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I had the BEST day EVER. 1:I woke up 2:I met someone im sad of 3:I had fun and got them back again online. But sadly the order was 2nd, 3rd, 1st… XD

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I was in an audition for the lead role of movie ‘Aquaman’. The Director told me to dive into a pool. Then outta nowhere Penaldo showed up and made a big dive into the pool. The director was impressed and selected Penaldo for the movie. Shame on you penaldo for destroying my dream

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I had a dream about being forced to eat a huge marshmallow I woke up and my pillow was gone

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Last Night I had a dream I was swimming in lemonade… turns out I peed the bed. What’s a spider-man’s dream job? Web developer

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It was the year 1912, I was in the SS. titanic, and I woke from a dream to think, “I’ve heard of wet dreams, but is that WATER?”

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Last night I had the strangest dream ! I sailed away to China! And I caught the coronavirus! You said you needed to wash your hands! Didn’t want no one else to touch you! What does that mean ?! And you said!! Ain’t nothing gonna break my lungs ? ?! Ain’t no way of slowing Covid down! Oh no I’ve got to keep on coughing!!!

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An ugly man with a gun walks into a bar. He sees a woman, and falls in love with her. Man: Hey, cute lady! Woman: Leave me alone, you ugly two faced man! I already have a boyfriend. Man: Not for long! And then the man shoots the woman’s boyfriend. Woman: How dare you murder such a beautiful man! Man: Now you shall be my girlfriend. Woman: Never. And then the man takes the seat that the woman’s boyfriend was sitting in before. Man: You look like a dream. Woman: Then open up your ugly eyes and stop sleeping, murder. Man: What’s it like being the most beautiful girl in the world, compared to all those ugly woman? Bleuch! Woman: What’s it like being the ugliest mother f***ing murder in the world, compared to all those beautiful men? And then the man orders flowers and candy. Bartender: We don’t serve flowers, or candy. And the man shoots the bartender. Another man can’t believe what he just saw, so he strangles the first man, and throws him out.

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Johnny is very attached to his parents, he asks to take a shower with her when she gets in. He looks down and asks "whats that?"The mother replies "that’s my garage" he looks up and asks what are those? The mother responds “those are my headlights.” He then goes and takes a shower with his dad. He looks down “daddy whats that?” The dad replies “that’s my car.” He goes to sleep that night and wakes up because of a bad dream. He goes and tell his mother and she says “you can lay with me.” He falls fast asleep then wakes up once more because of falling off the bed he gets back up and gets under the covers. Then he feels the bed moving he looks under the covers to investigate and see’s them going at it he then yells “mommy turn on you’re headlights daddy’s parking his car in you’re garage!” THUD

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One of the most popular documentaries of the 2010’s was ‘Jiro Dreams of Sushi’. One of the least popular documentaries was ‘Jiro’s Nightmare of Ass-Rape’.

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I slept like a log last night…woke up in the fireplace

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Why do people think about handsome boys at night? Because their dreamy!

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Is that a quirked-up white boi with a little bit of swag, busting it down sexual style? Is HE goated with the sauce?

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What kind of dreams do hotels have? Suite dreams

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i had a dream about the whole ocean was filled with orange soda turns out it was a fanta sea

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