Dream jokes

have you ever heard of a dream that that that that the universe was a fake machine?

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I had a dream about a car, and I woke up exhausted

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My hopes and dreams

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officer, I drop-kicked that child in SELF-DEFENSE! You gotta believe me!

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I had a dream that i was destroyin the world and i blew up my house for fun I woke up and couldnt find my pillow… Nor the house

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There once was a man from Peru.who dreamed he was eating his shoe. He woke up at night ,with a terrible fright,to find out his dream had come true.

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Everyone in my class: I can’t wait until have a family, I can’t wait to study for my dream job My friends: What’s your dream job? Me: I’m going to die young :))

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An ugly man with a gun walks into a bar. He sees a woman, and falls in love with her. Man: Hey, cute lady! Woman: Leave me alone, you ugly two faced man! I already have a boyfriend. Man: Not for long! And then the man shoots the woman’s boyfriend. Woman: How dare you murder such a beautiful man! Man: Now you shall be my girlfriend. Woman: Never. And then the man takes the seat that the woman’s boyfriend was sitting in before. Man: You look like a dream. Woman: Then open up your ugly eyes and stop sleeping, murder. Man: What’s it like being the most beautiful girl in the world, compared to all those ugly woman? Bleuch! Woman: What’s it like being the ugliest mother f***ing murder in the world, compared to all those beautiful men? And then the man orders flowers and candy. Bartender: We don’t serve flowers, or candy. And the man shoots the bartender. Another man can’t believe what he just saw, so he strangles the first man, and throws him out.

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You don’t have a forehead you have a five head. You don’t have dreams you have movies.

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I had the BEST day EVER. 1:I woke up 2:I met someone im sad of 3:I had fun and got them back again online. But sadly the order was 2nd, 3rd, 1st… XD

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Why didn’t the skeleton follow his dreams? He was too gutless. I wonder if the 2 Irish kids off the Titanic movie who went to sleep before it sank had wet dreams?

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What do you call a fake speedrunner? Dream

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What’s a dog’s dream car? A Dachshund 240Z.

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I was being interviewed by Elon Musk. He asked “where are you from” and I said Portugal. He replied, “so you are a fellow country man of a Pen merchant whose freekick ball broke my rover on Mars. Get out! !”. Tears ran down my face. Shame on you Penaldo for costing me my dream job

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I told a diabetic boy to have sweet dreams, and he died the next morning

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