Dream jokes

%%The teacher is asking you a question. Teacher: If your biggest dream came true, what would you be? Me: dead.

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i had a dream about the whole ocean was filled with orange soda turns out it was a fanta sea

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Everyone in my class: I can’t wait until have a family, I can’t wait to study for my dream job My friends: What’s your dream job? Me: I’m going to die young :))

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I was in an audition for the lead role of movie ‘Aquaman’. The Director told me to dive into a pool. Then outta nowhere Penaldo showed up and made a big dive into the pool. The director was impressed and selected Penaldo for the movie. Shame on you penaldo for destroying my dream

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Man: I know how to please a woman. Woman: Then please leave me alone. Man: I want to give myself to you. Woman: Sorry, I don’t accept cheap gifts. Man: Your hair color is fabulous. Woman: Thank you. It’s on aisle three at the corner drug store. Man: You look like a dream. Woman: Go back to sleep. Man: I can tell that you want me. Woman: Yes, I want you to leave. Man: Hey, baby, what’s your sign? Woman: Do not enter. -OR- Stop. Man: Your body is like a temple. Woman: Sorry, there are no services today. Man: Is this seat empty? Woman: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down. Man: What’s it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar? Woman: I hate you. Man: Haven’t I seen you someplace before? Woman: Yeah, that’s why I don’t go there anymore.

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Dream tweeted, and I quote “Babies kick pregnant women all the time but I do it one time and I’m the one arrested.”

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Went to the doctor told him Ive been having dreams first about a wigwam then about a teepee he said I was 2 tents

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Me in my dream: what a good day rumble ooh! What was dat I wake up and I find myself on the floor

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The pope drives around in a glass box or as I like to call him a snipers dream

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People can say whatever they want about pedophiles. At least they are pursuing their dreams. In a white van.

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Yesterday in my dream I ate a ten pound marshmallow, when I woke up my pillow was gone

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I had a dream about being forced to eat a huge marshmallow I woke up and my pillow was gone

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just killed a woman feeling good -Tommyinnit

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Jump in the cadillac girl lets put some miles on it

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A man was having a dream. He dreamt about a mystical creature that was commonly known as the god of toast. When the man woke up, he turned to tell his wife about the dream. When he delivers the toast god punch line, his wife shrugged as she faced the opposite direction to the man. The man turned around also and started sobbing as he realised his marriage is in shambles

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