little johnny f@cked a girl ran away f@cked another ran went to the strip club got a private dance he has sex with them f@cking ran yelled to some random bitch ass guy f@ck him hes a bitch he bends down they have sex on the street they go home have sex little johnny wakes up questions himself f@cking does it again he goes to the strip club f@cks some more people when he is htm title=' phone sex but his dick is to small'>drunk questions himself some more then tries phone sex but his dick is to small
So one day, I took a trip to Russia, and saw Vladimir Putin walking in the streets without any body guards. Seeing as how I looked just like him, we switched places for a few days. After two days, some officer came up to me and asked if we were going to project [ì]ëÿòü, and I had said yes, and the officer said god help us. So a day later, I heard on the news that every other continent, and the moon were destroyed. I then approached the officer and said. I thought you meant we were having a giant orgy. He said we did, and that we were extremely drunk.
My freind Andrew once told me that “weird is high and drunk at the same time”
My dad…came over late at night…he was drunk…he started telling me how useless I was…then I went to the kitchen grabbed a knife and stabbed him in the htm title=' minutes later…he died…now I’m losing mind…and cutting myself…'>chest 47 times…3 minutes later…he died…now I’m losing mind…and cutting myself…
What did Stephen Hawking’s wife say to him when he came home drunk? Nothing… she couldn’t tell.
A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window and jumps out. The guy sitting next to him can’t believe what he just saw. He’s more surprised when, 10 minutes later, the same guy walks back into the bar and sits down next to him. The astonished onlooker asks, “How did you do that? I just saw you jump out the window, and we’re hundreds of feet above the ground!” The jumper responds by slurring, “Well, I don’t get it either. I slam a shot of tequila, and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch.” He takes a shot, goes to the window and jumps out. The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls to just above the sidewalk, slows down and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the jumper walks back into the bar. The other guy has to try it, too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He slams it and jumps out the window. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn’t slow down at all. SPLAT! The first guy orders another shot of tequila. The bartender shakes his head. “You’re really an a**hole when you’re drunk, Superman.”
jack and jill went up to an abanded house jack drank to much and unziped his fly jack said you know you wana jill said no so jack locked both of them in the house and put a gag in jills mouth tied her to a bed he riped off her dress and underwere he took off his pants and his underwere to then put on a condum he then put a pill in her mouth and made he swalow one minit later she was asleep he took off her gag and mounded his self on her then stuck his candystick in her mouth next her fanny then his condum broke but he was htm title=' born and jacks in jail as the father'>to drunk to notised 9 month later a babys born and jacks in jail as the father
During the election campaign of 2012 we heard about Obama but we fought they said Osama. So I told my friend grab his gun and lets have some fun. So during one of Obama’s campaign we both shot him to death, which lasted a while. Then my friend said “lets go get piz drunk at Mavericks bar”. Then on TV they talked about Obama death and everybody but 2 guys cheered. Then guess what, we loaded our guns and lit those 2 guys up like we did to Obama.
Q: What did the drunk emo say to the bartender? A: Nothing! He was hung over.
one day jack and jill went up a hill jack got jill drunk and horny then took her to a hotel becus jack wanted to suck and lick her candy stick
Where did Stephen Hawking go when he wanted to get drunk? The Genius Bar.
A man enters a bar with some friends, and they all sit down to a drink. After not too long, a man with glasses comes through the front door saying “Anyone who wants to fly off the third story balcony, come upstairs with me!” When no one listens, he shrugs, and everyone watches him go up the stairs. Ten seconds later, he comes back in through the door, again saying “Anyone who wants to fly off the third story balcony, come upstairs with me!” Everyone is amazed, and a few people leave to go fly with him. He keeps coming back into the bar, bringing more and more patrons to join him. The man at the bar is about to join in when the bartender finally sighs. "For the last time Superman, get out of my bar, you’re drunk and the only person here that can fly! " The man with glasses frowns. “Where did all the others go, then?”
My mom and dad got home from a party pretty late. Why do I know? Because I was playing minecraft all night. Anyways, they get home and start fumbling up the stairs and being really loud. I could have swore I heard them fall down. I assumed they were drunk. I was just playing my switch when they come into my room. Now I’m about 10 at the time so I watch them get undressed IN MY f@ckING BED! I then just stare at them as they notice me before I witness anything. They say that they were doing “intense kissing” the next morning. I believe that at the time. But now I’ve been to health class. I now know the truth. I wish I hadn’t
There were three people on the third floor of a building the first one took a bite of a apple then said it was too hard so he threw it out the window the second person took a bite of a lemon he said it was too sour so he threw it out the window the third guy was drunk, he took a bite of a grenade and thought it was to crunchy so he threw it out the window then one of them went downstairs he saw a dog laying on the ground dead the apple had hit the dog in the head then there was a little girl crying with her cat in her lap it had died because the lemon fell out the window and hit it in the head next there was a old guy laughing i asked him why he was laugh he said “i farted and the building behind me blew up”.
A man who drinks a lot is told by his that if he ever gets drunk again she will leave him. Later the man goes to a pub and drinks a lot and throws up all down his jacket. ‘Oh no.’ He says to his friend’ if I go home like this again, my wife will leave me.’ ‘Dont worry’ his friend says. ‘Put a ?20 note in your jacket pocket. When your wife challenges you, produce the money and say another man threw up on you and gave you the ?20 note for the dry cleaning.’ ‘Brilliant!’ the man says and goes home. He walks through his front door and his wife sees him. She is furious. ‘No no’ the man says producing the money from his inside pocket. ‘A man threw up on me and gave me ?20 for the dry cleaning.’ ‘Whats the other ? 20 note for?’ asks his wife. ‘Ah, that’s from the man who shat in my pants…’
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