What the difference between an Irish wedding and a Irish funeral, one less drunk.
Mom I’m pregnant are you drunk why because your boy
A Teacher asked her young students to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and one by one, began to tell their stories. There were all the regular type of stuff. But then the teacher realized that only Janie was left. "Janie, do you have a story to share ?’ ""Yes madam…My daddy told me a story about my Mom " “OK, let’s hear” said the teacher. “My Mom was a Marine pilot in Operation Desert Storm in Iraq and her plane got hit”. “She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife”. “She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn’t break and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops.” “She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.” Pin drop silence in the class !! ""Good Heavens" said the horrified teacher “What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story ? ” “Stay away from Mummy when she’s drunk```…!!!”
Sending gay men to prison makes no sense to me. I mean, you have sex with a man and then they lock you up with a bunch of other men. That would be like arresting someone for drunk driving and forcing them to become a bartender.
A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window and jumps out. The guy sitting next to him can’t believe what he just saw. He’s more surprised when, 10 minutes later, the same guy walks back into the bar and sits down next to him. The astonished onlooker asks, “How did you do that? I just saw you jump out the window, and we’re hundreds of feet above the ground!” The jumper responds by slurring, “Well, I don’t get it either. I slam a shot of tequila, and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch.” He takes a shot, goes to the window and jumps out. The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls to just above the sidewalk, slows down and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the jumper walks back into the bar. The other guy has to try it, too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He slams it and jumps out the window. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn’t slow down at all. SPLAT! The first guy orders another shot of tequila. The bartender shakes his head. “You’re really an a**hole when you’re drunk, Superman.”
2 drunk men spot a pig on some old farmers land.And they were real hungry (or so they said) and they both decided to take the pig with them into their car and eat it somewhere.And so they did and the farmer came out with a gun while they hurriedly drove off, and the farmer said “well goddammit if it was a pig they wanted why didn’t they just take my wife”.
Two homeless alcoholics want to get drunk but don’t have enough money for even the cheapest drinks in any bar. So one of them devises a clever plan : he tells his friend “We should buy a hot-dog sausage with the last of our money and stick it down my pants, then drink a load of drinks but then when the bill comes you get down and suck on the hot-dog and it’ll look like you’re sucking on my dick so then we’ll get thrown out without paying and we can just go to another bar and do the same thing again”. His friend agrees so they buy the hot-dog, stick it down the first dude’s pants, go to the bar and then the second dude begins to suck on the hot-dog as agreed. They are thrown out and hit another four bars this way. In the end, as they lie drunk on the floor in some alleyway, the second guy says, “Well, what a great night. Free beers in five different bars!” The first guy says “Yeah! Especially since the hot-dog fell out before we even reached the first bar!”
a random drunk person ate poop but he found out it was liquid…
What did Stephen Hawking’s wife say to him when he came home drunk? Nothing… she couldn’t tell.
little johnny f@cked a girl ran away f@cked another ran went to the strip club got a private dance he has sex with them f@cking ran yelled to some random bitch ass guy f@ck him hes a bitch he bends down they have sex on the street they go home have sex little johnny wakes up questions himself f@cking does it again he goes to the strip club f@cks some more people when he is htm title=' phone sex but his dick is to small'>drunk questions himself some more then tries phone sex but his dick is to small
A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window and jumps out. The guy sitting next to him can’t believe what he just saw. He’s more surprised when, 10 minutes later, the same guy walks back into the bar and sits down next to him. The astonished onlooker asks, “How did you do that? I just saw you jump out the window, and we’re hundreds of feet above the ground!” The jumper responds by slurring, “Well, I don’t get it either. I slam a shot of tequila, and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch.” He takes a shot, goes to the window and jumps out. The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls to just above the sidewalk, slows down and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the jumper walks back into the bar. The other guy has to try it, too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He slams it and jumps out the window. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn’t slow down at all. SPLAT! The first guy orders another shot of tequila. The bartender shakes his head. “You’re really an a**hole when you’re drunk, Superman.” I know.
jack and jill went up to an abanded house jack drank to much and unziped his fly jack said you know you wana jill said no so jack locked both of them in the house and put a gag in jills mouth tied her to a bed he riped off her dress and underwere he took off his pants and his underwere to then put on a condum he then put a pill in her mouth and made he swalow one minit later she was asleep he took off her gag and mounded his self on her then stuck his candystick in her mouth next her fanny then his condum broke but he was htm title=' born and jacks in jail as the father'>to drunk to notised 9 month later a babys born and jacks in jail as the father
one day jack and jill went up a hill jack got jill drunk and horny then took her to a hotel becus jack wanted to suck and lick her candy stick
A man who drinks a lot is told by his that if he ever gets drunk again she will leave him. Later the man goes to a pub and drinks a lot and throws up all down his jacket. ‘Oh no.’ He says to his friend’ if I go home like this again, my wife will leave me.’ ‘Dont worry’ his friend says. ‘Put a ?20 note in your jacket pocket. When your wife challenges you, produce the money and say another man threw up on you and gave you the ?20 note for the dry cleaning.’ ‘Brilliant!’ the man says and goes home. He walks through his front door and his wife sees him. She is furious. ‘No no’ the man says producing the money from his inside pocket. ‘A man threw up on me and gave me ?20 for the dry cleaning.’ ‘Whats the other ? 20 note for?’ asks his wife. ‘Ah, that’s from the man who shat in my pants…’
we are drunk at the party, there was an A S S ton of drunk girls there with me…
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