we are drunk at the party, there was an A S S ton of drunk girls there with me…
My mom trying to get me to do dishes Mom: I gave you life and you should be able to wash dishes. Me: Why did you? Mom: I was very drunk… Explains a lot…
Two homeless alcoholics want to get drunk but don’t have enough money for even the cheapest drinks in any bar. So one of them devises a clever plan : he tells his friend “We should buy a hot-dog sausage with the last of our money and stick it down my pants, then drink a load of drinks but then when the bill comes you get down and suck on the hot-dog and it’ll look like you’re sucking on my dick so then we’ll get thrown out without paying and we can just go to another bar and do the same thing again”. His friend agrees so they buy the hot-dog, stick it down the first dude’s pants, go to the bar and then the second dude begins to suck on the hot-dog as agreed. They are thrown out and hit another four bars this way. In the end, as they lie drunk on the floor in some alleyway, the second guy says, “Well, what a great night. Free beers in five different bars!” The first guy says “Yeah! Especially since the hot-dog fell out before we even reached the first bar!”
My freind Andrew once told me that “weird is high and drunk at the same time”
Friened says, "your so drunk last night, u throu a mushroom at a migit and said grow mario grow.
a random drunk person ate poop but he found out it was liquid…
“I wasn’t that drunk yesterday.” “Oh boy you took the shower head in your arms and told it to stop crying.”
Did you hear about Alicia’s car accident? She was really drunk and all over the road Until she was all over the road.
A drunk walks out of a bar late at night and see’s a nun walking past on the footpath. He utters something hateful to himself as he begins running building momentum before launching himself at the nun catching her with a massive superman punch to the back of the head knocking her tumbling brutally to the pavement. He proceeded with a swift kicking to the nuns ribs and spine before grabbing the nun by the scruff of her habbit and lifting her limp to her feet til face to face. Looking the nun dead in her eyes with menace the drunk victoriously growled. Your not so bloody tough tonight are ya Batman. Knock knock who"s there? it’s the grim reaper grim reaper who? The grim reaper who is about to come in your house smoke some weed drink some grim reaper liquor and then get drunk.
Man looks at his friend and says "if you and a friend go camping and you two get really drunk and in the morning you wake up with a condom in your butt would you tell anyone? " The friend says im a disgusted tone “No” So the man says “ok let’s go camping”
one day jack and jill went up a hill jack got jill drunk and horny then took her to a hotel becus jack wanted to suck and lick her candy stick
Why did the wall fall over? A drunk driver hit it going 90mph and died.
What’s worse than waking up with a dead baby next to you? Realizing you were so drunk that you made love to it the night before… a mexican is drunk and he has a passenger in the car and passenger asked where are we going and the mexican says im not driving the drunk guy
A drunk guy runs into a bar… he bangs his head and falls down, why? Because he is in a prison cell.
You know what they say about dark humor: it hits harder than a drunk parent
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