some guy was mad at his ex wife! so he threw a bottle of alcohol into her house when he was drunk. And realized when he was being questioned for arson, his cigarette was in the rim of the bottle.
The other day I commented a dark humor joke on a post about a guy who lost his best friend. The joke was “I was so drunk last night I threw a mushroom at a midget and said ‘grow mario grow’ He commented “What the hell is wrong with you”and I said “IKR I really gotta work on my alcoholic issues.” He then replied “This is a post about my dead best friend get the f@ck off my feed I don’t even know you.” And so I said “Well then get to know me, I could become your new best friend!”
A Drunk Guy Asked His Penis : ?Tell Me, How Can You Get Shorter And Longer And I Can’t ? ? ?Why Don’t You Speak To Me ?? ?Stop Getting Shorter And Longer Or I Will Choke You? ?Oh Yeah I Like It ( ?° ?? ?°) ? Hhhhhhhhh d(-???)-
Two homeless alcoholics want to get drunk but don’t have enough money for even the cheapest drinks in any bar. So one of them devises a clever plan : he tells his friend “We should buy a hot-dog sausage with the last of our money and stick it down my pants, then drink a load of drinks but then when the bill comes you get down and suck on the hot-dog and it’ll look like you’re sucking on my dick so then we’ll get thrown out without paying and we can just go to another bar and do the same thing again”. His friend agrees so they buy the hot-dog, stick it down the first dude’s pants, go to the bar and then the second dude begins to suck on the hot-dog as agreed. They are thrown out and hit another four bars this way. In the end, as they lie drunk on the floor in some alleyway, the second guy says, “Well, what a great night. Free beers in five different bars!” The first guy says “Yeah! Especially since the hot-dog fell out before we even reached the first bar!”
A Chinese moves to the USA after 50 years of living in Shanghai. He bought a home on a small piece of land. The friendly American neighbor decides to go across and welcome the new guy. He goes next door but on his way up the drive-way he sees the Chinese man running around his front yard, chasing about 10 hens. Not wanting to interrupt these ‘Chinese customs’,
one day jack and jill went up a hill jack got jill drunk and horny then took her to a hotel becus jack wanted to suck and lick her candy stick
What would Stephen Hawking do to get drunk Over charge himself
Christopher and Tony were tempted for a beer but they only had 2 dollars each. Christopher got an idea and run away to the butcher and see if he got something good. He came back with a sausage. So they went to a pub and ordered 2 beers and 2 whiskeys. Are you crazy?! Said Tony to Christopher. ‘We don’t have any money!’ Take it easy now, said Christopher. "I have a plan." When they finnished drink everything up christopher put the sausage through his own zipper and begged Tony to bend on his knees and take the sausage with his mouth. The bartender saw what they did and throw them out without even paying. So Christopher and Tony kept doing the same thing pub after pub after pub. After the 10th pub said Tony: I can’t do this anymore. I am drunk and my knees are in too much pain to even handle the walk. How do you think i feel? Said Christopher exhausted. ’ I dropped the sausage in the 3th pub!’
A bear and a rabbit are at a bar getting high smoking weed talking about nothing but lies and straight up garbage. and then the bear starts to drink too much damn liquor gets drunk and ask the rabbit can i have one more scotch pretty please? And the rabbit says hell to the naw I’m not about to carry your drunk ass home with me and smell your breath.
Jack and Jill went up the hill, they turned to drunks and have no will, Jill said to Jack your love reveal, then think of building me a still.
For steven hawking why is being drunk and having his power shutout the same He blacks out
Man looks at his friend and says "if you and a friend go camping and you two get really drunk and in the morning you wake up with a condom in your butt would you tell anyone? " The friend says im a disgusted tone “No” So the man says “ok let’s go camping”
A man who drinks a lot is told by his that if he ever gets drunk again she will leave him. Later the man goes to a pub and drinks a lot and throws up all down his jacket. ‘Oh no.’ He says to his friend’ if I go home like this again, my wife will leave me.’ ‘Dont worry’ his friend says. ‘Put a ?20 note in your jacket pocket. When your wife challenges you, produce the money and say another man threw up on you and gave you the ?20 note for the dry cleaning.’ ‘Brilliant!’ the man says and goes home. He walks through his front door and his wife sees him. She is furious. ‘No no’ the man says producing the money from his inside pocket. ‘A man threw up on me and gave me ?20 for the dry cleaning.’ ‘Whats the other ? 20 note for?’ asks his wife. ‘Ah, that’s from the man who shat in my pants…’
My dad…came over late at night…he was drunk…he started telling me how useless I was…then I went to the kitchen grabbed a knife and stabbed him in the htm title=' minutes later…he died…now I’m losing mind…and cutting myself…'>chest 47 times…3 minutes later…he died…now I’m losing mind…and cutting myself…
jill went up to a bar to play a game of pool then jack came in and asked jill if she wanted to ride in his new car she said i have to think then jack said at least let me by you a drink after 5 drinks he asked again this time she said yes so they got in the car and jack and jill roed up a hill to to jacks home then jack said (close your eiys i got a supries )so jack lead jill to his room then said open your ies so jill opend her iese then jack got them some red wine jack got drunk and unzipped his fly and jack said i know you wana she said no way so jack gave her one more drink then she passed out then jack htm title=' to jill then he did it till 3am'>ripped all his close off then he did the same to jill then he did it till 3am
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