Q: What did the drunk emo say to the bartender? A: Nothing! He was hung over.
“I wasn’t that drunk yesterday.” “Oh boy you took the shower head in your arms and told it to stop crying.”
Where did Stephen Hawking go when he wanted to get drunk? The Genius Bar.
Friened says, "your so drunk last night, u throu a mushroom at a migit and said grow mario grow.
Officer sees a man and he is seeing he is having trouble walking so he asked him “sir are you drunk?” The man responds “No sir i’m not drunk.” So the Officer asks “how high are you? ” And the man responds “no sir, its high how are you.”
Man looks at his friend and says "if you and a friend go camping and you two get really drunk and in the morning you wake up with a condom in your butt would you tell anyone? " The friend says im a disgusted tone “No” So the man says “ok let’s go camping”
A drunk walks into and says, “All lawyers are a$$holes!” A guy at the other end of the bar says, “I resent that!” The drunk says, “Why, are you a lawyer?” and the other guy says, “No, I’m an a$$hole!”
What did Stephen Hawking’s wife say to him when he came home drunk? Nothing… she couldn’t tell.
So my dad was drinking so he was drunk and I was sad ?? but can you be my friend pls
What do you call a drunk depressed man that skydives? Splattered.
My mom trying to get me to do dishes Mom: I gave you life and you should be able to wash dishes. Me: Why did you? Mom: I was very drunk… Explains a lot…
Q: What is the difference between a drunk and a stoner at a stop sign? A: The drunk guy runs it and the stoner waits for it to turn green!
My freind Andrew once told me that “weird is high and drunk at the same time”
Jack and Jill went up the hill "cause Jack took a viagra, Jill was drunk fell to her knee, Jack had his chance did Jill till 3
A guy goes onto a rooftop bar, and is sitting next to a guy who says he’s drinking a magical drink. He asks “What’s so magical about it?” the guy drives a car and flies it around the rooftop. the other tries, but falls of and dies. The bartender shakes his head, and says. "Y’know, you’re a real jerk when you’re drunk superman.
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