Kid: dad what is it like to be drunk Dad: you see those 2 trees over there, if you were drunk you would see 4 Kid: dad there is only 1 tree
A mathematician stumbles home drunk at 3 a.m. and his wife is livid. “You swore that you’d be home by 11: 45!” “No,” slurs the mathematician, “I said I’d be home by a quarter of 12.”
little johnny f@cked a girl ran away f@cked another ran went to the strip club got a private dance he has sex with them f@cking ran yelled to some random bitch ass guy f@ck him hes a bitch he bends down they have sex on the street they go home have sex little johnny wakes up questions himself f@cking does it again he goes to the strip club f@cks some more people when he is htm title=' phone sex but his dick is to small'>drunk questions himself some more then tries phone sex but his dick is to small
Question: How was Covid19 born? Answer:Someone f@cked batman??
In the beginning of the 20th century, a young girl called Edit left her home country of Sweden, and crossed the Ocean to make a new life in America. Unfortunately, it did not go all that well, and she found herself soon homeless, begging for food or money to survive. She used to occupy a street next to a theater; not because it meant hefty handouts, but because it was a place where no other beggars or police bothered her; every night, a new crowd came to see a show, and the cute young girl found just enough mercy to survive. In fact, she did so well, that she decided to afford herself a small piece of cake every tuesday - just to keep her spirits up. One tuesday, she could not get a break. Looked like she will go without cake this week. Then, a strange looking gentleman stopped near her. He soon heard her story, and decided to share his fortune. Gentleman: I work as a magician in the touring show - today we performed here. Some nights, our guests want to gamble with us afterwards, and I make sure to bring home more than I came with. I try to keep it moderate - but today, this obnoxious drunk was loaded, so I emptied his pockets. Here, take this precious coin.
Derrick and Clive. They have a song about a Dad with Cancer and other extremely offensive subjects in a routine called “The non stop dancer”. It is very funny but it is made even funnier by Dudley moors, drunken and stoned laughter through the song. One of the best routines ever. Look it up on YouTube. They recorded them in the studio but they are adlibbing and extremely drunk.
A drunk man walked out of a bar and kept falling flat on his face. He wondered why this was until his wife spoke to him: Wife: why is your face all bloody? Husband: I was so drunk that I couldn’t stand up so I kept falling on my face! Wife: idiot. You left your wheelchair at the bar!
some guy was mad at his ex wife! so he threw a bottle of alcohol into her house when he was drunk. And realized when he was being questioned for arson, his cigarette was in the rim of the bottle.
You know the song getting drunk on a plane it was written by the pilot of the linerd skinerd pilot
A man sits in a bar and get seriously drunk to the point where he vomits on his shirt. He panics. The bartender asked, “What’s wrong sir?” The man reply’s, “I got drunk and vomited, my wife will kill me.” The bartender says, " put 20$ in the shirt and say someone puked on you and they paid you for the wash." So the man walks out the with 20$ he put in his shirt pocket. The next day the wife said, “Why is there vomit on your shirt?” The man says, “Someone puked on me and gave me 20$ bucks for the wash.” The wife pull out the money. “There is 40$-”, says the wife. “Oh, he also peed on me he paid for the wash to. ” The man walks away in belif he didn’t get caught by his wife.
Q: What is the difference between a drunk and a stoner at a stop sign? A: The drunk guy runs it and the stoner waits for it to turn green!
A Teacher asked her young students to get their parents to tell them a story with a moral at the end of it. The next day, the kids came back and one by one, began to tell their stories. There were all the regular type of stuff. But then the teacher realized that only Janie was left. "Janie, do you have a story to share ?’ ""Yes madam…My daddy told me a story about my Mom " “OK, let’s hear” said the teacher. “My Mom was a Marine pilot in Operation Desert Storm in Iraq and her plane got hit”. “She had to bail out over enemy territory and all she had was a flask of whiskey, a pistol and a survival knife”. “She drank the whiskey on the way down so the bottle wouldn’t break and then her parachute landed her right in the middle of 20 Iraqi troops.” “She shot 15 of them with the pistol, until she ran out of bullets, killed four more with the knife, till the blade broke and then she killed the last Iraqi with her bare hands.” Pin drop silence in the class !! ""Good Heavens" said the horrified teacher “What did your Daddy tell you was the moral to this horrible story ? ” “Stay away from Mummy when she’s drunk```…!!!”
Jack and Jill went up the hill, they turned to drunks and have no will, Jill said to Jack your love reveal, then think of building me a still.
A Drunk Guy Asked His Penis : ?Tell Me, How Can You Get Shorter And Longer And I Can’t ? ? ?Why Don’t You Speak To Me ?? ?Stop Getting Shorter And Longer Or I Will Choke You? ?Oh Yeah I Like It ( ?° ?? ?°) ? Hhhhhhhhh d(-???)-
3 Drunk men get in a taxi, the driver knew they were drunk so he started the car and turned it off. the first man gave him the money, the second man thanked him but the third man slapped the driver, the driver surprised that he noticed so he askes why and the third man replies with ? why did you drive so fast.?
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