Q: What did the drunk emo say to the bartender? A: Nothing! He was hung over.
How come yo mama did not come straight home from work last night? Because her daughter had sex with her boyfriend and got drunk.
Friened says, "your so drunk last night, u throu a mushroom at a migit and said grow mario grow.
Where did Stephen Hawking go when he wanted to get drunk? The Genius Bar.
My Countryhumans OC, Sahara, is the daughter of France and Soviet. When people ask why, I tell them it was the gendersnapped version of my parents making me. France (my dad) was drunk and Soviet (my mom) was being horny. Then they judge me, so I judge them with a knife to the chest 47 times.
A man sits in a bar and get seriously drunk to the point where he vomits on his shirt. He panics. The bartender asked, “What’s wrong sir?” The man reply’s, “I got drunk and vomited, my wife will kill me.” The bartender says, " put 20$ in the shirt and say someone puked on you and they paid you for the wash." So the man walks out the with 20$ he put in his shirt pocket. The next day the wife said, “Why is there vomit on your shirt?” The man says, “Someone puked on me and gave me 20$ bucks for the wash.” The wife pull out the money. “There is 40$-”, says the wife. “Oh, he also peed on me he paid for the wash to. ” The man walks away in belif he didn’t get caught by his wife.
For steven hawking why is being drunk and having his power shutout the same He blacks out
So one day, I took a trip to Russia, and saw Vladimir Putin walking in the streets without any body guards. Seeing as how I looked just like him, we switched places for a few days. After two days, some officer came up to me and asked if we were going to project [ì]ëÿòü, and I had said yes, and the officer said god help us. So a day later, I heard on the news that every other continent, and the moon were destroyed. I then approached the officer and said. I thought you meant we were having a giant orgy. He said we did, and that we were extremely drunk.
A drunk walks into a bar and sees a beautiful woman at the other end of the bar and says “Bartender, I want to buy that douche bag a drink”. The bartender says “You can’t talk like that! This is a respectable establishment, I’m going to throw you out!”. The drunk says “Okay, I’m sorry. I’d like to buy the lady a drink”. The bartender goes to where the woman is sitting and says “The, ah, gentleman at the end of the bar would like to buy you a drink, what will it be?”. She says “Vinegar and water”
a random drunk person ate poop but he found out it was liquid…
A midget walks into a bar and asks for a beer, the bartender says no. The midget asks why, the bartender says “You’re a little drunk”
Jack and Jill went up the hill, they turned to drunks and have no will, Jill said to Jack your love reveal, then think of building me a still.
A mathematician stumbles home drunk at 3 a.m. and his wife is livid. “You swore that you’d be home by 11: 45!” “No,” slurs the mathematician, “I said I’d be home by a quarter of 12.”
one day jack and jill went up a hill jack got jill drunk and horny then took her to a hotel becus jack wanted to suck and lick her candy stick
What do you call a drunk depressed man that skydives? Splattered.
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