You know the song getting drunk on a plane it was written by the pilot of the linerd skinerd pilot
A man enters a bar with some friends, and they all sit down to a drink. After not too long, a man with glasses comes through the front door saying “Anyone who wants to fly off the third story balcony, come upstairs with me!” When no one listens, he shrugs, and everyone watches him go up the stairs. Ten seconds later, he comes back in through the door, again saying “Anyone who wants to fly off the third story balcony, come upstairs with me!” Everyone is amazed, and a few people leave to go fly with him. He keeps coming back into the bar, bringing more and more patrons to join him. The man at the bar is about to join in when the bartender finally sighs. "For the last time Superman, get out of my bar, you’re drunk and the only person here that can fly! " The man with glasses frowns. “Where did all the others go, then?”
You know what they say about dark humor: it hits harder than a drunk parent
What’s worse than waking up with a dead baby next to you? Realizing you were so drunk that you made love to it the night before… a mexican is drunk and he has a passenger in the car and passenger asked where are we going and the mexican says im not driving the drunk guy
Jack and Jill went up the hill "cause Jack took a viagra, Jill was drunk fell to her knee, Jack had his chance did Jill till 3
Question: How was Covid19 born? Answer:Someone f@cked batman??
Jack and Jill went up the hill, they turned to drunks and have no will, Jill said to Jack your love reveal, then think of building me a still.
a random drunk person ate poop but he found out it was liquid…
Kid: dad what is it like to be drunk Dad: you see those 2 trees over there, if you were drunk you would see 4 Kid: dad there is only 1 tree
A drunk walks into a bar and sees a beautiful woman at the other end of the bar and says “Bartender, I want to buy that douche bag a drink”. The bartender says “You can’t talk like that! This is a respectable establishment, I’m going to throw you out!”. The drunk says “Okay, I’m sorry. I’d like to buy the lady a drink”. The bartender goes to where the woman is sitting and says “The, ah, gentleman at the end of the bar would like to buy you a drink, what will it be?”. She says “Vinegar and water”
So my dad was drinking so he was drunk and I was sad ?? but can you be my friend pls
some guy was mad at his ex wife! so he threw a bottle of alcohol into her house when he was drunk. And realized when he was being questioned for arson, his cigarette was in the rim of the bottle.
Officer sees a man and he is seeing he is having trouble walking so he asked him “sir are you drunk?” The man responds “No sir i’m not drunk.” So the Officer asks “how high are you? ” And the man responds “no sir, its high how are you.”
What do you call a drunk depressed man that skydives? Splattered.
A mathematician stumbles home drunk at 3 a.m. and his wife is livid. “You swore that you’d be home by 11: 45!” “No,” slurs the mathematician, “I said I’d be home by a quarter of 12.”
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