Drunk jokes

we are drunk at the party, there was an A S S ton of drunk girls there with me…

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What the difference between an Irish wedding and a Irish funeral, one less drunk.

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A bear and a rabbit are at a bar getting high smoking weed talking about nothing but lies and straight up garbage. and then the bear starts to drink too much damn liquor gets drunk and ask the rabbit can i have one more scotch pretty please? And the rabbit says hell to the naw I’m not about to carry your drunk ass home with me and smell your breath.

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Friened says, "your so drunk last night, u throu a mushroom at a migit and said grow mario grow.

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man drinks beer jumps off a tower and he’s okay the other guy says Whoa how’d you do that.he does it again so the guy gets a beer the same beer and jumps off he died.the bartender looks at the original man who jumped off and says Superman you’re a real butthole whenever you’re drunk

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Sending gay men to prison makes no sense to me. I mean, you have sex with a man and then they lock you up with a bunch of other men. That would be like arresting someone for drunk driving and forcing them to become a bartender.

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What did Stephen Hawking’s wife say to him when he came home drunk? Nothing… she couldn’t tell.

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A Chinese moves to the USA after 50 years of living in Shanghai. He bought a home on a small piece of land. The friendly American neighbor decides to go across and welcome the new guy. He goes next door but on his way up the drive-way he sees the Chinese man running around his front yard, chasing about 10 hens. Not wanting to interrupt these ‘Chinese customs’,

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My freind Andrew once told me that “weird is high and drunk at the same time”

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Jack and Jill went up the hill, they turned to drunks and have no will, Jill said to Jack your love reveal, then think of building me a still.

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Where did Stephen Hawking go when he wanted to get drunk? The Genius Bar.

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Why did the wall fall over? A drunk driver hit it going 90mph and died.

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What’s worse than waking up with a dead baby next to you? Realizing you were so drunk that you made love to it the night before… a mexican is drunk and he has a passenger in the car and passenger asked where are we going and the mexican says im not driving the drunk guy

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A drunk man walked out of a bar and kept falling flat on his face. He wondered why this was until his wife spoke to him: Wife: why is your face all bloody? Husband: I was so drunk that I couldn’t stand up so I kept falling on my face! Wife: idiot. You left your wheelchair at the bar!

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one day jack and jill went up a hill jack got jill drunk and horny then took her to a hotel becus jack wanted to suck and lick her candy stick

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