Officer sees a man and he is seeing he is having trouble walking so he asked him “sir are you drunk?” The man responds “No sir i’m not drunk.” So the Officer asks “how high are you? ” And the man responds “no sir, its high how are you.”
A drunk man walked out of a bar and kept falling flat on his face. He wondered why this was until his wife spoke to him: Wife: why is your face all bloody? Husband: I was so drunk that I couldn’t stand up so I kept falling on my face! Wife: idiot. You left your wheelchair at the bar!
Two lions plan their escape from the circus. the night they get out of their cages they see a lone clown stumbling back from town, drunk, not a soul in sight. Since they are going on the run, they decide to catch one last meal before they hit the road. as one lion gets a bite of leg the second takes a piece of shoulder. Then one stops and asks his companion: Does this taste funny to you?
A guy goes onto a rooftop bar, and is sitting next to a guy who says he’s drinking a magical drink. He asks “What’s so magical about it?” the guy drives a car and flies it around the rooftop. the other tries, but falls of and dies. The bartender shakes his head, and says. "Y’know, you’re a real jerk when you’re drunk superman.
Why did the wall fall over? A drunk driver hit it going 90mph and died.
Jack and Jill went up the hill "cause Jack took a viagra, Jill was drunk fell to her knee, Jack had his chance did Jill till 3
Question: How was Covid19 born? Answer:Someone f@cked batman??
little johnny f@cked a girl ran away f@cked another ran went to the strip club got a private dance he has sex with them f@cking ran yelled to some random bitch ass guy f@ck him hes a bitch he bends down they have sex on the street they go home have sex little johnny wakes up questions himself f@cking does it again he goes to the strip club f@cks some more people when he is htm title=' phone sex but his dick is to small'>drunk questions himself some more then tries phone sex but his dick is to small
You know the song getting drunk on a plane it was written by the pilot of the linerd skinerd pilot
How do you get 30 drunk Canadians out of the pool? “Please get out of the pool.”
Hey, I’m not an alcoholic! I only drink 2 times a year. When it’s my Birthday, and when it’s not…
A Chinese moves to the USA after 50 years of living in Shanghai. He bought a home on a small piece of land. The friendly American neighbor decides to go across and welcome the new guy. He goes next door but on his way up the drive-way he sees the Chinese man running around his front yard, chasing about 10 hens. Not wanting to interrupt these ‘Chinese customs’,
Q: What is the difference between a drunk and a stoner at a stop sign? A: The drunk guy runs it and the stoner waits for it to turn green!
A man who drinks a lot is told by his that if he ever gets drunk again she will leave him. Later the man goes to a pub and drinks a lot and throws up all down his jacket. ‘Oh no.’ He says to his friend’ if I go home like this again, my wife will leave me.’ ‘Dont worry’ his friend says. ‘Put a ?20 note in your jacket pocket. When your wife challenges you, produce the money and say another man threw up on you and gave you the ?20 note for the dry cleaning.’ ‘Brilliant!’ the man says and goes home. He walks through his front door and his wife sees him. She is furious. ‘No no’ the man says producing the money from his inside pocket. ‘A man threw up on me and gave me ?20 for the dry cleaning.’ ‘Whats the other ? 20 note for?’ asks his wife. ‘Ah, that’s from the man who shat in my pants…’
A man walks into a rooftop bar and takes a seat next to another guy. “What are you drinking?” he asks the guy. “Super Power Beer,” he says. “Oh, yeah? I doubt it?” Then he shows him: He swigs some beer, dives off the roof, and lands with no damage what so ever. He walks back into the bar. “Amazing!” the man says. “Let me have some!” The man grabs the beer. He drinks it, jumps off the roof —and falls 15 stories to the ground. Splat. The barman says. “You know, you’re a real idiot when you’re drunk, Superman.” A cop pulls a guy over for suspected drunk driving. The cop opens the door and the driver falls out onto the asphalt. The cop says, “Holy shit, you’re so drunk, you can’t even walk!” The drunk says, “No shit, that’s why I took my car!”
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