Drunk jokes

For steven hawking why is being drunk and having his power shutout the same He blacks out

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Sending gay men to prison makes no sense to me. I mean, you have sex with a man and then they lock you up with a bunch of other men. That would be like arresting someone for drunk driving and forcing them to become a bartender.

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You know what they say about dark humor: it hits harder than a drunk parent

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When i was 11 My mom came home from the bar super drunk that night and I just wanted to know if they knew where htm title=' noise…we had a loooooooong talk the next morning.'>was the cat because I heard a noise…we had a loooooooong talk the next morning.

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jack took jill up a hill to have a picknic but jack and jill got drunk they then jill unzipped jacks fly then said you know you want me to he said yes so she took off her dress and bra jack took his pants and shirt off to they both went in the well together and playd a game jacks candy stick in jills candy stick next jill was suking jacks candy stick while jack licked htm title=' sat on jacks candy stick while making out'>and sucked her candy stick then jill sat on jacks candy stick while making out

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Superman was bored and wanted to go out, he called all his super friends but they were all busy. He even calls Louis but it’s her time of the month. He flies to the liquor store and buy some beer and gets drunk. As has flying he sees wonder woman naked on top of the roof, he starts thinking "I will fly down…and have sex with her sooooo fast “BURP” that she WON’T know what happen. "HICKUP" He flies to her faster than a speed of light BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG BANG and flies away with a smile he passes out and crashed into a wall. Wonder woman jumps up and screams "WHAT WAS THAT… the invisible man appears holding his butt and he gets off on wonder woman and says ‘I dont know but my butt hurts real bad’.

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Hey, I’m not an alcoholic! I only drink 2 times a year. When it’s my Birthday, and when it’s not…

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Man looks at his friend and says "if you and a friend go camping and you two get really drunk and in the morning you wake up with a condom in your butt would you tell anyone? " The friend says im a disgusted tone “No” So the man says “ok let’s go camping”

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How do you get 30 drunk Canadians out of the pool? “Please get out of the pool.”

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A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window and jumps out. The guy sitting next to him can’t believe what he just saw. He’s more surprised when, 10 minutes later, the same guy walks back into the bar and sits down next to him. The astonished onlooker asks, “How did you do that? I just saw you jump out the window, and we’re hundreds of feet above the ground!” The jumper responds by slurring, “Well, I don’t get it either. I slam a shot of tequila, and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch.” He takes a shot, goes to the window and jumps out. The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls to just above the sidewalk, slows down and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the jumper walks back into the bar. The other guy has to try it, too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He slams it and jumps out the window. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn’t slow down at all. SPLAT! The first guy orders another shot of tequila. The bartender shakes his head. “You’re really an a**hole when you’re drunk, Superman.”

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“I wasn’t that drunk yesterday.” “Oh boy you took the shower head in your arms and told it to stop crying.”

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Q: What is the difference between a drunk and a stoner at a stop sign? A: The drunk guy runs it and the stoner waits for it to turn green!

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Mom I’m pregnant are you drunk why because your boy