Mom I’m pregnant are you drunk why because your boy
A Chinese moves to the USA after 50 years of living in Shanghai. He bought a home on a small piece of land. The friendly American neighbor decides to go across and welcome the new guy. He goes next door but on his way up the drive-way he sees the Chinese man running around his front yard, chasing about 10 hens. Not wanting to interrupt these ‘Chinese customs’,
3 Drunk men get in a taxi, the driver knew they were drunk so he started the car and turned it off. the first man gave him the money, the second man thanked him but the third man slapped the driver, the driver surprised that he noticed so he askes why and the third man replies with ? why did you drive so fast.?
2 whales went to a bar. The first whale said, "oooooooohhhhhh. The second whale said, “Greg I think your drunk, let’s go home.”
Man looks at his friend and says "if you and a friend go camping and you two get really drunk and in the morning you wake up with a condom in your butt would you tell anyone? " The friend says im a disgusted tone “No” So the man says “ok let’s go camping”
My Countryhumans OC, Sahara, is the daughter of France and Soviet. When people ask why, I tell them it was the gendersnapped version of my parents making me. France (my dad) was drunk and Soviet (my mom) was being horny. Then they judge me, so I judge them with a knife to the chest 47 times.
For steven hawking why is being drunk and having his power shutout the same He blacks out
Derrick and Clive. They have a song about a Dad with Cancer and other extremely offensive subjects in a routine called “The non stop dancer”. It is very funny but it is made even funnier by Dudley moors, drunken and stoned laughter through the song. One of the best routines ever. Look it up on YouTube. They recorded them in the studio but they are adlibbing and extremely drunk.
You know the song getting drunk on a plane it was written by the pilot of the linerd skinerd pilot
How come yo mama did not come straight home from work last night? Because her daughter had sex with her boyfriend and got drunk.
man drinks beer jumps off a tower and he’s okay the other guy says Whoa how’d you do that.he does it again so the guy gets a beer the same beer and jumps off he died.the bartender looks at the original man who jumped off and says Superman you’re a real butthole whenever you’re drunk
Officer sees a man and he is seeing he is having trouble walking so he asked him “sir are you drunk?” The man responds “No sir i’m not drunk.” So the Officer asks “how high are you? ” And the man responds “no sir, its high how are you.”
Why did Orphans have to drink there own piss? Because last time they went to the bar they went with there dad and drank some corona then got drunk and started eating someones toenails so his dad went to go get the milk and everybody has to evacuate the bar then the Orphan started walking on his teeth and got listed for the top ten wanted animals in the world so then he felt wanted and went to go home and had nobody to go to so he found the beer bottle he drunk out of and started pissing in it so he wouldnt die and loved it so then someone saw him in the bushes pissing in a beer bottle then drinking so the person who saw him started recording and posted it on youtube and the boy became famous so now he can feel like he was wanted in life after daddy went to go get the milk then the little boy became really rich What is it called when u whoop a donkey? A whooped ass and apparently some people get that everyday from their drunk dads.
So one day, I took a trip to Russia, and saw Vladimir Putin walking in the streets without any body guards. Seeing as how I looked just like him, we switched places for a few days. After two days, some officer came up to me and asked if we were going to project [ì]ëÿòü, and I had said yes, and the officer said god help us. So a day later, I heard on the news that every other continent, and the moon were destroyed. I then approached the officer and said. I thought you meant we were having a giant orgy. He said we did, and that we were extremely drunk.
Two homeless alcoholics want to get drunk but don’t have enough money for even the cheapest drinks in any bar. So one of them devises a clever plan : he tells his friend “We should buy a hot-dog sausage with the last of our money and stick it down my pants, then drink a load of drinks but then when the bill comes you get down and suck on the hot-dog and it’ll look like you’re sucking on my dick so then we’ll get thrown out without paying and we can just go to another bar and do the same thing again”. His friend agrees so they buy the hot-dog, stick it down the first dude’s pants, go to the bar and then the second dude begins to suck on the hot-dog as agreed. They are thrown out and hit another four bars this way. In the end, as they lie drunk on the floor in some alleyway, the second guy says, “Well, what a great night. Free beers in five different bars!” The first guy says “Yeah! Especially since the hot-dog fell out before we even reached the first bar!”
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