My friend Jimmy said his dad is exactly like Santa, I asked “Why is it because he gives people presents?” Jimmy told me “No it’s because I hear so many good things about him but and how he’s gonna come home, but never see him.”
Dad: "if they jumped off a bridge would you?" Tommy: “yes, cuz there would be a body pile to break my fall!”
Why does sally have a 100 sisters? She lives in a orphanage
This boy heard from a friend that if you tell an adult “I know the whole truth” they will be all weird so he went home and told his mom “I know the whole truth” and she gave him 20$ and said to keep quiet. Pleased when his dad got home he said “I know the whole truth” and his dad gave him 40$ an said don’t tell mom. really pleased he met the mailman the next day and said “I know the whole truth” then the mailman got down on his knee opened his arms and said come to daddy.
Best friend: dude your sister is hot i’d Hit that Me: already did SWEEETT HOMMEE ALABAMA
The average human male walks for five miles, but the gas station is ten miles away. So why does it take fifteen years for my dad to buy cigarettes?
How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period? She can taste the blood off her son’s cock!
My sisters name is coco and one day she was funny so I told her you Coconut
What’s the best part about plowing your cousin? -It makes your sister jealous
Daughter: “Hey dad, how do you feel about abortion?” Father: "Ask your sister” Daughter: “I don’t have a…”
My daughter said i could never make a car out of spaghetti, you should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!!!
Boy: why is my sister named Rose Dad: someone threw a rose out of a car and it hit her in the head Boy: okay Dad Dad: No problem Brick
I told my friend yesterday he’s literally my dad. He didn’t show up for the rest of the year.
My teacher said he is gonna call my dad, i cant wait to meet him ??????
Once my sister was a sister now shes a blister
RUS | ENG
