Family jokes

My mom is the jelly and my dad is the peanut butter And I am the bread the only thin keeping them together.

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roses are red violets are violets my dad died in 9/11 and he was a good piolet

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I was watching my daughter play at the park, a woman came up to me and asked which one was mine, I said I was still choosing.

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I was watching my daughter at a park she was playing with a few people another parent came up to me and said which was is yours, just for fun i said “i am still choosing” she looked horrified

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jack and rose went on a cruise to do it in the water. jack seldom wore a condom, and now they have a daughter.

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I told my dad is was self harming. The next day we talked about it and he said “Hey you should CUT it out.” It was funny but I couldn’t bring myself to laugh at that.

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This boy heard from a friend that if you tell an adult “I know the whole truth” they will be all weird so he went home and told his mom “I know the whole truth” and she gave him 20$ and said to keep quiet. Pleased when his dad got home he said “I know the whole truth” and his dad gave him 40$ an said don’t tell mom. really pleased he met the mailman the next day and said “I know the whole truth” then the mailman got down on his knee opened his arms and said come to daddy.

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My daughter is the most adorable little girl in the world. She’s got my sister’s eyes.

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A family of 3, a dad, a mom, and a 12 year old son are driving in the car when the dad says, “How about we play a little game of two truths and a lie. It’ll be fun.” “Ok,” the mom and son reply happily. “Let me start,” says the son. “Ok, go ahead,” replies the mom. “I hate video games, I hate school, and I love junk food,” says the son. “Ooh ooh! You do love junk food, you do hate school, and you don’t hate video games.” Says the mom. “Your right!” He replies. “I’ll go next,” says the dad. I love your mom, you’re adopted, and my dad almost died in WWII.” “Hmm… Your dad did not almost die in WWII, obviously I’m not adopted, and you do love my mom. ” Says the son. “The lie isn’t that your adopted.” Says the dad.

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A millionaire LOVES alligators and filled his pool full of alligators, One night he has a party and says,“whoever can swim from one end to the other of the alligator infested pool unharmed will get a prize, my daughter or a million dollars.” some people line up but they are hesitant. One man gets in the water, swims from one end to the other unharmed, and went to the millionaire. The millionaire says,“wow I can’t believe you did it! So whats your prize?” the guy says,“I don’t care about the million dollars or your daughter, I just want to know who the B@$*ard was that pushed me in the pool!”

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y do orphans eat cereal with water there dad did not come back with the milk

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Q: What did the drunk emo say to the bartender? A: Nothing! He was hung over. My sister thinks shes so smart, shes said onions are the only food that makes you cry So I threw a coconut at her

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How did the Hillbilly mother find out her daughter entered puberty? Her sons dick tasted funny.

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Why did the brother cross the road? Because The Sister Farted.

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Bully: I bet your dick is so small when you look down in the the sower you can’t even see it. Guy: No I see your sister’s head

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