Family jokes

My mom is the jelly and my dad is the peanut butter And I am the bread the only thin keeping them together.

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Funny thing happened today, my dad came home from work which is weird cause he’s a suicide bomber.

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My dad is like my depression you need a suicide letter to find him

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You wanna know what i want for Christmas? My dad to come back with the milk he said he was gonna get.

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How do you give a redneck a circumcision? Kick his sister in the jaw.

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what is the diffrence between a snow woman and a snowman? Snowballs

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Boy: why is my sister named Rose Dad: someone threw a rose out of a car and it hit her in the head Boy: okay Dad Dad: No problem Brick

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jack and Jill went up the hill to do it in the water, jack slipped and the condom ripped now they have a daughter

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How did the Hillbilly mother find out her daughter entered puberty? Her sons dick tasted funny.

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To All The Naruto Fans: sharingan is red rasengan are blue if you dare touch my daughter ill chidori you

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So I was in the car with my mom one time and we always joke about me being adopted (I am not) and Michael Jackson’s song Billie Jean sounds like my name and so my mom says, as the song is playing, (my name) is not my daughter, she’s just a girl who claims that I am her mum. Wow. applauds for mother Love you momma =)

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My family loves to have dance parties. My dad will just play music from his iPod, and I’ll go to the light switch and make a nice strobe light effect. Everyone loves it, especially my younger cousin. He gets down on the floor and starts breakdancing! It makes him so happy, and he needs that extra joy in his life, especially since the doctor recently diagnosed him with epilepsy.

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A Pedphile brings his Eight year old Daughter to the doctors office. The doctor asked her if she would like some Candy? Her father replies please no more candy for her i gave her enough today.

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Bf: Do you love me? Gf: Most of time. Bf: Well it’s either yes or no. Gf: … Bf: Well when is it that you don’t love me? Gf: 2:30 to 4:00. Every time when you to the river an hour than it takes me a half hour to love you again. Bf: Why? Gf: Cuz you always see that OTHER GIRL. Bf: MY LOVE! That other girl is my sister!!! Gf: Ohh…

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what do you call a bear without teeth? A gummy bear hahaha

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