Teacher: Ok class I’m going to ask a question about your family. Alex: Miss my Dad died In 9/11 Teacher: OH NO IM SO SORRY! Alex: Don’t worry miss It was only Dad and besides he did what he wanted before he died. Teacher: What was that? Alex: Flew the plane.
A Pedphile brings his Eight year old Daughter to the doctors office. The doctor asked her if she would like some Candy? Her father replies please no more candy for her i gave her enough today.
Depression hits harder than my dad
As a little boy I walked in on my parents having intercourse one night, and of course, my parents stopped and sent me back to bed. The next day my dad tells me “Don’t worry son, I wasn’t hurting mommy, we were just trying to make you a little sister.” So, when I was young I always wanted a pet. I then looked at my father and asked “Could you do mommy doggy style next time? I want a puppy.”
My dad posted a picture of his condom challenge fail to his social media - it was a picture of me.
My daughter has gotten to the age where she asks me embarrassing questions about sex. Just this morning she asked me “is that the best you can do?”
You wanna know what i want for Christmas? My dad to come back with the milk he said he was gonna get.
Little Johhny is walking around and peaks in his parents room, catching them having sex so he asks, “What are you guys doing?” and they reply “Nothing, nothing! we’re just uh, making cake” and they send him away. So he continues walking around and he hears some strange noises coming from his brothers room so he walks in and catches his brother and his brothers girlfriend having sex and then asks him “What are you guys doing?” and his brother yells “Get out! were making cake!” So Johnny leaves and goes to his room. The next day the whole family is at the dinner table and Little Johnny turns to his sister and says “So, you and your boyfriend were making cake last night huh!” and she replies “OMG! Howd you know! ?!?” and Johnny replies “Because, I licked the icing off the couch” ayyyyyy.
I would name my daughter awesome so I can tell people that I’m f@cking awesome.
So a daughter asks her father “dad what is you opinion on abortions?” So her father says why don’t you ask your sister. The daughter responds “but I don’t have a sister… Oh”
What’s the worst part of Breaking up with a Japanese girl? You have to drop the bomb twice until she finally gets it. I have a problem my dad any my girlfriend have the same birthday. So one took my virginity and the other is my girlfriend
My daughter said i could never make a car out of spaghetti, you should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!!!
What does a dad and the Twin Towers have in common? Once they’re gone they never come back.
My sister argued with me that you can’t make a car out of spaghetti, you should have seen her face when I drove pasta
My dad is like Hurricane Katrina. I haven’t seen either sense 2005
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