So there I was f@cking my sister and she’s shouts “god you f@ck like dad” I then said “damn that’s what mom said”
My dad is like my virginity. I lost him at 12
I complimented my neighbor’s skeleton decoration for Halloween but they just told me that it’s their anorexic daughter. Please read all of it I know it’s long please read all of it. This dad heard his daughter praying as she was praying she came to an end: " Goodnight grandma, goodbye grandpa, goodnight daddy, goodnight mommy. The dad didn’t think about the grandpa part and headed to bed. The next morning the mom and dad heard that the grandpa died the dad thought it was just coincidence so he carried on his day. At night he heard his daughter again: “Goodbye grandma, goodnight daddy, goodnight mommy. After he heard goodbye grandma his facial expression changed and went straight to bed. The next morning the grandma died out of nowhere the dad began to worry and continued on his day, at night he heard his daughter again " Goodbye daddy, goodnight mommy. The dad got scared so he had a plan to go to work and stay hidden there so that’s what he did. When he got home the next day his wife asked where he had been and he replied back " Sorry honey I had a horrible day today.” She replied back saying: " OH YOU THINK YOU HAD A BAD THE MAILMAN JUST DIED ON THE FRONTPORCH THIS MORNING" If you get it you get it.
What’s the worst part of Breaking up with a Japanese girl? You have to drop the bomb twice until she finally gets it. I have a problem my dad any my girlfriend have the same birthday. So one took my virginity and the other is my girlfriend
My Mom said: I have a daughter that killed herself for getting bullied. Well i said: Have you seen her?
There once was a brother and a sister so one night it’s storming really bad and the sister goes into the brothers room and asks " can I stay with you tonight because I’m scared" the brother replies with " yea sure but just don’t tell Mom" so the girl climbs into the bed and looks under the sheets to see the boys penis and asks “what’s that?” And the boy replies with “that’s my pet snake” and the girl asks “can I pet it?” And the boy says “sure just don’t tell Mom” and the boy falls asleep and wakes up in a hospital and asks “what happened” and the girl said “I pet the snake but it spit on me so I bit it’s head off” My conversion therapy done worked. Now I only sleep with my sister and not my brother.
jack and jill went up the hill to do it in the water. jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter
I was watching my daughter play at the park, a woman came up to me and asked which one was mine, I said I was still choosing.
My friend’s mother was never a font of sympathy, but always the one to see beyond the darkness. Upon learning about her daughter’s cancer diagnosis she said, “Well honey, at least you’ll lose some weight!"
I’d tell a joke about my abusive dad but I only remember the punch line.
So I was f@cking my daughter the other day and my wife walked in… I don’t know what was funnier the look on her face or that the abortion clinic let me keep her
Boy: why is my sister named Rose Dad: someone threw a rose out of a car and it hit her in the head Boy: okay Dad Dad: No problem Brick
What makes a joke a dad joke? I don’t know. I don’t even have one as an example.
My dad posted a picture of his condom challenge fail to his social media - it was a picture of me.
My friend Jimmy said his dad is exactly like Santa, I asked “Why is it because he gives people presents?” Jimmy told me “No it’s because I hear so many good things about him but and how he’s gonna come home, but never see him.”
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