Family jokes

I named my daughter Kennedy so when I talked about how her brain was shot out of her head people just thought I paid really close attention in history.

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So Kenny finally found his one true love. But he can’t be with her because it’s illegal to marry your sister.

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Dad: I’m giving all your toys to the orphanage Kid: Why are you doing that? Dad: So you won’t get bored there

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Daughter: Dad, what’s your opinion on abortions? Dad: Ask your sister Daughter: But I don’t have a sister Dad: Exactly

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My friend told me he had a sister. i asked if she was hot and he said she was 8. that wasnt my question

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I wont ever Forget my dads last words: “OH GOD THE POLICE!!!”

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This is a poem my younger sister when she was three, recited to a crowd and I will never forget it. It is very short though. Good night, sleep tight, wake up bright in the morning light, to do what’s right, with all your might. 

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Why does sally have a 100 sisters? She lives in a orphanage

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Brian has a crush on a cute girl Sally from school so he goes and tells his dad about her and he says sorry son you cant like her she is your sister. So Brian is okay with it and he starts to like another girl Madison and he goes up to his dad and says I have a crush on this girl Madison and again the dad goes oh sorry son you cant like any girl in school they are all your sisters so he goes crying to his mom and says dad said I cant like any girl because they are all my sisters and the mom goes oh it’s okay you can like any girl you want because he is not your dad.

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What runs but never stop

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So there was a kid named Bobby, and he was writing notes. He asked his mother, who was on a phone call, what is one plus one? She said I HATE YOU. Then he asked his brother what is 2 + 2, who was watching a Batman movie, said, NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU BATMAN! Then he asked his dad what is 4 plus 4, who was playing football, said 85 SMACK EM DOWN! Then he asked his sister 8+8, (she was playing with barbies), and she said, My buns are burning. Then he went to school and told her teacher the first note he wrote down. The teacher sent him to the principal’s office. The principal yelled, WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE?! Bobby said, NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU NU BATMAN! The principal yelled, HOW MANY SPANKINGS DO YOU WANT?! Then he said, 85 SMACK EM DOWN! Then he walked away from the principal’s office and said, my buns are burning.

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You have to do this and my sister said well I don’t care and I said well you care enough to respond back oh my gosh.

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Kid:what is between moms legs? Dad:paridise. Kid whats between you legs? Dad:the key to paridise. Kid:well uou better change the lock the neighbor has the key to.

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My friends daughter is taking a job in California parking cars. She says she wants to be a valet girl. For sure. For sure.

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I love you Hebrew john

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