A doctor is telling three women what they are addicted to. He says to the first one "You are addicted to money, you named your daughter Penny" He says to the second one "You are addicted to food, you named you daughter Candy" Then the third one whispers to her son “Come on Dick, lets go.”
One night a girl said to her family "Goodnight Mommy, Goodnight Daddy, Goodnight Grandma, Goodbye Grandpa. the next morning her grandpa died. That night she said "Goodnight mommy, Goodnight daddy, Goodbye Grandma. the next morning the grandma died. The dad started to fear for his life because he was next. That night the girl said "Goodnight mommy, Goodbye daddy. the next morning the dad woke up and he was perfectly fine but when he went into the kitchen he saw his wife crying. when he asked her whats wrong she said “The Mail Man died”.
My dad died when we couldn’t remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without him.
In life it’s either Yeet or get beat and I clearly failed yeeting as a child as my dad beat me
When does a joke become a dad joke? When it Leaves and never comes back
My sister asked me what is dark humour i asked what does a cannibal call a pregnant woman? KINDERSURPRISE!
I would name my daughter awesome so I can tell people that I’m f@cking awesome.
roses are red violets are violets my dad died in 9/11 and he was a good piolet
Who named their daughter Macadamia? A couple of nuts.
today my idiot brother screamed"ahhhhh im dead!’ but it wasn’t really, so i d3cded to make it a reality until my sister came… AND HELPED ME! - for once but then two minutes later my mom showed up, we k!lled him right infront of her and she screamed! "DONUTS AND PIZZA FOR YPU AND MORE IF YOU GO TO MRS ROBERTS HOUSE AND SAY HI AND BYE TO DADDY!!! and she hands us both a sharp tool and i say what about tommy!!! arn’t u MAD!!! then she replied who’s THAT??? COZ HE AINT MINE HIS NAME IS TOMMY, TOMMY ROBERTS. so then me and my sister visit mrs ROBERTS AND SHE SAID OH THIS ISN’T ANYTHING IMPORTANT GO HOME! so then my sister nd i say hi! and do a countdount aftr that my nike white jumper had turned red! IT WAS A MUCH BETTER COLOUR , MUM SEEMED TO APROVE AS WELL!?????? but then the police question us where daddy was so then mom said… oh he’s moved on! so then the police officer was like ahem ma’m where! SO THEN I BELLOWED… UP - UR -A##. And we got let off the hook, then we moved oh and we k!lled the cop 2 and oh did i meantion we HAD a maid, and a landlord and a cat but they were all 2 annoying so we got rid of them and now our new backyard is very smellyyy and i dont think there is enoff space to put muummy anymore so now i dont think sissy will fit either? ? i will ask my neibour nessy she’ll obviously say YES or ill…
I told my dad is was self harming. The next day we talked about it and he said “Hey you should CUT it out.” It was funny but I couldn’t bring myself to laugh at that.
Daughter: Dad, what’s your opinion on abortions? Dad: Ask your sister Daughter: But I don’t have a sister Dad: Exactly
y do orphans eat cereal with water there dad did not come back with the milk
Teacher: You cant be here after school without a parent! Orphan: -no response-
Son: Dad am I adopted? Father: What? No! Out of all the kids in the adoption center do you really think I would pick u?
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