Funny thing happened today, my dad came home from work which is weird cause he’s a suicide bomber.
Little Johnny catches his parents going at it and says “hey dad! Whatcha doin?” His father says “I’m filling your moms tank” Johnny says, “oh yeah well, you better get a model that gets better mileage because th milk man filled her up this morning.”
My dad is like my depression you need a suicide letter to find him
My mom is the jelly and my dad is the peanut butter And I am the bread the only thin keeping them together.
I was watching my daughter at a park she was playing with a few people another parent came up to me and said which was is yours, just for fun i said “i am still choosing” she looked horrified
My Mom said: I have a daughter that killed herself for getting bullied. Well i said: Have you seen her?
Bully: I bet your dick is so small when you look down in the the sower you can’t even see it. Guy: No I see your sister’s head
I named my daughter Kennedy so when I talked about how her brain was shot out of her head people just thought I paid really close attention in history.
Boy: why is my sister named Rose Dad: someone threw a rose out of a car and it hit her in the head Boy: okay Dad Dad: No problem Brick
Daughter: “Hey dad, how do you feel about abortion?” Father: "Ask your sister” Daughter: “I don’t have a…”
My dad is like my virginity. I lost him at 12
my sister reminds me of 911 one moan of OMG got everyone’s attention.
Why did the Santa go to work because he was just trying out the work ????
My dad is like Hurricane Katrina. I haven’t seen either sense 2005
jack and jill went down to hell to fetch ur mothers bladder her bladder broke u two are soaked and now u have a daughter cuz in that bladder was me
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