I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.
A grandfather is on his rocking chair. His grandson comes to him asks him to croak, to which the grandfather responds with a “no”. His granddaughter then comes along and asks him to croak, to which the grandfather responds, “Why do you keep asking me to croak?” The granddaughter replies, “Because Dad says if you do, we get to go to Disneyland.”
What’s the difference between a clock and an orphans dad? The clock comes back around.
My parents raised me as an only child, which really pissed off my sister.
why do orphans eat cereal with water? because their dad never came home with the milk
Wife:Honey im pregnant Husband:Hi Pregnant im dad Wife:No you’re not
Gun control in America is perfect the way it is, because the other day my daughter was seeing a boy and i caught them in bed. Then i pulled out my shotgun and nearly shot him. As he was running away I shouted " The only person allowed to f*ck my daughter is me!".
Yo sis come here sis: what. Me: oh sorry you doing school sis: yup me can i go sis:no way you’re going to hug me me: i love you
2 boys came home for dinner late and their mother asked, “where have you boys been?” 1 of them replied with, “we were all over the neighborhood, we’re mail men now.” Their snobby teen sister said, “well your not real mail men, real mail men use real letters.” Then 1 of the boys said, “actually we used real letters, we found a whole box of them under your bed.”
I was thinking of a good accident joke and I asked my sister, she said you
What did the paintings name their daughter? Palette
How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period? She can taste the blood off her son’s cock!
My dad posted a picture of his condom challenge fail to his social media - it was a picture of me.
Dinosaurs are like my dad. I never got the see either of them and they are now extinct
Little Johhny is walking around and peaks in his parents room, catching them having sex so he asks, “What are you guys doing?” and they reply “Nothing, nothing! we’re just uh, making cake” and they send him away. So he continues walking around and he hears some strange noises coming from his brothers room so he walks in and catches his brother and his brothers girlfriend having sex and then asks him “What are you guys doing?” and his brother yells “Get out! were making cake!” So Johnny leaves and goes to his room. The next day the whole family is at the dinner table and Little Johnny turns to his sister and says “So, you and your boyfriend were making cake last night huh!” and she replies “OMG! Howd you know! ?!?” and Johnny replies “Because, I licked the icing off the couch” ayyyyyy.
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