Family jokes

I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.

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Yo sis come here sis: what. Me: oh sorry you doing school sis: yup me can i go sis:no way you’re going to hug me me: i love you

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I wont ever Forget my dads last words: “OH GOD THE POLICE!!!”

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So my teacher’s daughter commited suicide. One day Ima go up to her and say “What’s wrong did Logan Paul leave your daughter hangin’”.

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My sister’s bf is mad at me cuz I f@cked his girl

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My dad is like my depression you need a suicide letter to find him

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What do you call a fish with no eye? Fsh.

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I told my friend yesterday he’s literally my dad. He didn’t show up for the rest of the year.

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Wife:Honey im pregnant Husband:Hi Pregnant im dad Wife:No you’re not

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Bf: Do you love me? Gf: Most of time. Bf: Well it’s either yes or no. Gf: … Bf: Well when is it that you don’t love me? Gf: 2:30 to 4:00. Every time when you to the river an hour than it takes me a half hour to love you again. Bf: Why? Gf: Cuz you always see that OTHER GIRL. Bf: MY LOVE! That other girl is my sister!!! Gf: Ohh…

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My sister argued with me that you can’t make a car out of spaghetti, you should have seen her face when I drove pasta

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My friend told me he had a sister. i asked if she was hot and he said she was 8. that wasnt my question

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Brother: I can hear you using the vibrator every night, I’m right here if you need help Sister: that’s my fu__ing electric toothbrush Brother: oh, well the offer still stands. So a guy named Nathaniel just came home, and when he enters his sister’s room, he sees her f***ing a piece of broccoli. And Nathaniel says, “Abbie, what’s wrong with you? I was going to eat that later, and now it smells like broccoli!”

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As a little boy I walked in on my parents having intercourse one night, and of course, my parents stopped and sent me back to bed. The next day my dad tells me “Don’t worry son, I wasn’t hurting mommy, we were just trying to make you a little sister.” So, when I was young I always wanted a pet. I then looked at my father and asked “Could you do mommy doggy style next time? I want a puppy.”

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Boy: why is my sister named Rose Dad: someone threw a rose out of a car and it hit her in the head Boy: okay Dad Dad: No problem Brick

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