Family jokes

Wife:Honey im pregnant Husband:Hi Pregnant im dad Wife:No you’re not

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i cought my girlfriend cheating on me, with our dad. Q:What did the elephant say to the naked man? A:How do you breathe through that little thing?

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You know whats the worst about having a daughter with cancer? You can’t pull her hair when you hit it from the back “Dad, how do stars die?” – “Usually an overdose.”

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y do orphans eat cereal with water there dad did not come back with the milk

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A doctor is telling three women what they are addicted to. He says to the first one "You are addicted to money, you named your daughter Penny" He says to the second one "You are addicted to food, you named you daughter Candy" Then the third one whispers to her son “Come on Dick, lets go.”

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Corn and corn WHERE IS POPCORN!?!?!

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My Aunt visited and saw all of the stuff around the house my mom had kept over the years and said “If you have something that no one likes, and it only makes people upset, or its useless, throw it away.” the next time my Aunt visited she said “Where is you daughter? ” my Mom said “I took your advice”

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Orphan boy:Your dad is probably dissapointed of you i mean look at you Me: well at least my parents kept me wheres yours

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My mom is the jelly and my dad is the peanut butter And I am the bread the only thin keeping them together.

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If there is a divorce in West Virginia Are they still brother and Sister?

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My dad was a master of his art; being compared to Houdini. Due his skill in disappearing.

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I saw my sister masturbating with a carrot. I said “Come on I was gonna eat that later! Now it’s just gonna taste like carrots!”

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Dad: I’m giving all your toys to the orphanage Kid: Why are you doing that? Dad: So you won’t get bored there

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Q: What did the drunk emo say to the bartender? A: Nothing! He was hung over. My sister thinks shes so smart, shes said onions are the only food that makes you cry So I threw a coconut at her

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My daughter has gotten to the age where she asks me embarrassing questions about sex. Just this morning she asked me “is that the best you can do?”

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