Teacher: You cant be here after school without a parent! Orphan: -no response-
My Mom said: I have a daughter that killed herself for getting bullied. Well i said: Have you seen her?
How do you give a redneck a circumcision? Kick his sister in the jaw.
Funny thing happened today, my dad came home from work which is weird cause he’s a suicide bomber.
Aunt: Stop telling the kids Santa isn’t real Me: Stop telling them their dad is going to get milk
Guys my sisters pregnant! Im finally a dad!
A brother and a sister always got into fights. One day the brother tells the sister, “your adopted” the sister yells back, “At least they wanted me!”
My friends daughter is taking a job in California parking cars. She says she wants to be a valet girl. For sure. For sure.
A young family moved into a house next to a vacant lot. One day a construction crew tumed up to start building a house on the empty lot. The young family’s 5.year.old daughter naturally took an interest in all the activity going on next door and ll spent much of each day observing the workers. Eventually the construction crew, more or less adopted her as a kind of project mascot. "mey chatted with her, let her slt with them while they had coffee and lunch breaks, and gave her little lobs to do here and there to make her feel Important. At the end of the first week, they even presented her with a poy envelope containing ten dollars. The little girl took this home to her mother who suggested that she take her $1 0 "pay ’ to the bank the next day to start a savings account When the girl and her mom got to the bank, the teller was equally Impressed and asked the little girl how she had come by her very own paycheck at such a young age. The little girl proudly replied, ‘l worked last week with a real construction crew building the new house next door to us.’ ‘Oh, my goodness gracious,’ said the teller, ‘and will you be working on the house again this week, too?’ The little girl replied, "l will, it those assholes at Lowe’s ever deliver the tucking sheet rock ’
You know whats the worst about having a daughter with cancer? You can’t pull her hair when you hit it from the back “Dad, how do stars die?” – “Usually an overdose.”
Pp almighty stabeth thy! Then my sister said just put it in.
What do you call you’re daughter’s boyfriend when he brings her back past 10pm? An ambulance
Q:Why did the father through butter out the window?A:he wanted to see a butterfly
The weirdest thing happened yesterday. My dad came back from work… He’s a suicide bomber.
How do you circumcise someone from Alabama? Kick his sisters jaw
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