Family jokes

My dad posted a picture of his condom challenge fail to his social media - it was a picture of me.

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Q: What did the drunk emo say to the bartender? A: Nothing! He was hung over. My sister thinks shes so smart, shes said onions are the only food that makes you cry So I threw a coconut at her

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My friends daughter is taking a job in California parking cars. She says she wants to be a valet girl. For sure. For sure.

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Pp almighty stabeth thy! Then my sister said just put it in.

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I was watching my daughter play at the park, a woman came up to me and asked which one was mine, I said I was still choosing.

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You wanna know what i want for Christmas? My dad to come back with the milk he said he was gonna get.

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why do orphans eat cereal with water? because their dad never came home with the milk

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Dad: What did you learn in school today? Timmy: Not enough, I guess, ‘cus I gotta go back tomorrow.

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A dad told his son never to hit girls so the sun repeid i promis. When the sun got older he was doing the dirty with "a girl " and the girl sais spank me daddy… and the sons repsonds my dad said never to hit a girl. and the “girl” takes of the wig and its his dad and the dad said good job son!.. Son:… um

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You have to do this and my sister said well I don’t care and I said well you care enough to respond back oh my gosh.

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Screw sister from a mister or brother from another mother. We besties from another testie.

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What do you call a boomerang that never comes back? Daddy

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My sister argued with me that you can’t make a car out of spaghetti, you should have seen her face when I drove pasta

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Teacher: Ok class I’m going to ask a question about your family. Alex: Miss my Dad died In 9/11 Teacher: OH NO IM SO SORRY! Alex: Don’t worry miss It was only Dad and besides he did what he wanted before he died. Teacher: What was that? Alex: Flew the plane.

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I haven’t talked to my wife in three weeks. – I didn’t want to interrupt her. A female class teacher was having a problem with a boy in her class in Grade 3… The boy said, “Madam, I should be in Grade 4. I am smarter than my sister & she’s in Grade 4”. The Madam had heard enough and took the boy to the principal.The principal decided to test the boy with some

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