Family jokes

I told my friend yesterday he’s literally my dad. He didn’t show up for the rest of the year.

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I love you Hebrew john

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my sister reminds me of 911 one moan of OMG got everyone’s attention.

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What did the drummer call his 2 twin daughters? Anna 1 Anna 2

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The average human male walks for five miles, but the gas station is ten miles away. So why does it take fifteen years for my dad to buy cigarettes?

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What does a dad and the Twin Towers have in common? Once they’re gone they never come back.

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What do u call a grown up with ur sister, ur best friend

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Bf: Do you love me? Gf: Most of time. Bf: Well it’s either yes or no. Gf: … Bf: Well when is it that you don’t love me? Gf: 2:30 to 4:00. Every time when you to the river an hour than it takes me a half hour to love you again. Bf: Why? Gf: Cuz you always see that OTHER GIRL. Bf: MY LOVE! That other girl is my sister!!! Gf: Ohh…

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Daughter: Dad Dad: Yes honey Daughter: Im Lesbian Dad: Ok Daughter 2: Dad Dad: Yes? Daughter 2: Im lesbian too Dad: GOD does anyone like boys around here Son: I do…

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One day a father and a daughter were at a park. The daughter accidentally kills a butterfly. The father says, “Just because you killed the butterfly, you don’t get butter for a week.” They were there the next day, and the daughter kills a cockroach. The father laughs and says, “Nice try.”

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So a daughter goes to her dad and says “daddy can I borrow the car?” He the tells her “you know what to do”. So then she proceeds to suck him off, almost immediately pulls out in disgust and says “ugh tastes like shit” her dad then said “damn I forgot your brother took the car”

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jack and rose went on a cruise to do it in the water. jack seldom wore a condom, and now they have a daughter.

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Little Johnny catches his parents going at it and says “hey dad! Whatcha doin?” His father says “I’m filling your moms tank” Johnny says, “oh yeah well, you better get a model that gets better mileage because th milk man filled her up this morning.”

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1st daughter: Dad I;m lesbian! Dad: oh OK! 2nd daughter: I’m also lesbian Dad: WTF does any 1 in this family love d!cks?!? Son: I do…

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So I was f@cking my daughter the other day and my wife walked in… I don’t know what was funnier the look on her face or that the abortion clinic let me keep her

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