Q:Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack? A:He only comes once a year.
I’d tell a joke about my abusive dad but I only remember the punch line.
Sometimes, I think back on all the mistakes I’ve ever made. Then I realize “My daughter isn’t THAT bad…”
Who named their daughter Macadamia? A couple of nuts.
What’s the difference between my phone and my sister? I actually give a damn if my phone dies.
I was once caught doing it with a 16 year old in my bedroom. Boy was my wife mad. She yelled “HOW CAN YOU F… OUR DAUGHTER?!”. Haha yeah she was mad. Anyways thats why your mother and I are getting a divorce Timmy.
What’s the difference between a clock and an orphans dad? The clock comes back around.
My friend was pissed of with me. I was sniffing his sisters knickers. It was worse that they were still on her. It was worse the family were there. It made the rest of her funeral really awkward
My dad was a master of his art; being compared to Houdini. Due his skill in disappearing.
What do you call a boomerang that never comes back? Daddy
jack and Jill went up the hill to do it in the water, jack slipped and the condom ripped now they have a daughter
The average human male walks for five miles, but the gas station is ten miles away. So why does it take fifteen years for my dad to buy cigarettes?
My sister asked me what is dark humour i asked what does a cannibal call a pregnant woman? KINDERSURPRISE!
Son: Dad am I adopted? Father: What? No! Out of all the kids in the adoption center do you really think I would pick u?
What runs but never stop
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