I was watching my daughter at a park she was playing with a few people another parent came up to me and said which was is yours, just for fun i said “i am still choosing” she looked horrified
911 jokes are just plane wrong, my dad was a great pilot you know. This joke problably flew over peoples heads, but for some people it flew into their head I was in Alabama last year. I walked into a store and noticed a couple kissing eachother and I said excuse where is the bathroom and the man said right over there. I went into the bathroom and then heard the girl say “Dad I have to go to school soon”
Girl: How do you feel about abortion? Dad: Ask your sister Girl: I don’t have a …
My Aunt visited and saw all of the stuff around the house my mom had kept over the years and said “If you have something that no one likes, and it only makes people upset, or its useless, throw it away.” the next time my Aunt visited she said “Where is you daughter? ” my Mom said “I took your advice”
Daughter: Dad, what’s your opinion on abortions? Dad: Ask your sister Daughter: But I don’t have a sister Dad: Exactly
The average human male walks for five miles, but the gas station is ten miles away. So why does it take fifteen years for my dad to buy cigarettes?
Who named their daughter Macadamia? A couple of nuts.
Son: Dad, why did name my sister Paris? Dad: Because she was made there. Son: Thanks, Dad. Dad: You’re welcome, Backseat.
one day, little Sally hears the phone ringing. she picks it up "Hello, this is daddy, Sally. Is your mom nearby." Sally says, “No, shes upstairs with Uncle john” “Uncle john? i don’t know an Uncle John.” “no, no, no, you must be mistaken, daddy” “no i’m sure there’s no one named Uncle John in our family.” “Okay, but why did you call?” Says Sally. “Ummm no reason, just tell mommy that daddy’s pulling into the driveway right now.” “Okay daddy!” long pause "Okay daddy! I did it!’ “Great job Sally! What did she says?” “Mommy said OH FU… and then she ran around with no clothes on and tripped on the carpet and hit her head on the bookshelf. shes now resting it looks like… then Uncle John screams and jumps out the window into the swimming pool, but of course we took all the water out this winter…” then dad replies “Swimming pool? we dont have a…is this 468-1843?”
I wont ever Forget my dads last words: “OH GOD THE POLICE!!!”
Do one day i was sitting on my couch watching youtube when i heard a knock on the door. i opened the door and to my surprise it was my dad. i haven’t seen him in 16 years, so i let him in. i noticed he had a gallon of milk in his hand and he went to the kitchen and put the milk in the fridge. then he walked towards me and said “Oh no! i forgot the cereal! ” then he walked out the door and drove away. i never saw him again
To All The Naruto Fans: sharingan is red rasengan are blue if you dare touch my daughter ill chidori you
Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water, Jack was surprised to see she had different eyes and that’s when he realized… Jack had f@cked Jill’s daughter
My dad always told me I should sing tenor. Ten or twelve miles away
What do you call a boomerang that never comes back? Daddy
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