My daughter said i could never make a car out of spaghetti, you should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!!!
Tits are like Lego bricks. They’re there for the kid, but dad ends up playing with them.
What do the twin towers and my ex-girlfriend have in common? They both went down on my dad.
The Mother and her Daughter went to the store. After they arrived, the Daughter looked around and ran off somewhere. The Mother realized this and took off looking for her, after awhile, she found her tugging on a black man, the Mother asked “What are you doing” and the Daughter replied “I wan’t the chocolate”
Most states: “It’s ok, it won’t be awkward. We’re still friends.” Alabama: “She didn’t wanna be my girlfriend anymore. But she said she’ll still be my sister.”
My friend Jimmy said his dad is exactly like Santa, I asked “Why is it because he gives people presents?” Jimmy told me “No it’s because I hear so many good things about him but and how he’s gonna come home, but never see him.”
My Aunt visited and saw all of the stuff around the house my mom had kept over the years and said “If you have something that no one likes, and it only makes people upset, or its useless, throw it away.” the next time my Aunt visited she said “Where is you daughter? ” my Mom said “I took your advice”
A son walks up to his dad and says "Dad! I just had sex for the first time." The dad goes "Great! Wanna sit down and talk about it? “ The son says "I cant sit right now, my butt is very sore.”
So I was f@cking my daughter the other day and my wife walked in… I don’t know what was funnier the look on her face or that the abortion clinic let me keep her
whats the difference between a lambo and a boner your sister didnt give me a lambo
I named my daughter Kennedy so when I talked about how her brain was shot out of her head people just thought I paid really close attention in history.
In life it’s either Yeet or get beat and I clearly failed yeeting as a child as my dad beat me
Name Something you practiced kissing on as a kid. Sister SWEET HOME ALABAMA
You marry a single mother with an adult daughter. Now, your father marries the daughter. So, your father is your son now, because he is married to your daughter-in-law. But as your father’s son and your father’s father, you’re your own grandpa!
Q: What did the drunk emo say to the bartender? A: Nothing! He was hung over. My sister thinks shes so smart, shes said onions are the only food that makes you cry So I threw a coconut at her
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