Daughter: So, I got my period. Mom: That’s wonderful, dear! Now you can bleed for a whole week a month without dying! Daughter: That’s nice, Mum, but isn’t the whole point of getting your period dying? Mom: Yes, but you have to kill yourself a little longer to live through to the another day. Daughter: Thanks, Mum. That makes a whole lot of sense. (Sarcastically) Mom: You’re welcome, honey. (Clueless. Obviously.)
I named my daughter Kennedy so when I talked about how her brain was shot out of her head people just thought I paid really close attention in history.
roses are red violets are violets my dad died in 9/11 and he was a good piolet
When my dad left he said he would bring back the milk but 20 years later he only came with my new sister and eggs. And I confronted him and he said “I used all the milk to make your sister”
why do orphans eat cereal with water? because their dad never came home with the milk
My Aunt visited and saw all of the stuff around the house my mom had kept over the years and said “If you have something that no one likes, and it only makes people upset, or its useless, throw it away.” the next time my Aunt visited she said “Where is you daughter? ” my Mom said “I took your advice”
One day my mom told me to take out the trash and I did . The next day mom asked me where is your sister and I said a garbage truck took her. Mom started running to try and get the truck before it left
Why hasn’t my dad come back? No seriously I’m not joking
You know whats the worst about having a daughter with cancer? You can’t pull her hair when you hit it from the back “Dad, how do stars die?” – “Usually an overdose.”
What do you say to your sister when she’s crying? – “Are you having a crisis?”
My daughter said i could never make a car out of spaghetti, you should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!!!
My friend told me he had a sister. i asked if she was hot and he said she was 8. that wasnt my question
What do you call a fish with no eye? Fsh.
Corn and corn WHERE IS POPCORN!?!?!
my mom said take out the trash and i said okay. the next day she asked “where is your sister”, and i said in line to get crushed.
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