How does an Alabama mother know when her daughter is on her period? She can taste the blood off her son’s cock!
The Coach of the Detroit Lions had put together the perfect football team. But then his quarterback got blindsided and was out for the season with a knee injury. Then his backup went down with a concussion. He tried the trading route, free agents, but nobody any good was available. One evening while watching the news from Iraq, he saw a young Iraqi soldier
A grandfather is on his rocking chair. His grandson comes to him asks him to croak, to which the grandfather responds with a “no”. His granddaughter then comes along and asks him to croak, to which the grandfather responds, “Why do you keep asking me to croak?” The granddaughter replies, “Because Dad says if you do, we get to go to Disneyland.”
When my dad left he said he would bring back the milk but 20 years later he only came with my new sister and eggs. And I confronted him and he said “I used all the milk to make your sister”
Dad: I’m giving all your toys to the orphanage Kid: Why are you doing that? Dad: So you won’t get bored there
A cat gets its tail run over, and it’s mother assured him it’ll be okay. “You just have to stay PAW-sitive!” The mother was later killed in her sleep because her son hates puns. At the funeral, one of her daughters said, “You have CAT to be KITTEN me right MEOW!” Guess who dies next.
A family of 3, a dad, a mom, and a 12 year old son are driving in the car when the dad says, “How about we play a little game of two truths and a lie. It’ll be fun.” “Ok,” the mom and son reply happily. “Let me start,” says the son. “Ok, go ahead,” replies the mom. “I hate video games, I hate school, and I love junk food,” says the son. “Ooh ooh! You do love junk food, you do hate school, and you don’t hate video games.” Says the mom. “Your right!” He replies. “I’ll go next,” says the dad. I love your mom, you’re adopted, and my dad almost died in WWII.” “Hmm… Your dad did not almost die in WWII, obviously I’m not adopted, and you do love my mom. ” Says the son. “The lie isn’t that your adopted.” Says the dad.
Dad: "if they jumped off a bridge would you?" Tommy: “yes, cuz there would be a body pile to break my fall!”
Son: Dad am I adopted? Father: What? No! Out of all the kids in the adoption center do you really think I would pick u?
my mom said take out the trash and i said okay. the next day she asked “where is your sister”, and i said in line to get crushed.
What do the twin towers and my ex-girlfriend have in common? They both went down on my dad.
Little Johnny catches his parents going at it and says “hey dad! Whatcha doin?” His father says “I’m filling your moms tank” Johnny says, “oh yeah well, you better get a model that gets better mileage because th milk man filled her up this morning.”
what do you call a dad in the mirror? ( Your imagination )
My daughter said i could never make a car out of spaghetti, you should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!!!
I saw my sister masturbating with a carrot. I said “Come on I was gonna eat that later! Now it’s just gonna taste like carrots!”
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