Dad: What time do u wanna go to the dentist? Daughter: tooth hurty Dad: all right
A cat gets its tail run over, and it’s mother assured him it’ll be okay. “You just have to stay PAW-sitive!” The mother was later killed in her sleep because her son hates puns. At the funeral, one of her daughters said, “You have CAT to be KITTEN me right MEOW!” Guess who dies next.
Daughter: “Hey dad, how do you feel about abortion?” Father: "Ask your sister” Daughter: “I don’t have a…”
I saw my sister masturbating with a carrot. I said “Come on I was gonna eat that later! Now it’s just gonna taste like carrots!”
My friends daughter is taking a job in California parking cars. She says she wants to be a valet girl. For sure. For sure.
Teacher: Ok class I’m going to ask a question about your family. Alex: Miss my Dad died In 9/11 Teacher: OH NO IM SO SORRY! Alex: Don’t worry miss It was only Dad and besides he did what he wanted before he died. Teacher: What was that? Alex: Flew the plane.
White 40 year olds love little white kids and so does trump! The biggest hands to touch the kids and his daughter! So I heard the CEO gave her daughter a really good spot in the company. Everyone is mad but I think it just goes to show that it pays to sleep with your boss.
my sister reminds me of 911 one moan of OMG got everyone’s attention.
Bully: I bet your dick is so small when you look down in the the sower you can’t even see it. Guy: No I see your sister’s head
Daughter: Mommy? Mom: Hey Daughter: What kind of kids do they use to make sour patch kids? Mom: They don’t use kids to make sour patch kids Daughter: Oh that’s why the ones I made taste kind of funny…
The weirdest thing happened yesterday. My dad came back from work… He’s a suicide bomber.
My sister and I were both adopted from the same country, and my parents say they got us on a “two for one special.”
When does a joke become a dad joke? When it Leaves and never comes back
How do you give a redneck a circumcision? Kick his sister in the jaw.
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