Family jokes

What do the twin towers and my ex-girlfriend have in common? They both went down on my dad.

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Q: what’s worst fingerbanging your sister? A: finding your dads wedding ring

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So a daughter goes to her dad and says “daddy can I borrow the car?” He the tells her “you know what to do”. So then she proceeds to suck him off, almost immediately pulls out in disgust and says “ugh tastes like shit” her dad then said “damn I forgot your brother took the car”

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My sister thinks shes so smart she said only and onion can make you cry so i brought the belt out and she started crying

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So I was in the car with my mom one time and we always joke about me being adopted (I am not) and Michael Jackson’s song Billie Jean sounds like my name and so my mom says, as the song is playing, (my name) is not my daughter, she’s just a girl who claims that I am her mum. Wow. applauds for mother Love you momma =)

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Orphan boy:Your dad is probably dissapointed of you i mean look at you Me: well at least my parents kept me wheres yours

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I called my boss the other Monday and told him I needed the day off because I was sick. He said “how sick?”. I said “well I’m in bed with my 12 year old sister”.

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Knock knock who there interrupting cow interrupting cow moo ??????????????????

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Dad: I’m giving all your toys to the orphanage Kid: Why are you doing that? Dad: So you won’t get bored there

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Brian has a crush on a cute girl Sally from school so he goes and tells his dad about her and he says sorry son you cant like her she is your sister. So Brian is okay with it and he starts to like another girl Madison and he goes up to his dad and says I have a crush on this girl Madison and again the dad goes oh sorry son you cant like any girl in school they are all your sisters so he goes crying to his mom and says dad said I cant like any girl because they are all my sisters and the mom goes oh it’s okay you can like any girl you want because he is not your dad.

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What the Nazi say when a doll hit his daughter? A-doll Hit-her! Boy: The principal is so dumb! Girl: Do you know who I am? Boy: No… Girl: I am the principal’s daughter! Boy: Do you know who I am? Girl: No… Boy: Good! Walks away

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One day my mom told me to take out the trash and I did . The next day mom asked me where is your sister and I said a garbage truck took her. Mom started running to try and get the truck before it left

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What’s the difference between my phone and my sister? I actually give a damn if my phone dies.

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To All The Naruto Fans: sharingan is red rasengan are blue if you dare touch my daughter ill chidori you

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So a daughter asks her father “dad what is you opinion on abortions?” So her father says why don’t you ask your sister. The daughter responds “but I don’t have a sister… Oh”

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