What did the the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!
My girlfriend asked me to write her a poem for Valentines Day: Roses are red, Watches are gold. Get on your knees, And do as you’re told. What’s the difference between your girlfriend and sister ? Nothing if your from Alabama
Why hasn’t my dad come back? No seriously I’m not joking
A heavily pregnant woman is in an accident and gives birth to twins while comatose. Upon awakening some days later, the doctors tell her that her brother Tom filled out the birth certificates while she was out. “Oh no, Tom’s an idiot, what did he name my daughter?” she asked the nurse. “Denise.” “That’s not a bad name. And what did he name the boy?” “Tom Junior.”
So I was f@cking my daughter the other day and my wife walked in… I don’t know what was funnier the look on her face or that the abortion clinic let me keep her
What’s the difference between a clock and an orphans dad? The clock comes back around.
what do you call a bear without teeth? A gummy bear hahaha
Sometimes i feel ugly, then i think of my sister and feel better
My sister and I were both adopted from the same country, and my parents say they got us on a “two for one special.”
The last words my Dad spoke before he passed was, “Honey put down the knife we were only talking about getting a divorce.”
White 40 year olds love little white kids and so does trump! The biggest hands to touch the kids and his daughter! So I heard the CEO gave her daughter a really good spot in the company. Everyone is mad but I think it just goes to show that it pays to sleep with your boss.
There was a costume party on Halloween. Everyone was there except one guy. Many people asked his brother where he was. His reply was, “Oh, he wanted to be our dad for Halloween.”
The average human male walks for five miles, but the gas station is ten miles away. So why does it take fifteen years for my dad to buy cigarettes?
What did Luke Skywalker say when he saw someone bullying his sister? You better not Leia finger on her!
How do you know your sister is on her period? Your dad’s c–k tastes like s–t!
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