My friends daughter is taking a job in California parking cars. She says she wants to be a valet girl. For sure. For sure.
Sometimes, I think back on all the mistakes I’ve ever made. Then I realize “My daughter isn’t THAT bad…”
Daughter: Dad, what’s your opinion on abortions? Dad: Ask your sister Daughter: But I don’t have a sister Dad: Exactly
my mom said to take out the trash bags so i did and the next day my mom asked “where are your sisters?” i said “in line to get crushed”
I saw my sister masturbating with a carrot. I said “Come on I was gonna eat that later! Now it’s just gonna taste like carrots!”
Orphans always dip their Oreos in water? Hoping their dad comes back with the milk.
There once was a brother and a sister so one night it’s storming really bad and the sister goes into the brothers room and asks " can I stay with you tonight because I’m scared" the brother replies with " yea sure but just don’t tell Mom" so the girl climbs into the bed and looks under the sheets to see the boys penis and asks “what’s that?” And the boy replies with “that’s my pet snake” and the girl asks “can I pet it?” And the boy says “sure just don’t tell Mom” and the boy falls asleep and wakes up in a hospital and asks “what happened” and the girl said “I pet the snake but it spit on me so I bit it’s head off” My conversion therapy done worked. Now I only sleep with my sister and not my brother.
My friend got mad when he caught me smelling his sister’s panties. I don’t know why he was mad, maybe because she was wearimg them, or because his whole family was watching. Either way it made the funeral a bit awkward.
Dad: how was your trip to the park? Daughter: it was good until the man came along. Dad: gasps whatever happened, it wasn’t your fault, but tell Daddy, what happened? Daughter: he made my friends go away so it was just me and him… then he took my dress off… Dad: oh God, what next? Daughter: Nothing, that was it. Dad: oh, come on! that wasn’t exciting, make something up!
One day my mom told me to take out the trash and I did . The next day mom asked me where is your sister and I said a garbage truck took her. Mom started running to try and get the truck before it left
What’s the difference between a clock and an orphans dad? The clock comes back around.
Little Sally found out that she had hair on her private area and whent up to her mom and asked “mom I have hair on my privates,what is it?” “OH honey thats your monkey.” The mom says So little Sally runs up to her big sister and says “my monkey has hair on it” so the sister replies with a laugh "you think thats cool my monkey is already eating bananas
Most states: “It’s ok, it won’t be awkward. We’re still friends.” Alabama: “She didn’t wanna be my girlfriend anymore. But she said she’ll still be my sister.”
A son walks up to his dad and says "Dad! I just had sex for the first time." The dad goes "Great! Wanna sit down and talk about it? “ The son says "I cant sit right now, my butt is very sore.”
I told my sister I was into incest. She took it really hard. ????
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