Daughter: mommy what ever happened to Steven hawking? Mother: he died. Daughter: how did he die? Mother: he never got recharged.
my 14 year old daughter went shopping at grocery story she gets to the register and she asked the cashier to scan her scarred wrist , the cashier scanned it and replied with " ma’am this item is worthless "
Gun control in America is perfect the way it is, because the other day my daughter was seeing a boy and i caught them in bed. Then i pulled out my shotgun and nearly shot him. As he was running away I shouted " The only person allowed to f*ck my daughter is me!".
I named my daughter Kennedy so when I talked about how her brain was shot out of her head people just thought I paid really close attention in history.
My parents raised me as an only child, which really pissed off my sister.
What did Luke Skywalker say when he saw someone bullying his sister? You better not Leia finger on her!
What did the paintings name their daughter? Palette
What do you call you’re daughter’s boyfriend when he brings her back past 10pm? An ambulance
My sister thinks shes so smart she said only and onion can make you cry so i brought the belt out and she started crying
Do one day i was sitting on my couch watching youtube when i heard a knock on the door. i opened the door and to my surprise it was my dad. i haven’t seen him in 16 years, so i let him in. i noticed he had a gallon of milk in his hand and he went to the kitchen and put the milk in the fridge. then he walked towards me and said “Oh no! i forgot the cereal! ” then he walked out the door and drove away. i never saw him again
So Kenny finally found his one true love. But he can’t be with her because it’s illegal to marry your sister.
One night a girl said to her family "Goodnight Mommy, Goodnight Daddy, Goodnight Grandma, Goodbye Grandpa. the next morning her grandpa died. That night she said "Goodnight mommy, Goodnight daddy, Goodbye Grandma. the next morning the grandma died. The dad started to fear for his life because he was next. That night the girl said "Goodnight mommy, Goodbye daddy. the next morning the dad woke up and he was perfectly fine but when he went into the kitchen he saw his wife crying. when he asked her whats wrong she said “The Mail Man died”.
A proud new dad sits down with his own father. His father says, “Son,you now have a child of your own, so I think it’s time I gave you this.” And so, he pulls out a book: 1001 Dad Jokes. The young man says, “Dad, I’m honored, ” as tears well up in his eyes. His father says, “Hi, Honoured, I’m Dad.”
Why did the brother cross the road? Because The Sister Farted.
What makes a joke a dad joke? I don’t know. I don’t even have one as an example.
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