My Mom said: I have a daughter that killed herself for getting bullied. Well i said: Have you seen her?
My friend Jimmy said his dad is exactly like Santa, I asked “Why is it because he gives people presents?” Jimmy told me “No it’s because I hear so many good things about him but and how he’s gonna come home, but never see him.”
daughter:dad why did mom do best? dad:nothing except pretend to love us and leave daughter:so she only loves my sister? dad:yep
Most states: “It’s ok, it won’t be awkward. We’re still friends.” Alabama: “She didn’t wanna be my girlfriend anymore. But she said she’ll still be my sister.”
Sometimes, I think back on all the mistakes I’ve ever made. Then I realize “My daughter isn’t THAT bad…”
What’s the worst part of Breaking up with a Japanese girl? You have to drop the bomb twice until she finally gets it. I have a problem my dad any my girlfriend have the same birthday. So one took my virginity and the other is my girlfriend
So a daughter asks her father “dad what is you opinion on abortions?” So her father says why don’t you ask your sister. The daughter responds “but I don’t have a sister… Oh”
I complimented my neighbor’s skeleton decoration for Halloween but they just told me that it’s their anorexic daughter. Please read all of it I know it’s long please read all of it. This dad heard his daughter praying as she was praying she came to an end: " Goodnight grandma, goodbye grandpa, goodnight daddy, goodnight mommy. The dad didn’t think about the grandpa part and headed to bed. The next morning the mom and dad heard that the grandpa died the dad thought it was just coincidence so he carried on his day. At night he heard his daughter again: “Goodbye grandma, goodnight daddy, goodnight mommy. After he heard goodbye grandma his facial expression changed and went straight to bed. The next morning the grandma died out of nowhere the dad began to worry and continued on his day, at night he heard his daughter again " Goodbye daddy, goodnight mommy. The dad got scared so he had a plan to go to work and stay hidden there so that’s what he did. When he got home the next day his wife asked where he had been and he replied back " Sorry honey I had a horrible day today.” She replied back saying: " OH YOU THINK YOU HAD A BAD THE MAILMAN JUST DIED ON THE FRONTPORCH THIS MORNING" If you get it you get it.
My dad died when we couldn’t remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without him.
Bully: I bet your dick is so small when you look down in the the sower you can’t even see it. Guy: No I see your sister’s head
Gun control in America is perfect the way it is, because the other day my daughter was seeing a boy and i caught them in bed. Then i pulled out my shotgun and nearly shot him. As he was running away I shouted " The only person allowed to f*ck my daughter is me!".
dark humor is like a dad not everyone gets it
Why did the Santa go to work because he was just trying out the work ????
“I bought my little sister a trampoline for her birthday but all she wants to do is sit in her wheelchair and cry”
Do one day i was sitting on my couch watching youtube when i heard a knock on the door. i opened the door and to my surprise it was my dad. i haven’t seen him in 16 years, so i let him in. i noticed he had a gallon of milk in his hand and he went to the kitchen and put the milk in the fridge. then he walked towards me and said “Oh no! i forgot the cereal! ” then he walked out the door and drove away. i never saw him again
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