Family jokes

911 jokes are just plane wrong, my dad was a great pilot you know. This joke problably flew over peoples heads, but for some people it flew into their head I was in Alabama last year. I walked into a store and noticed a couple kissing eachother and I said excuse where is the bathroom and the man said right over there. I went into the bathroom and then heard the girl say “Dad I have to go to school soon”

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My daughter is the most adorable little girl in the world. She’s got my sister’s eyes.

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my 14 year old daughter went shopping at grocery story she gets to the register and she asked the cashier to scan her scarred wrist , the cashier scanned it and replied with " ma’am this item is worthless "

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The doctor told me I had aids I said it’s your fault sister.

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Pp almighty stabeth thy! Then my sister said just put it in.

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1st daughter: Dad I;m lesbian! Dad: oh OK! 2nd daughter: I’m also lesbian Dad: WTF does any 1 in this family love d!cks?!? Son: I do…

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Do one day i was sitting on my couch watching youtube when i heard a knock on the door. i opened the door and to my surprise it was my dad. i haven’t seen him in 16 years, so i let him in. i noticed he had a gallon of milk in his hand and he went to the kitchen and put the milk in the fridge. then he walked towards me and said “Oh no! i forgot the cereal! ” then he walked out the door and drove away. i never saw him again

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My Daughter is Super Smart! She pours her own drinks on the floor

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My mum told me to stop playing with my sister; she said at least wait for her to be born first.

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What do you call you’re daughter’s boyfriend when he brings her back past 10pm? An ambulance

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Q: What’s the difference between me and cancer? A: My dad didn’t beat cancer…

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Once upon a time, fraternal twins, brother and sisters, with almost 100% equal DNA were separated at birth. At the age of 42, they were married, had 2 sons and 2 daughter. They took an ancestryDNA test, and the results were scientifically sexually shocking.

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My parents raised me as an only child, which really pissed off my sister.

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Depression hits harder than my dad

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Wife:Honey im pregnant Husband:Hi Pregnant im dad Wife:No you’re not

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