So my dad said to me and my sister don’t fight but did he mean “fist fight” or “yelling fight?”
When I become a parent I’m gonna regergetate my food to feed my children. It’ll give me an excuse to make out with my daughter.
My dad is like my depression you need a suicide letter to find him
what is a lion call as a baby cocota
jack and jill went down to hell to fetch ur mothers bladder her bladder broke u two are soaked and now u have a daughter cuz in that bladder was me
A teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents. They’re appalled by his haircut, his tattoos, his piercings. Later, the girl’s mom says, “Dear, he doesn’t seem to be a very nice boy.” “Oh, please, Mom!” says the daughter. “If he wasn’t nice, would he be doing 500 hours of community service?”
Whats the difference between a school bus and my Dad’s van? Schools buses usually don’t have screaming and crying children
Daughter: Dad Dad: Yes honey Daughter: Im Lesbian Dad: Ok Daughter 2: Dad Dad: Yes? Daughter 2: Im lesbian too Dad: GOD does anyone like boys around here Son: I do…
What do you say to your sister when she’s crying? – “Are you having a crisis?”
one day, little Sally hears the phone ringing. she picks it up "Hello, this is daddy, Sally. Is your mom nearby." Sally says, “No, shes upstairs with Uncle john” “Uncle john? i don’t know an Uncle John.” “no, no, no, you must be mistaken, daddy” “no i’m sure there’s no one named Uncle John in our family.” “Okay, but why did you call?” Says Sally. “Ummm no reason, just tell mommy that daddy’s pulling into the driveway right now.” “Okay daddy!” long pause "Okay daddy! I did it!’ “Great job Sally! What did she says?” “Mommy said OH FU… and then she ran around with no clothes on and tripped on the carpet and hit her head on the bookshelf. shes now resting it looks like… then Uncle John screams and jumps out the window into the swimming pool, but of course we took all the water out this winter…” then dad replies “Swimming pool? we dont have a…is this 468-1843?”
A proud new dad sits down with his own father. His father says, “Son,you now have a child of your own, so I think it’s time I gave you this.” And so, he pulls out a book: 1001 Dad Jokes. The young man says, “Dad, I’m honored, ” as tears well up in his eyes. His father says, “Hi, Honoured, I’m Dad.”
I was watching my daughter at a park she was playing with a few people another parent came up to me and said which was is yours, just for fun i said “i am still choosing” she looked horrified
jack and jill went up the hill to do it in the water. jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter
I got my daughter a fridge for her birthday. I can’t wait to see her face light up when she opens it.
Dad: What time do u wanna go to the dentist? Daughter: tooth hurty Dad: all right
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