A virgin is what I called my daughter before I took that away from her
Q:Why does Santa Claus have such a big sack? A:He only comes once a year.
my 14 year old daughter went shopping at grocery story she gets to the register and she asked the cashier to scan her scarred wrist , the cashier scanned it and replied with " ma’am this item is worthless "
My dad always told me I should sing tenor. Ten or twelve miles away
Daughter: So, I got my period. Mom: That’s wonderful, dear! Now you can bleed for a whole week a month without dying! Daughter: That’s nice, Mum, but isn’t the whole point of getting your period dying? Mom: Yes, but you have to kill yourself a little longer to live through to the another day. Daughter: Thanks, Mum. That makes a whole lot of sense. (Sarcastically) Mom: You’re welcome, honey. (Clueless. Obviously.)
So Kenny finally found his one true love. But he can’t be with her because it’s illegal to marry your sister.
How do you give a redneck a circumcision? Kick his sister in the jaw.
Do one day i was sitting on my couch watching youtube when i heard a knock on the door. i opened the door and to my surprise it was my dad. i haven’t seen him in 16 years, so i let him in. i noticed he had a gallon of milk in his hand and he went to the kitchen and put the milk in the fridge. then he walked towards me and said “Oh no! i forgot the cereal! ” then he walked out the door and drove away. i never saw him again
Best friend: dude your sister is hot i’d Hit that Me: already did SWEEETT HOMMEE ALABAMA
My Daughter is Super Smart! She pours her own drinks on the floor
jack and jill went up the hill to do it in the water. jack slipped, his condom ripped, and now they have a daughter
I woke up to my daughter riding me in bed. I asked “What are you doing?” She replied, “Making a Creampie.”
Teacher: You cant be here after school without a parent! Orphan: -no response-
So I’m banging the f@ck out of this slutty chick, right? And I’m thinking to myself, “She’s PROBABLY got AIDS.” So I go and get myself tested and, lo-and-behold, I’m positive. This gets me thinking, “Where the f@ck does an eight year old get AIDS? !” “Who has my sister been hanging out with?!”
Q: what’s worst fingerbanging your sister? A: finding your dads wedding ring
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