My friend’s mother was never a font of sympathy, but always the one to see beyond the darkness. Upon learning about her daughter’s cancer diagnosis she said, “Well honey, at least you’ll lose some weight!"
So Kenny finally found his one true love. But he can’t be with her because it’s illegal to marry your sister.
So there’s a little girl playing hopscotch at the front of her house while her mother hangs up the washing and her father mows the lawn. She says “Step on a crack and you break your mother’s back,”. The father laughs, until his daughter steps on a crack resulting in her mother’s back breaking. The little girl’s father looks in terror, she then says “step on a line and you break your father’s spine,”. The father closes his eyes waiting for his spine to break, but nothing happens. When he opens his eyes again he sees that he is ok, and nothing has happened to him. Suddenly he hears someone yell out “OW MY SPINE, ”. The father runs around the corner to see the mailman laying on the floor.
A heavily pregnant woman is in an accident and gives birth to twins while comatose. Upon awakening some days later, the doctors tell her that her brother Tom filled out the birth certificates while she was out. “Oh no, Tom’s an idiot, what did he name my daughter?” she asked the nurse. “Denise.” “That’s not a bad name. And what did he name the boy?” “Tom Junior.”
The last words my Dad spoke before he passed was, “Honey put down the knife we were only talking about getting a divorce.”
The doctor told me I had aids I said it’s your fault sister.
Dinosaurs are like my dad. I never got the see either of them and they are now extinct
Dad: I’m giving all your toys to the orphanage Kid: Why are you doing that? Dad: So you won’t get bored there
My sister’s bf is mad at me cuz I f@cked his girl
My daughter said i could never make a car out of spaghetti, you should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!!!
My dad is like Hurricane Katrina. I haven’t seen either sense 2005
Daughter: Dad Dad: Yes honey Daughter: Im Lesbian Dad: Ok Daughter 2: Dad Dad: Yes? Daughter 2: Im lesbian too Dad: GOD does anyone like boys around here Son: I do…
My friend told me he had a sister. i asked if she was hot and he said she was 8. that wasnt my question
What do you call you’re daughter’s boyfriend when he brings her back past 10pm? An ambulance
My daughter is the most adorable little girl in the world. She’s got my sister’s eyes.
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