My friend Jimmy said his dad is exactly like Santa, I asked “Why is it because he gives people presents?” Jimmy told me “No it’s because I hear so many good things about him but and how he’s gonna come home, but never see him.”
Name Something you practiced kissing on as a kid. Sister SWEET HOME ALABAMA
roses are red violets are violets my dad died in 9/11 and he was a good piolet
So Johnny was in kindergarten and his teacher assigned him to learn the ABC’s so he goes home and ask his mom who’s cooking “Whats the first letter of the ABC’s?” he ask and his mom responds with “SHUT UP… I’M COOKING!” so then he walks to sister who’s signing in the shower and asks her “Whats the 2nd letter of the ABC’s?” she responds with “I’m ready
The last words my Dad spoke before he passed was, “Honey put down the knife we were only talking about getting a divorce.”
I saw my sister masturbating with a carrot. I said “Come on I was gonna eat that later! Now it’s just gonna taste like carrots!”
A grandfather is on his rocking chair. His grandson comes to him asks him to croak, to which the grandfather responds with a “no”. His granddaughter then comes along and asks him to croak, to which the grandfather responds, “Why do you keep asking me to croak?” The granddaughter replies, “Because Dad says if you do, we get to go to Disneyland.”
A millionaire LOVES alligators and filled his pool full of alligators, One night he has a party and says,“whoever can swim from one end to the other of the alligator infested pool unharmed will get a prize, my daughter or a million dollars.” some people line up but they are hesitant. One man gets in the water, swims from one end to the other unharmed, and went to the millionaire. The millionaire says,“wow I can’t believe you did it! So whats your prize?” the guy says,“I don’t care about the million dollars or your daughter, I just want to know who the B@$*ard was that pushed me in the pool!”
What makes a joke a dad joke? I don’t know. I don’t even have one as an example.
My sister argued with me that you can’t make a car out of spaghetti, you should have seen her face when I drove pasta
A little girl said to her mom "MOM MY BUTTS CRACKED KISS IT KISS IT"her mom said “sweetie SHUT UP ITS ALWAYS BEEN THERE” then her daughter died cuz of her melodramaticness.
my mom said take out the trash and i said okay. the next day she asked “where is your sister”, and i said in line to get crushed.
Q: what’s worst fingerbanging your sister? A: finding your dads wedding ring
My dad was a master of his art; being compared to Houdini. Due his skill in disappearing.
Who named their daughter Macadamia? A couple of nuts.
RUS | ENG
