When you’re f@cking your boss’s daughter, then you realize that you are self-employed.
I told my dad is was self harming. The next day we talked about it and he said “Hey you should CUT it out.” It was funny but I couldn’t bring myself to laugh at that.
jack and rose went on a cruise to do it in the water. jack seldom wore a condom, and now they have a daughter.
Chinese Names - Annie Wan (Anyone) Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan (anyone)? Operator : Yes, you can speak to me. Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan (anyone)! Operator: You are talking to someone! Who is this? Caller: I’m Sam Wan (Someone). And I need to talk to Annie Wan (anyone)! It’s urgent. Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what’s this urgent matter about? Caller: Well… just tell my sister Annie Wan (anyone) that our brother Noel Wan (no one)?as involved in an accident. Noel Wan (no one) got injured and now Noel Wan (no one) is being sent to the hospital. Operator: Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn’t an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don’t have time for this! Caller: You are so rude! Who are you? Operator: I’m Saw Lee (Sorry). Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!
What do the twin towers and my ex-girlfriend have in common? They both went down on my dad.
So there’s a little girl playing hopscotch at the front of her house while her mother hangs up the washing and her father mows the lawn. She says “Step on a crack and you break your mother’s back,”. The father laughs, until his daughter steps on a crack resulting in her mother’s back breaking. The little girl’s father looks in terror, she then says “step on a line and you break your father’s spine,”. The father closes his eyes waiting for his spine to break, but nothing happens. When he opens his eyes again he sees that he is ok, and nothing has happened to him. Suddenly he hears someone yell out “OW MY SPINE, ”. The father runs around the corner to see the mailman laying on the floor.
The last words my Dad spoke before he passed was, “Honey put down the knife we were only talking about getting a divorce.”
What’s the difference between a clock and an orphans dad? The clock comes back around.
my mom said take out the trash and i said okay. the next day she asked “where is your sister”, and i said in line to get crushed.
A Pedphile brings his Eight year old Daughter to the doctors office. The doctor asked her if she would like some Candy? Her father replies please no more candy for her i gave her enough today.
My friend Jimmy said his dad is exactly like Santa, I asked “Why is it because he gives people presents?” Jimmy told me “No it’s because I hear so many good things about him but and how he’s gonna come home, but never see him.”
Dad: What time do u wanna go to the dentist? Daughter: tooth hurty Dad: all right
How do you circumcise someone from Alabama? Kick his sisters jaw
Daughter: Dad Dad: Yes honey Daughter: Im Lesbian Dad: Ok Daughter 2: Dad Dad: Yes? Daughter 2: Im lesbian too Dad: GOD does anyone like boys around here Son: I do…
What the Nazi say when a doll hit his daughter? A-doll Hit-her! Boy: The principal is so dumb! Girl: Do you know who I am? Boy: No… Girl: I am the principal’s daughter! Boy: Do you know who I am? Girl: No… Boy: Good! Walks away
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