My sister argued with me that you can’t make a car out of spaghetti, you should have seen her face when I drove pasta
My Mom said: I have a daughter that killed herself for getting bullied. Well i said: Have you seen her?
I would name my daughter awesome so I can tell people that I’m f@cking awesome.
what do you call a dad in the mirror? ( Your imagination )
What’s the worst part of Breaking up with a Japanese girl? You have to drop the bomb twice until she finally gets it. I have a problem my dad any my girlfriend have the same birthday. So one took my virginity and the other is my girlfriend
There was a costume party on Halloween. Everyone was there except one guy. Many people asked his brother where he was. His reply was, “Oh, he wanted to be our dad for Halloween.”
Daughter: So, I got my period. Mom: That’s wonderful, dear! Now you can bleed for a whole week a month without dying! Daughter: That’s nice, Mum, but isn’t the whole point of getting your period dying? Mom: Yes, but you have to kill yourself a little longer to live through to the another day. Daughter: Thanks, Mum. That makes a whole lot of sense. (Sarcastically) Mom: You’re welcome, honey. (Clueless. Obviously.)
Daughter: I know this is weird but I feel like that someone is watching me when I am sleeping. Father: Sorry
Corn and corn WHERE IS POPCORN!?!?!
What makes a joke a dad joke? I don’t know. I don’t even have one as an example.
You know whats the worst about having a daughter with cancer? You can’t pull her hair when you hit it from the back “Dad, how do stars die?” – “Usually an overdose.”
what is the diffrence between a snow woman and a snowman? Snowballs
I was once caught doing it with a 16 year old in my bedroom. Boy was my wife mad. She yelled “HOW CAN YOU F… OUR DAUGHTER?!”. Haha yeah she was mad. Anyways thats why your mother and I are getting a divorce Timmy.
I told my friend yesterday he’s literally my dad. He didn’t show up for the rest of the year.
Why did the Santa go to work because he was just trying out the work ????
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