So I was f@cking my daughter the other day and my wife walked in… I don’t know what was funnier the look on her face or that the abortion clinic let me keep her
So Johnny was in kindergarten and his teacher assigned him to learn the ABC’s so he goes home and ask his mom who’s cooking “Whats the first letter of the ABC’s?” he ask and his mom responds with “SHUT UP… I’M COOKING!” so then he walks to sister who’s signing in the shower and asks her “Whats the 2nd letter of the ABC’s?” she responds with “I’m ready
So three daughters were sitting in the same room as their mother, the first daughter asked why she was named Daisy. So the mother replies “Because when we were taking you out of the hospital, a daisy landed on your forehead.” The second daughter asked why she was named Rose. So the mother explained “Same as Daisy, when you we were taking you out of the hospital, a rose petal landed on your forehead.” The third daughter then said “ksvrjxbdkavdowbxksb” so the mother said “Shut Up Brick!”
My family loves to have dance parties. My dad will just play music from his iPod, and I’ll go to the light switch and make a nice strobe light effect. Everyone loves it, especially my younger cousin. He gets down on the floor and starts breakdancing! It makes him so happy, and he needs that extra joy in his life, especially since the doctor recently diagnosed him with epilepsy.
To All The Naruto Fans: sharingan is red rasengan are blue if you dare touch my daughter ill chidori you
Sometimes, I think back on all the mistakes I’ve ever made. Then I realize “My daughter isn’t THAT bad…”
When does a joke become a dad joke? When it Leaves and never comes back
My dad died when we couldn’t remember his blood type. As he died, he kept insisting for us to “be positive,” but it’s hard without him.
Girl: How do you feel about abortion? Dad: Ask your sister Girl: I don’t have a …
Corn and corn WHERE IS POPCORN!?!?!
My dad was a master of his art; being compared to Houdini. Due his skill in disappearing.
Why can’t orphans go to daughter and dad dance night they don’t have a dad to go with.
what do you call a dad in the mirror? ( Your imagination )
So my dad said to me and my sister don’t fight but did he mean “fist fight” or “yelling fight?”
What did the the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!
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