Three nuns are on their way up to heaven after having been involved in a terrible minibus crash on the Italian Alps that killed them and the driver (he went the other direction!) As they’re approaching the Pearly Gates to be interview by St. Peter, they are requested by an attendant to form a single line and wait. Sister Agnes is first, Sister Bernadette behind her and Sister Carmel on the end. Finally, St. Peter approaches the nuns to determine their worthiness for entry to Heaven. He says to the first nun : “Sister Agnes, have you ever seen the penis of a man”? Sister Agnes bursts into tears and says : Yes, St. Peter, I have, but please don’t let this prevent me from entering the Kingdom of Heaven". St. Peter says : “Never fear, my child. Say a thousand Hail Marys and then go over to that font of Holy Water and wash your eyes out, then you shall enter the Kingdom of Heaven”. Sister Carmel sees what’s going on and taps Sister Bernadette on the shoulder, somewhat urgently. “Pssst - hey Bernie”!, she says. Sister Bernadette asks : “What is it?” A little annoyed. Sister Carmel says : “Do you mind if we swap places”? Sister Bernadette replies : “What for”? Sister Carmel says : “Well, I wouldn’t mind gargling before you stick your ass in there”! What’s better then sex with your 12 year old sister? Rolling her over and pretending it’s your 10 year old brother
one day, little Sally hears the phone ringing. she picks it up "Hello, this is daddy, Sally. Is your mom nearby." Sally says, “No, shes upstairs with Uncle john” “Uncle john? i don’t know an Uncle John.” “no, no, no, you must be mistaken, daddy” “no i’m sure there’s no one named Uncle John in our family.” “Okay, but why did you call?” Says Sally. “Ummm no reason, just tell mommy that daddy’s pulling into the driveway right now.” “Okay daddy!” long pause "Okay daddy! I did it!’ “Great job Sally! What did she says?” “Mommy said OH FU… and then she ran around with no clothes on and tripped on the carpet and hit her head on the bookshelf. shes now resting it looks like… then Uncle John screams and jumps out the window into the swimming pool, but of course we took all the water out this winter…” then dad replies “Swimming pool? we dont have a…is this 468-1843?”
Son: Dad? Why is mommy no longer with us? Dad: Why did the chicken cross the road? Son:why? Dad: To get to the other side but your mother only made it about halfway
My teacher said he is gonna call my dad, i cant wait to meet him ??????
Q: What’s the difference between me and cancer? A: My dad didn’t beat cancer…
What’s the difference between a clock and an orphans dad? The clock comes back around.
I called my boss the other Monday and told him I needed the day off because I was sick. He said “how sick?”. I said “well I’m in bed with my 12 year old sister”.
I’ll never forget my sister’s last word. “Is it edible?”
Brian has a crush on a cute girl Sally from school so he goes and tells his dad about her and he says sorry son you cant like her she is your sister. So Brian is okay with it and he starts to like another girl Madison and he goes up to his dad and says I have a crush on this girl Madison and again the dad goes oh sorry son you cant like any girl in school they are all your sisters so he goes crying to his mom and says dad said I cant like any girl because they are all my sisters and the mom goes oh it’s okay you can like any girl you want because he is not your dad.
Daughter: Mommy? Mom: Hey Daughter: What kind of kids do they use to make sour patch kids? Mom: They don’t use kids to make sour patch kids Daughter: Oh that’s why the ones I made taste kind of funny…
How do you circumcise someone from Alabama? Kick his sisters jaw
Wife:Honey im pregnant Husband:Hi Pregnant im dad Wife:No you’re not
Daughter: I know this is weird but I feel like that someone is watching me when I am sleeping. Father: Sorry
jack and Jill went up the hill to do it in the water, jack slipped and the condom ripped now they have a daughter
I was thinking of a good accident joke and I asked my sister, she said you
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