Little Sally found out that she had hair on her private area and whent up to her mom and asked “mom I have hair on my privates,what is it?” “OH honey thats your monkey.” The mom says So little Sally runs up to her big sister and says “my monkey has hair on it” so the sister replies with a laugh "you think thats cool my monkey is already eating bananas
Aunt: Stop telling the kids Santa isn’t real Me: Stop telling them their dad is going to get milk
Yo sis come here sis: what. Me: oh sorry you doing school sis: yup me can i go sis:no way you’re going to hug me me: i love you
My daughter is the most adorable little girl in the world. She’s got my sister’s eyes.
What’s the difference between my phone and my sister? I actually give a damn if my phone dies.
After a lord comes back from vacation, he meets the gardener at the gates of his park. Lord: Has something happened while I was gone? Gardener: Ah, nothing much, I just broke a shovel while I was burrying your dog. Lord: My dog died?! Gardener: Yes, it choked on the smoke when your mansion burnt down. Lord: My mansion?! How?! Gardener: Well, your wife was distraught and dropped a candle on the curtains. Lord: Why was she so distraught? Gardener: She received the news of your daughter being kidnapped. Lord: My daughter! Don’t you have any positive news for me? ! Gardener: Oh right! Your cancer test results!
Bully: I bet your dick is so small when you look down in the the sower you can’t even see it. Guy: No I see your sister’s head
My family is like a apple tree my sister is that ugly one that has to ruin in What do tampons and your sister have in common!
What makes a joke a dad joke? I don’t know. I don’t even have one as an example.
I’d tell a joke about my abusive dad but I only remember the punch line.
Son: Dad? Why is mommy no longer with us? Dad: Why did the chicken cross the road? Son:why? Dad: To get to the other side but your mother only made it about halfway
my mom said take out the trash and i said okay. the next day she asked “where is your sister”, and i said in line to get crushed.
Three nuns are on their way up to heaven after having been involved in a terrible minibus crash on the Italian Alps that killed them and the driver (he went the other direction!) As they’re approaching the Pearly Gates to be interview by St. Peter, they are requested by an attendant to form a single line and wait. Sister Agnes is first, Sister Bernadette behind her and Sister Carmel on the end. Finally, St. Peter approaches the nuns to determine their worthiness for entry to Heaven. He says to the first nun : “Sister Agnes, have you ever seen the penis of a man”? Sister Agnes bursts into tears and says : Yes, St. Peter, I have, but please don’t let this prevent me from entering the Kingdom of Heaven". St. Peter says : “Never fear, my child. Say a thousand Hail Marys and then go over to that font of Holy Water and wash your eyes out, then you shall enter the Kingdom of Heaven”. Sister Carmel sees what’s going on and taps Sister Bernadette on the shoulder, somewhat urgently. “Pssst - hey Bernie”!, she says. Sister Bernadette asks : “What is it?” A little annoyed. Sister Carmel says : “Do you mind if we swap places”? Sister Bernadette replies : “What for”? Sister Carmel says : “Well, I wouldn’t mind gargling before you stick your ass in there”! What’s better then sex with your 12 year old sister? Rolling her over and pretending it’s your 10 year old brother
I was once caught doing it with a 16 year old in my bedroom. Boy was my wife mad. She yelled “HOW CAN YOU F… OUR DAUGHTER?!”. Haha yeah she was mad. Anyways thats why your mother and I are getting a divorce Timmy.
What do you call you’re daughter’s boyfriend when he brings her back past 10pm? An ambulance
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