Green jokes

what fruit is square and green? a lemon in disguise

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

Things said by racist aliens: “Some of my best friends are Green.” “I just know that Orange guy stole my spaceship.” “You’re very pretty for a Purple girl.” “We know you Tentacletians like to rape everyone with your tentacles!” “Adax Hitao should have finished off you Bluish people.” “You 2-headed people are so stupid!” “No Slimatians are allowed in this restaurant because of health codes.” “Get the hell out of my store you grigger!” “The Plu Plux Plum meeting is tonight! Let’s burn some spaceships on the Greenies’ lawns!”

-2 -1 0 +1 +2


The teacher asked her class to use definitely in a sentence. Little Johnny raised his hand to answer, yet the teacher passed him and went on to Kevin. “The sky is definitely blue.” “Very good Kevin,but the sky can also be blue or black.” the teacher replied. Little Johnny raised his hand again as high as he could, yet the teacher passed right over him. And picked Annie from the back of the room. “The grass is definitely green.” “Very good Annie, but it can also be brown.” Little Johnny was waving his hand like crazy seeking her attention. Finally she called on him. “Mines more of a question, but do farts have lumps in them?” “Why no Johnny why would you ask such a question?” She questioned. “Well if they don’t have lumps in them, then I definitely just shit myself.”

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

A father of five puts on gas mask and a hazard suit, and walks outside, but before he could make it, his son came and asked “Dad, what are you wearing?”. The father would answer with “A costume for Halloween.”. the child asked “can i join?”. He said no, for he said it’s their last Halloween. *after that, I saw green smoke all over the same house they lived in.

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

Why did the camle cross the road Because it wanted to get to the bright green grass

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

What’s green and smells like ham. Kermit the frogs fingers

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *
-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

What’s red and sits in the corner? A baby chewing on a razor blade. What’s green and sits in the corner? Same baby, one week later.

-2 -1 0 +1 +2


My friend and I joined a french fry eating contest, but I just couldn’t ketchup. So we switched to cheese burgers, but I still couldn’t mustard up the speed to lettuce win. I mayo not have thought this through. So we switched to fruits, but when it got to the watermelons, I started to feel a little green. My friend couldn’t seed the point of us continuing anymore. I just couldn’t digest the stress I guess :D

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *
-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

What NFL teams parts with James Charles!? Green bay packers & New England Patriots

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *
-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *
-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

What do you call a green camel. My parents left me.

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *

Kid sees their grandma taking pills and asks… “Grandma, why do you need to take all those pills?” “Well, Grandma needs to take the green medicine for her headaches, but the green pills give her diarrhea. So grandma needs to take the yellow pills for diarrhea but those pills always make grandma very depressed. Because of her depression, grandma needs to take the black pills, but those always give her high blood pressure. To cure the high blood pressure, grandma has to take the red pills, but those make her always very horny. That’s why grandpa has to take the blue pills.”

-2 -1 0 +1 +2
* * *


© àíåêäîòîâ.net, 1997 - 2026