friend: hits head* others: how many fingers am i holding up? me: to friend* how suicidal am i on a scale from one to ten? friend: ten me: hes fine guys
If you ever get Mad, just hit an orphan What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
Q: What did the Ice berg say to the Titanic? A: I’d hit that.
What hit the floor first, the kid or the feather? the feather. the rope stopped the kid
Why was I stress eating on the train track? To wait to get hit.
Three blondes were taking a walk when they stumbled on some tracks. They argued on what the tracks came from. One of them said “it’s a deer.” The other said it “No it’s a coyote.” The last one was going to give her thoughts, but that was when the train hit them.
making fun of someone you’re angry with is childish. Be an adult and hit them with your car <3
Doctor : what makes you feel depressed? Me: I used to work at the word trade centre, before the plane hit. Doctor: a lot of people fell to pieces after that.
My life is a lot like a game of Black Jack I always hit on 16, the get busted
titanic - “yo look at that sexy babe of an iceberg, lets hit her” (Set up joke for the actual joke) So why don’t blind people go sky diving? It scares the hell out of their seeing eye dog. (Actual joke) When does a blind person know when he’s about to hit the ground? The leash goes slack.
What is it called when you hit your funny bone at night? Dark humor.
What’s the definition of “perfect pitch?” Throwing a viola into the dumpster without hitting the rim.
When you hit a speed bump in a school zone and remember, there are no speed bumps.
Friends are like trees, they fall over if you hit them with an ax.
There were three people on the third floor of a building the first one took a bite of a apple then said it was too hard so he threw it out the window the second person took a bite of a lemon he said it was too sour so he threw it out the window the third guy was drunk, he took a bite of a grenade and thought it was to crunchy so he threw it out the window then one of them went downstairs he saw a dog laying on the ground dead the apple had hit the dog in the head then there was a little girl crying with her cat in her lap it had died because the lemon fell out the window and hit it in the head next there was a old guy laughing i asked him why he was laugh he said “i farted and the building behind me blew up”.
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