I was cooking eggs the other day. It was very EGGxiting, all though, I was EGGxaggerating, but, if you think that wasn’t funny to you, then your hard boiled, that’s all for today YOLKS, so I said before several cats starting fighting, that sht was a CATastrophe, these kittens were all like “You’ve gotta be KITTEN me.” Mean while, in the ocean, they just waved, SEA what I did there? You SHORE you didn’t? Oh, alright, that’s okay bud- I guess these ocean puns are too DEEP for you. No? Okay- but, you know why the skeleton was lonely, eh? Oh, cause he had NO BODY. Why didn’t the skeleton ask the girl out? He didn’t have the guts. What did the skeleton do to his gf? He BNED her. No? Alright. Those didn’t make you laugh? Maybe I should hit your funny bone.
Jason: Did you hear about the storm-trooper who attempted suicide? Dave: No. Jason: Well, he hit his first target.
Who reads the fastest? The pilot of the plane who hit one of the twin towers, He took out 83 stories in one go.
Q: What did the Ice berg say to the Titanic? A: I’d hit that.
So this guy and his wife figure out that she has gotten pregnant. The baby is due March 31st. Well the guy is at work and he gets a call from his wife. She tells him she is going into labor. He rushes to pick her up, and once he is on the road he starts speeding. Eventually he hits another car and swerves off the road into a ditch. He wakes up in the hospital, looks around but doesn’t see his wife. He asks the doctor, is my wife okay, she was carrying my child. The doctor said the wife is fine and the baby is in good health. 10 seconds later he goes “APRIL FOOLS! Your wife is dead and your child has brain damage
Whats the point of hiding the screaming speedbump you ran over? You might as well hit it again to A: Stop the screaming B:Make it look like an actually speed bump and C: … You think its Hilarious the noise it makes when you ran over its stomach
What’s a similarity between your best friend and a tree? They both fall over when you hit them with an axe.
My ex girlfriend got hit by a bus. I also lost my bus drivers licence.
What is a suicide packs favorite song… Let the bodies hit floor
i never knew how to use a boomerang, until it hit me
I lost my drivers license today i hit my ex with my car
Why did Joey drop his ice cream? He was hit by a truck. (Don’t worry, the truck was fine.)
I hit a ball with a bat it was called animal abuse
Why did the kid drop his icecream? He got hit by a bus.
Why did timmy drop his ice cream cone… He got hit by a train
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