a man walks into a bar, and notices a steak hanging from the ceiling. when he asks the bartender about it, the bartender says “If you can jump up and hit it, drinks are on the house for the night, but if you miss, everyone’s drinks are on your tab for the next two hours. Do you want to try? ” the man decided not to take the risk. he thought the steaks where too high.
Whole reason he is dead is because he kept hitting ‘Remind me later’ on his Windows Updates. When you going 80 mph and hit a speed bump Then the speed bump starts screaming
Why did the kid drop his icecream? He got hit by a bus.
What’s the definition of “perfect pitch?” Throwing a viola into the dumpster without hitting the rim.
I was wondering why the frisbee was getting bigger, then it hit me.
A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window and jumps out. The guy sitting next to him can’t believe what he just saw. He’s more surprised when, 10 minutes later, the same guy walks back into the bar and sits down next to him. The astonished onlooker asks, “How did you do that? I just saw you jump out the window, and we’re hundreds of feet above the ground!” The jumper responds by slurring, “Well, I don’t get it either. I slam a shot of tequila, and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch.” He takes a shot, goes to the window and jumps out. The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls to just above the sidewalk, slows down and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the jumper walks back into the bar. The other guy has to try it, too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He slams it and jumps out the window. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn’t slow down at all. SPLAT! The first guy orders another shot of tequila. The bartender shakes his head. “You’re really an a**hole when you’re drunk, Superman.”
I lost my drivers license today i hit my ex with my car
Jason: Did you hear about the storm-trooper who attempted suicide? Dave: No. Jason: Well, he hit his first target.
Why did timmy drop his ice cream cone… He got hit by a train
Why don’t orphans get offended by dark humour jokes? It can’t hit home.
What is it called when you hit your funny bone at night? Dark humor.
friend: hits head* others: how many fingers am i holding up? me: to friend* how suicidal am i on a scale from one to ten? friend: ten me: hes fine guys
What’s black and white and red all over? The prisoner I just hit with my car.
tell a dark joke to an orphan then hit them they’ll get the punchline right away
if you hit a child that’s child abuse. if you hit a family member that’s abuse. if you kill either, it’s murder for some reason. if it’s a whole family, its genocide for another reason.
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