The weirdest thing happend to me today i was driving 50mph and hit a speedbump aand it screamed
Why done orphans get offended by dark humor? It doesn’t hit home
I was cooking eggs the other day. It was very EGGxiting, all though, I was EGGxaggerating, but, if you think that wasn’t funny to you, then your hard boiled, that’s all for today YOLKS, so I said before several cats starting fighting, that sht was a CATastrophe, these kittens were all like “You’ve gotta be KITTEN me.” Mean while, in the ocean, they just waved, SEA what I did there? You SHORE you didn’t? Oh, alright, that’s okay bud- I guess these ocean puns are too DEEP for you. No? Okay- but, you know why the skeleton was lonely, eh? Oh, cause he had NO BODY. Why didn’t the skeleton ask the girl out? He didn’t have the guts. What did the skeleton do to his gf? He BNED her. No? Alright. Those didn’t make you laugh? Maybe I should hit your funny bone.
Q: what’s stronger than family? A: whatever tree Paul walker hit
What do you do when your dish washer stops working Hit your wife harder
Q: What did the Ice berg say to the Titanic? A: I’d hit that.
what did Chris Brown say when he saw Rhianna “I’d hit that”
A man walks into a bar with an alligator and a stick. He walks up to the bartender and offers to put on a show for the bar’s patrons in exchange for a drink. The bartender agrees, so he pulls down his pants, sticks his dick in the alligators mouth and starts whacking it with the stick. After he’s done and gets his drink he asks if anyone else would like a go. A lady gets up and says yes she would like a go, asks that he doesn’t hit her with the stick.
friend: hits head* others: how many fingers am i holding up? me: to friend* how suicidal am i on a scale from one to ten? friend: ten me: hes fine guys
Why did i walk across the road? to get hit by a car
I’m not saying I hate you. But if you got hit by a bus I’d be driving that bus.
My ex girlfriend got hit by a bus. I also lost my bus drivers licence.
Whole reason he is dead is because he kept hitting ‘Remind me later’ on his Windows Updates. When you going 80 mph and hit a speed bump Then the speed bump starts screaming
tell a dark joke to an orphan then hit them they’ll get the punchline right away
What hit the floor first, the kid or the feather? the feather. the rope stopped the kid
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