My ex girlfriend got hit by a bus. I also lost my bus drivers licence.
When two wheel chairs hit each other is it a fender bender
I’d Hit You But I Don’t Wanna Go To Jail For Animal Abuse.
The weirdest thing happend to me today i was driving 50mph and hit a speedbump aand it screamed
What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common? Their last big hit was the wall.
Yo mama’s so stupid, she got hit by a parked car.
What’s black and white and red all over? The prisoner I just hit with my car.
A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window and jumps out. The guy sitting next to him can’t believe what he just saw. He’s more surprised when, 10 minutes later, the same guy walks back into the bar and sits down next to him. The astonished onlooker asks, “How did you do that? I just saw you jump out the window, and we’re hundreds of feet above the ground!” The jumper responds by slurring, “Well, I don’t get it either. I slam a shot of tequila, and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch.” He takes a shot, goes to the window and jumps out. The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls to just above the sidewalk, slows down and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the jumper walks back into the bar. The other guy has to try it, too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He slams it and jumps out the window. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn’t slow down at all. SPLAT! The first guy orders another shot of tequila. The bartender shakes his head. “You’re really an a**hole when you’re drunk, Superman.”
So this guy and his wife figure out that she has gotten pregnant. The baby is due March 31st. Well the guy is at work and he gets a call from his wife. She tells him she is going into labor. He rushes to pick her up, and once he is on the road he starts speeding. Eventually he hits another car and swerves off the road into a ditch. He wakes up in the hospital, looks around but doesn’t see his wife. He asks the doctor, is my wife okay, she was carrying my child. The doctor said the wife is fine and the baby is in good health. 10 seconds later he goes “APRIL FOOLS! Your wife is dead and your child has brain damage
any girl can be a squirter if you hit the right artery
What is a suicide packs favorite song… Let the bodies hit floor
Girls are like blackjack you shoot for 21 but I keep hitting 14
Jason: Did you hear about the storm-trooper who attempted suicide? Dave: No. Jason: Well, he hit his first target.
What do friends and trees have in common? They both fall down when you hit them with an axe.
If you ever get Mad, just hit an orphan What are they gonna do, tell their parents?
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