The weirdest thing happend to me today i was driving 50mph and hit a speedbump aand it screamed
What is it called when you hit your funny bone at night? Dark humor.
Why did the kid drop his icecream? He got hit by a bus.
What’s black and white and red all over? The prisoner I just hit with my car.
What do friends and trees have in common? They both fall down when you hit them with an axe.
Two homeless alcoholics want to get drunk but don’t have enough money for even the cheapest drinks in any bar. So one of them devises a clever plan : he tells his friend “We should buy a hot-dog sausage with the last of our money and stick it down my pants, then drink a load of drinks but then when the bill comes you get down and suck on the hot-dog and it’ll look like you’re sucking on my dick so then we’ll get thrown out without paying and we can just go to another bar and do the same thing again”. His friend agrees so they buy the hot-dog, stick it down the first dude’s pants, go to the bar and then the second dude begins to suck on the hot-dog as agreed. They are thrown out and hit another four bars this way. In the end, as they lie drunk on the floor in some alleyway, the second guy says, “Well, what a great night. Free beers in five different bars!” The first guy says “Yeah! Especially since the hot-dog fell out before we even reached the first bar!”
Why did timmy drop his ice cream cone… He got hit by a train
a man walks into a bar, and notices a steak hanging from the ceiling. when he asks the bartender about it, the bartender says “If you can jump up and hit it, drinks are on the house for the night, but if you miss, everyone’s drinks are on your tab for the next two hours. Do you want to try? ” the man decided not to take the risk. he thought the steaks where too high.
Today was a bad day. First My ex got hit by a bus. Then I lost my job as a bus driver
My ex girlfriend got hit by a bus. I also lost my bus drivers licence.
What hit the floor first, the kid or the feather? the feather. the rope stopped the kid
Depression hits harder than my dad
I got hit in the head with a can of soda yesterday. Luckily for me, it was a soft drink.
I was hit on by president kennedy, too bad i shot him down
what is the difference between a baby and a watermelon, one smashes open when you hit it with a sledge hammer and the other is a water melon Why did the chicken cross the road? It didn’t, I hit it with my car 3 blocks down
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