A job is like virginity. Not everyone loses it.
I just quit my job at a can crushing factory. It was soda-pressing.
what’s the difference between your job and a dead hooker? your job still sucks
my job is so amazing. today a man asked me to check his balance, so i pushed him over. his balance isn’t good
Today I learned that a group of piranhas can maul a small child down to the bone in under 20 seconds. Well I lost my job at the aquarium today.
what do you not want to do when it comes to giving an emo a job? showing them the ropes.
A guy was on trial for murder and if convicted, would get the electric chair. His brother found out that a redneck was on the jury and figured he would be the one to bribe. He told the redneck that he would be paid $10,000 if he could convince the rest of the jury to reduce the charge to manslaughter. The jury was out an entire week and returned with a verdict of manslaughter. After the trial, the brother went to the redneck’s house, told him what a great job he had done and paid him the $10,000. The red neck replied that it wasn’t easy to convince the rest of the jury to change the charge to manslaughter. They all thought he was not guilty and, wanted to let him go.
Why did the girl quit her job at the donut factory? – She was fed up with the hole business.
A scarecrow said this job isn’t for everyone. But HAY! its in my jeans
Employer: Can you preform under pressure? Me: No, but i do a pretty good Bohemian Rhapsody.
My ex boyfriend’s dick is so small that instead of giving him a handjob I had to give him a thumb and forefinger job.
The teacher once said to some students ?i was an orphan before your principle hired me.? the students said ?oof that is sad? the teacher tried to ignore them and take attendance she said ?is anyone missing? the students said ? your parents.? the teacher got offended and later that day quit her job
why did the zookeeper lose his job? for choking the chicken and spanking the monkey!
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, “Please be gentle, I’m still a virgin.” “What?” said the puzzled groom. “How can that be if you’ve been married 10 times?” “Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be. Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he’d look into it and get back to me. Husband #3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn’t get the system up. Husband #4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn’t know when he would be able to deliver. Husband #5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process, but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method. Husband #6 was from finance and administration. He thought he knew how, but he wasn’t sure whether it was his job or not. Husband #7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it. Husband #8 was a psychologist. All he ever did was talk about it. Husband #9 was a gynecologist. All he did was look at it. Husband #10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was… God! I miss him! But now that I’ve married you, I’m really excited!” “Good,” said the new husband, “but, why?” “You’re a lawyer. This time I know I’m going to get screwed!”
Everyone in my class: I can’t wait until have a family, I can’t wait to study for my dream job My friends: What’s your dream job? Me: I’m going to die young :))
RUS | ENG
