Job jokes

I hate these double standards. if you burn a body at a crematorium you’re "doing a good job" if you do it at home you’re “destroying evidence”

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I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. – A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

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What was Frankenstein’s second job? – He was a bodybuilder.

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what’s the difference between a pizza delivery guy and a cop. pizza guys get punished for not doing their jobs properly

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What do you call a giraffe giving a blow job to another giraffe? Getting neck!

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Why did the girl quit her job at the donut factory? – She was fed up with the hole business.

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The Wine Taster At An Old Vineyard Died. A Homeless Guy, Looking Ragged And Dirty, Came To Apply. He Persuaded The Manager To Give Him A Try. The guy was given a glass of wine. He swirled, smelled, sipped and spit. “It’s a red wine, Merlot, three years old, grown on the South Slope and matured in oak barrels." He said. “Impressive,” said the manager. The man is given another. "Still a red wine, Cabernet, eight years old, from the Northeast slope, stored in a steel vats.” The manager was amazed. He winked at his secretary. The secretary understood and brought out a glass of urine. The drunkard tasted it and said. “It’s a blond, 27 years old, three months pregnant, and if I don’t get this job, I’ll tell who the father is!” How did the security guard at the orchid get better at his job? He got an Apple Watch.

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What do you call sex in the world trade center? An inside job.

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I saw a child crying yesterday so I asked him where his parents were. Bad move. I got fired from my job at the orphanage.

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Today I learned that a group of piranhas can maul a small child down to the bone in under 20 seconds. Well I lost my job at the aquarium today.

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what is the perfect job for a paedophile a physical doctor for kids

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“I work with animals” the man said to his date. his date said “I love a man who works with animals what job is it for the animal” “I am a butcher” said the man

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wood fired pizza how would pizza get a job now

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what’s the difference between your job and a dead hooker? your job still sucks

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A man goes into a job interview and sits down. The interviewer is looking over his resume and says, "I see here that there’s a 4-year gap on your resume. What were you doing?" The man says, "Oh, that was when I went to Yale!" The interviewer is impressed and says, "That’s great! You’re hired! " The man smiles. “Really? I’m so glad, because I really need this Yob.”

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