My sister told me she like Medusa. I said h. My sister said my blow jobs are so good she looks up at the guy facial expression and when the look down they do nothing, but stay still.
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, “Please be gentle, I’m still a virgin.” “What?” said the puzzled groom. “How can that be if you’ve been married 10 times?” “Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be. Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he’d look into it and get back to me. Husband #3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn’t get the system up. Husband #4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn’t know when he would be able to deliver. Husband #5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process, but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method. Husband #6 was from finance and administration. He thought he knew how, but he wasn’t sure whether it was his job or not. Husband #7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it. Husband #8 was a psychologist. All he ever did was talk about it. Husband #9 was a gynecologist. All he did was look at it. Husband #10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was… God! I miss him! But now that I’ve married you, I’m really excited!” “Good,” said the new husband, “but, why?” “You’re a lawyer. This time I know I’m going to get screwed!”
A man goes into a job interview and sits down. The interviewer is looking over his resume and says, "I see here that there’s a 4-year gap on your resume. What were you doing?" The man says, "Oh, that was when I went to Yale!" The interviewer is impressed and says, "That’s great! You’re hired! " The man smiles. “Really? I’m so glad, because I really need this Yob.”
Today my EX got trampled by a bunch of horse and sadly I lost my job as a horse trainer.
My ex died today. I also lost my job as a butcher
i just found out my ex got stabbed today…lets just say i lost my job as a butcher
Last Night I had a dream I was swimming in lemonade… turns out I peed the bed. What’s a spider-man’s dream job? Web developer
why did the zookeeper lose his job? for choking the chicken and spanking the monkey!
Today was a bad day. First My ex got hit by a bus. Then I lost my job as a bus driver
Boobs are like batteries… AA will get the job done… C is bigger than AA… D is bigger that C… …and if they’re square, you don’t want to put your tongue on them!
Guy asked me what I do for a living. Now I’m not old enough to get a job so I said nothing. He asked me again so I said, “Your wife” The guy goes to slap me but his wife is standing right there. She instead slapped me and said, “You swore not to tell!”
I was working for Space X. I was instructed to control a satellite’s orbit rotation when suddenly the screen went black. I investigated and found out one of Penaldos penalty had hit and destroyed the satellite. Shame on you Penaldo for ruining my dream job!
A girl walked into a job interview. The interviewer said “you are what we are looking for, but i need to test your skills. ” he hands her a pen He said “sell me this pen” She puts in between her boobs.
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. – A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
Why did the girl quit her job at the donut factory? – She was fed up with the hole business.
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