What do you call a giraffe giving a blow job to another giraffe? Getting neck!
A foreign man came to America not knowing a word of English and right away began looking for a job. He became a chorus teacher and learned to say, ?Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!? After that he joined the Army and learned to say, ?Yes sir!? After that he worked at a restaurant and learned to say, ?Forks and knives, forks and knives!? After that he worked at a candy store and picked up the words, ?Goody-goody gumdrops!? A few weeks later, there was a murder in the area and he was the first person to be interrogated by the police. The interrogation went as follows: Policeman: Who killed the man? Foreign man: Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi! Policeman: Did you kill the man? Foreign man: Yes sir! Policeman: What did you use to kill him: Foreign man: Forks and knives, forks and knives! Policeman: You?re under arrest. Foreign man: Goody-goody gumdrops!
A job is like virginity. Not everyone loses it.
what’s the difference between a pizza delivery guy and a cop. pizza guys get punished for not doing their jobs properly
one day, little Sally hears the phone ringing. she picks it up "Hello, this is daddy, Sally. Is your mom nearby." Sally says, “No, shes upstairs with Uncle john” “Uncle john? i don’t know an Uncle John.” “no, no, no, you must be mistaken, daddy” “no i’m sure there’s no one named Uncle John in our family.” “Okay, but why did you call?” Says Sally. “Ummm no reason, just tell mommy that daddy’s pulling into the driveway right now.” “Okay daddy!” long pause "Okay daddy! I did it!’ “Great job Sally! What did she says?” “Mommy said OH FU… and then she ran around with no clothes on and tripped on the carpet and hit her head on the bookshelf. shes now resting it looks like… then Uncle John screams and jumps out the window into the swimming pool, but of course we took all the water out this winter…” then dad replies “Swimming pool? we dont have a…is this 468-1843?”
John : hi boss it is raining heavily today so I would not be coming Boss: u stated in ur job application that swimming was it hobby so see u at at 11am
in English class the teacher says (Teacher): Kids you need to say the alphabet ok Sally you first. (Sally): Okay a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z. (Teacher): good job Sally. Then the teacher called on 4 other students who got it right. Then the teacher called on little Johnny. (Teacher): Little Johnny say the alphabet. (Little Johnny): bcefghijklmnopsvwxyz. (Teacher): no Johnny that’s not right. (Johnny): oh I forgot u r a q t. (Teacher). No still not right and thank you. (Johnny): oh I’ll give you the d later . (Class): (laughing). (Teacher): GO TO THE OFFICE NOW .
Last Night I had a dream I was swimming in lemonade… turns out I peed the bed. What’s a spider-man’s dream job? Web developer
Today was a bad day. First My ex got hit by a bus. Then I lost my job as a bus driver
I went to my sister room one day. I see a trophy, so I ask my sister how did you won this trophy my sister said to me the neighbors gave it to me because I gave out the best hand jobs in the neighbor. I guess my sister put her hands in good use.
why did the hooker quit her job? she had a nut allergy Cindy goes up to her dad and says: "Daddy, can I have $100 for a new dress?" Her dad almost gags and says: "$100! You’re only 12, what do you want with such an expensive dress?" Cindy says: "Well daddy, I’ll look really pretty in it and I promise to look after it …" Dad gives in and says: “OK, give me a head-job then”. He flops it out and Cindy just get the end in her mouth and goes: "Eeee-yooo - that taste’s like shit! " Dad goes: “Well, your brother wanted to borrow the car this afternoon …”
As a son I like sports and I watch sports with my mom. So one day we were looking at football. My mom ask me who makes the most money I said the quarter back. My mom told me I going to get a quarter back has my new boyfriend and it be your new step father. a week lady my mom went out I came home I see my mom making out with a high school kid. I said whats going on my mom said look my new boyfriend and new step father is the high school quarter back. My mom said see mission accomplish. I said yeah job well done.
My sister told me she like Medusa. I said h. My sister said my blow jobs are so good she looks up at the guy facial expression and when the look down they do nothing, but stay still.
My ex boyfriend’s dick is so small that instead of giving him a handjob I had to give him a thumb and forefinger job.
What do you call sex in the world trade center? An inside job.
RUS | ENG
