Last Night I had a dream I was swimming in lemonade… turns out I peed the bed. What’s a spider-man’s dream job? Web developer
I was sitting with my little brother when he was about four-ish. He was starting to really like to identify objects for some reason, so he was showing me his toys. He grabbed his toy Mator truck and then pointed to the wheels, saying, “These are wheels.” I said, “Good job, yes they are.” Then he pointed to the bumper and said, “This is a bumper.” Again, I congratulated him. Then, he grabbed the toy’s wire with the hook at the end and said, “And this is a hooker.” I died laughing.
What do you call sex in the world trade center? An inside job.
why did the zookeeper lose his job? for choking the chicken and spanking the monkey!
My grief counselor died the other day He was so good at his job, i don’t even care.
A foreign man came to America not knowing a word of English and right away began looking for a job. He became a chorus teacher and learned to say, ?Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi!? After that he joined the Army and learned to say, ?Yes sir!? After that he worked at a restaurant and learned to say, ?Forks and knives, forks and knives!? After that he worked at a candy store and picked up the words, ?Goody-goody gumdrops!? A few weeks later, there was a murder in the area and he was the first person to be interrogated by the police. The interrogation went as follows: Policeman: Who killed the man? Foreign man: Mi-mi-mi-mi-mi! Policeman: Did you kill the man? Foreign man: Yes sir! Policeman: What did you use to kill him: Foreign man: Forks and knives, forks and knives! Policeman: You?re under arrest. Foreign man: Goody-goody gumdrops!
Everyone in my class: I can’t wait until have a family, I can’t wait to study for my dream job My friends: What’s your dream job? Me: I’m going to die young :))
A job is like virginity. Not everyone loses it.
Yo mama is so ugly, she walked into a haunted house and walked out with a job application.
I lost my job by giving up my seat to someone I didn’t know you’re not supposed to do that if you’re a bus driver!
i just found out my ex got stabbed today…lets just say i lost my job as a butcher
Two Native Americans ?????? Unwittingly walk into a gay bar and sit down to order a pitcher of beer. As they’re sitting there sucking back on their ale, a gay guy walks up and says, “How would you boys like a blow job?” The one Indian stands up and decks the guy, knocking him unconscious. He then sits back down and finishes his beer. His buddy looks over and says, “Hey Joe, what did you do that for? ” Joe replies, “Not sure but it was something about getting a job!”
I went for a job interview today and the manager said, “We’re looking for someone who is responsible.” “Well, I’m your man.” I replied, “In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible.”
Why can’t orphans get a job? Because they don’t have a home.
Why is there a lot of whites in hockey? It’s the only other job that involves beating something black other than being a cop
RUS | ENG
