My girlfriend got ran over by a bus I lost my job as a bus driver.
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? Where’s my tractor?
My dad is like my virginity. I lost him at 12
I tried to sue the airline for losing my luggage. I lost my case.
Why does us suck at chess? we lost both our towers. Why is england so good at chess? they still have their queen. Why does russia suck at chess? they only have pawns
What did the farmer say when he lost his tractor? -Where’e my tractor?!
A woman gets rid of polish with chemicals and no one bats an eye The Germans got rid of polish with chemicals and everyone lost their mind
I lost my black friend in the shadows. I lost my white friend on the wall. I lost my Asian friend in the sand and I lost my Islamic friend in the bombings.
A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an exposition to the Amazon Forest. After a while they get lost. So as they are walking suddenly the bushes jump up into the air and men with spears are there. One man says "Hey, your in our sacred land. So what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren’t that crazy so we will let you choose how you die." The man from France said, "bring me the poison." The man from Britain said, "bring me the gun" And the man from New York said, "bring me a fork" The guy was confused with the fork but still brought it the items and gave it to them. The guy from France said, “for the France!” And drank the poison and died. The man from Britain said, “long live the queen!” And shot himself and died. And the man from New York started stabbing himself with the fork and said “MAKE A CANOE OUT OF THIS YOU f@ckERS”
Yo mama so fat i stood next to her and lost cell phone reception
Your forehead is so big, Megamind though he was your long lost sibling. (me)
My cousin: Brother I lost in a game of Call of Duty: Moe Bill [he was supposed to pronounce it as mobile however I left it as it is] Me: so tell me about it then. My cousin: I lost to Sum_Baldi Me: somebody? Don’t they have like the name of you opponents? My cousin: no no no the name was Sum_Baldi. S.U.M_B.A.L.D.I Me: Ok my bad. Continue My cousin: I got Sum_Baldi and 5 seconds later I got kill but [by] Sum_Fing_Wong. Me: it’s not wrong! In call of duty, you are suppose to kill or be killed. My cousin: no no no the name was Sum_Fing_Wong. S.U.M_F.I.N.G_W.O.N.G Me: my bad again. Do continue. My cousin: I got so angry I blowup Me: so you got blowed up, by what weapon? My cousin: by the game. Me: [was not expecting that for an answer]
Two atom soldiers are fighting against an army. One gets shot. He cried out, im hit! I think I’ve lost an electron! Are you sure? Asks the other. Im positive! This one as actually physics(unlike some other joke here, ahem cough cough)
A man in conversation with his friend says that his wife is on a 3-week diet. The friend curiously asks, how much has she lost? The man replies, “her life.”
Why did Steven hawking die? He lost wifi connection and don’t get the data plan.
RUS | ENG
