I tried to come up with a funny pun about squirrels, but all my ideas were nuts
One day little johnny went to his grandma’s house and she asks “do you like nuts” and little johnny says “yes i like nuts” and his grandma says “okay then grab them out of the cabinet” so little johnny went and grabbed them and he was sad after he grabbed them his grandma then says “whats wrong? ” little johnny says “i thought they were real nuts.” and his grandma fainted.
There is a kid in my class who is allergic to peanuts. He says hes gay- he can’t be tho… he’s allergic to nuts!
ok this isnt a joke but its funny. Roses are red, nuts are brown, Skirts go up, pants go down. Body to body, skin to skin, when its stiff, stick it in. It goes in dry, comes out wet, the longer it’s in, the stronger it gets. It comes out dripping and starts to sag, its not what you think, its a lipton tea bag. Get your mind out of the gutter.
at school nobody:do u want nuts me: wait u have some nobody: yeah their my own me: :0
A GUY GOES TO SEE HIS PSYCHIATRIST DRESSED ONLY IN BUBBLE WRAP. WHEN HE GETS THERE HE ASKED THE PSYCH, cAN YOU PLEASE HELP ME? THE PSYCH SAYS NO, I’M SORRY, I CAN CLEARLY SEE YOUR NUTS. A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. “But why?” they asked, as they moved off. “Because”, he said, “I can’t stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.”
my best friend got ligma (ah did he, sorry bro) LIGMA BALLS
Do you like Wendy’s? Yeah Wendy’s nuts finna go in your mouth
You heard that Michael Jackson autopsy reports showed he died of food poisoning? It’s because he ate some 8 year old nuts.
I asked my doctor if it was normal for one of my nuts to be bigger than the other two.
A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders. As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, “I’ll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me three wishes if I would release her back into the sea. So I told her I wanted a yacht and, sure enough, she came through for me. Next, I asked for a million bucks and now I am set for life. Last of all, I asked her if I could have sex with her and her response was, ‘I don’t know how you can make love to me with your type of body.’ So I asked her, ‘How about a little head?’” Other jokes: Why did the ketchup blush? He saw the salad dressing. What did the elephant ask the naked man? How do you breathe out of that thing? How do you make your husband scream during sex? Call him and let him hear it. Why does the mermaid wear seashells? She outgrew her b-shells! How is life like toilet paper? You’re either on a roll or taking shit from someone. What does one boob say to the other boob? If we don’t get support, people will think we’re nuts. What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball? A man will actually search for a golf ball. What did Cinderella do when she arrived at the ball? She gagged.
What do you call a vegan slut…? A garden Ho…!
DR Brody: Sir your son has a disease called boofa dad: whats boofa? DR Brody: both of these nuts in your mouth
A pirate walks into a bar and has a ship’s wheel in his pants. The bartender asks, “What’s with the wheel in your pants?” The pirate replies, “Yarrr! It’s drivin’ me nuts!”
What did one nut say to the other? Ignore the guy in the middle. He’s a d!ck.
RUS | ENG
