Nut jokes

What do you call a vegan slut…? A garden Ho…!

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I have a pun, but I will nut-tella you!

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A pirate walked into a bar with his ship’s steering wheel hanging off his pants. The bartender says, “Hey! What’s with the steering wheel? ” The pirate says, “I don’t know but it’s driving me nuts!”

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What did the wire say to the electrician Stop twisting my nuts

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If you are what you eat, does that mean all squirrels are nuts?

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was walking down the street when I was accosted by a particularly dirty and shabby-looking homeless man who asked me for a couple of dollars for dinner. I took out my wallet, extracted ten dollars and asked,“If I give you this money, will you buy some beer with it instead of dinner?” %%“Will you use it to go fishing instead of buying food?” I asked. “No, I don’t waste time fishing,” the homeless man said…“I need to spend all my time trying to stay alive.” “Will you spend this on hunting equipment?” I asked. “Are you NUTS!” replied the homeless man. “I haven’t gone hunting in 20 years!” “Well,” I said, “I’m not going to give you money. Instead, I’m going to take you home for a shower and a terrific dinner cooked by my wife.” The homeless man was astounded. "Won’t your wife be furious with you for doing that? I replied, “Don’t worry about that. It’s important for her to see what a man looks like after he has given up drinking, fishing and hunting.” Not a joke but still dc

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What falls and never gets hurt? Snow

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Knock knock who is there deez nuts

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What’s the difference between a peanut and a priest? With a peanut, you have to break the shell open for the nut to come out.

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Nutted in her braces, now my kids are behind bars.

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I tried to come up with a funny pun about squirrels, but all my ideas were nuts

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What did the bread say to the peanut butter? I think your nuts

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What do u call a 3 sum with a girl with aids? Nut in the butt

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Me:what’s that girls name from phinease and ferb the sister Crush:candice Me:candice dick fit in your mouth Crush: slaps me Walks away

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What does a robot do at the end of a one night stand? – He nuts and bolts.

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