Nut jokes

My puns drive people nuts, this is usually when I bolt away

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In school, we learned that squirrels stick their nuts in trees. So, just like my uncle dave…

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A penis has a sad life. His hair is a mess. His family is nuts. His neighbor is an asshole. His best friend is a pussy. And his owner beats him.

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Me:what’s that girls name from phinease and ferb the sister Crush:candice Me:candice dick fit in your mouth Crush: slaps me Walks away

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Did you guys see on the news where they arrested that pervert at the Michaels Crafts store?? He was running around completely naked and had sprinkled glitter all over his testicles. I guess it was pretty nuts.

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Yo girl…do you like squirrels, because i’m about to nut in your hole

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What did one squirrel say to the other ‘‘do you have any nuts’’

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I’m so excited for Christmas Pudding… Pudding these nuts in your mouth

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What did the wire say to the electrician Stop twisting my nuts

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I bet for Halloween you were a Goblin. how a about you gobble DEEZ nuts.

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I have big balls said the kid holding to soccer balls

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Nutted in my shoes, now my kids are taking a walk.

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One day little johnny went to his grandma’s house and she asks “do you like nuts” and little johnny says “yes i like nuts” and his grandma says “okay then grab them out of the cabinet” so little johnny went and grabbed them and he was sad after he grabbed them his grandma then says “whats wrong? ” little johnny says “i thought they were real nuts.” and his grandma fainted.

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Nutted in her braces, now my kids are behind bars.

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Why did the squirrel swim on his back? keep his nuts dry.

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