Paint jokes

What do Painters and Prostitutes have in common? They’re both paid for a good finish…

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I feel bad for cumming on my turtle

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Q, Why did the elephant paint his toenails red? A, To hide up cherry trees. Q, What’s the loudest noise in the jungle? A, Giraffes eating cherries.

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these are all of my terrible jokes Two antennas met on a roof, they fell in love and got married. The ceremony was alright but the reception was amazing A jumper cable walks into a bar and the bartender said "I’ll serve you but don’t start anything A dyslexic man walks into a bra Two cannibals are eating a clown, one says "does this taste funny to you, I’m

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joking of course" Dejamoo: the feeling that you’ve heard this bull before A man woke up in a hospital after a serious accident and said to the doctor “I can’t feel my legs” the doctor said " I know, I AMPUTATED YOUR ARMS" I went to seafood disco last week, I pulled a muscle What do you call a fish with no eyes, a fsh Two fish swim into a concrete wall, one says "dam" A mystic dwarf escapes from a jail, the call went out of a "small medium at large" A man walks into a bar with solid tar under his arm, he says "a beer please,and one for the road" Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom? The p is silent YO MAMA SO FAT THAT she should be worried, diabetes is a serious problem What do you call a black man on the moon? An astronaut, duh A priest a rabbi and a cleric walk into a bar, the cleric, due to his religious constructions, does not drink alcohol. The others do the same, they have a pleasant fun and nothing bad happens. What’s red and smells like blue paint? red paint. I remember the last words my grandad said before he kicked the bucket, how far do you think I can kick this bucket A man walks into a bar, his alcohol independence is pulling this family apart I like my coffee like my women, on sometimes with a penis A man is working at a bar, a money comes in and orders a banana martini. The man wakes up and tells his story to his wife, he is ignored and he turns around sobbing. His marriage is falling apart Why didn’t Jesus play hockey? Soccer and baseball are more popular in Mexico What’s green and has wheels? Grass, the wheels WERE A LIE. What do a duck and a bicycle have in common? They both have wheels except the duck Why couldn’t the dinosaur break the wall, I don’t know. I’m asking you Why did the old woman put rainbow roller skates on her walker, she has dementia There are an owl and a squirrel watching a farmer go by, they owl turns to the squirrel and says nothing. It’s an owl it can’t talk. The owl then eats the squirrel because the owl is a bird of prey

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How many babies does it take to paint a wall red? It depends on how hard you through them. ????

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What brand of paint Michael Jackson use to paint Neverland Ranch? Dutch Boy.

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whats the difference between a gay guy and a freezer? the freezer doesn’t fart when you pull the meat out what doe Michelangelo and Kurt Cobain have in common? they both used there brains to paint the the walls

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How many babies does it take to paint a wall? One, if you throw it hard enough.

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how many babies does it take to paint a room red. depends how hard you throw em.

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I asked my dad , Why did you paint rabbits on your bald head? He replied, Because I thought it would look like hares

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A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. “Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?” The blonde said, “How about 50 dollars?” The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man’s wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, “Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?” The man replied, “She should. She was standing on the porch.” A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. “You’re finished already?” he asked. “Yes,” the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. “And by the way,” the blonde added, “that’s not a Porch, it’s a Ferrari.”

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As I’m lying down on the table for a radiation treatment, a small angel lands on one shoulder, a tiny devil on the other shoulder. And then the mind game begins: Angel: This won’t last long. You are perfectly lined up. The treatment only lasts a few mins. Remember, stay absolutely still. Devil: Did she just twitch? A: No. She didn’t twitch. D: I think I saw her

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finger twitch. A: Well, even if it did, it’s her thigh the techs are aiming at. D: She wants to scratch her face. A: Stop it! She can handle staying still a few minutes. D: But her cheek has an itchy spot. A: She can just let it itch. She doesn’t need to scratch every itch. She will just have to think about something else. D: Wow…that cheek is really itchy… A: Think about: Flowers. Acrylic painting. Did the trash get picked up this morning? Her grandson Oliver’s smile… D: How about a song? A: Good idea! D: How about… “Never going to give you up. Never going to let you down…”?? A: OMG! You just Rick-rolled her! She’s in the middle of a treatment! You know that’s the only part she knows! D: That’s okay. She’ll just repeat the words she knows over and over and over and… A: Don’t be so mean! D: “Never going to give you up…??” A: Stop it! D: Her toe! Her big toe! Did you see that? She just twitched it! A: No, she didn’t. D: I bet it screwed up the test and they have to start over… A: She didn’t screw anything up! D: She totally screwed the test up and they were more than halfway done. If they start over at the beginning, she will get too much radiation, and they will end up slicing her whole leg off! A: That’s not how it works… D: Or they just stop all together and she only gets a partial treatment and her tumor won’t get enough radiation. A: They know what they are doing! D: …And it won’t shrink the tumor and the whole thing fails. And the doctor will have to amputate her leg. A: No! No! No! That’s not how any of this… D: …And when they amputate, it will be at the hip and not below the knee because the tumor is in her thigh. A: Stop this right now!! D: “Never going to give you up…??” A: Stop! D: “…never going let you down…??” A: I’m not going to let you… D: “Never going to give you up…??” . Techs: Okay. That’s it, Tammi! We are finished! How are you doing? Tammi: …Oh, I’m fine…

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I when to the orphans to paint a picture of there parents so they can actually talk to them

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r u a toaster? cuz i wanna take a bath wit u r u a knife? cuz u make me wanna kms r u a painting? cuz i hang u r u the flu? cuz u make me wanna hurl r u a newspaper? cuz u have new problems everyday r u the ground? cuz im six feet deep in u ;)

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How many babies does it take to paint a wall Depends how hatd you throw them

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