Poor jokes

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Today I donated my watch, phone, and $500 to a poor guy. You wouldn’t believe the happiness I felt as he slid the pistol back into his pocket.

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Hey guys todays funnyiest prank: Is when I poored a bunch of red whine into the chicken salad…to be honest and was a TON of whine I purded in there! My family could not tell the dirfense at all! Anyway bye thats the prankster! Next time or see time next!

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The other day, I donated my car keys, $1,000, and a passport to a homeless man. You could feel the happiness come from me after he holstered his suppressed shotgun.

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Why are quantum physicists so poor at sex? – Because when they find the position, they can’t find the momentum, and when they have the momentum, they can’t find the position.

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Studies have shown that in London, a person is stabbed 24 times a second. Poor bastard…

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One afternoon, a man was walking to a bar after work. Across the street, an Irish nun stood there waving her arms at the man. “Look at this poor drunkard! The Lord does not love him! He will be sent to Hell!” the nun shouted. The man walked over to the nun. “Hey! I had a hard day at work! I was going to get ONE beer! Have you ever even tried a drink before?” the man asked. The nun looked down and shook her head. “Well, if you tried it, you would probably like it! Would you want to try something?” the man asked. The nun replied, “Okay, only one thing.” “What would you like?” asked the man. He offered her beer and whiskey, but she declined. “How about a little gin?” the man concluded. “Okay, sure. But, can you ask them to put it in a mug so people don’t see what I’m drinking?” asked the nun. “Fine,” the man walks into the bar and waves to the bartender. “Hey, can I have a bottle of beer and a bit of gin? Also, can that be in a mug?” asked the man. The bartender looked up, with fury in his eyes. “Don’t tell me that damn nun is out there again!” the bartender said.

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Paddy and Seamus work at the Guinness factory and Seamus has a horrible accident and dies at work. Paddy agrees to tell Seamuswife the bad news. He knocks on the door and Seamus wife answers. " Whats happened Paddy?" Paddy frowns. " Im sorry to say poor Seamus fell into the Guinness vat and drowned, im so sorry." She started to cry and asked paddy: " Did he at least die quickly? " Seamus shook his head, " No, he got out 3 times for a pee."

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