If drinking alcohol makes you an alcoholic, does drinking fanta make you fantastic?
There was a kidnapping at school… Don?t worry, he woke up.
“Doctor, there’s a patient on line 1 that says he’s invisible” “Well, tell him I can’t see him right now.”
You wanna know why I hate circles so much? They’re just so pointless! But I guess that’s how they roll
Communist jokes aren’t funny unless everyone gets them.
Where did the cat go when it lost it’s tail? – To the retail store!
Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One of them turns to the other and says, “I can’t believe I blew forty bucks in there.”
An atom loses an electron… It says, “Man, I really gotta keep an ion them.”
My boss yelled at me the other day, “You’ve got to be the worst train driver in history. How many trains did you derail last year? ” I said, “Can’t say for sure, it’s so hard to keep track!”
Why doesn’t the Sun go to college? – Because it has a million degrees.
I never wanted to believe that my Dad was stealing from his job as a road worker. But when I got home, all the signs were there.
My cow just wandered into a field of marijuana. The steaks have never been so high…
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip. After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.” Watson replied, “I see millions of stars.” “What does that tell you?” Watson pondered for a minute. “Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.” “Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.” “Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.” “Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant.” “Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.” “What does it tell you, Holmes?” Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: “Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!”
Q: What did the drunk emo say to the bartender? A: Nothing! He was hung over. My sister thinks shes so smart, shes said onions are the only food that makes you cry So I threw a coconut at her
I’ve just been fired from the clock making factory after all those extra hours I put in.
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