When a family friend passed away, my granddaughter took her three-year-old son to visit the widow. As they approached the front door, she whispered to the boy, “Make sure to tell her how sorry you are. ” He whispered back, “Why? I didn’t kill him.”
How does a fish always know how much they weigh? – Because they have their own scales.
There was a kidnapping at school… Don?t worry, he woke up.
What did the guy exclaim after inventing the shovel? It is ground breaking!
If you’re waiting for the waiter at a restaurant, aren’t you the waiter?
Last night I had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. I guess it was just a Fanta sea!
What do you call it when a midget waves at you? A microwave
My boss yelled at me the other day, “You’ve got to be the worst train driver in history. How many trains did you derail last year? ” I said, “Can’t say for sure, it’s so hard to keep track!”
What’s the difference between a hippo and a Zippo? – One is really heavy, and the other is a little lighter.
I would tell you a construction pun, but I’m still working on it
how does a crazy person get to the woods? He takes the psychopath.
I Googled “How to start a Wildfire”. I got 48,500 matches.
Do you know how to make holy water? You boil the hell out of it.
a mexican was doing a magic trick he said “uno, dos,” then disappeared without a trace
Q: What did the drunk emo say to the bartender? A: Nothing! He was hung over. My sister thinks shes so smart, shes said onions are the only food that makes you cry So I threw a coconut at her
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