Three nuns are on their way up to heaven after having been involved in a terrible minibus crash on the Italian Alps that killed them and the driver (he went the other direction!) As they’re approaching the Pearly Gates to be interview by St. Peter, they are requested by an attendant to form a single line and wait. Sister Agnes is first, Sister Bernadette behind her and Sister Carmel on the end. Finally, St. Peter approaches the nuns to determine their worthiness for entry to Heaven. He says to the first nun : “Sister Agnes, have you ever seen the penis of a man”? Sister Agnes bursts into tears and says : Yes, St. Peter, I have, but please don’t let this prevent me from entering the Kingdom of Heaven". St. Peter says : “Never fear, my child. Say a thousand Hail Marys and then go over to that font of Holy Water and wash your eyes out, then you shall enter the Kingdom of Heaven”. Sister Carmel sees what’s going on and taps Sister Bernadette on the shoulder, somewhat urgently. “Pssst - hey Bernie”!, she says. Sister Bernadette asks : “What is it?” A little annoyed. Sister Carmel says : “Do you mind if we swap places”? Sister Bernadette replies : “What for”? Sister Carmel says : “Well, I wouldn’t mind gargling before you stick your ass in there”!
What’s a foot on one end, a foot on the other end, and a foot in the middle. A meter stick
a conductor was conducting a song, at the end he through his conductor’s stick and killed someone, he was put to the electric chair but nothing happened, they asked why he didn’t die and he replied, “I’m a bad conductor” how do you start an Ethiopian rave? stick toast to the ceiling.
What does Kobe and the Twin towers have in common? The pilots just couldn’t stick the landing Wow that was explosive! Man I’m on fire ?? today
How can toilet paper decorate your house Shit sticks everywhere
In school, we learned that squirrels stick their nuts in trees. So, just like my uncle dave…
A bear and a rabbit are taking a shit in the woods. The bear turns to the rabbit and asks do you have any problems with shit sticking to your fur and the rabbit says no So the bear wipes his ass with the rabbit
What do McDonald’s and preist have in common? They both stick there meat in 10 year old buns.
What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
how did riahna know that chris brown was cheating on her…there was a different color of lip stick on his knuckles
What do polish people in ???? Poland use chop sticks for? tweezers
What do you call a boomerang that doesn’t come back? – A stick.
I was in an argument with a “friend” at school. he said, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me”… …so I threw a dictionary at him.
I wanted to learn how to drive a stick shift, but I couldn’t find a manual.
“Sticks and stones break my bones.” a crowbar does it so much quicker
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