Teacher jokes

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An old teacher asked her student, “If I say, ‘I am beautiful,’ which tense is that?” The student replied, “It is obviously past.”

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A teacher asked his students a math question. “You have one dollar. Your parents give you five dollars. How much money do you have?”

After some thinking, about half the class raised their hands. The teacher called on a little girl in the front.

“One dollar!” she said

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New Teacher: I was an orphan as a kid.

Students: OOF

Teacher: Is anyone missing.

Students: Your Parents

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The teacher asked,"why are you in school on a saturday?" I told her my mum told me to go to hell.

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The Sunday school teacher is a little concerned that his kids might be a little confused about Jesus so he asks his class, “where is Jesus today?”

Little Suzy replies, “He’s in heaven”

Little Mary replies, “He’s in my heart”

Little Johnny says, “He’s in the bathroom!”

The teacher says, “how do you know this?”

Then little Johnny says, “Well, every morning my father gets up, bang on the bathroom door, and yells, “Jesus Christ are you still in there!?”

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What’s the difference between a teacher and a train?

The teacher says, “Spit out your gum,” but a train says, “Chew chew!”

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Little Johnny walked into the bathroom while his dad was taking a dump. As soon as Little Johnny walked in his dad let out a big FART! Little Johnny said “WHAT WAS THAT?” His dad said “ That was the sound of the north wind. The next day his teacher asked the class “ What’s the direction of the north wind?” Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher called on him and he said “TEACH IT’S MY DADDY’S BOOTY!”

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In English class the teacher says (Teacher): Kids you need to say the alphabet ok Sally you first. (Sally): Okay a b c d e f g h i j k l m n o p q r s t u v w x y z. (Teacher): good job Sally. Then the teacher called on 4 other students who got it right. Then the teacher called on little Johnny. (Teacher): Little Johnny say the alphabet. (Little Johnny): bcefghijklmnopsvwxyz. (Teacher): no Johnny that’s not right. (Johnny): oh I forgot u r a q t. (Teacher). No still not right and thank you. (Johnny): oh I’ll give you the d later. (Class): (laughing). (Teacher): GO TO THE OFFICE NOW.

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I was sitting in math class, and our teacher doesn’t like it if we don’t work on math in his class. So I did science homework on top of a math book

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Little Johnny was sitting in class, and he was behind a girl called Sally. The teacher asks the class, “Who created the Earth?” And Little Johnny pokes Sally in the back with his sharpened pencil, and she jumps and says, “MY GOD!” And the teacher says, “Yes, Sally, God did create the Earth.” Sally sits down. Then, the teacher asks, “Where do you go after you live a good life?” and Little Johnny pokes Sally again, and she jumps up and says, “HEAVENS TO BETSY!” And the teacher says, “Yes Sally. You will go to heaven after you live a good life.” Sally sits down, knowing full well Little Johnny was poking her. Sally gave Little Johnny an angry glare, and she turns around. And then, the teacher asks the class, “What did Eve say to Adam after their 77th child?” and Little Johnny pokes Sally HARDER this time in the back, and Sally jumps, turns around and says, “If you stick that thing in me one more time, I swear I’m gonna lose it!” And the teacher faints.

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