Ñàìîå ïîïóëÿðíîå 27 August

I went for a job interview today and the manager said, “We’re looking for someone who is responsible.”

“Well, I’m your man.” I replied, “In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible.”

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Puns jokes
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If you drop an emo and a piece of paper from a tree which will hit the ground first?

The piece of oaper because the rope will stop the emo

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Hit jokes

A guy went to the doctor and told him that whenever he drinks a cup of tea his eye hurts,the doctor brought him a cup and asked him to drink … when he finished the doctor told him: from now on take off the spoon.

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Doctors jokes
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What’s red green and smells like shit

…red and green shit

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Green jokes
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Yo mama so fat thanos had to clap

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Fat jokes
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Do you like Wendy’s? Yeah Wendy’s nuts finna go in your mouth

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Nut jokes

Last halloween i went dressed as a woman. When i rang the doorbell an elderly woman opened and i made grunting noise and knocked the bowl of candy out of her hands. She immediately called the police and told them excactly what happened. The officer pulled me aside and asked me a few questions. First he asked are your parents here and i said nothing. Concerned by my answer he then asked if i was ok so i said nothing. He asked me what my name and i responded, "Hellen Keller.

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Woman jokes
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What’s the difference between Bird flu and swine flu? – For one you get tweetment, for the other you get oinkment.

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Doctors jokes
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Will glass coffins be a success? – Remains to be seen.

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Puns jokes
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What is a suicide packs favorite song… Let the bodies hit floor

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Hit jokes
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Jay and Andrew, are best friends whom are almost alike, the difference between them both is Jay is poor and well…Andrew on the other hand is suck-a-dick-poor. Let me explain, Jay wakes-up in his room, walks to the kitchen and asks his mom Lisa (I call her Lisa now btw) if there is anything to eat, “No bitch!” She replies, so Jay drinks a glass of milk and goes back to bed. Now Andrew…wakes-up jumps out of bed and he’s in the kitchen, he sees his mom fixing some for work, after a long hard night of giving her husband blue-balls, “Anything left for me Mother?” Andrew asks “Sorry Honey, I have to eat to put food on the table and to get the running again.” *so she goes to work taking her time * Andrew sits by his bedside and says to himself “Man…I’d suck a dick for some water right now.” his mom storms back after hearing what he had said "I’ll buy you a soda if u do my first customer for me!!! "

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Poor jokes

What do you call a fat psychic?

A four chin teller.

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Fat jokes
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What do you call a dog with no legs? It doesn’t matter, he won’t come anyway.

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Dark Humor
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I hope when I inevitably choke to death on gummy bears, people just say I was killed by bears and leave it at that

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Hope jokes
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I just found out my ex got stabbed today…lets just say i lost my job as a butcher

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Lost jokes
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My doctor said “you have 1year to live”

I said " you wanna bet"

Bam a gun shot

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Doctors jokes

Yo momma is so fat when she got on the scale it said, “I need your weight not your phone number.”

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Fat jokes
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How can toilet paper decorate your house

Shit sticks everywhere

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Stick jokes
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Why did the blind man fall down the well?

He just couldn’t see that well.

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Puns jokes
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Do you know why i dont like stairs…they are always UP TO SOMETHIG#dadjokes

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Stairs jokes
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Sex is like math. Subtract the clothes, Add the bed, Divide the legs, and pray to God there is no multiplying.

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Dark Humor
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