Ñàìîå ïîïóëÿðíîå 12 November

Man: I know how to please a woman. Woman: Then please leave me alone, you ugly two-faced hypocrite.

Man: I want to give myself to you. Woman: Sorry, I don’t like ugly peasants.

Man: Your hair colour is fabulous. Woman: I hate your hair colour, though.

Man: You look like a dream. Woman: Then open your ugly eyes and stop sleeping, hypocrite!

Man: I can tell that you want me. Woman: Yes, I want you dead.

R.I.P

Man: Hey, baby, what’s your sign? Woman: F*** you, pedophile!

Man: Your body is like a temple. Woman: Sorry, there are no services for pedophiles.

Man: Is this seat empty? Woman: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down, you little peasant.

Man: What’s it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar? Every other woman I see looks ugly. Bleuch! Woman: How dare you!

Man: Haven’t I seen you someplace before? Woman: Yeah, that’s why I don’t go there anymore. I saw you playing with boxes in the store room and saying “I AM KING OF THE WORLD!”

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Dream jokes

I would tell you a construction pun, but I’m still working on it

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Puns jokes
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As a little boy I walked in on my parents having intercourse one night, and of course, my parents stopped and sent me back to bed.

The next day my dad tells me “Don’t worry son, I wasn’t hurting mommy, we were just trying to make you a little sister.”

So, when I was young I always wanted a pet. I then looked at my father and asked “Could you do mommy doggy style next time? I want a puppy.”

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Family jokes
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I went for a job interview today and the manager said, “We’re looking for someone who is responsible.”

“Well, I’m your man.” I replied, “In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible.”

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Puns jokes
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What if soy milk is just regular milk trying to introduce itself in Spanish?

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Milk jokes

Why did the man get fired from work cause he took 2 days off in febuary

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Fire jokes
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What’s Thanos’ favorite game? Half-life

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Life jokes
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Why do orphan eat cereal with water

Because dad never came back with the milk

I have a stepladder. my real ladder left for milk and never came back.

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Milk jokes
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My grandpas last words were, why is there a body in my kitchen.

No witnessess

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Dark Humor
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Fun fact! You can hold your breath till the rest of your life

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Life jokes

The only thing brighter than my future is the fire on the world trade center.

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Fire jokes
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If seagulls fly over the sea what flies over the bay

Bagels

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Sea jokes
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Ten Catholic priests all die in a bus accident. When they arrive at the pearly gates, St. Peter acknowledges them. He sees that they’re all priests and immediately says "If any of you are pedophiles, there’s no point waiting here. You might as well eff off straight to hell right now!” Nine of the priests turn around and begin to walk away. St. Peter calls after them, "AND TAKE THE DEAF BASTARD WITH YOU TOO!”

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Waiting jokes
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What do you call a girl with an hourglass figure? – A waist of time.

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Puns jokes
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What is the difference between a frog and a horny toad? One says “Ribbit, Ribbit” and the other says “Rub it, Rub it”.

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What’s the difference?

A man is walking on the deck of a cruise ship, when he sees a woman, without arms and legs, crying. The man says “What’s wrong?” The woman says “I’ve never been hugged before.” So, the man gives her a hug and walks away.

The next day, the man sees the woman, on the deck, crying again. The man says “What’s wrong, now?” The woman says “I’ve never been kissed before.” So, the man gives her a kiss and walks away.

The next day, the same thing occurs. The man says “Oh, for Christ’s sake! What’s wrong, this time?!” The woman says “Well, I’ve never been f@cked before.” So, the man picks her up, throws her into the ocean, and yells “YOU’RE f@ckED!”

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Woman jokes
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What is the perfect job for a paedophile

A physical doctor for kids

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Job jokes
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What do you call a cow that fell up the stairs? Ground beef

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Stairs jokes
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Before Marriage Boy:At last, I can hardly wait! Girl: Do you want me to leave? Boy: No don’t even thing about it! Girl: Do you love me? Boy: Of course, always! Girl: Have you ever cheated on me? Boy: No, why are you asking? Girl: Will you kiss me? Boy: Every chance I get! Girl: Will you slap me? Boy: Hell nah, you crazy!! Girl: Can I trust you? Boy: Yeah girl! Girl: Oh Honeyyy?? After Marriage Now, read that from the bottom to the top.

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Hell jokes
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/en/doctor

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Doctors jokes
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