Самое популярное 27 December

I’ve sadly received a rejection letter from NASA. Strangely, it says there’s no space on their training programme.

Why did the loo roll roll down the stairs — to get to the bottom What do you call a bear with no teeth — a gummy bear! !!

What’s wite and black and red allover? A nun that fell down stairs

What’s the difference between a priest and acne? At least acne waits til the boy is 12 to come on his face.

I punched an orphan and told him to go back to his parents and tell them about it… oh wait

What do you call a woman with one leg?

Eileen.

I tried to high five a tree, but it just left me hanging.

My doctor said “you have 1year to live”

I said " you wanna bet"

Bam a gun shot

I would name my daughter awesome so I can tell people that I’m f@cking awesome.

Why did Joey drop his ice cream? He was hit by a truck. (Don’t worry, the truck was fine.)

I see a poor guy. Mini me be like- mama can I giwve mwy spare money to him.?? and my mum sais yes so I give my money and home feeling SO NICE while MY MOM knows he’s going to spend it on DRUGS we go back tomorrow and then after we go to the same place and then I see him with drugs. Me- what I think fck what I do??.

John: hi boss it is raining heavily today so I would not be coming

Boss: u stated in ur job application that swimming was it hobby so see u at at 11am

A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller’s name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I’d like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation." Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.

The frog says $30,000.

The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it’s OK, he knows the bank manager.

Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral.

The frog says, “Sure. I have this,” and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.

Very confused, Patti explains that she’ll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office.

She finds the manager and says “There’s a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. He wants to use this as collateral.” She holds up the tiny pink elephant. “I mean, what the heck is this?”

The bank manager looks back at her and says: “It’s a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man’s a Rolling Stone”

I’d tell a sodium and hydrogen pun, but NaH

A surgeon loses his job as he botched a surgery

Boss: “we have to let you go.”

Surgeon: “I protest innocence.”

Boss: “how?”

Surgeon: “I thought to do your job and saving people’s lives were two different things. ”

Boss: “get out”

When you break up with your online girlfriend, and you hear your uncle crying in the other room.

My dad posted a picture of his condom challenge fail to his social media — it was a picture of me.

So theres a orphan in a hospital and the doctor walks up and says “sorry kid but this is a family hospital”

I entered ten puns into a contest to see which one would win.

No pun in ten did

My friend made this joke (so I’m going steal it) I’m surrounded by fat people, oh wait… it’s just one

Kids- its time for dora kids-YAY nick jr host- today Dora is going on a big adventure with Grandma Swiper- hello kids i am trying to find my way to Diego’s will you please help me Kids- where’s dora Swiper- she’s under cardiac arrest kids — htm title=' Everybody- SWIPER NO SWIPING Swiper - AH MAN!'> poor dora Everybody- SWIPER NO SWIPING Swiper — AH MAN!!

I was being interviewed by Elon Musk. He asked “where are you from” and I said Portugal. He replied, “so you are a fellow country man of a Pen merchant whose freekick ball broke my rover on Mars. Get out! !”. Tears ran down my face. Shame on you Penaldo for costing me my dream job