Самое популярное 22 October

Chuck Norris doesn’t turn on his shower, he just stares at it until it cries

Man: I know how to please a woman. Woman: Then please leave me alone, you ugly two-faced hypocrite.

Man: I want to give myself to you. Woman: Sorry, I don’t like ugly peasants.

Man: Your hair colour is fabulous. Woman: I hate your hair colour, though.

Man: You look like a dream. Woman: Then open your ugly eyes and stop sleeping, hypocrite!

Man: I can tell that you want me. Woman: Yes, I want you dead.

R.I.P

Man: Hey, baby, what’s your sign? Woman: F*** you, pedophile!

Man: Your body is like a temple. Woman: Sorry, there are no services for pedophiles.

Man: Is this seat empty? Woman: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down, you little peasant.

Man: What’s it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar? Every other woman I see looks ugly. Bleuch! Woman: How dare you!

Man: Haven’t I seen you someplace before? Woman: Yeah, that’s why I don’t go there anymore. I saw you playing with boxes in the store room and saying “I AM KING OF THE WORLD!”

What is red, green, lies in a ditch and is covered in cookie crumbs?

…a girl scout that got hit by a car

My mum told me to stop playing with my sister; she said at least wait for her to be born first.

Your forehead is so big that you dream in 4K.

How did the Hillbilly mother find out her daughter entered puberty? Her sons dick tasted funny.

Any girl can be a squirter if you hit the right artery

My grandfather died at atshuitz Poor fella fell of the guard tower

I never knew how to use a boomerang, until it hit me

Q: What is the difference between a stripper and a bungee cord?

A: It is cheap fast, and if the rubber breaks, your pretty much screwed.

This joke is so funny I’ll bet you greened (grined)

The teacher once said to some students?i was an orphan before your principle hired me.? the students said?oof that is sad? the teacher tried to ignore them and take attendance she said?is anyone missing? the students said? your parents.? the teacher got offended and later that day quit her job

Will glass coffins be a success? – Remains to be seen.

Did you hear about Alicia’s car accident? She was really drunk and all over the road Until she was all over the road.

What’s a similarity between The Ark of the Covenant, The Holy Grail and a bunch of 12 year olds?

They are all locked in the Priest’s basement.

A hamburger walks into a bar.

The bartender says, “I’m sorry. We don’t serve food here.”

What was Stephens hawking last words? I’m lagging

So sad when the emo kid tried to give a high five to a tree

To bad he left him hanging

One day, a priest is walking down the street and sees a little girl with a box. “What’s in the box?”, the priest asks. “Christian kittens”, the little girl answers. Pleased, the priest smiles and continues on his way. A week later, the same priest is walking down the street with a nun when he sees the little girl and the box again. “Ask her what she has in the box”, he says, “It’s the cutest thing!” The nun walks up and asks the girl what she has in the box. “Atheist kittens”, she says. The priest rushes forward and says "ATHEIST KITTENS!!! Last week you said they were “Christian kittens! !!” “They were”, she says. “Now their eyes are open”.

What do you say to a fat Asian? you got more chins then a Chinese phone book

I love telling stories as theatrical plays. When we had a free dress day near Christmas my teacher dressed up as a reindeer, so I got my teacher involved…and shot her.