Ñàìîå ïîïóëÿðíîå 11 October
What’s the difference between a priest and acne? At least acne waits til the boy is 12 to come on his face.
| Waiting jokes |
What did Earth say to the other planets? – “You guys have no life!”
| Life jokes |
Woman: Doctor, where are we going? Doctor: To the morgue. Woman: I’m not dead yet, doctor. Doctor: We’re not at morgue yet, either
| Woman jokes |
BEFORE I GOT HIGH
| High jokes |
| Milk jokes |
| Puns jokes |
Son: Dad am I adopted? Father: What? No! Out of all the kids in the adoption center do you really think I would pick u?
| Family jokes |
What’s a pedophile’s favorite part of a hockey game? Before the first period starts.
| Game jokes |
Man: I know how to please a woman. Woman: Then please leave me alone, you ugly two-faced hypocrite.
Man: I want to give myself to you. Woman: Sorry, I don’t like ugly peasants.
Man: Your hair colour is fabulous. Woman: I hate your hair colour, though.
Man: You look like a dream. Woman: Then open your ugly eyes and stop sleeping, hypocrite!
Man: I can tell that you want me. Woman: Yes, I want you dead.
R.I.P
Man: Hey, baby, what’s your sign? Woman: F*** you, pedophile!
Man: Your body is like a temple. Woman: Sorry, there are no services for pedophiles.
Man: Is this seat empty? Woman: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down, you little peasant.
Man: What’s it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar? Every other woman I see looks ugly. Bleuch! Woman: How dare you!
Man: Haven’t I seen you someplace before? Woman: Yeah, that’s why I don’t go there anymore. I saw you playing with boxes in the store room and saying “I AM KING OF THE WORLD!”
| Dream jokes |
What do u call it when a boxer cums? Busting a nut
| Nut jokes |
| Stairs jokes |
The other day, I donated my car keys, $1,000, and a passport to a homeless man. You could feel the happiness come from me after he holstered his suppressed shotgun.
| Poor jokes |
| Fat jokes |
| Priest jokes |
What do you call an alligator with a vest?
An investigator.
| Puns jokes |
Fun fact: The body positivity movement, is the only movement without any actual movement
| Fat jokes |
What’s the difference between Steven Hawking and the Statue of Liberty, the statue stands for something
| What’s the difference? |
Friend: Want to play fall guys?
Friend 2: Yup
Friend: Ok so let me ju- wait where are you going?
Friend 2: I’m gonna jump off
| Waiting jokes |
| Lost jokes |
A little girl beinng Girl: “Forgive me Father for I have sinned”
Priest: “What did you do Child?”
Girl: “I called a man a son of a bitch.”
Priest: “Why did you call him a son of a bitch?”
Girl: “Because he touched my hand.”
Priest: “Like this?” (as he touches her hand)
Girl: “Yes father.”
Priest: “That’s no reason to call a man a son of a bitch.”
Girl: “Then he touched my breast.”
Priest: “Like this?” (as he touched her breast)
Girl: “Yes father.”
Priest: “That’s no reason to call him a son of a bitch.”
Girl: “Then he took off my clothes, father.”
Priest: “Like this?” (as he takes off her clothes)
Girl: “Yes father.”
Priest: “That’s no reason to call him a son of a bitch.”
Girl: “Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where.”
Priest: “Like this?” (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where)
Girl: “YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!”
Priest: (after a few minutes): “That’s no reason to call him a son of a bitch. ”
Girl: “But father he had AIDS!”
Priest: “THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!”
| Priest jokes |
A millionaire LOVES alligators and filled his pool full of alligators, One night he has a party and says,“whoever can swim from one end to the other of the alligator infested pool unharmed will get a prize, my daughter or a million dollars.” some people line up but they are hesitant. One man gets in the water, swims from one end to the other unharmed, and went to the millionaire. The millionaire says,“wow I can’t believe you did it! So whats your prize?” the guy says,“I don’t care about the million dollars or your daughter, I just want to know who the B@$*ard was that pushed me in the pool!”
| Family jokes |
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