Самое популярное 28 May

What’s the difference between a gay guy and a microwave?

The microwave doesn’t brown the meat.

Women are like dogs… “Where are you going? Where are you going? Where are you going?” “Can I come? Can I come? Can I come? ” “I’ll wait right here… I’ll wait right here… I’ll wait right here…”

SHOES

Why do black men have nightmares?

Because the only one that had a dream got shot.

A fat man meets a skinny man The fat man tells the skinny man: “when people look at you, they think the world’s starving to death”

And the skinny man responds: “when they look at you, they know why”

So I heard it was important to clean your sex toys, which is why priests invented baptism I guess.

A robber breaks into a house while the residents are away one dark night. Eager to see what he can loot, he quickly starts searching through cupboards and dressers, grabbing valuables with a trained eye. Suddenly, he hears a voice come out of nowhere. “Jesus is watching you.” The criminal jumps, scared the residents are back, and freezes. After a few minutes of silence however, he assumes it was his imagination, and goes back to robbing. A couple minutes pass, before once again, the voice returns. “Jesus is watching you.” Quite confused, the thief searches the house and checks the front door, but nothing pops out as unusual. He finally decides to move rooms, and finds a parrot, but ignores it. Before he can begin to do anything, someone speaks again, “Jesus is watching you.” The robber realized it was the parrot talking! Going to the parrot, he asks it, “Are you the one who’s been talking to me?” The parrot responds, “Yes.” The thief couldn’t believe it. So, he asks another question. “What is your name?” “Ismael.” the parrot replies. The man scoffed. “What type of idiot names a parrot Ismael?” The parrot speaks yet again, “The same type of idiot that names a Rottweiler Jesus.”

So there I was f@cking my sister and she’s shouts “god you f@ck like dad” I then said “damn that’s what mom said”

You wanna know what’s the difference between a girl and a refrigerator? “a refrigerator doesn’t moan when I put my meat in it”

Hey, I’m not an alcoholic! I only drink 2 times a year. When it’s my Birthday, and when it’s not…

Q:Whats the difference between a computer and an abortion clinic A: Ctrl+Alt+Delete

What’s the difference between a battery and my wife? The battery has a positive side

According to all known laws of aviation,

There is no way a bee should be able to fly.

Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground.

The bee, of course, flies anyway

Because bees don’t care what humans think is impossible.

Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black.

Ooh, black and yellow! Let’s shake it up a little.

Barry! Breakfast is ready!

Ooming!

Hang on a second.

Hello?

Barry?

Adam?

Oan you believe this is happening?

I can’t. I’ll pick you up.

Looking sharp.

Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those.

Sorry. I’m excited.

Here’s the graduate. We’re very proud of you, son.

A perfect report card, all B’s.

Very proud.

Ma! I got a thing going here.

You got lint on your fuzz.

Ow! That’s me!

Wave to us! We’ll be in row 118, 000.

Bye!

Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house!

1st daughter: Dad I;m lesbian! Dad: oh OK! 2nd daughter: I’m also lesbian Dad: WTF does any 1 in this family love d!cks?!? Son: I do…

So a neutron went to a bar, he asked the bartender how much for a beer, the bartender said, " For you, NO charge."

Why don’t cows have any money?

Because farmers milk them dry.

The other day a man with some cheese and milk attacked me …how dairy

If a computer was an apartment, the only passage would be the windows. It would have had doors but why was it ever spelt DOS

My mum told me to stop playing with my sister; she said at least wait for her to be born first.

What do you call a reverse exorsism. It’s where a demon pulls a priest out of a child

So this gu named andrew furda was my boy friend for like a half a week so five days then bam i cut my hair he only liked me for my looks and htm title=' if u see dis u going down andrew!'>i hoped he regrets it because it is WAR so if u see dis u going down andrew!

A GUY GOES TO SEE HIS PSYCHIATRIST DRESSED ONLY IN BUBBLE WRAP. WHEN HE GETS THERE HE ASKED THE PSYCH, cAN YOU PLEASE HELP ME? THE PSYCH SAYS NO, I’M SORRY, I CAN CLEARLY SEE YOUR NUTS.

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. “But why?” they asked, as they moved off. “Because”, he said, “I can’t stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.”

I heard the man who invented Autocorrect died; may he wrist in peach.