Самое популярное 4 August

Best way to stop a fight between deaf people? Just turn off the Lights

Woman: Doctor, where are we going? Doctor: To the morgue. Woman: I’m not dead yet, doctor. Doctor: We’re not at morgue yet, either

What do you call 100 rabbits walking backwards?

A receding hare line.

How do you cut ancient Rome in half?

With a pair of Caesars.

Why did the cloud apply to stormtrooper training school?

He mist.

What’s the difference between a potted plant and your wife?

The first is easier to bury.

“Hey today was great” “What happened” “I ran into my ex today” “What’s so great about that?” “I was in my car”

Doctor: you’ll be at peace soon, sir. Me: what am I dying? Doctor: no your wife is.

Whats the benefit of taking a depressed kid to the store

Scan the wrist and you might get a discount

One day, a priest is walking down the street and sees a little girl with a box. “What’s in the box?”, the priest asks. “Christian kittens”, the little girl answers. Pleased, the priest smiles and continues on his way. A week later, the same priest is walking down the street with a nun when he sees the little girl and the box again. “Ask her what she has in the box”, he says, “It’s the cutest thing!” The nun walks up and asks the girl what she has in the box. “Atheist kittens”, she says. The priest rushes forward and says "ATHEIST KITTENS!!! Last week you said they were “Christian kittens! !!” “They were”, she says. “Now their eyes are open”.

When deaf people fight, they let their fists do the talking.

Why did the carrots laugh?

They saw Mrs. Green Pea over the fence.

A Muslim is about to commit suicide when a Catholic priest stops him “What are you doing?!” Exclaims the priest

“There is nothing on this Earth for me.” The Muslim says “I will commit suicide to go to paradise and get 72 virgins!”

The priest shakes his head

“Foolish Muslim, suicide is not the way! ” He says

“Follow me, Ill take you to the local primary school.”

What do Chinese parents hate the most?

A new born daughter…

What is yellow and can’t swim? A school bus full of kids.

If i’m the night guard at the Samsung store, does that make me a… guardian of the galaxy?

I heard Kobe was writing a book about helicopters but it just wouldn’t land with people…

I know, I’m going to hell…

Michael Jakson gets really ill so he’s rushed to hospital. When they get there he says ‘am i in heaven?’ The doctor replies ‘Nah sir we’re just taking a quick shortcut through the children’s ward.’

How many babies does it take to paint a wall red? It depends on how hard you through them.???

Did you hear the scores of the African basketball game?

It was Eight-Nothing

Any girl can be a squirter if you hit the right artery

I go into get a prostate exam, I’m nervous but the doctor says its all natural and needs to be done.

So he pulls down my pants and sticks one finger up my ass. I feel it go deeper inside, feeling for abnormalities.

That’s when I realize his hands are on my shoulders.