Ñàìîå ïîïóëÿðíîå 4 November

[god creating sharks] god: ok give them 3 rows of teeth. Angel: seems excessive but ok. God: and make them mean as hell. Angel: wtf y. God: BECAUSSE I SAID SO. Angel:… god: and make one of the types have a hammer for a head angel: why do I still work for you? God: because I’m the only employer as of right now.

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Hell jokes
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What do you call Mexican that smokes weed.a Baked bean

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Smoking jokes

Whats the difference between a hippie chick and a hockey player? – The hockey player showers after 3 periods.

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What’s the difference?
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What’s a depressed person’s least favorite type of cereal???

LIFE

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Life jokes
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What is 14 inches long and starts with D

A Dookie From GREEN DAY

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Green jokes
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Why are priests called father? because its too suspicious to call them daddy.

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Priest jokes

Last halloween i went dressed as a woman. When i rang the doorbell an elderly woman opened and i made grunting noise and knocked the bowl of candy out of her hands. She immediately called the police and told them excactly what happened. The officer pulled me aside and asked me a few questions. First he asked are your parents here and i said nothing. Concerned by my answer he then asked if i was ok so i said nothing. He asked me what my name and i responded, "Hellen Keller.

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Woman jokes
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If seagulls fly over the sea what flies over the bay

Bagels

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Sea jokes
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What do emos and the lorax have in common? they both hang with trees

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Dark Humor
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I just quit my job at a can crushing factory.

It was soda-pressing.

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Job jokes
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My mum told me to stop playing with my sister; she said at least wait for her to be born first.

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Waiting jokes

A girl walked into a job interview. The interviewer said “you are what we are looking for, but i need to test your skills. ” he hands her a pen He said “sell me this pen” She puts in between her boobs.

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Job jokes
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Your forehead is so huge, you dont have dreams, you have movies

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Dream jokes
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Why did Joey drop his ice cream? He was hit by a truck. (Don’t worry, the truck was fine.)

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Hit jokes
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My dad still hasn’t come back with the milk. Now we are stuck eating dry cereal.

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Milk jokes
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Whats green and sticky? … a stick.

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Green jokes

I told a diabetic boy to have sweet dreams, and he died the next morning

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Fat jokes
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What goes up and down and does not move? Stairs

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Stairs jokes
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A person in NYC is shot every 5 minutes. Poor guy.

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Poor jokes
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What do you call a cow with three legs? My ex

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Ex jokes
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So i was sitting with my little brother and talk about our dreams. “What do you wanna be when you grow up?” I asked him. He answered “A doctor!”. I wanted to tease him so i said “I wouldn’t be treated by a doctor like you”. I was hoping he would get mad or something but instead, he calmly replied “Brother, i said doctor. Not a vet”

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Hope jokes
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