Самое популярное 2 June

Hey, I’m not an alcoholic! I only drink 2 times a year. When it’s my Birthday, and when it’s not…

A doctor walks up to a dying man and sadly says: "I’m sorry, the test shows you only have 10 more to live." The man says " 10! ? 10 what!? Years? Weeks? Days? What?!!?" The doctor calmly replies “Nine”

This joke is so funny I’ll bet you greened (grined)

Your at your girlfriends house for a family dinner. Your GF says, " Daddy please pass me the salt." when you and her father begin to reach for the salt.

What’s the difference between a gay guy and a microwave?

The microwave doesn’t brown the meat.

Do one day i was sitting on my couch watching youtube when i heard a knock on the door. i opened the door and to my surprise it was my dad. i haven’t seen him in 16 years, so i let him in. i noticed he had a gallon of milk in his hand and he went to the kitchen and put the milk in the fridge. then he walked towards me and said “Oh no! i forgot the cereal! ” then he walked out the door and drove away. i never saw him again

I’ve been looking for my ex girlfriend’s killer for the past two years. But no one would do it.

My grandfather died at atshuitz Poor fella fell of the guard tower

What did the choir boy sing to the priest? Nothing his mouth was full.

One day the teacher asks a boy why can’t fish talk underwater. The Kid says " If I put your head underwater will you be able to talk.

What did Earth say to the other planets? – “You guys have no life!”

What is a geographical discovery? Little Johnny found his geography homework undone

What is a tornado favorite game?

Twister!

What’s the difference between an onion and a baby? nobody cries when you cut up the baby.

One day a computer said to another computer, "Why are you so dumb." The other computer replied, “Because I have low memory.”

Why doesn’t the Sun go to college? – Because it has a million degrees.

One man was very depressed cause he lost everything. He lost his job. He lost his home and he lost his wife. So he went lonely into the forest to grief. Suddenly with the head rise up he sees Santa Claus walking by. — Santa? he asks. ‘Why are you early, it is not even christmas?’

Ho, ho. Don’t worry about me. Lets worry about you instead’ says Santa. What is the problem my friend?’

I lost everything good in my life. I got fired from my job. My wife divorced me. I lost my house." Santa: I can help you. You can wish three things you want in life and i’ll give it to you-" Man: My first wish is i want my house back. Santa: Done! Man: My second wish is i want 1 million amount of cash in my bank account. Santa: Done! Man: My third wish is i also want my job back! Santa: Done, but before i actually give you those wishes, I haft to hump you. Man: Okey. Lets do it. So the Santa claus takes of his pants to hump the man. After they are done humping the santa ask the man: -How old are you? Man: I am 35 years old. Santa: And still believe in Santa Claus??!! HOHOHOHO!!!

There were once three brothers, Shit, Shut up and Manners. One day Shit got hit by a car. Shut up went to find help at the local police station whilst Manners tried to help Shit. When Shut up got to the police station he says “my brother has just been hit by a car.” The policeman replied with “OK then first I need to know your name.” “Shut up” “No, I need to know your name.” “Shut up. ” “Excuse me but where are your manners.” “Round the corner picking up shit.”

Me: want to play 911

My little brother: what’s that

Me: It’s where i kick your legs and you fall

Ten Catholic priests all die in a bus accident. When they arrive at the pearly gates, St. Peter acknowledges them. He sees that they’re all priests and immediately says "If any of you are pedophiles, there’s no point waiting here. You might as well eff off straight to hell right now!” Nine of the priests turn around and begin to walk away. St. Peter calls after them, "AND TAKE THE DEAF BASTARD WITH YOU TOO!”

Why did stephen hawkins die

He lost internet connections