Ñàìîå ïîïóëÿðíîå 11 October
What’s the difference between a priest and acne? At least acne waits til the boy is 12 to come on his face.
| Waiting jokes |
BEFORE I GOT HIGH
| High jokes |
What did Earth say to the other planets? – “You guys have no life!”
| Life jokes |
Woman: Doctor, where are we going? Doctor: To the morgue. Woman: I’m not dead yet, doctor. Doctor: We’re not at morgue yet, either
| Woman jokes |
| Stairs jokes |
Son: Dad am I adopted? Father: What? No! Out of all the kids in the adoption center do you really think I would pick u?
| Family jokes |
| Milk jokes |
Man: I know how to please a woman. Woman: Then please leave me alone, you ugly two-faced hypocrite.
Man: I want to give myself to you. Woman: Sorry, I don’t like ugly peasants.
Man: Your hair colour is fabulous. Woman: I hate your hair colour, though.
Man: You look like a dream. Woman: Then open your ugly eyes and stop sleeping, hypocrite!
Man: I can tell that you want me. Woman: Yes, I want you dead.
R.I.P
Man: Hey, baby, what’s your sign? Woman: F*** you, pedophile!
Man: Your body is like a temple. Woman: Sorry, there are no services for pedophiles.
Man: Is this seat empty? Woman: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down, you little peasant.
Man: What’s it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar? Every other woman I see looks ugly. Bleuch! Woman: How dare you!
Man: Haven’t I seen you someplace before? Woman: Yeah, that’s why I don’t go there anymore. I saw you playing with boxes in the store room and saying “I AM KING OF THE WORLD!”
| Dream jokes |
The other day, I donated my car keys, $1,000, and a passport to a homeless man. You could feel the happiness come from me after he holstered his suppressed shotgun.
| Poor jokes |
| Puns jokes |
What do u call it when a boxer cums? Busting a nut
| Nut jokes |
What’s a pedophile’s favorite part of a hockey game? Before the first period starts.
| Game jokes |
| Fat jokes |
| Priest jokes |
| Lost jokes |
Me, trying to interact with people: “Hey, are you a rope? Because I really wanna HANG with you”
Person I’m talking to: Pulling out phone to call suicide hotline “haha what”
| Dark Humor |
What do you call an alligator with a vest?
An investigator.
| Puns jokes |
Fun fact: The body positivity movement, is the only movement without any actual movement
| Fat jokes |
What’s the difference between Steven Hawking and the Statue of Liberty, the statue stands for something
| What’s the difference? |
Friend: Want to play fall guys?
Friend 2: Yup
Friend: Ok so let me ju- wait where are you going?
Friend 2: I’m gonna jump off
| Waiting jokes |
A little girl beinng Girl: “Forgive me Father for I have sinned”
Priest: “What did you do Child?”
Girl: “I called a man a son of a bitch.”
Priest: “Why did you call him a son of a bitch?”
Girl: “Because he touched my hand.”
Priest: “Like this?” (as he touches her hand)
Girl: “Yes father.”
Priest: “That’s no reason to call a man a son of a bitch.”
Girl: “Then he touched my breast.”
Priest: “Like this?” (as he touched her breast)
Girl: “Yes father.”
Priest: “That’s no reason to call him a son of a bitch.”
Girl: “Then he took off my clothes, father.”
Priest: “Like this?” (as he takes off her clothes)
Girl: “Yes father.”
Priest: “That’s no reason to call him a son of a bitch.”
Girl: “Then he stuck his you know what into my you know where.”
Priest: “Like this?” (as he stuck his you know what into her you know where)
Girl: “YES FATHER, YES FATHER, YES FATHER!!!”
Priest: (after a few minutes): “That’s no reason to call him a son of a bitch. ”
Girl: “But father he had AIDS!”
Priest: “THAT SON OF A BITCH!!!”
| Priest jokes |
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