Ñàìîå ïîïóëÿðíîå 21 June
Man: I know how to please a woman. Woman: Then please leave me alone, you ugly two-faced hypocrite.
Man: I want to give myself to you. Woman: Sorry, I don’t like ugly peasants.
Man: Your hair colour is fabulous. Woman: I hate your hair colour, though.
Man: You look like a dream. Woman: Then open your ugly eyes and stop sleeping, hypocrite!
Man: I can tell that you want me. Woman: Yes, I want you dead.
R.I.P
Man: Hey, baby, what’s your sign? Woman: F*** you, pedophile!
Man: Your body is like a temple. Woman: Sorry, there are no services for pedophiles.
Man: Is this seat empty? Woman: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down, you little peasant.
Man: What’s it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar? Every other woman I see looks ugly. Bleuch! Woman: How dare you!
Man: Haven’t I seen you someplace before? Woman: Yeah, that’s why I don’t go there anymore. I saw you playing with boxes in the store room and saying “I AM KING OF THE WORLD!”
| Dream jokes |
I just quit my job at a can crushing factory.
It was soda-pressing.
| Job jokes |
[god creating sharks] god: ok give them 3 rows of teeth. Angel: seems excessive but ok. God: and make them mean as hell. Angel: wtf y. God: BECAUSSE I SAID SO. Angel:… god: and make one of the types have a hammer for a head angel: why do I still work for you? God: because I’m the only employer as of right now.
| Hell jokes |
What’s the difference between Micheal Jackson and a plastic bag
One’s made of plastic and dangerous for kids to play with, and the other carries groceries
| What’s the difference? |
What does a priest hold on to when having sex. He holds on to the schoolbag.
| Priest jokes |
Me:Have you seen a mr.weewoo Most people:no Me: he drives the ambulance down stairs
| Stairs jokes |
Did you fall from heaven? or did you fall from the cliff up there?
| Dark Humor |
| Fat jokes |
A lady walked into a bar and ordered their special drink, the bartender then gave her a brown glass full of milk, the lady complained about this but then the bartender said, “just shut up and swallow”
| Milk jokes |
What is a tornado favorite game?
Twister!
| Game jokes |
| Fire jokes |
“Sanderson, fire a warning shot.”
“Uhh sir, this is an M32 rotary grenade launcher.”
“Ah potato-potato, just pull the trigger.”
| Fire jokes |
Asian man goes to the eye doctor. Doctor says, “It looks like you have a cataract.” Asian guy says, “No Doc, I drive a Rincoln.”
| Doctors jokes |
What do depressed people and Apple’s have in common?
They both hang from trees
| Dark Humor |
| Dark Humor |
I was addicted to the hokey pokey… but thankfully, I turned myself around.
| Puns jokes |
A surgeon loses his job as he botched a surgery
Boss: “we have to let you go.”
Surgeon: “I protest innocence.”
Boss: “how?”
Surgeon: “I thought to do your job and saving people’s lives were two different things. ”
Boss: “get out”
| Job jokes |
A man walks into a bar with an alligator and a stick. He walks up to the bartender and offers to put on a show for the bar’s patrons in exchange for a drink. The bartender agrees, so he pulls down his pants, sticks his dick in the alligators mouth and starts whacking it with the stick. After he’s done and gets his drink he asks if anyone else would like a go.
A lady gets up and says yes she would like a go, asks that he doesn’t hit her with the stick.
| Stick jokes |
You’re so short, when you were born, the doctor couldn’t tell if you were a boy, a girl, or a Jimmy Dean pork sausage.
| Doctors jokes |
| Fat jokes |
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