Самое популярное 7 February

My daughter said i could never make a car out of spaghetti, you should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!!!

If a man drove over a woman, whose fault was it?

The man, because he shouldn’t be driving in the kitchen.

I went for a job interview today and the manager said, “We’re looking for someone who is responsible.”

“Well, I’m your man.” I replied, “In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible.”

A girl and dog get dropped off at an orphanage why was she crying before she went in Because the people came back for their dog

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. “Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?” The blonde said, “How about 50 dollars?” The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man’s wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, “Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?” The man replied, “She should. She was standing on the porch.” A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. “You’re finished already?” he asked. “Yes,” the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. “And by the way,” the blonde added, “that’s not a Porch, it’s a Ferrari.”

Ow! you hit the spot!

U wanna hear a Suicide joke nvm it didn’t make it

Thanks for explaining the word “many” to me, it means a lot.

There were once three brothers, Shit, Shut up and Manners. One day Shit got hit by a car. Shut up went to find help at the local police station whilst Manners tried to help Shit. When Shut up got to the police station he says “my brother has just been hit by a car.” The policeman replied with “OK then first I need to know your name.” “Shut up” “No, I need to know your name.” “Shut up. ” “Excuse me but where are your manners.” “Round the corner picking up shit.”

What’s green and smells of bacon???

KERMITS FINGERS??

Why is a cabage green? Because its in Greenland

I’m the champion of this site I fight with the ten rings and ten fists of the legendary buddah.

Now for my joke… Why does Peter pan always fly? Because he neverlands…

“Hey today was great” “What happened” “I ran into my ex today” “What’s so great about that?” “I was in my car”

How do trees get online? – They just log in.

What’s the difference between a priest and acne? At least acne waits til the boy is 12 to come on his face.

So what if I can’t spell Armageddon? It’s not the end of the world

What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and the computer he’s hooked up to? – The computer runs.

I had a friend who was a deep sleeper. One day, a fire started in his house. Now he’s a really deep sleeper.

What do you call a lazy gay? someone who comes straight out of the closet,and goes straight to the couch.

What’s My Favorite Thing About My Grandpa?

His life insurance…

Have you ever tried eating a clock? It’s really time-consuming, especially if you go for seconds.

In the hospital paralyzed kid: I’m out walks out the room blind kid: you can walk?! mute kid: you can see?! deaf kid: you can talk?! doctor: wut the f(beep)k