Ñàìîå ïîïóëÿðíîå 13 November
Dentist: I’m just a bit surprised. When I said to you “spit it out” I wasn’t expecting you to say you’ve been shagging my wife.
| Woman jokes |
Yo girl…do you like squirrels, because i’m about to nut in your hole
| Nut jokes |
What’s worse than depression & suicide? Easy: LIVING Everyday you wish you were dead but than reality hits u in the face that your still alive and has to suffer living Pretend or not pretend we have to decide everyday even if we don’t pretend no onw will notice:) no one ever does:) Living is the problem to everything we get depression cuz of it and so much why can’t we just die:)?
| Hit jokes |
[god creating sharks] god: ok give them 3 rows of teeth. Angel: seems excessive but ok. God: and make them mean as hell. Angel: wtf y. God: BECAUSSE I SAID SO. Angel:… god: and make one of the types have a hammer for a head angel: why do I still work for you? God: because I’m the only employer as of right now.
| Hell jokes |
I went for a job interview today and the manager said, “We’re looking for someone who is responsible.”
“Well, I’m your man.” I replied, “In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible.”
| Puns jokes |
A frog goes into a bank and approaches the teller. He can see from her nameplate that the teller’s name is Patricia Whack. So he says, "Ms. Whack, I’d like to get a loan to buy a boat and go on a long vacation." Patti looks at the frog in disbelief and asks how much he wants to borrow.
The frog says $30,000.
The teller asks his name and the frog says that his name is Kermit Jagger, his dad is Mick Jagger, and that it’s OK, he knows the bank manager.
Patti explains that $30,000 is a substantial amount of money and that he will need to secure some collateral against the loan. She asks if he has anything he can use as collateral.
The frog says, “Sure. I have this,” and produces a tiny pink porcelain elephant, about half an inch tall, bright pink and perfectly formed.
Very confused, Patti explains that she’ll have to consult with the manager and disappears into a back office.
She finds the manager and says “There’s a frog called Kermit Jagger out there who claims to know you and wants to borrow $30,000. He wants to use this as collateral.” She holds up the tiny pink elephant. “I mean, what the heck is this?”
The bank manager looks back at her and says: “It’s a knick knack, Patti Whack. Give the frog a loan. His old man’s a Rolling Stone”
| Family jokes |
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn’t matter he isn’t coming to you.
| Dark Humor |
As a son I like sports and I watch sports with my mom. So one day we were looking at football. My mom ask me who makes the most money I said the quarter back. My mom told me I going to get a quarter back has my new boyfriend and it be your new step father. a week lady my mom went out I came home I see my mom making out with a high school kid. I said whats going on my mom said look my new boyfriend and new step father is the high school quarter back. My mom said see mission accomplish. I said yeah job well done.
| Job jokes |
| Puns jokes |
| Teacher jokes |
When I was a little boy I had this dream I was eating a giant marshmallow
When I woke I was being sexually abused
| Dream jokes |
R u a toaster? cuz i wanna take a bath wit u r u a knife? cuz u make me wanna kms r u a painting? cuz i hang u r u the flu? cuz u make me wanna hurl r u a newspaper? cuz u have new problems everyday r u the ground? cuz im six feet deep in u ;)
| Paint jokes |
I am still trying to figure out why paying the covid doctors a complement is so offensive. They even kicked me out and all I said was to stay positive…
An apple a day can do so much more than keep the doctor away… it can keep ANYONE away.
If you throw it hard enough.
| Doctors jokes |
Why is Steven hawking going to hell not heaven? Because it’s a stair way to heaven not a ramp.
Q:What’s black and white and red all over A: a nun falling down the stairs
| Stairs jokes |
When I was a child, my parents told me my uncle was ‘sleeping with the fishes’. At first, I thought he bought a water bed, but I then discovered he was killed and buried at sea.
| Sea jokes |
| Dark Humor |
Why do people think about handsome boys at night? Because their dreamy!
| Dream jokes |
Do nothing about people falling down the stairs, it will keep happening
Put razor blades on the stairs, it will be their last time falling down the stairs
| Stairs jokes |
Friend: Want to play fall guys?
Friend 2: Yup
Friend: Ok so let me ju- wait where are you going?
Friend 2: I’m gonna jump off
| Waiting jokes |
I had an uncle who was a conductor. He wasn’t a symphony conductor, nor was he a street car conductor, nor was he a train conductor. He was struck by lightning.
| Transport jokes |
How many emos does it take to screw in a lightbulb? None they just sit in the dark and cry.
| Dark Humor |
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