Ñàìîå ïîïóëÿðíîå 20 August

Michael Jakson gets really ill so he’s rushed to hospital. When they get there he says ‘am i in heaven?’ The doctor replies ‘Nah sir we’re just taking a quick shortcut through the children’s ward.’

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Doctors jokes
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What is the difference between a truck full of bowling balls and a truck full of babies?

U can’t unload a truck full of bowling balls with a pitch fork.

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What’s the difference?

Yo dad’s so stupid he came back after he got the milk.

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Milk jokes
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Person A: cmon person B, just be happy, smile Person B: over my dead body Person B: gets the noose

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Dark Humor
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How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

One, if you throw it hard enough.

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Paint jokes
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Where do mermaids get a job?

At the kelp wanted station

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Job jokes

What did the fork say to the cake when he said i hope u get eaten

Fork off

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Hope jokes
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“Hey today was great” “What happened” “I ran into my ex today” “What’s so great about that?” “I was in my car”

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Ex jokes
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How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?

Ask them to pronounce “unionized”.

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What’s the difference?
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Father: "The church is on fire! GET OUT GET OUT!" Priest: "Ok, what about the children?“ Father:“f@ck THE CHILDREN" Preist:” Do you think we’ll have time?”

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Priest jokes
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Why are blind people so good ad being a jedi? They are always swinging a stick

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Stick jokes

What’s green and smells like bacon?

Kermit’s finger.

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Green jokes
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A guy is at home and he’s about to go get a physical at the Doctor’s office. When he gets there, the Doctor says, “Brian, you’re going to have to stop masturbating. ” He asked the Doc why? The Doc said, “So I can examine you!”

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Doctors jokes
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There was this kid who was going to take a girl to the dance. He had fancy clothes, fancy shoes, etc. Finally, the day of the dance came. He happily drove over to the girl’s house. When he got there, he said to her father “thank you for this moment, have a great night”. At the dance, the girl asks the boy, “can I have some food?” He gladly replies “yes” and walks over to the food trucks, only to see a huge line. So he waits in line for like 30 minutes. He comes back to the girl, and she says, “thank you so much, I really needed something to eat”. Then she asks for some sweets and a soda. Again the boy waits in line for about 30-45 minutes. Then he comes back, and she says, “thank you SOOOO much” Then she says she has one more request. The boy, (now clearly agitated) says, “what is it?” She says, can I have some punch? SO the boy walks over to the punch table, but to his surprise, there was no punch line.

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Waiting jokes
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How do you make holy water?

You take normal water, and boil the hell out of it.

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Hell jokes
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Donald Trump is making hospitals so poor that they are using kidney beans for their transplants

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Poor jokes

Me: Do you like smash? Friend: Smash Rolls? Me: No, Smash DEEZ NUTS! Friend: AHHHHH (*moans)

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Nut jokes
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A girl walked into a job interview. The interviewer said “you are what we are looking for, but i need to test your skills. ” he hands her a pen He said “sell me this pen” She puts in between her boobs.

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Job jokes
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How do you punish Hellen Keller? you stick a toilet plunger in the toilet

Why cant Helen Keller have kids? It went up to far

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Stick jokes
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I can measure the speed of an object. Because I want to km/s

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Dark Humor
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Cremation: My last hope for a smoking hot body.

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Smoking jokes
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