Самое популярное 5 November

I went for a job interview today and the manager said, “We’re looking for someone who is responsible.”

“Well, I’m your man.” I replied, “In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible.”

What is the worst motivational thing to say to a depressed person?

If at first you don’t succeed, try, try again.

My brother couldn’t wait for fall, so I tripped him.

If you hit a child that’s child abuse. if you hit a family member that’s abuse. if you kill either, it’s murder for some reason. if it’s a whole family, its genocide for another reason.

Any girl can be a squirter if you hit the right artery

What’s the difference between England and a tea bag? – The tea bag stays longer in a cup.

How do you give a redneck a circumcision? Kick his sister in the jaw.

Sending gay men to prison makes no sense to me. I mean, you have sex with a man and then they lock you up with a bunch of other men.

That would be like arresting someone for drunk driving and forcing them to become a bartender.

Confucius say, man who runs behind car will get exhausted, but man who runs in front of car will get tired.

So my friends birthday was coming up, so I got him a new box to live in.

Where do sick boats go? – The dock!

There is a man in the hospital the power went out and the man was stabbed to death, there are three witnesses, the nurse who was with another patient, the doctor who was reading some paperwork, and The Who was at the vending machine, who killed the man? The mom did because you can’t use a vending machine when the powers out!

If a man drove over a woman, whose fault was it?

The man, because he shouldn’t be driving in the kitchen.

What’s green then red all over?

A frog in a blender!:)

So a guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink, the bartender says “I’ll give you a drink if you can tell me a meta joke” so the guy says “alreight so a guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink” the bartender says “I’ll give you a drink if you can tell me a meta joke” so the guy says “ so a guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink” the bartender says”I’ll give you a drink if you can tell me a meta joke” so the guy says” so a guy walks into a bar and asks for a drink” the bartender says” ok here you go” so he gives the guy a drink, so he gives the guy a drink, so he gives the guy a drink

Jack took jill up a hill to have a picknic but jack and jill got drunk they then jill unzipped jacks fly then said you know you want me to he said yes so she took off her dress and bra jack took his pants and shirt off to they both went in the well together and playd a game jacks candy stick in jills candy stick next jill was suking jacks candy stick while jack licked htm title=' sat on jacks candy stick while making out'>and sucked her candy stick then jill sat on jacks candy stick while making out

I’d tell a sodium and hydrogen pun, but NaH

I like my woman like i like my coffee in a big sack on top of donkey

What is a suicide packs favorite song… Let the bodies hit floor

A GUY GOES TO SEE HIS PSYCHIATRIST DRESSED ONLY IN BUBBLE WRAP. WHEN HE GETS THERE HE ASKED THE PSYCH, cAN YOU PLEASE HELP ME? THE PSYCH SAYS NO, I’M SORRY, I CAN CLEARLY SEE YOUR NUTS.

A group of chess enthusiasts checked into a hotel and were standing in the lobby discussing their recent tournament victories. After about an hour, the manager came out of the office and asked them to disperse. “But why?” they asked, as they moved off. “Because”, he said, “I can’t stand chess-nuts boasting in an open foyer.”

I wanted to make a belt out of watches, then I realized, it was a waist of time!

So sad when the emo kid tried to give a high five to a tree

To bad he left him hanging