Самое популярное 29 May

You realize your in a parodox,until you die,you’ll see yourself die,Murder,Suicide,Old Age,Etc Then your realize your dreaming,but you realize that you die in a dream you die irl

My grief counselor died the other day

He was so good at his job, i don’t even care.

What is a lion call as a baby cocota

What’s the difference between England and a tea bag? – The tea bag stays longer in a cup.

So what if I can’t spell Armageddon? It’s not the end of the world

Asian pregnancy test: Stick a Rubik cube into vagina. Wait 30 seconds, if it’s solved then there’s a little Asian in there.

What’s the easiest way to get straight As? Use a ruler.

So a neutron went to a bar, he asked the bartender how much for a beer, the bartender said, " For you, NO charge."

I had an uncle who was a conductor. He wasn’t a symphony conductor, nor was he a street car conductor, nor was he a train conductor. He was struck by lightning.

A salesman rings the door bell and Little Johnny answers. Salesman: “Can I see your dad?” Johnny: “No, he’s in the shower.” Salesman: “What about your mother? Can I see her?” Johnny: “Nope. She’s in the shower, too.” Salesman: “Do you think they’ll be out soon?” Johnny: “Doubt it. When my dad asked me for the Vaseline, I gave him super glue instead.”

Doctor: you don’t have long to live. 10… Patient: ten what? ten years, ten months? Doctor: 9… 8… 7…

Friends are like trees, they fall over if you hit them with an ax.

Life is like giving head…it always sucks

There is a young man smoking and a woman in a wheelchair. The woman says “why is a young man like you smoking? ”. The man turns around and says “why the f@ck are you wearing trainers…”

Why did hitler kill him self? His gas bill was to high

Wood fired pizza how would pizza get a job now

Define abnormal life.

Waking up everyday living a sane life!

I liked my life when I first got it…later they said no because I didn’t have the receipt.

I wish i could be as visible as my depression is.

My future is so bright, i need a flashlight to see where i’m going

On the inside of a fire hydrant you’ll find H2O. What’s on the outside? K9P

I went out with this girl the other night, she wore this real slinky number. She especially looked great going down the stairs.

What goes up stairs but doesnt move, stairs! laugh now!

You don’t usually see strap-hangers carrying newspapers these days. But one guy with the New York Times is seen getting on a crowded F Train. He notices a single seat not taken. Suspicious, he gets closer and sniffs it out. The seat is discolored but dry. Throwing caution to the winds, he removes a section from the paper and sets it down to buffer the spot from his behind. He sits down, stretches his feet and yells out: “Try sitting on your smartphones, suckers!”