Самое популярное 21 May

What’s the difference between a dirty bus station and a lobster with breast implants? One is a crusty bus station, and the other is a busty crustation

Yo mama is so ugly, her portraits hang themselves.

What runs but never stop

What’s the difference between dark humor and morbid humor? Dark humor would be saying ten babies in one trashcan. Morbid humor would be saying one baby in ten trashcans

Don’t challenge Death to a pillow fight. Unless you’re prepared for the reaper cushions.

Why did the silly girl?? put sugar under her pillow?

She wanted to have sweet dreams.??

Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip. After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep.

Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend.

“Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.”

Watson replied, “I see millions of stars.”

“What does that tell you?”

Watson pondered for a minute.

“Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.” “Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.” “Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.” “Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant.” “Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.” “What does it tell you, Holmes?”

Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: “Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!”

I hit a ball with a bat it was called animal abuse

Boy: why is my sister named Rose Dad: someone threw a rose out of a car and it hit her in the head Boy: okay Dad Dad: No problem Brick

Why did the little girl’s ice cream melt?

She was on fire.

Why cant emos come out of the closet to their parents? because they wont be there to stick around

Nutted in her braces, now my kids are behind bars.

My wife wanted a present that could go from Zero to 80 very quickly.

So I got her a new set of bathroom scales.

Asian man goes to the eye doctor. Doctor says, “It looks like you have a cataract.” Asian guy says, “No Doc, I drive a Rincoln.”

My friend got mad when he caught me smelling his sister’s panties. I don’t know why he was mad, maybe because she was wearimg them, or because his whole family was watching. Either way it made the funeral a bit awkward.

What’s a similarity between The Ark of the Covenant, The Holy Grail and a bunch of 12 year olds?

They are all locked in the Priest’s basement.

One day, a priest is walking down the street and sees a little girl with a box. “What’s in the box?”, the priest asks. “Christian kittens”, the little girl answers. Pleased, the priest smiles and continues on his way. A week later, the same priest is walking down the street with a nun when he sees the little girl and the box again. “Ask her what she has in the box”, he says, “It’s the cutest thing!” The nun walks up and asks the girl what she has in the box. “Atheist kittens”, she says. The priest rushes forward and says "ATHEIST KITTENS!!! Last week you said they were “Christian kittens! !!” “They were”, she says. “Now their eyes are open”.

Q: what’s worst fingerbanging your sister? A: finding your dads wedding ring

A Mexican bandit made a specialty of crossing the Rio Grande from time to time and robbing banks in Texas. The banks offered a reward for his capture, dead or alive, but offered a much larger award for the recovery of the stolen funds. An enterprising Texas Ranger decided to track him down. After a long and difficult search, he traced the bandit to

What do you get when you put a baby in a box filled with glass and nails and push it down the stairs? … A boner…

Why do people think about handsome boys at night? Because their dreamy!