Ñàìîå ïîïóëÿðíîå 21 June
Man: I know how to please a woman. Woman: Then please leave me alone, you ugly two-faced hypocrite.
Man: I want to give myself to you. Woman: Sorry, I don’t like ugly peasants.
Man: Your hair colour is fabulous. Woman: I hate your hair colour, though.
Man: You look like a dream. Woman: Then open your ugly eyes and stop sleeping, hypocrite!
Man: I can tell that you want me. Woman: Yes, I want you dead.
R.I.P
Man: Hey, baby, what’s your sign? Woman: F*** you, pedophile!
Man: Your body is like a temple. Woman: Sorry, there are no services for pedophiles.
Man: Is this seat empty? Woman: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down, you little peasant.
Man: What’s it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar? Every other woman I see looks ugly. Bleuch! Woman: How dare you!
Man: Haven’t I seen you someplace before? Woman: Yeah, that’s why I don’t go there anymore. I saw you playing with boxes in the store room and saying “I AM KING OF THE WORLD!”
| Dream jokes |
[god creating sharks] god: ok give them 3 rows of teeth. Angel: seems excessive but ok. God: and make them mean as hell. Angel: wtf y. God: BECAUSSE I SAID SO. Angel:… god: and make one of the types have a hammer for a head angel: why do I still work for you? God: because I’m the only employer as of right now.
| Hell jokes |
What’s the difference between Micheal Jackson and a plastic bag
One’s made of plastic and dangerous for kids to play with, and the other carries groceries
| What’s the difference? |
I just quit my job at a can crushing factory.
It was soda-pressing.
| Job jokes |
What does a priest hold on to when having sex. He holds on to the schoolbag.
| Priest jokes |
Did you fall from heaven? or did you fall from the cliff up there?
| Dark Humor |
Me:Have you seen a mr.weewoo Most people:no Me: he drives the ambulance down stairs
| Stairs jokes |
A lady walked into a bar and ordered their special drink, the bartender then gave her a brown glass full of milk, the lady complained about this but then the bartender said, “just shut up and swallow”
| Milk jokes |
| Fat jokes |
What do depressed people and Apple’s have in common?
They both hang from trees
| Dark Humor |
| Fire jokes |
Asian man goes to the eye doctor. Doctor says, “It looks like you have a cataract.” Asian guy says, “No Doc, I drive a Rincoln.”
| Doctors jokes |
What is a tornado favorite game?
Twister!
| Game jokes |
“Sanderson, fire a warning shot.”
“Uhh sir, this is an M32 rotary grenade launcher.”
“Ah potato-potato, just pull the trigger.”
| Fire jokes |
| Dark Humor |
| Milk jokes |
Did you hear the score in the Eqypt vs Ethiopia football game? Eqypt 8, Ethiopia didn’t
What animal do you always find at a baseball game? A bat
| Game jokes |
| Fat jokes |
You’re so short, when you were born, the doctor couldn’t tell if you were a boy, a girl, or a Jimmy Dean pork sausage.
| Doctors jokes |
A surgeon loses his job as he botched a surgery
Boss: “we have to let you go.”
Surgeon: “I protest innocence.”
Boss: “how?”
Surgeon: “I thought to do your job and saving people’s lives were two different things. ”
Boss: “get out”
| Job jokes |
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