Самое популярное 5 December

I was crying at school telling my friends my grandpa died, And they asked me what his last words were. His last words were “Are you still holding the ladder?”

How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

One, if you throw it hard enough.

Why doesn’t barbie ever get pregnant? Because Ken comes in a different box!!!

Your forehead is so big that you dream in 4K.

A farmer walks up to his farmer neighbor with a jug of milk. the farmer says “I milked your cow”. the neighbor replies “i have a bull not a cow”

When I saw a girl sitting on the ground crying

When I asked her where her parents were, she cried louder

That’s why I like to volunteer in an orphanage

Why can’t blind people have a sea food diet?

They have to see the food to eat

I went for a job interview today and the manager said, “We’re looking for someone who is responsible.”

“Well, I’m your man.” I replied, “In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible.”

The doctor told me I had aids I said it’s your fault sister.

Only one of Kenny’s girlfriends has ever said he’s good in bed. But she has to. She’s his mom.

So what if I can’t spell Armageddon? It’s not the end of the world

What do Chinese parents hate the most?

A new born daughter…

[god creating sharks] god: ok give them 3 rows of teeth. Angel: seems excessive but ok. God: and make them mean as hell. Angel: wtf y. God: BECAUSSE I SAID SO. Angel:… god: and make one of the types have a hammer for a head angel: why do I still work for you? God: because I’m the only employer as of right now.

What is different about priests and acne.

Acne waits until your 13 to cum on your face

Why don’t midgets fight? They walk away to be the bigger man

What do you call a magician who has lost their magic?

Ian.

Do one day i was sitting on my couch watching youtube when i heard a knock on the door. i opened the door and to my surprise it was my dad. i haven’t seen him in 16 years, so i let him in. i noticed he had a gallon of milk in his hand and he went to the kitchen and put the milk in the fridge. then he walked towards me and said “Oh no! i forgot the cereal! ” then he walked out the door and drove away. i never saw him again

What goes up and down but stays in the same place? Stairs.

We were so poor that every time I passed by a butcher shop I thought there had been a horrible accident.

Are you sad then don’t be sad because sad backwards is das and das no good.

According to all known laws of aviation,

There is no way a bee should be able to fly.

Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground.

The bee, of course, flies anyway

Because bees don’t care what humans think is impossible.

Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black.

Ooh, black and yellow! Let’s shake it up a little.

Barry! Breakfast is ready!

Ooming!

Hang on a second.

Hello?

Barry?

Adam?

Oan you believe this is happening?

I can’t. I’ll pick you up.

Looking sharp.

Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those.

Sorry. I’m excited.

Here’s the graduate. We’re very proud of you, son.

A perfect report card, all B’s.

Very proud.

Ma! I got a thing going here.

You got lint on your fuzz.

Ow! That’s me!

Wave to us! We’ll be in row 118, 000.

Bye!

Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house!