Самое популярное 10 September

Any girl can be a squirter if you hit the right artery

I went for a job interview today and the manager said, “We’re looking for someone who is responsible.”

“Well, I’m your man.” I replied, “In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible.”

A woman comes to the doctors an says ‘doctor, I think I have cancer’ the doctor checks it out ‘it’s all in your head’ the doctor says ‘phew’ said the woman, ‘a bunch of tumors, all in your head’

Kids- its time for dora kids-YAY nick jr host- today Dora is going on a big adventure with Grandma Swiper- hello kids i am trying to find my way to Diego’s will you please help me Kids- where’s dora Swiper- she’s under cardiac arrest kids — htm title=' Everybody- SWIPER NO SWIPING Swiper - AH MAN!'> poor dora Everybody- SWIPER NO SWIPING Swiper — AH MAN!!

All you need is a Razor Blade in life.

Doctor: you’ll be at peace soon, sir. Me: what am I dying? Doctor: no your wife is.

I’ll never forget my dad’s last words. “Erase my search history, son.”

I told a diabetic boy to have sweet dreams, and he died the next morning

Why did the loo roll roll down the stairs — to get to the bottom What do you call a bear with no teeth — a gummy bear! !!

What’s wite and black and red allover? A nun that fell down stairs

Why couldn’t the dairy farmer find his home? He lost the whey!??

Once there was a girl named Sally! She had no arms or legs, was mute, deaf, and blind

Knock knock Who’s there? Not sally

What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and the computer he’s hooked up to? – The computer runs.

What’s red green and smells like shit

…red and green shit

Friend: Want to play fall guys?

Friend 2: Yup

Friend: Ok so let me ju- wait where are you going?

Friend 2: I’m gonna jump off

Friend: Why?

Friend 2: We are playing Fall Guys, right?

I got suspended at school today, I lit a kids wheelchair on fire and called him hot wheels

Wife: "How would you describe me?" Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK." Wife: "What does that mean?" Husband: "Adorable (A), beautiful (B), cute, delightful (D), elegant (E), fashionable (F), gorgeous (G), and hot (H). " Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?" Husband: “I’m just kidding!”

According to all known laws of aviation,

There is no way a bee should be able to fly.

Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground.

The bee, of course, flies anyway

Because bees don’t care what humans think is impossible.

Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black. Yellow, black.

Ooh, black and yellow! Let’s shake it up a little.

Barry! Breakfast is ready!

Ooming!

Hang on a second.

Hello?

Barry?

Adam?

Oan you believe this is happening?

I can’t. I’ll pick you up.

Looking sharp.

Use the stairs. Your father paid good money for those.

Sorry. I’m excited.

Here’s the graduate. We’re very proud of you, son.

A perfect report card, all B’s.

Very proud.

Ma! I got a thing going here.

You got lint on your fuzz.

Ow! That’s me!

Wave to us! We’ll be in row 118, 000.

Bye!

Barry, I told you, stop flying in the house!

Is that a quirked-up white boi with a little bit of swag, busting it down sexual style?

Is HE goated with the sauce?

What do you get when a dinosaur farts a blast from the past

Three sons left home, went out into the world and each of them made a lot of money. During a reunion, they discussed the gifts they’d given to their elderly mum.

‘I built a big house for our mum,’ said the first.

‘I sent her a Mercedes, with a chauffeur,’ said the second.

And the third smiled and said, ‘I think my gift was the best. You know how much mum enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know that her eyes aren’t so good anymore? Well, I sent her a remarkable cockatoo that recites the entire Bible, both old and new testaments. It took a priest twelve years to teach him. That cockatoo is the only one in the world that can do it. All mum has to do is name the chapter and verse, and the cockatoo recites it.’

A few days later, mum sent out her thankyou letters. She wrote to the first son,

‘The house you built is so enormous that I only live in one room. The trouble is, I have to clean the whole house.’

To the second son she said, ‘I’m far too old to travel anymore. I stay at home most of the time, so I’ve hardly used the Mercedes. In any case, the driver is so rude.’

To the third son she wrote ‘Dearest Freddie. You have the good sense to know what your mum likes. The chicken was delicious!’

Sometimes i get jealous when my phone dies