Самое популярное 26 June

Whats the difference between a hippie chick and a hockey player? – The hockey player showers after 3 periods.

What do you call a high school student? Alone and depressed.

Doctor: you don’t have long to live. 10… Patient: ten what? ten years, ten months? Doctor: 9… 8… 7…

Do you know why i dont like stairs…they are always UP TO SOMETHIG#dadjokes

Someone stole my toilet and the police have nothing to go on.

One time their was a depressed man standing in the middle of a train track a girl said excuse me can you move please I’m trying than the man stopped her sentence htm title=' than she said back easy hung it up'>and said how is your t shirt so clean than she said back easy hung it up

Why don’t midgets fight? They walk away to be the bigger man

What was Stephens hawking last words? I’m lagging

What’s tree plus tree? Sticks! (Three plus three = six)

What’s the difference between a gay guy and a microwave?

The microwave doesn’t brown the meat.

I never knew how to use a boomerang, until it hit me

Girl: How do you feel about abortion? Dad: Ask your sister Girl: I don’t have a …

Woman: Doctor, where are we going? Doctor: To the morgue. Woman: I’m not dead yet, doctor. Doctor: We’re not at morgue yet, either

Yo Mama so fat when she stepped on the scale it said-- To be continued

As a child, my mother always told me she was going horse riding. My whole life change when I found out she was under the horse.

School was fun but it was hard almost like riding a bike that’s on fire and the grounds on fire and everything’s on fire because it’s hell.

Three sons left home, went out into the world and each of them made a lot of money. During a reunion, they discussed the gifts they’d given to their elderly mum.

‘I built a big house for our mum,’ said the first.

‘I sent her a Mercedes, with a chauffeur,’ said the second.

And the third smiled and said, ‘I think my gift was the best. You know how much mum enjoyed reading the Bible? And you know that her eyes aren’t so good anymore? Well, I sent her a remarkable cockatoo that recites the entire Bible, both old and new testaments. It took a priest twelve years to teach him. That cockatoo is the only one in the world that can do it. All mum has to do is name the chapter and verse, and the cockatoo recites it.’

A few days later, mum sent out her thankyou letters. She wrote to the first son,

‘The house you built is so enormous that I only live in one room. The trouble is, I have to clean the whole house.’

To the second son she said, ‘I’m far too old to travel anymore. I stay at home most of the time, so I’ve hardly used the Mercedes. In any case, the driver is so rude.’

To the third son she wrote ‘Dearest Freddie. You have the good sense to know what your mum likes. The chicken was delicious!’

I was at a friends place yesterday, and… There was A mother, father, three sons, and a daughter.

That night the mother and father started f@cking each other. I yelled and told them there are innocent children in this house.

An hour later they started up again. I walked to their room and they were asleep. So I looked in the brothers room and all three brothers were f@cking the sister.

I sighed at this. “Incest aside. You guys make a cute family.” I started, “So Anna, when am I gonna have nieces and nephews?” They stopped instantly and went to sleep. “Thank you.” I replied before walking back to my room they let me sleep in and I passed out for the rest of the night.

So I heard it was important to clean your sex toys, which is why priests invented baptism I guess.

Yo mama so fat that she was born on 3rd,4th and 5th of the March.

I just quit my job at a can crushing factory.

It was soda-pressing.