Самое популярное 15 August

A fat man meets a skinny man The fat man tells the skinny man: “when people look at you, they think the world’s starving to death”

And the skinny man responds: “when they look at you, they know why”

They say people are 75% water But I’m 100% useless

I called my boss the other Monday and told him I needed the day off because I was sick. He said “how sick?”. I said “well I’m in bed with my 12 year old sister”.

Depression is like therapy the more you see it the more you get used to it

My grief counselor died the other day

He was so good at his job, i don’t even care.

ME: when I saw an orphan on the street in rags also me: are u okay orphan: yeah what gave it way ME: because you have no family

My brother couldn’t wait for fall, so I tripped him.

A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do. “Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?” The blonde said, “How about 50 dollars?” The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders that she might need were in the garage. The man’s wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, “Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?” The man replied, “She should. She was standing on the porch.” A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money. “You’re finished already?” he asked. “Yes,” the blonde answered, "and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats. "Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. “And by the way,” the blonde added, “that’s not a Porch, it’s a Ferrari.”

Sometimes, stairs get me down.

In what ways do nuns and hoes have something in common?

They both worship on their knees. They are both creatures of habit. They both take vows of poverty and obedience. Once chosen, neither can leave the life. They both swallow their hosts.

Have you heard of the new sequel to “the exorcist”?

A woman hires the devil to get a priest out of her son

Why did the silly girl?? put sugar under her pillow?

She wanted to have sweet dreams.??

Asian man goes to the eye doctor. Doctor says, “It looks like you have a cataract.” Asian guy says, “No Doc, I drive a Rincoln.”

I have just started a sexual relationship with a blind woman. It’s very rewarding, but quite challenging. – Took me ages to get her husband’s voice right.

Can people please shut up about ‘male privileges’. There is no right that men have that women don’t.

Women have the right to genital integrity. Women can vote without having to sign up for the draft.

Women have the right to choose parenthood, men do not.

Women have the right to be assumed caregivers for children.

Women have the right to call unwanted, coerced sex rape.

Women have the right to lower jail sentences for the same crime.

Women have the right to not be assumed sexual predators.

Women have the right to government departments that solely serve their interests. They also have the luxury of “women only” events that men cannot even dream of. (They even took the boy scouts away from us)

Women have the right to government-enforced gender quotas

Women have the right to exclusive tax benefits for being a business owner.

Women have the right to domestic violence shelters

Women have the right to not be assumed the primary aggressor in a domestic depute

Women have the right to rape a man or boy and if she gets pregnant from that man/boy they can sue him for child support.

So it is women who have more rights.

So shut up feminists please.

What is the perfect job for a paedophile

A physical doctor for kids

I will always remember my baby sisters last words.“What is the fire for?”.

What’s a Mexican’s favorite video game?

Borderlands.

What do priest and doctors have in common?

They both do physicals on kids.

What’s the difference between Micheal Jackson and a plastic bag

One’s made of plastic and dangerous for kids to play with, and the other carries groceries

The teacher once said to some students?i was an orphan before your principle hired me.? the students said?oof that is sad? the teacher tried to ignore them and take attendance she said?is anyone missing? the students said? your parents.? the teacher got offended and later that day quit her job