Самое популярное 19 September

I named my daughter Kennedy so when I talked about how her brain was shot out of her head people just thought I paid really close attention in history.

If I place a slide on the edge of a cliff or a really high building, would going down it be considered suislide?

Asking for a friend.

What did Earth say to the other planets? – “You guys have no life!”

What’s the difference between England and a tea bag? – The tea bag stays longer in a cup.

If a computer was an apartment, the only passage would be the windows. It would have had doors but why was it ever spelt DOS

You don’t usually see strap-hangers carrying newspapers these days. But one guy with the New York Times is seen getting on a crowded F Train. He notices a single seat not taken. Suspicious, he gets closer and sniffs it out. The seat is discolored but dry. Throwing caution to the winds, he removes a section from the paper and sets it down to buffer the spot from his behind. He sits down, stretches his feet and yells out: “Try sitting on your smartphones, suckers!”

My friend dreamed of being a porno star. He did it for 3 months and decided it was not for him The next job he got was pumping petrol, halfway through filling up, he pulled the hose out and started spraying all over the car!

Why should old womon never eat sea food?

Cuz then she’ll start acting crabby.

What’s a pedophile’s favorite part of a hockey game? Before the first period starts.

“Doctor, I’m shrinking!” “Well, you’ll just have to be a little patient.”

“Hey today was great” “What happened” “I ran into my ex today” “What’s so great about that?” “I was in my car”

Dont trust atoms they make up everything.

What do you call a high school student? Alone and depressed.

A man got in a bad car accident. He was at risk of losing his arm. The doctors had to perform complicated surgery on his arm. The man’s wife visited after the surgery. The doctor came up to her and said: "I have good news and bad news." The wife said: "What’s the good news? “We managed to save his arm. ” “What’s the bad news?” “We couldn’t save the rest of him.”

I started crying when dad was cutting onions. Onions was such a good dog.

The teacher once said to some students?i was an orphan before your principle hired me.? the students said?oof that is sad? the teacher tried to ignore them and take attendance she said?is anyone missing? the students said? your parents.? the teacher got offended and later that day quit her job

How can toilet paper decorate your house

Shit sticks everywhere

I’m the champion of this site I fight with the ten rings and ten fists of the legendary buddah.

Now for my joke… Why does Peter pan always fly? Because he neverlands…

When you have an ex you will notice that the word ex is short for exicuted so thats there for yous

A bear and a rabbit are at a bar getting high smoking weed talking about nothing but lies and straight up garbage. and then the bear starts to drink too much damn liquor gets drunk and ask the rabbit can i have one more scotch pretty please? And the rabbit says hell to the naw I’m not about to carry your drunk ass home with me and smell your breath.

A bully walks up to a kid named Billy to insult him and steal his lunch money. Later that night when he is at home, the bully’s father comes into his room to insult him and take the lunch money he stole. The father walks down stair to check on his father in the living room. When he walks in, his father insults him and takes the lunch money. The grandfather of the bully walks into the back yard and in the dark is Billy. The grandfather walks up to him and says “Where’s my money you worthless old fart.”