Самое популярное 6 July

Two artists had an art contest. – It ended in a draw.

What do you call a train with buble gum?

A chew chew train

Oh man im depressed

Kid:what is between moms legs? Dad:paridise. Kid whats between you legs? Dad:the key to paridise. Kid:well uou better change the lock the neighbor has the key to.

What’s the difference between a school and a isis military base? Don’t ask me I only fly the drone…

I’ll never forget my dad’s last words. “Erase my search history, son.”

How do Chinese people get their names? Their parent’s throw woks down the stairs and name their children after the sound it makes,

Yo mama so fat that when i banged her in the jacuzzi there was a level 8 tsunami

What do you call a high school student? Alone and depressed.

/en/doctor

Lets make a joke on how depressing monday is to ignore how depressing everyday is.

I went out with this girl the other night, she wore this real slinky number. She especially looked great going down the stairs.

What goes up stairs but doesnt move, stairs! laugh now!

What is the difference between a baby and a watermelon?

One is a refreshing summertime snack the other one is a watermelon.

I started crying when my mom was cutting up onions

Onions was a good dog

Asian man goes to the eye doctor. Doctor says, “It looks like you have a cataract.” Asian guy says, “No Doc, I drive a Rincoln.”

I’ve been looking for my ex girlfriend’s killer for the past two years. But no one would do it.

What’s green and smells of bacon???

KERMITS FINGERS??

Why is a cabage green? Because its in Greenland

Two lions plan their escape from the circus. the night they get out of their cages they see a lone clown stumbling back from town, drunk, not a soul in sight. Since they are going on the run, they decide to catch one last meal before they hit the road. as one lion gets a bite of leg the second takes a piece of shoulder. Then one stops and asks his companion: Does this taste funny to you?

As a son I like sports and I watch sports with my mom. So one day we were looking at football. My mom ask me who makes the most money I said the quarter back. My mom told me I going to get a quarter back has my new boyfriend and it be your new step father. a week lady my mom went out I came home I see my mom making out with a high school kid. I said whats going on my mom said look my new boyfriend and new step father is the high school quarter back. My mom said see mission accomplish. I said yeah job well done.

2 boys came home for dinner late and their mother asked, “where have you boys been?” 1 of them replied with, “we were all over the neighborhood, we’re mail men now.” Their snobby teen sister said, “well your not real mail men, real mail men use real letters.” Then 1 of the boys said, “actually we used real letters, we found a whole box of them under your bed.”

My mom trying to get me to do dishes

Mom: I gave you life and you should be able to wash dishes.

Me: Why did you?

Mom: I was very drunk…

Explains a lot…

Two homeless alcoholics want to get drunk but don’t have enough money for even the cheapest drinks in any bar. So one of them devises a clever plan: he tells his friend “We should buy a hot-dog sausage with the last of our money and stick it down my pants, then drink a load of drinks but then when the bill comes you get down and suck on the hot-dog and it’ll look like you’re sucking on my dick so then we’ll get thrown out without paying and we can just go to another bar and do the same thing again”. His friend agrees so they buy the hot-dog, stick it down the first dude’s pants, go to the bar and then the second dude begins to suck on the hot-dog as agreed. They are thrown out and hit another four bars this way. In the end, as they lie drunk on the floor in some alleyway, the second guy says, “Well, what a great night. Free beers in five different bars!” The first guy says “Yeah! Especially since the hot-dog fell out before we even reached the first bar!”