Самое популярное 1 July

I’d tell a sodium and hydrogen pun, but NaH

Being sad is my only happiness

What is 14 inches long and starts with D

A Dookie From GREEN DAY

A doctor walks up to a dying man and sadly says: "I’m sorry, the test shows you only have 10 more to live." The man says " 10! ? 10 what!? Years? Weeks? Days? What?!!?" The doctor calmly replies “Nine”

A robber breaks into a house while the residents are away one dark night. Eager to see what he can loot, he quickly starts searching through cupboards and dressers, grabbing valuables with a trained eye. Suddenly, he hears a voice come out of nowhere. “Jesus is watching you.” The criminal jumps, scared the residents are back, and freezes. After a few minutes of silence however, he assumes it was his imagination, and goes back to robbing. A couple minutes pass, before once again, the voice returns. “Jesus is watching you.” Quite confused, the thief searches the house and checks the front door, but nothing pops out as unusual. He finally decides to move rooms, and finds a parrot, but ignores it. Before he can begin to do anything, someone speaks again, “Jesus is watching you.” The robber realized it was the parrot talking! Going to the parrot, he asks it, “Are you the one who’s been talking to me?” The parrot responds, “Yes.” The thief couldn’t believe it. So, he asks another question. “What is your name?” “Ismael.” the parrot replies. The man scoffed. “What type of idiot names a parrot Ismael?” The parrot speaks yet again, “The same type of idiot that names a Rottweiler Jesus.”

A teenager brings her new boyfriend home to meet her parents. They’re appalled by his haircut, his tattoos, his piercings.

Later, the girl’s mom says, “Dear, he doesn’t seem to be a very nice boy.”

“Oh, please, Mom!” says the daughter. “If he wasn’t nice, would he be doing 500 hours of community service?”

I am a failure to everyone and decided to attemp a suicide, guess what? I failed

What did the doctor say to the chinese patient? Sum ting wong

I WAS GONNA CLEAN MY ROOM

BEFORE I GOT HIGH

A guy went to the doctor and told him that whenever he drinks a cup of tea his eye hurts,the doctor brought him a cup and asked him to drink … when he finished the doctor told him: from now on take off the spoon.

I told a diabetic boy to have sweet dreams, and he died the next morning

Wait isnt this sans job to make a joke?

Ur so ugly that when u came out of the hunted house u had a job offer

What is a suicide packs favorite song… Let the bodies hit floor

My girlfriend asked me if we could have anal sex and I said what’s that, she said I f@ck her ass, I said oh my uncle calls that shhhhh

They should add an eleventh commandment to the Bible:

Thou shalt not f… altar boys

What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and the computer he’s hooked up to? – The computer runs.

Wood fired pizza how would pizza get a job now

What’s the difference between Dark humor and Morbid humor? Dark humon is 10 babies in 1 trash can and Morbid humor is 1 baby in 10 trash cans

What’s the difference between a pizza and a baby? A pizza dosent scream in the oven.

“I bought my little sister a trampoline for her birthday but all she wants to do is sit in her wheelchair and cry”

What do you call a boomerang that never comes back?

Daddy

Yo Mama so fat when she stepped on the scale it said-- To be continued

What did the drummer call his 2 twin daughters?

Anna 1 Anna 2