Самое популярное 9 July

You wanna know what’s the difference between a girl and a refrigerator? “a refrigerator doesn’t moan when I put my meat in it”

Q:Why did the father through butter out the window?A:he wanted to see a butterfly

You realize your in a parodox,until you die,you’ll see yourself die,Murder,Suicide,Old Age,Etc Then your realize your dreaming,but you realize that you die in a dream you die irl

Do you like Wendy’s? Yeah Wendy’s nuts finna go in your mouth

If I place a slide on the edge of a cliff or a really high building, would going down it be considered suislide?

Asking for a friend.

What’s the difference between a priest and acne? At least acne waits til the boy is 12 to come on his face.

My friend dreamed of being a porno star. He did it for 3 months and decided it was not for him The next job he got was pumping petrol, halfway through filling up, he pulled the hose out and started spraying all over the car!

Yo mama, so ugly she’s the reason why Batman fights crime at night.

Famous last words: I COULD EAT THIS IN ONE BITE!

Yo mama is so fat it took Nation Wide 15 years to get on her side.

Yo mama so fat, she broke the stairs to heaven

Man: I got fired from my job at the calander factory. Lady: What did you do? Man: I took a day of…

My grief counsellor died today. He did such a great job. I don’t even care

My friend was in a wheel chair so i rolled him in fire now i call him hot wheels

Why can’t Stephen hawking go to heaven cause he walk up the stairs

The other day my friend messaged by saying “bro I have two pieces of bad news for you.” I told him to combine them. He replied with “your girlfriend is cheating on both of us.”

A guy goes to Starbucks and asks”Hey, if I can make you laugh I don’t have to pay.”The girl in the window says,”ok.”The guys says,”A little boy named Timmy lost his arms.”The girl says,” oh no!”The guy says”and his dad left him when he was 4.”The girl says “uhh yeah.” The guy says”Ok,I guess I’ll be paying then” The girl asks”Ok, And what name will that be under?”The guy says”Timmy,I’m Timmy.”

Boss: Why are you so bad at driving trains, how many have you derailed this year

Me: Sorry boss, it’s hard to keep track

Friend: Want to play fall guys?

Friend 2: Yup

Friend: Ok so let me ju- wait where are you going?

Friend 2: I’m gonna jump off

Friend: Why?

Friend 2: We are playing Fall Guys, right?

Two homeless alcoholics want to get drunk but don’t have enough money for even the cheapest drinks in any bar. So one of them devises a clever plan: he tells his friend “We should buy a hot-dog sausage with the last of our money and stick it down my pants, then drink a load of drinks but then when the bill comes you get down and suck on the hot-dog and it’ll look like you’re sucking on my dick so then we’ll get thrown out without paying and we can just go to another bar and do the same thing again”. His friend agrees so they buy the hot-dog, stick it down the first dude’s pants, go to the bar and then the second dude begins to suck on the hot-dog as agreed. They are thrown out and hit another four bars this way. In the end, as they lie drunk on the floor in some alleyway, the second guy says, “Well, what a great night. Free beers in five different bars!” The first guy says “Yeah! Especially since the hot-dog fell out before we even reached the first bar!”

I still remember my granpas last words: turn the lawn mower off!

How do you make holy water?

You take normal water, and boil the hell out of it.