Ñàìîå ïîïóëÿðíîå 8 November

Teacher: what’s your favorite animal

Me: Desert Eagle

Teacher:why?

Me:cause it fits in my backpack

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Teacher jokes
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Me: want to play 911

My little brother: what’s that

Me: It’s where i kick your legs and you fall

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Dark Humor

A computer is a HARDware device. How come someone still feels it is MicroSOFT

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Computer jokes
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I would tell you a construction pun, but I’m still working on it

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Puns jokes
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Did you know that Iceland is only one sea away from Ireland?

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Sea jokes
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What did the fork say to the cake when he said i hope u get eaten

Fork off

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Hope jokes

How can you tell the difference between a chemist and a plumber?

Ask them to pronounce “unionized”.

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What’s the difference?
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2 boys came home for dinner late and their mother asked, “where have you boys been?” 1 of them replied with, “we were all over the neighborhood, we’re mail men now.” Their snobby teen sister said, “well your not real mail men, real mail men use real letters.” Then 1 of the boys said, “actually we used real letters, we found a whole box of them under your bed.”

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Family jokes
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This isnt an orphan joke but. I got a job at a library, but it only lasted 15 minutes. Turns out, books about women’s rights shouldn’t go in the Sci-Fi / Fantasy section.

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Job jokes
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Girls are like blackjack you shoot for 21 but I keep hitting 14

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Hit jokes
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%%Dad: “Son, does mommy like having lady-friends over?”

Son: “Nah, mostly men.”

Dad: “Do you think you’d be comfortable telling that to a judge in court…”

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Family jokes

What do you call a reverse exorsism. It’s where a demon pulls a priest out of a child

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Priest jokes
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I entered ten puns into a contest to see which one would win.

No pun in ten did

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Puns jokes
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Doctor: you don’t have long to live. 10… Patient: ten what? ten years, ten months? Doctor: 9… 8… 7…

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Doctors jokes
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I wish i could be as visible as my depression is.

My future is so bright, i need a flashlight to see where i’m going

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Dark Humor
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What’s the difference between Steven Hawking and the Statue of Liberty, the statue stands for something

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What’s the difference?

I asked my girlfriend if she was a smoke alarm she said “ is it because I warned him when hottness came” I said “ no, you don’t shut up

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Smoking jokes
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Why cant emos come out of the closet to their parents? because they wont be there to stick around

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Stick jokes
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A guy walks into a bar and tells the bartender “give me 2 beers”. The bartender gives him two beers and coughs in the guys beers bottles before giving it to him. The guy says to the bartender “hey what are u doing I didn’t order for bud lights I want corona beer”. The bartender replies “ sir I gave you a mix of bud light and corona and it’s on the house everyone is drinking corona tonight”.

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Bar jokes
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How many babies does it take to paint a house? Depends on how hard you throw them.

Your hairline looks like someone tried to erase it using microsoft paint

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Paint jokes
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What is the best thing about living in Switzerland? – Well, the flag is a big plus.

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Puns jokes
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