Самое популярное 5 October

What is the difference between an ISIS training camp and a school? Don’t ask me, i just fly the drone.

What do you call Steven Hawkins on fire

Hot wheels

R u a toaster? cuz i wanna take a bath wit u r u a knife? cuz u make me wanna kms r u a painting? cuz i hang u r u the flu? cuz u make me wanna hurl r u a newspaper? cuz u have new problems everyday r u the ground? cuz im six feet deep in u ;)

My sister told me she like Medusa. I said h. My sister said my blow jobs are so good she looks up at the guy facial expression and when the look down they do nothing, but stay still.

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I couldn’t find any.

What Football Club das Mason green wood play for? Prison Fc

My brother couldn’t wait for fall, so I tripped him.

“I bought my little sister a trampoline for her birthday but all she wants to do is sit in her wheelchair and cry”

I had a dream that i was destroyin the world and i blew up my house for fun I woke up and couldnt find my pillow… Nor the house

If i’m the night guard at the Samsung store, does that make me a… guardian of the galaxy?

What do you call terrible milk?

Udder Bullshit

I tried to high five a tree it left me hanging

I went for a job interview today and the manager said, “We’re looking for someone who is responsible.”

“Well, I’m your man.” I replied, “In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible.”

Why did the kid drop his ice cream cone?

Because he got hit by a bus!

A guy is at home and he’s about to go get a physical at the Doctor’s office. When he gets there, the Doctor says, “Brian, you’re going to have to stop masturbating. ” He asked the Doc why? The Doc said, “So I can examine you!”

What is red, green, lies in a ditch and is covered in cookie crumbs?

…a girl scout that got hit by a car

How do asians name there kids?

They throw pots and pans down the stairs. (ching chong dong)

Life is like a box of chocolate, it doesn’t last long if you’re fat

I hated church growing up as a child, it was always standing, kneeling, sitting, standing, kneeling, sitting. I wish the priest would just pick a position and f*** me!

I never knew how to use a boomerang, until it hit me

Little Jonny walks in on his parents having sex. He asks what their doing and the father says: “Well…We’re making you a brother.” So little Jonny runs off to let his parents finish, happy that he’s going to have a brother soon. The next day when little Jonny’s father comes come Jonny is crying out on the driveway. The father sits down next to Jonny and asks what’s wrong. Jonny cries: “I won’t have a baby brother!” HIs father is confused. “What do you mean?” He asks. “Because the mailman came by today and ate him!”