Ñàìîå ïîïóëÿðíîå 4 October

What do turtles and lesbians have in common they both choke on plastic

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What’s the difference?
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Why don’t cows have any money?

Because farmers milk them dry.

The other day a man with some cheese and milk attacked me …how dairy

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Milk jokes

What did the beach say as the tide came in?

Long time, no sea.

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Sea jokes
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Life is like a box of chocolate, it doesn’t last long if you’re fat

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Fat jokes
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I keep looking for my girlfriends killer but no one wants to do it.

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Woman jokes
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Why did the orphan wait in line? To see their parents next

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Waiting jokes

Did you hear about Alicia’s car accident? She was really drunk and all over the road Until she was all over the road.

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Drunk jokes
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Why do i love a block? because i can fall off the stairs

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Stairs jokes
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The doctor told me I had aids I said it’s your fault sister.

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Family jokes
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Person A:Hey,what’s the next subject? Person B:Let me check. Person B:It’s greenglish!

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Green jokes
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What do you call a dog with no legs…

My asian neighbors dinner.



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Dark Humor

Why are priests called father? because its too suspicious to call them daddy.

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Priest jokes
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Q: what’s stronger than family?

A: whatever tree Paul walker hit

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Hit jokes
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IDK if this is a joke or a question but If killing yourself send you to hell where does siting in the waiting room get you?

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Hell jokes
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Where do mermaids get a job?

At the kelp wanted station

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Job jokes
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How does a crazy person get to the woods?

He takes the psychopath.

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Puns jokes

What is the difference between a frog and a horny toad? One says “Ribbit, Ribbit” and the other says “Rub it, Rub it”.

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What’s the difference?
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Why did the fish cross the sea?

To get to the other tide!??????

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Sea jokes
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My family is like a apple tree my sister is that ugly one that has to ruin in

What do tampons and your sister have in common!

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Family jokes
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I asked my girlfriend if she was a smoke alarm she said “ is it because I warned him when hottness came” I said “ no, you don’t shut up

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Smoking jokes
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One man was very depressed cause he lost everything. He lost his job. He lost his home and he lost his wife. So he went lonely into the forest to grief. Suddenly with the head rise up he sees Santa Claus walking by. — Santa? he asks. ‘Why are you early, it is not even christmas?’

Ho, ho. Don’t worry about me. Lets worry about you instead’ says Santa. What is the problem my friend?’

I lost everything good in my life. I got fired from my job. My wife divorced me. I lost my house." Santa: I can help you. You can wish three things you want in life and i’ll give it to you-" Man: My first wish is i want my house back. Santa: Done! Man: My second wish is i want 1 million amount of cash in my bank account. Santa: Done! Man: My third wish is i also want my job back! Santa: Done, but before i actually give you those wishes, I haft to hump you. Man: Okey. Lets do it. So the Santa claus takes of his pants to hump the man. After they are done humping the santa ask the man: -How old are you? Man: I am 35 years old. Santa: And still believe in Santa Claus??!! HOHOHOHO!!!

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Job jokes
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