Ñàìîå ïîïóëÿðíîå 16 August
There were once three brothers, Shit, Shut up and Manners. One day Shit got hit by a car. Shut up went to find help at the local police station whilst Manners tried to help Shit. When Shut up got to the police station he says “my brother has just been hit by a car.” The policeman replied with “OK then first I need to know your name.” “Shut up” “No, I need to know your name.” “Shut up. ” “Excuse me but where are your manners.” “Round the corner picking up shit.”
| Hit jokes |
| Dark Humor |
What’s the easiest way to get straight As? Use a ruler.
| Straight jokes |
A guy is at home and he’s about to go get a physical at the Doctor’s office. When he gets there, the Doctor says, “Brian, you’re going to have to stop masturbating. ” He asked the Doc why? The Doc said, “So I can examine you!”
| Doctors jokes |
What’s the difference between sand and a dildo? Sand has never gone up my ass
| What’s the difference? |
John: hi boss it is raining heavily today so I would not be coming
Boss: u stated in ur job application that swimming was it hobby so see u at at 11am
| Job jokes |
As a son I like sports and I watch sports with my mom. So one day we were looking at football. My mom ask me who makes the most money I said the quarter back. My mom told me I going to get a quarter back has my new boyfriend and it be your new step father. a week lady my mom went out I came home I see my mom making out with a high school kid. I said whats going on my mom said look my new boyfriend and new step father is the high school quarter back. My mom said see mission accomplish. I said yeah job well done.
| Job jokes |
If you hit a child that’s child abuse. if you hit a family member that’s abuse. if you kill either, it’s murder for some reason. if it’s a whole family, its genocide for another reason.
| Hit jokes |
“Hey today was great” “What happened” “I ran into my ex today” “What’s so great about that?” “I was in my car”
| Ex jokes |
| Puns jokes |
| Stick jokes |
The doctor says to the woman there was good and bad news. the woman says she wants the bad news first the doctor says the bad news is the baby had red hair. then he said the good news is it is dead.
| Woman jokes |
They always use honeycombs
| Puns jokes |
Why did the silly girl?? put sugar under her pillow?
She wanted to have sweet dreams.??
| Dream jokes |
Man: I know how to please a woman. Woman: Then please leave me alone.
Man: I want to give myself to you. Woman: Sorry, I don’t accept cheap gifts.
Man: Your hair color is fabulous. Woman: Thank you. It’s on aisle three at the corner drug store.
Man: You look like a dream. Woman: Go back to sleep.
Man: I can tell that you want me. Woman: Yes, I want you to leave.
Man: Hey, baby, what’s your sign? Woman: Do not enter. -OR- Stop.
Man: Your body is like a temple. Woman: Sorry, there are no services today.
Man: Is this seat empty? Woman: Yes, and this one will be too if you sit down.
Man: What’s it like being the most beautiful girl in the bar? Woman: I hate you.
Man: Haven’t I seen you someplace before? Woman: Yeah, that’s why I don’t go there anymore.
| Dream jokes |
Asian pregnancy test: Stick a Rubik cube into vagina. Wait 30 seconds, if it’s solved then there’s a little Asian in there.
| Waiting jokes |
| Doctors jokes |
They say Chuck Norris’s tears cure cancer, too bad he doesn’t cry
| Dark Humor |
I was at a friends place yesterday, and… There was A mother, father, three sons, and a daughter.
That night the mother and father started f@cking each other. I yelled and told them there are innocent children in this house.
An hour later they started up again. I walked to their room and they were asleep. So I looked in the brothers room and all three brothers were f@cking the sister.
I sighed at this. “Incest aside. You guys make a cute family.” I started, “So Anna, when am I gonna have nieces and nephews?” They stopped instantly and went to sleep. “Thank you.” I replied before walking back to my room they let me sleep in and I passed out for the rest of the night.
| Family jokes |
Why did the dwarf get a job at lidl? Because every lidl heps
| Job jokes |
My doctor told me that I had to burn calories, so I took a fat kid and lit them on fire
| Fire jokes |
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