Transport jokes

Why do school shooter have the best shots??? They train at the best schools. ??????????????????????

Q If a electric train heads south what way does the steam go A no steam

When they where going around giving out brains and U thought they where saying train so u said no thanx I’ll take the next one ????

Q: why did Sally drop her ice cream? A: she go hit by a bus.

The first trains were often derailed. They had a bad track record.

My boss yelled at me the other day, “You’ve got to be the worst train driver in history. How many trains did you derail last year? ” I said, “Can’t say for sure, it’s so hard to keep track!”

Gays are always welcome on my redneck Party Bus. NOT!

A man gets on a bus, and ends up sitting next to a very attractive nun. Enamored with her, he asks if he can have sex with her. Naturally, she says no, and gets off the bus. The man goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of a way for him to have sex with the nun. “Well,” says the bus driver, “every night at 8 o’clock, she goes to the cemetery to pray. If you dress up as God, I’m sure you could convince her to have sex with you.” The man decides to try it, and dresses up in his best God costume. At eight, he sees the nun and appears before her. “Oh, God!” she exclaims. “Take me with you!” The man tells the nun that she must first have sex with him to prove her loyalty. The nun says yes, but tells him she prefers anal sex. Before you know it, they’re getting down to it, having nasty, grunty, loud sex. After it’s over, the man pulls off his God disguise. “Ha, ha! I’m the man from the bus! ” “Ha, ha!” says the nun, removing her costume. “I’m the bus driver!”

What’s the difference between a teacher and a train? The teacher says, “Spit out your gum,” but a train says, “Chew chew!”

Q: How did the explorers get to school? A: They rode the Colum-bus!

A bus full of nuns die in a car crash and end up at the pearly gates where saint Peter greets them hello sisters welcome to heaven before you enter I must ask you all a question he asks the first nun have you ever touched a penis well she said just once with the tip of my little finger ok dip it in the holy water and you can enter he repeats the question to the second nun well she says I might of held one once ok says st Peter wash your hands in the holy water and you can enter just then there’s a commotion down the line one nun is trying to push in front of another st Peter says sister Susan there is no rush you will get in that’s fine she replys but if I have htm title=' before sister Mary sticks her arse in it.'>to gargle that stuff I want to get in before sister Mary sticks her arse in it.

What’s white and annoying at breakfast? An avalanche. Why did little Suzy fall off the swing? She got hit by an axe. Why did little Billy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus. How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family.

Three guy are in the woods, a a really smart guy, an average, and a really dumb guy, they bored so the smart guy decides to go hunting a little while later he comes back with a dear, the average guy asks how do did you do that? The really smart guy says says I see dear tracks I fallow dear tracks, I see dear I shoot dear. The average guy say I think I understand and leaves, an little bit later he comes back with a raccoon. The really dumb goes gasp how did you do that!?. And the average looks at him funny and says well I see raccoon tracks I fallow raccoon tracks, I see raccoon I shoot raccoon. The super dumb guy thinks for a second and says Oooohh, ok I thiNo I can do that… and leaves. Hours pass and and the guy finally returns, hurt, bloody, and horribly mingled. They run to help him. Finally one of the guys ask him what happened this is what he said: I see train tracks, I fallow train tracks. I see train I shoot train. But train keep coming.

Today; Worst day ever My annoying sibling got hit by a train and I lost my job as a conductor.

What is yellow and can’t swim A school bus full of children