Transport jokes

Boss: Why are you so bad at driving trains, how many have you derailed this year Me: Sorry boss, it’s hard to keep track

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A robber breaks into a house while the residents are away one dark night. Eager to see what he can loot, he quickly starts searching through cupboards and dressers, grabbing valuables with a trained eye. Suddenly, he hears a voice come out of nowhere. “Jesus is watching you.” The criminal jumps, scared the residents are back, and freezes. After a few minutes of silence however, he assumes it was his imagination, and goes back to robbing. A couple minutes pass, before once again, the voice returns. “Jesus is watching you.” Quite confused, the thief searches the house and checks the front door, but nothing pops out as unusual. He finally decides to move rooms, and finds a parrot, but ignores it. Before he can begin to do anything, someone speaks again, “Jesus is watching you.” The robber realized it was the parrot talking! Going to the parrot, he asks it, “Are you the one who’s been talking to me?” The parrot responds, “Yes.” The thief couldn’t believe it. So, he asks another question. “What is your name?” “Ismael.” the parrot replies. The man scoffed. “What type of idiot names a parrot Ismael?” The parrot speaks yet again, “The same type of idiot that names a Rottweiler Jesus.”

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why are dolphins so smart? Because within three hours they can train a human to stand at the edge of the pool and feed them fish!

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Why do school shooter have the best shots??? They train at the best schools. ??????????????????????

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Do your buses run on time? No, they run on diesel.

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Whats the difference between a school bus and my Dad’s van? Schools buses usually don’t have screaming and crying children

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Why did Billy drop his ice cream? Cause he got hit by a bus

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I had an uncle who was a conductor. He wasn’t a symphony conductor, nor was he a street car conductor, nor was he a train conductor. He was struck by lightning.

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Why did the kid drop his ice cream cone? Because he got hit by a bus!

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