To become a licensed, airline pilot requires 1,500 hours (two years) of training. But it only takes 10 seconds to steal the pilot’s jacket and hat.
A robber breaks into a house while the residents are away one dark night. Eager to see what he can loot, he quickly starts searching through cupboards and dressers, grabbing valuables with a trained eye. Suddenly, he hears a voice come out of nowhere. “Jesus is watching you.” The criminal jumps, scared the residents are back, and freezes. After a few minutes of silence however, he assumes it was his imagination, and goes back to robbing. A couple minutes pass, before once again, the voice returns. “Jesus is watching you.” Quite confused, the thief searches the house and checks the front door, but nothing pops out as unusual. He finally decides to move rooms, and finds a parrot, but ignores it. Before he can begin to do anything, someone speaks again, “Jesus is watching you.” The robber realized it was the parrot talking! Going to the parrot, he asks it, “Are you the one who’s been talking to me?” The parrot responds, “Yes.” The thief couldn’t believe it. So, he asks another question. “What is your name?” “Ismael.” the parrot replies. The man scoffed. “What type of idiot names a parrot Ismael?” The parrot speaks yet again, “The same type of idiot that names a Rottweiler Jesus.”
So a retarded kids mom drops her kid off at school and says “you better stop the bus today because I’m not picking you up” and so he agrees and he arrives at the bus stop and says “stop” (in a retarded voice) and the bus goes straight past him the next day the mom says the same thing and the kid goes to the bus stop and says “stop” (in a retarded voice) and the bus goes straight past him the third day his mom says “I don’t care if have to jump out in the middle of the road you better stop that bus” so the kid goes to bus stop and jumps out in the middle of the road and says “Stop!” The bus driver runs over him a nearby lady stops the bus and says “why’d you run that poor kid over” and he responds “‘cause he was making fun of me” (in a retarded voice)
Q If a electric train heads south what way does the steam go A no steam
A bus full of Nuns falls of a cliff and they all die. They arrive at the gates of heaven and meet St. Peter. St. Peter says to them “Sisters, welcome to Heaven. In a moment I will let you all though the pearly gates, but before I may do that, I must ask each of you a single question. ” St. Peter turns to the first Nun in the line and asks her “Sister, have you ever touched a penis?” The Sister Responds “Well… there was this one time… that I kinda sorta… touched one with the tip of my pinky finger…” St. Peter says “Alright Sister, now dip the tip of your pinky finger in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted.” and she did so. St. Peter now turns to the second nun and says “Sister, have you ever touched a penis?” “Well…. There was this one time… that I held one for a moment…” “Alright Sister, now just wash your hands in the Holy Water, and you may be admitted” and she does so. Now at this, there is a noise, a jostling in the line. It seems that one nun is trying to cut in front of another! St. Peter sees this and asks the Nun “Sister Susan, what is this? There is no rush!” Sister Susan responds “Well if I’m going to have to gargle this stuff, I’d rather do it before Sister Mary sticks her ass in it!”
So I was going out the door and I see me dwarf neighbour at the bus stop, I ask if he needs a lift. He replies with fu… off. So I zip up my backpack and keep going to work
whats the difference between al qaeda and ms frizzle? One flew a plane into the twin towers one flew a bus into the school
Today was a terrible day. My wife got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver
Why did Sally drop her ice cream? Because she got hit by a bus. Knock knock. Who’s there? Not Sally whats yellow and cant swim a bus full of toddlers
Whats the difference between a school bus and my Dad’s van? Schools buses usually don’t have screaming and crying children
What’s the different’s a girlfriend and a train the train will touch me
why do Americans always win at the shooting Olympics? :because their train at the best school Are you a train? because I want you to run over me : )
Do you know a funny bus driver? I do
Why did the pirate kids ride the short bus to school? Because they were retarrrrrrrrrded Tonight, on top gear! James may dives a bus full of kids off a mountain! Richard Hammond starts WW3 in Germany! and I fly a plane into the World Trade Center!
What’s the difference between an ISIS training center and a school?? I don’t know, I just fly the drone
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