Transport jokes

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I want to die in my sleep, like grandpa did, not screaming and crying like the people on the bus he drove.

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Why do school shooter have the best shots??? They train at the best schools. ??????????????????????

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3 blonde were walking on a path, the first blonde said, “Hey look there are deer tracks!” The second blonde said, “No way those are totally duck tracks, ” The third blonde said, “Nuh uh those are” then they got hit by a train.

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(Bus Driver) What did you learn in school today? (Kid) We learned that you are a sussy baka. (Bus Driver) Oh yeah? Well I quit! (Kid) Quit What? (Bus Driver) Living. (Kid) But it was a joke! (Bus Driver) Doesn’t matter. I will die but you will still be alive. (Kid) Ok (Bus Driver) That was a joke too!

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A man gets on a bus, and ends up sitting next to a very attractive nun. Enamored with her, he asks if he can have sex with her. Naturally, she says no, and gets off the bus. The man goes to the bus driver and asks him if he knows of a way for him to have sex with the nun. “Well,” says the bus driver, “every night at 8 o’clock, she goes to the cemetery to pray. If you dress up as God, I’m sure you could convince her to have sex with you.” The man decides to try it, and dresses up in his best God costume. At eight, he sees the nun and appears before her. “Oh, God!” she exclaims. “Take me with you!” The man tells the nun that she must first have sex with him to prove her loyalty. The nun says yes, but tells him she prefers anal sex. Before you know it, they’re getting down to it, having nasty, grunty, loud sex. After it’s over, the man pulls off his God disguise. “Ha, ha! I’m the man from the bus! ” “Ha, ha!” says the nun, removing her costume. “I’m the bus driver!”

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Why did the strawberry ?? go out with a banana? Because it could not find a date

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What’s white, yellow and goes 40 mph? A train driver’s egg sandwich

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What’s white and annoying at breakfast? An avalanche. Why did little Suzy fall off the swing? She got hit by an axe. Why did little Billy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus. How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family.

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An Englishman, a Frenchman, a ravishing blonde and an old lady are sharing a compartment on a train as it winds its way through the Alps. Every now and then the train passes through a tunnel, during which time the compartment is plunged into complete darkness. On one such occasion, a ringing slap is heard and as the train passes back into daylight, the Frenchman is rubbing his sore, red cheek. The old lady thinks, “I bet that dirty Frenchman fondled the blonde and she struck the pervert.” The blonde thinks, “I bet that filthy Frenchman was looking to grope me in the dark, mistook the old lady for me and she slapped him.” The Frenchman thinks, “I bet that perfidious Englishman touched up the blonde in the dark and she slapped me by mistake.” The Englishman thinks, “I can’t wait for another tunnel so I can slap that French twat again.”

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