Transport jokes

I was sitting next to this really hot Thai girl on the bus and all I could think to myself was, “Don’t get an erection, don’t get an erection”… But she did.

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A man shot into a crowd at the train station and didn’t hit one person, when the police asked why he missed, someone said cause he gay. He couldn’t shoot straight

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What’s white and annoying at breakfast? An avalanche. Why did little Suzy fall off the swing? She got hit by an axe. Why did little Billy drop his ice cream? He got hit by a bus. How do you make a plumber cry? Kill his family.

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Why did the pirate kids ride the short bus to school? Because they were retarrrrrrrrrded Tonight, on top gear! James may dives a bus full of kids off a mountain! Richard Hammond starts WW3 in Germany! and I fly a plane into the World Trade Center!

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Ten Catholic priests all die in a bus accident. When they arrive at the pearly gates, St. Peter acknowledges them. He sees that they’re all priests and immediately says "If any of you are pedophiles, there’s no point waiting here. You might as well eff off straight to hell right now!” Nine of the priests turn around and begin to walk away. St. Peter calls after them, "AND TAKE THE DEAF BASTARD WITH YOU TOO!”

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I want to die in my sleep, like grandpa did, not screaming and crying like the people on the bus he drove.

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What’s white, yellow and goes 40 mph? A train driver’s egg sandwich

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I was talking to a close friend that was Islamic. He said he was being shipped to an amazing training. I asked “where are you going” He said “Camp Bin Laden” I asked “what do they do there” He answered “they got bomb training and hand to hand combat training. Plus the got arts and crafts.” I asked “what do you mean by arts and crafts? ” He said “see this towel on my head” I nodded “I made it out of boxer jokes”

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The 1645 service has been cancelled and has been replaced by a replacement bus service. EasyJet would like to apologise to all of those who are travelling to Greece.

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