My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10. Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting 9! That’s the best I’ve done so far.
Husband: I bet you can’t say something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time Wife: You have the biggest penis out of all your friends
Do you know what’s the difference between a knife and a girl’s argument A knife has a point
A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant. After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: “Well, I hope you like changing diapers!” She replies: “Oh my god! Am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?” To which he responds: “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”
A man is walking on the deck of a cruise ship, when he sees a woman, without arms and legs, crying. The man says “What’s wrong?” The woman says “I’ve never been hugged before.” So, the man gives her a hug and walks away. The next day, the man sees the woman, on the deck, crying again. The man says “What’s wrong, now?” The woman says “I’ve never been kissed before.” So, the man gives her a kiss and walks away. The next day, the same thing occurs. The man says “Oh, for Christ’s sake! What’s wrong, this time?!” The woman says “Well, I’ve never been f@cked before.” So, the man picks her up, throws her into the ocean, and yells “YOU’RE f@ckED!”
Tell a woman she’s beautiful a hundred times and she won’t believe you. Tell a woman she’s fat once and she will remember it for the rest of her life because elephants never forget.
Why did the Chinese woman hang up? Because she Wang the Wong number
Have u ever noticed When a woman is pregnant aII her friends touch her stomach and say “congrats” but none of them touch the man’s penis and say “weII done”
Girlfriend: you remind me of a cellphone Ex Boyfriend: how and why? Girlfriend: Because your about to die
you can tell a lot about a woman’s mood just by her hands. For example, if she’s holding a gun, she’s probably angry.
I broke up with my deaf girlfriend because she never listened to me.
What’s the difference between a nun and a woman in a bath tub? One’s got hope in her soul, the others got soap in her hole.
Wife: "How would you describe me?" Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK." Wife: "What does that mean?" Husband: "Adorable (A), beautiful (B), cute ©, delightful (D), elegant (E), fashionable (F), gorgeous (G), and hot (H). " Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?" Husband: “I’m just kidding!”
Q: What did the skeleton say when he proposed to his girlfriend? A: Will you marrow me?
My girlfriend broke up with me because I stole her wheelchair. But I knew she’d come crawling back to me.
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