An older retired couple - the wife had grown tired of her husband farting in bed each night. One morning she put some chicken parts under the blankets in bed next to him and went off to make some coffee, A few minutes later she hears a loud fart followed by a blood curdling scream. He comes out after awhile and says, “Hon, you were right that I would fart my guts out. Took me the longest to put them back in”.
Wife: (on phone) hi Husband: hey I didn’t know dishwashers talk and make me a sandwich.
Why did the Chinese woman hang up? Because she Wang the Wong number
A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. So she gets a divorce.
I was watching my daughter play at the park, a woman came up to me and asked which one was mine, I said I was still choosing.
i like my woman like i like my coffee in a big sack on top of donkey
I took my girlfriend out the other day… Man do I love being a sniper.
I was out for dinner with my 19 year old girlfriend. I being 42, had many people shouting at me, scolding me, calling me a creep. It really ruined our 10th anniversary.
Do you know what’s the difference between a knife and a girl’s argument A knife has a point
A programmer and his wife. She says, “We’re out of bread. Please go the grocery store and buy one. And if they’ve got eggs, get six.” After a while, he’s back with six loaves of bread. The wife asks, “Why did you buy 6 loaves of bread?” He replies, “They had eggs.”
The doctor says “your wife is PREGNENT” the man says that he used a condom and the doctor says "ya but I didn’t
I comforted my friend about his wife’s death: until I found out who did it.
Since it started raining, all my wife has done is look sadly through the stupid window… If it gets any worse, I’ll have to let her in.
Paddy and Seamus work at the Guinness factory and Seamus has a horrible accident and dies at work. Paddy agrees to tell Seamuswife the bad news. He knocks on the door and Seamus wife answers. " Whats happened Paddy?" Paddy frowns. " Im sorry to say poor Seamus fell into the Guinness vat and drowned, im so sorry." She started to cry and asked paddy: " Did he at least die quickly? " Seamus shook his head, " No, he got out 3 times for a pee."
What do u call a woman who says she can do anything a man can do? Wrong
RUS | ENG
