3 men walk into heaven at the same time. they all live in the same city. god asks the first man “how did you die?” the man says “I have a heart condition and iv’e been suspecting my wife of cheating for some time. anyway I get how from work and I see my wife on the bed and a man hang of the balcony. I get so mad and stomp on the guys fingers! he falls into a bush so I throw a refrigerator on him.” God asks the next man “how did you die?” the man says I was cleaning the windows and then this crazy man starts stomping on my fingers! luckily I fall safely in a bush! but then a refrigerator falls on me! " god asks the third man he says" I was the one in the fridge!"
Jon said:What do you call a pregnant woman? Mike said: I don’t know what? Jon said: kinder surprise
The doctor says “your wife is PREGNENT” the man says that he used a condom and the doctor says "ya but I didn’t
Hitler visits a lunatic asylum. The patients give the Hitler salute. As he passes down the line he comes across a woman who Isn?’t saluting. ?Why are you not saluting like the others? ? Hitler barks. ?"Mein Fuhrer, I?m the nurse," she responds "I?m not crazy!?
so i was sitting on the couch with a woman,and i asked her,does this napkin smell like chloroform?
My girlfriend is 19 and I’m 29. We go out to eat in a restaurant but the whole time I have to deal with being accused of being a pedo, being called disgusting and disturbed. It completely ruined our 10 year anniversary
A doctor is telling three women what they are addicted to. He says to the first one "You are addicted to money, you named your daughter Penny" He says to the second one "You are addicted to food, you named you daughter Candy" Then the third one whispers to her son “Come on Dick, lets go.”
Girlfriends are just like Ak47s they always go off on you.
What kind of woman does Bill Cosby like the most? The “cold and passed out” kind.
Have u ever noticed When a woman is pregnant aII her friends touch her stomach and say “congrats” but none of them touch the man’s penis and say “weII done”
My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with pasta. – I’m doing well, but I do get cannelloni.
My wife told me I was immature. I just told her to get out of my pillow fort.
Me at the Oscars when i see Jada Pinkett Smith, me, I said: “G.I. Jane 2, more like G.I Jada 2, can’t wait to see it” So will smith is laughing and then suddenly, Suddenly Will Smith walks up to me and punches me in the face Me: "Ow, oh, wow. Will Smith just smacked the shit out of me.” My nigcka Smith goes: “KEEP MY WIFE’S NAME OUT OF YOUR f@ckING MOUTH! ” Me: “Maybe you should focus on keeping her friends out of hers”
School Bully: How’s your girlfriend? Oh wait, you don’t have any! Me: How’s your parents? Oh wait, you don’t have any! *Continues to burn down orphanage
One day I told my wife that she drew her I brows too high, She looked surprised.
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