What is easier to pick up the heavier it gets? Women.
I see some objects over there… oh never mind, that’s a woman.
An older retired couple - the wife had grown tired of her husband farting in bed each night. One morning she put some chicken parts under the blankets in bed next to him and went off to make some coffee, A few minutes later she hears a loud fart followed by a blood curdling scream. He comes out after awhile and says, “Hon, you were right that I would fart my guts out. Took me the longest to put them back in”.
My girlfriend told me the dishwasher was leaking so I brought home some tampons
My girlfriend is a porn star. – She will kill me if she finds out.
"I’d rather go through the pain of childbirth again than let you drill in my mouth,"the woman told her dentist. He replied, “Well, please make up your mind so I can adjust my chair.”
Husband: I bet you can’t say something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time Wife: You have the biggest penis out of all your friends
The other day, my wife asked me to pass her lipstick but I accidentally passed her a glue stick. She still isn’t talking to me.
The person who made it a law to not hurt girls is stupid because we’ve all kicked a pregnant woman before we where even born. the doctor says to the woman there was good and bad news. the woman says she wants the bad news first the doctor says the bad news is the baby had red hair. then he said the good news is it is dead.
What is similar about a dog and a woman? You can ask them to come
In my mothers generation, they grew up with wonder woman. In ours, we have to wonder if she’s a woman.
My girlfriend called me a bot in fortnite, so I called her sandwich maker 3000
A guy wins a free ticket to the Super Bowl and so he’s very excited. However, he’s not so excited when he gets there and realizes his seat’s in the back of the stadium. So he looks around him for a better seat, and to his surprise he finds an empty seat right next to the field. He approaches the older guy who’s sitting in the seat next to the empty one and asks if the seat is taken. The man replies, “No.” The young guy is very surprised to hear this and asks, “How could someone pass up a seat like this?” The older guy replies, “It’s my wife’s seat. We’ve been to every Super Bowl together since the day we were married but she’s passed away.” “Oh, how sad,” the young guy says, taken aback. “I’m sorry to hear that, but couldn’t you find a friend or relative to come with you? ” “No,” the man replies, “They’re all at the funeral.”
What’s the difference between kinky and perverted? Kinky is when you tickle your girlfriend with a feather, perverted is when you use the whole bird.
Boy: my girlfriend didn’t dump me, I dumped her… Off the nearby cliff
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