My ex-wife was deaf. She left me for a deaf friend of hers. To be honest, I should have seen the signs.
Little Johnny walked on into to his house.He heard a banging sound from up above and decied to investigate.He opened the door to his parents room and saw his naked mom and the woman next door. He thought they were wrestling and decided to join in.
Jokes about menstruation are not funny. Period.
My girlfriend treats me like God. – She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.
like if you have a boyfriend girlfriend or husband or wife or a crush.
Why did the Mexican push his wife off a cliff? Tequila
My girlfriend is a porn star. – She will kill me if she finds out.
I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping up onions which made me cry. Onions was a good dog.
A : Whats the similarity between your girlfriend and the Sun? B : They’re both hot? A : They’re both massive.
I was out for dinner with my 19 year old girlfriend. I being 42, had many people shouting at me, scolding me, calling me a creep. It really ruined our 10th anniversary.
Girlfriend: am I pretty or ugly? Boyfriend: your both! Girlfriend: what do you mean by that? Boyfriend: your pretty ugly!!!
An older retired couple - the wife had grown tired of her husband farting in bed each night. One morning she put some chicken parts under the blankets in bed next to him and went off to make some coffee, A few minutes later she hears a loud fart followed by a blood curdling scream. He comes out after awhile and says, “Hon, you were right that I would fart my guts out. Took me the longest to put them back in”.
Boy: my girlfriend didn’t dump me, I dumped her… Off the nearby cliff
School Bully: How’s your girlfriend? Oh wait, you don’t have any! Me: How’s your parents? Oh wait, you don’t have any! *Continues to burn down orphanage
When you break up with your online girlfriend, and you hear your uncle crying in the other room. My father is like Houdini, when he heard his girlfriend was pregnant he disappeared.
RUS | ENG
