how do you know when your wife is cheating on you? she comes home with sparkles on her face
So I caught my girlfriend masturbating with a carrot. My first reaction was “Shit, I was gonna eat that later, but now it’s gonna taste like carrots!”
Most states: “It’s ok, it won’t be awkward. We’re still friends.” Alabama: “She didn’t wanna be my girlfriend anymore. But she said she’ll still be my sister.”
My girlfriend is a porn star. – She will kill me if she finds out.
What’s the difference between a battery and my wife? The battery has a positive side
My wife asked me to help cure her from sucking her thumb. So I drew a cock on it.
Jokes about menstruation are not funny. Period.
I asked my girlfriend if he wanted to join my family tree… She dropped the rope and ran
I showed my girlfriend my shotgun yesterday. It really blew her away.
I comforted my friend about his wife’s death: until I found out who did it.
I was watching my daughter play at the park, a woman came up to me and asked which one was mine, I said I was still choosing.
One day I got home and told my girlfriend “I cheated on you.” she replied with “F**k you” I then said “But you won’t, that’s why I cheated on you.”
A man comes home and finds his wife in bed with another guy “What’s going on here!?” He exclaims. The wife replies “See, I told you he was stupid.”
Have u ever noticed When a woman is pregnant aII her friends touch her stomach and say “congrats” but none of them touch the man’s penis and say “weII done”
Wife: "How would you describe me?" Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK." Wife: "What does that mean?" Husband: "Adorable (A), beautiful (B), cute ©, delightful (D), elegant (E), fashionable (F), gorgeous (G), and hot (H). " Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?" Husband: “I’m just kidding!”
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