Woman jokes

FIRST DATE man: i work with animals every day woman: oh how sweet! what is it that you do? man: im a butcher…

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Why do orphans make the best girlfriends? Because They don’t need permission from their Parents

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Girlfriends are just like Ak47s they always go off on you.

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My girlfriends last words I can’t wait to become a mom

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Paddy and Seamus work at the Guinness factory and Seamus has a horrible accident and dies at work. Paddy agrees to tell Seamuswife the bad news. He knocks on the door and Seamus wife answers. " Whats happened Paddy?" Paddy frowns. " Im sorry to say poor Seamus fell into the Guinness vat and drowned, im so sorry." She started to cry and asked paddy: " Did he at least die quickly? " Seamus shook his head, " No, he got out 3 times for a pee."

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My wife is like a mirror I can never look at it

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A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of child birth to the father. He asks if it is ok to use the new device. The couple agrees and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.

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My wife asked me to help cure her from sucking her thumb. So I drew a cock on it.

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How is a woman like a condom? Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.

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I have a girlfriend.

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A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. So she gets a divorce.

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My girlfriend told me to stop playing Pokemon as it was childish. I started thrashing about and roared “You don’t have enough badges to control me!”

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Do you know what’s the difference between a knife and a girl’s argument A knife has a point

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I decided to visit Saudi Arabia with my girlfriend. She and I learned they celebrate Pride month by throwing stones.

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“I’m not sure why my girlfriend’s father doesn’t like me.” “What was your first impression on him?” “I told him, she calls me daddy too.”

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