My ex girlfriend got hit by a bus. I also lost my bus drivers licence.
A wife is like a grenade. Pull the ring and the house is gone.
Women are like dogs… “Where are you going? Where are you going? Where are you going?” “Can I come? Can I come? Can I come? ” “I’ll wait right here… I’ll wait right here… I’ll wait right here…” SHOES
I decided to visit Saudi Arabia with my girlfriend. She and I learned they celebrate Pride month by throwing stones.
My wife told me pass her lip stck but i gave her a glue stick now she is not talking to me
I have a girlfriend.
I got a handjob of a blind woman the other day she said its the biggest thing i ever had in my hand i said no love your just pulling my leg
wha can you tella dog, but not your girlfriend…? come
An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
Roast: What is the difference between your girlfriend and a walrus? One is hairy and smells like fish and the other is a walrus. Your welcome
My girlfriend broke up with me because I stole her wheelchair. But I knew she’d come crawling back to me.
Why did the Mexican push his wife off a cliff? Tequila
At the funeral of a family friend, I was chatting to June, an elderly lady I hadn’t seen since I was a teenager. I was thrilled when she told me what a beautiful young woman I’d become. On the journey home, I remarked to my mother how lovely it had been to see June again. “Yes, it’s such a shame that she’s gone blind,” she said sadly.
The other day my friend messaged by saying “bro I have two pieces of bad news for you.” I told him to combine them. He replied with “your girlfriend is cheating on both of us.”
My girlfriend told me she was leaving me because I keep pretending to be a Transformer. I said, “No, wait! I can change.”
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