I was watching my daughter play at the park, a woman came up to me and asked which one was mine, I said I was still choosing.
My girlfriend broke up with me because I stole her wheelchair. But I knew she’d come crawling back to me.
I got a handjob of a blind woman the other day she said its the biggest thing i ever had in my hand i said no love your just pulling my leg
A drunk man walked out of a bar and kept falling flat on his face. He wondered why this was until his wife spoke to him: Wife: why is your face all bloody? Husband: I was so drunk that I couldn’t stand up so I kept falling on my face! Wife: idiot. You left your wheelchair at the bar!
My girlfriend told me the dishwasher was leaking so I brought home some tampons
I have a girlfriend.
What’s the difference between a battery and my wife? The battery has a positive side
nearly 40% of the world have been in a relationship; the 60% are worstjokesever.com users
The cops are still searching for my wife’s killer. Luckily I already fled the country.
wha can you tella dog, but not your girlfriend…? come
If depression is going to be my girlfriend. Will she leave me?
My ex-wife still misses me… BUT HER AIM IS GETTIN BETTER!
What do you call it if your mom is a guy and ur dad is a woman? Transparent
Last halloween i went dressed as a woman. When i rang the doorbell an elderly woman opened and i made grunting noise and knocked the bowl of candy out of her hands. She immediately called the police and told them excactly what happened. The officer pulled me aside and asked me a few questions. First he asked are your parents here and i said nothing. Concerned by my answer he then asked if i was ok so i said nothing. He asked me what my name and i responded, "Hellen Keller.
My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”
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