Today was a terrible day. My wife got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver
What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? Stop and apply lubrication.
What do u call a woman who says she can do anything a man can do? Wrong
A lot of things have changed since I got my girlfriend pregnant. My name, my address and my phone number.
The other day my friend messaged by saying “bro I have two pieces of bad news for you.” I told him to combine them. He replied with “your girlfriend is cheating on both of us.”
Me: Are you okay? Dentist: I’m just a bit surprised. When I said to you “spit it out” I wasn’t expecting you to say you’ve been shagging my wife.
What do you do after your girlfriend with two broken legs dumps you? Take her wheel chair, she’ll come crawling back.
Window Problems A blonde texts her husband on a cold winter’s morning: "Windows frozen, won’t open." Husband texts back: "Gently pour some lukewarm water over it and gently tap edges with hammer. " Wife texts back 5 minutes later: "Computer really messed up now.”
Jokes about menstruation are not funny. Period.
A : Whats the similarity between your girlfriend and the Sun? B : They’re both hot? A : They’re both massive.
why is there no woman on the moon? because it doesnt need to be cleaned
My wife wanted a present that could go from Zero to 80 very quickly. So I got her a new set of bathroom scales.
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? Because his wife died.
A wife and husband was setting up their computer and the husband makes the password my dick, but the wife fell on the floor laughing because the computer said the password was too short.
Little Johhny is walking around and peaks in his parents room, catching them having sex so he asks, “What are you guys doing?” and they reply “Nothing, nothing! we’re just uh, making cake” and they send him away. So he continues walking around and he hears some strange noises coming from his brothers room so he walks in and catches his brother and his brothers girlfriend having sex and then asks him “What are you guys doing?” and his brother yells “Get out! were making cake!” So Johnny leaves and goes to his room. The next day the whole family is at the dinner table and Little Johnny turns to his sister and says “So, you and your boyfriend were making cake last night huh!” and she replies “OMG! Howd you know! ?!?” and Johnny replies “Because, I licked the icing off the couch” ayyyyyy.
RUS | ENG
