Q: What did the skeleton say when he proposed to his girlfriend? A: Will you marrow me?
A elderly woman and an elderly man were at a retirement home The man was shuffling a deck of cards for a card game The man asks "Is it your first time? " The woman replies “It’s been a while since a man has asked me that.”
A woman walks into a doctor’s office. She schedules an appointment and sits down it the waiting room. Whem it’s her turn to talk to the doctor, she describes all of her symptoms, and they’re unlike anything he’s heard before. The doctor runs a few tests and steps out of the room. He comes back later, and says, ‘Well I have good news and bad news.’ The woman says, ‘I’ll hear the good news first please. ’ The doctor replies ‘The good news is we’re naming a disease after you!’
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? Because his wife died.
3 citizens were going through an exam to become agents of the FBI, their instructor handed the first guy a gun in a room with his wife and said he had to shoot them, he walked out in shame and said he couldn’t do it. The second guy had the same scenario, he put the gun up but couldn’t pull the trigger so he walked out in shame. The third guy was put in the same scenario, he walked out and told the instructor, “The gun wasn’t loaded, I had to strangle the bitch.”
What’s the difference between a nun and a woman in a bath tub? One’s got hope in her soul, the others got soap in her hole.
how did Stephan hawking please his woman he uses a hard drive.
Wife: (on phone) hi Husband: hey I didn’t know dishwashers talk and make me a sandwich.
Only one of Kenny’s girlfriends has ever said he’s good in bed. But she has to. She’s his mom.
My wife asked me to help cure her from sucking her thumb. So I drew a cock on it.
wha can you tella dog, but not your girlfriend…? come
When I was a kid I used to read a lot. I mainly grew up reading stories by Shakespeare, especially the story Romeo & Juliet. That one in particular taught me a valuable life lesson. It taught me to not be surprised when my girlfriend killed herself.
My kids are so ungrateful. I got them a new dishwasher and they just won’t stop complaining about their mom whats the difference between a lightbulb and a preganant woman you can unscrew the lightbulb
I got a handjob of a blind woman the other day she said its the biggest thing i ever had in my hand i said no love your just pulling my leg
My girlfriend keeps calling me a pedophile. That’s a big word for a seven year old.
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