Woman jokes

In my mothers generation, they grew up with wonder woman. In ours, we have to wonder if she’s a woman.

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I decided to visit Saudi Arabia with my girlfriend. She and I learned they celebrate Pride month by throwing stones.

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My girlfriend’s dog died, so I tried to cheer her up by getting her an identical one. It just made her more upset. She screamed at me, “What am I supposed to do with two dead dogs?”

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Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend? - Because he needed some space.

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Little Johnny walked on into to his house.He heard a banging sound from up above and decied to investigate.He opened the door to his parents room and saw his naked mom and the woman next door. He thought they were wrestling and decided to join in.

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I have just started a sexual relationship with a blind woman. It’s very rewarding, but quite challenging. – Took me ages to get her husband’s voice right.

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What is easier to pick up the heavier it gets? Women.

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A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of child birth to the father. He asks if it is ok to use the new device. The couple agrees and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.

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so i was sitting on the couch with a woman,and i asked her,does this napkin smell like chloroform?

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what do you get when you play a country song backwards? you get your wife, your house, and your kids back

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I asked a poor old woman if I could take her home. She smiled and said yes. However the expression on her face soon changed when I started walking away with her cardboard box.

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What’s the difference between a nun and a woman in a bath tub? One’s got hope in her soul, the others got soap in her hole.

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My wife told me to be more in touch with my feminine side so i crashed the car.

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Wife: (on phone) hi Husband: hey I didn’t know dishwashers talk and make me a sandwich.

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Girlfriend: am I pretty or ugly? Boyfriend: your both! Girlfriend: what do you mean by that? Boyfriend: your pretty ugly!!!

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