A drunk man walked out of a bar and kept falling flat on his face. He wondered why this was until his wife spoke to him: Wife: why is your face all bloody? Husband: I was so drunk that I couldn’t stand up so I kept falling on my face! Wife: idiot. You left your wheelchair at the bar!
Why do women rub their eyes in the morning? Because they don’t have balls.
Little Jonny just came back from quarantine with his girlfriend Sally. They both said they had to go to the bathroom. When they came back Sally was coughing up a storm. The teacher said you need to be quarantined again. No sally said I was just in the bathroom choking on something that grown-ups especially women like. Then the teacher faints.
Tell someone to look in their shirt and spell attic hehe
A man comes home and finds his wife in bed with another guy “What’s going on here!?” He exclaims. The wife replies “See, I told you he was stupid.”
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: "Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to the man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”
You can tell a lot about a woman from her ankles. – If they are on your shoulders, she probably likes you.
Jon said:What do you call a pregnant woman? Mike said: I don’t know what? Jon said: kinder surprise
A blind man walks into a bar, and asks the bartender, “Wanna hear a blonde joke?” The bartender replies with, “I’m blonde, the man working next to me is blonde, the woman next to you is blonde, and the fat guy behind you is blonde.” Then says “Do you really wanna tell the blonde joke? ” the blind guy responds with "No I don’t wanna tell it that many times.
I walked into the kitchen and saw my wife chopping up onions which made me cry. Onions was a good dog.
What is easier to pick up the heavier it gets? Women.
A doctor tells a woman she can no longer touch anything alcoholic. So she gets a divorce.
Wife: "How would you describe me?" Husband: "ABCDEFGHIJK." Wife: "What does that mean?" Husband: "Adorable (A), beautiful (B), cute ©, delightful (D), elegant (E), fashionable (F), gorgeous (G), and hot (H). " Wife: "Aw, thank you, but what about IJK?" Husband: “I’m just kidding!”
Me and my wife were out at dinner me being 48 and her being 19, people where screaming at us and calling me a creep. It realy ruined our 10th anniversary
Have u ever noticed When a woman is pregnant aII her friends touch her stomach and say “congrats” but none of them touch the man’s penis and say “weII done”
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