What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb You can’t unscrew a pregnant woman What’s a similarity between a broken lightbulb, and a pregnant woman They’re both accidents
What do u call a woman who says she can do anything a man can do? Wrong
I brought my girlfriend home and introduced her to my family. My kids liked her, but my wife seemed upset
A wife and husband was setting up their computer and the husband makes the password my dick, but the wife fell on the floor laughing because the computer said the password was too short.
I comforted my friend about his wife’s death: until I found out who did it.
Tell someone to look in their shirt and spell attic hehe
My girlfriend lives a few miles away from me. The other night, she called me at around 3 AM. She was terrified. She said that there were two armed gunmen in her apartment. With all that adrenaline going through my system, it made it hard to go back to sleep.
you can tell a lot about a woman’s mood just by her hands. For example, if she’s holding a gun, she’s probably angry.
My girlfriend told me the dishwasher was leaking so I brought home some tampons
Man: "Is your body from Mcdonalds?" Woman: "Why, because your loving it?" Man: “No, because its fat and greasy.” :D
3 men walk into heaven at the same time. they all live in the same city. god asks the first man “how did you die?” the man says “I have a heart condition and iv’e been suspecting my wife of cheating for some time. anyway I get how from work and I see my wife on the bed and a man hang of the balcony. I get so mad and stomp on the guys fingers! he falls into a bush so I throw a refrigerator on him.” God asks the next man “how did you die?” the man says I was cleaning the windows and then this crazy man starts stomping on my fingers! luckily I fall safely in a bush! but then a refrigerator falls on me! " god asks the third man he says" I was the one in the fridge!"
Why are we depressed, is it because that bully in your school, or that you have acne, how about when you listen to you sad song playlist, maybe cause you have no friends, Or is it the fact your anime girlfriend is fake. T^T
Women are like dogs… “Where are you going? Where are you going? Where are you going?” “Can I come? Can I come? Can I come? ” “I’ll wait right here… I’ll wait right here… I’ll wait right here…” SHOES
I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins. I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.
If I had a dollar for every girl that found me unattractive, they would eventually find me attractive.
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