A : Whats the similarity between your girlfriend and the Sun? B : They’re both hot? A : They’re both massive.
What do you call a woman with one arm and one leg? Eileen
Hey what is the difference between a painting and a wife? Only the wife was hung up
Me and my girlfriend were planning on having sex but I said me and my little brother share a bunk bed and he’s on the bottom. She said tell him we’re making sandwiches so we came up with a plan. Tomato means harder and cheese means faster. So we were having sex and she was screaming tomato tomato tomato cheese cheese cheese, then my little brother said can y’all stop making sandwiches your getting mayonnaise all over my bed.
Man: "Is your body from Mcdonalds?" Woman: "Why, because your loving it?" Man: “No, because its fat and greasy.” :D
My girlfriend lives a few miles away from me. The other night, she called me at around 3 AM. She was terrified. She said that there were two armed gunmen in her apartment. With all that adrenaline going through my system, it made it hard to go back to sleep.
A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The driver says: "Ugh, that’s the ugliest baby I’ve ever seen!" The woman walks to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to the man next to her: “The driver just insulted me!” The man says: “You go up there and tell him off. Go on, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”
Only one of Kenny’s girlfriends has ever said he’s good in bed. But she has to. She’s his mom.
nearly 40% of the world have been in a relationship; the 60% are worstjokesever.com users
What does the cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend? He wipes his butt.
A woman gets rid of polish with chemicals and no one bats an eye The Germans got rid of polish with chemicals and everyone lost their mind
I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins. I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.
So I caught my girlfriend masturbating with a carrot. My first reaction was “Shit, I was gonna eat that later, but now it’s gonna taste like carrots!”
A young blonde woman fears her husband is having an affair, so she goes to a shop and buys a handgun. The next day she comes home to find her husband in bed with a beautiful redhead. She grabs the gun and holds it to her head. The husband jumps out of bed, begging and pleading with her not to shoot herself. The hysterical blonde tells her husband: “Shut up … you’re next!”
Wife: “I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?” Husband: “You have perfect eyesight.”
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