3 men walk into heaven at the same time. they all live in the same city. god asks the first man “how did you die?” the man says “I have a heart condition and iv’e been suspecting my wife of cheating for some time. anyway I get how from work and I see my wife on the bed and a man hang of the balcony. I get so mad and stomp on the guys fingers! he falls into a bush so I throw a refrigerator on him.” God asks the next man “how did you die?” the man says I was cleaning the windows and then this crazy man starts stomping on my fingers! luckily I fall safely in a bush! but then a refrigerator falls on me! " god asks the third man he says" I was the one in the fridge!"
Wife: “I look fat. Can you give me a compliment?” Husband: “You have perfect eyesight.”
Two girls have a sleepover. Karen: Let’s go to bed. Lauren:Fine, but it’s early. *Karen wakes up and exits room" Lauren hears noise Mikey: Your so much better than my girlfriend Karen. Lauren: laughs Lauren: remembers her boyfriend is Karen’s brother Mikey
why is there no woman on the moon? because it doesnt need to be cleaned
If a woman sleeps with 10 men she’s a slut, but if a man does it… He’s gay, definitely gay.
Roast: What is the difference between your girlfriend and a walrus? One is hairy and smells like fish and the other is a walrus. Your welcome
The doctor says “your wife is PREGNENT” the man says that he used a condom and the doctor says "ya but I didn’t
I keep looking for my girlfriends killer but no one wants to do it.
Man: "Is your body from Mcdonalds?" Woman: "Why, because your loving it?" Man: “No, because its fat and greasy.” :D
What’s the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb You can’t unscrew a pregnant woman What’s a similarity between a broken lightbulb, and a pregnant woman They’re both accidents
A : Whats the similarity between your girlfriend and the Sun? B : They’re both hot? A : They’re both massive.
wha can you tella dog, but not your girlfriend…? come
Why has Stephen hawking’s stopped playing hide and seek with his wife? Because she keeps using a metal detector
What’s the difference between a nun and a woman in a bath tub? One’s got hope in her soul, the others got soap in her hole.
3 citizens were going through an exam to become agents of the FBI, their instructor handed the first guy a gun in a room with his wife and said he had to shoot them, he walked out in shame and said he couldn’t do it. The second guy had the same scenario, he put the gun up but couldn’t pull the trigger so he walked out in shame. The third guy was put in the same scenario, he walked out and told the instructor, “The gun wasn’t loaded, I had to strangle the bitch.”
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