Woman jokes

my girlfriend dumped me today apparently I don’t stand up for her in fights I don’t care she use to push me around all the time

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I see some objects over there… oh never mind, that’s a woman.

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At the funeral of a family friend, I was chatting to June, an elderly lady I hadn’t seen since I was a teenager. I was thrilled when she told me what a beautiful young woman I’d become. On the journey home, I remarked to my mother how lovely it had been to see June again. “Yes, it’s such a shame that she’s gone blind,” she said sadly.

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Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend? - Because he needed some space.

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Today was a terrible day. My wife got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver

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What do the twin towers and my ex-girlfriend have in common? They both went down on my dad.

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School Bully: How’s your girlfriend? Oh wait, you don’t have any! Me: How’s your parents? Oh wait, you don’t have any! *Continues to burn down orphanage

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Me: Are you okay? Dentist: I’m just a bit surprised. When I said to you “spit it out” I wasn’t expecting you to say you’ve been shagging my wife.

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Husband: I bet you can’t say something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time Wife: You have the biggest penis out of all your friends

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why did the orphan not have a girlfriend? because he thought that she would leave him to.

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“What does the word ‘gay’ mean?” asked a son his father. “It means ‘happy’,” replied the father. “Oh,” contested the son, “so you are gay then?” “No, son, I have a wife.”

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My ex-wife still misses me… BUT HER AIM IS GETTIN BETTER!

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Men vacuum in the same way that they have sex. They just put it in and make some noise for 3 minutes before they collapse on the couch and think that their wife should be really happy.

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Little Johnny walked on into to his house.He heard a banging sound from up above and decied to investigate.He opened the door to his parents room and saw his naked mom and the woman next door. He thought they were wrestling and decided to join in.

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I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. – A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.

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