My ex-wife still misses me… BUT HER AIM IS GETTIN BETTER!
My ex girlfriend got hit by a bus. I also lost my bus drivers licence.
I took my girlfriend out the other day… Man do I love being a sniper.
I was digging in our garden when I found a chest full of gold coins. I was about to run straight home to tell my wife about it, but then I remembered why I was digging in our garden.
The cops are still searching for my wife’s killer. Luckily I already fled the country.
Why does Dr. Pepper come in a bottle? Because his wife died.
One day I got home and told my girlfriend “I cheated on you.” she replied with “F**k you” I then said “But you won’t, that’s why I cheated on you.”
My girlfriend asked me to write her a poem for Valentines Day: Roses are red, Watches are gold. Get on your knees, And do as you’re told. What’s the difference between your girlfriend and sister ? Nothing if your from Alabama
When you break up with your online girlfriend, and you hear your uncle crying in the other room. My father is like Houdini, when he heard his girlfriend was pregnant he disappeared.
My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic. – But if I’m going to have sex, it’s going to be on my own Accord.
"I’d rather go through the pain of childbirth again than let you drill in my mouth,"the woman told her dentist. He replied, “Well, please make up your mind so I can adjust my chair.”
If a woman sleeps with 10 men she’s a slut, but if a man does it… He’s gay, definitely gay.
I broke up with my deaf girlfriend because she never listened to me.
Why are we depressed, is it because that bully in your school, or that you have acne, how about when you listen to you sad song playlist, maybe cause you have no friends, Or is it the fact your anime girlfriend is fake. T^T
There was a cannibal who had a wife and (eight) kids.
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