A man robs a bank and asks a woman, “did you see that?” She says “yes”, so the man shoots her. He leaves the bank and sees a couple, he asks “did you see that?” “No but my wife did!” The husband said.
“I’m not sure why my girlfriend’s father doesn’t like me.” “What was your first impression on him?” “I told him, she calls me daddy too.”
A man wakes up from his operation and the doctor says ‘I have bad news and good news, what do you want to hear first?’ The man says ‘bad’ so the doctor says ‘during the surgery your girlfriend decided to leave a message that she’s leaving you for another man’ the man says ‘what’s the good then? ’ And the doctor says ‘I’m picking her up at 7’
A woman comes to the doctor and tells her ‘doctor, my husband wants intense sex all day, what should I give him?’ The doctor says ‘my number’
Guy starts chatting to pretty woman at a party Seeing that she didn’t back off he asked her name. “Carmen,” she replied. That’s a nice name," he said warming up the conversation, “Who named you, your mother?” "No, I named myself, she answered. “Oh, that’s interesting. Why Carmen?” “Because I like cars, and I like men,” she said looking directly into his eyes. “So what’s your name?” she asked. ‘BJ Titsngolf’
My wife wanted a present that could go from Zero to 80 very quickly. So I got her a new set of bathroom scales.
I know a woman who owns a taser. – She’s stunning!
my girlfriend dumped me today apparently I don’t stand up for her in fights I don’t care she use to push me around all the time
Wife:Honey im pregnant Husband:Hi Pregnant im dad Wife:No you’re not
I asked a poor old woman if I could take her home. She smiled and said yes. However the expression on her face soon changed when I started walking away with her cardboard box.
One day I told my wife that she drew her I brows too high, She looked surprised.
My ex-wife was deaf. She left me for a deaf friend of hers. To be honest, I should have seen the signs.
I comforted my friend about his wife’s death: until I found out who did it.
what is the diffrence between a snow woman and a snowman? Snowballs
What’s the difference between my girlfriend and my uncle? my girlfriend didn’t go to jail for loving me. I thought my vasectomy would keep my wife from getting pregnant, but apparently it just changes the color of the baby.
RUS | ENG
