Woman jokes

I said to my pregnant wife push darling , come on push harder dear , no she wasn’t giving birth the bloody car would not start .

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Hey what is the difference between a painting and a wife? Only the wife was hung up

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If depression is going to be my girlfriend. Will she leave me?

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One day I told my wife that she drew her I brows too high, She looked surprised.

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Wife:Honey im pregnant Husband:Hi Pregnant im dad Wife:No you’re not

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i like my woman like i like my coffee in a big sack on top of donkey

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Wife: (on phone) hi Husband: hey I didn’t know dishwashers talk and make me a sandwich.

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FIRST DATE man: i work with animals every day woman: oh how sweet! what is it that you do? man: im a butcher…

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A wife is like a grenade. Pull the ring and the house is gone.

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What do you call it if your mom is a guy and ur dad is a woman? Transparent

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My wife is like a mirror I can never look at it

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A woman walks into a doctor’s office. She schedules an appointment and sits down it the waiting room. Whem it’s her turn to talk to the doctor, she describes all of her symptoms, and they’re unlike anything he’s heard before. The doctor runs a few tests and steps out of the room. He comes back later, and says, ‘Well I have good news and bad news.’ The woman says, ‘I’ll hear the good news first please. ’ The doctor replies ‘The good news is we’re naming a disease after you!’

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I have just started a sexual relationship with a blind woman. It’s very rewarding, but quite challenging. – Took me ages to get her husband’s voice right.

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Why did the Mexican push his wife off a cliff? Tequila

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Men vacuum in the same way that they have sex. They just put it in and make some noise for 3 minutes before they collapse on the couch and think that their wife should be really happy.

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