Wives are like grenades… – Remove the ring and boom, house is gone!
My girlfriend is like treasure to me You need a shovel to find her…
At the funeral of a family friend, I was chatting to June, an elderly lady I hadn’t seen since I was a teenager. I was thrilled when she told me what a beautiful young woman I’d become. On the journey home, I remarked to my mother how lovely it had been to see June again. “Yes, it’s such a shame that she’s gone blind,” she said sadly.
I’ve been looking for my ex girlfriend’s killer for the past two years. But no one would do it.
My ex-wife still misses me… BUT HER AIM IS GETTIN BETTER!
A man with a gun goes into a bank and demands for money. Once he is given the money, he turns to a customer and asks, “Did you see me rob this bank?” The man replied, “Yes sir, I did.” The robber shot him in the head, killing him instantly. He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the man, “Did you see me rob this bank? ” The man replied, “No sir, I didn’t, but my wife did!”
my girlfriend dumped me today apparently I don’t stand up for her in fights I don’t care she use to push me around all the time
A woman walks into a doctor’s office. She schedules an appointment and sits down it the waiting room. Whem it’s her turn to talk to the doctor, she describes all of her symptoms, and they’re unlike anything he’s heard before. The doctor runs a few tests and steps out of the room. He comes back later, and says, ‘Well I have good news and bad news.’ The woman says, ‘I’ll hear the good news first please. ’ The doctor replies ‘The good news is we’re naming a disease after you!’
You can tell a lot about a woman from her ankles. – If they are on your shoulders, she probably likes you.
A husband and a wife have four children the oldest three are tall with blonde hair, the youngest is short with brown hair. The husband was on his deathbed and said “honey, can you be completely honest with me, is our youngest son mine?” The wife says “I swear to all that is holy he is your son.” Then the husband died and the wife muttered, “thank god he didn’t ask about the other three.”
I nailed my Jewish girlfriend so hard she turned Christian.
What does the cannibal do after he dumps his girlfriend? He wipes his butt.
Two men were talking about their wives The first man says “My wife is an angel.” The second man says “You’re lucky, mine’s still alive.”
My wife asked me to help cure her from sucking her thumb. So I drew a cock on it.
What do you call a woman with one arm and one leg? Eileen
RUS | ENG
