my girlfriend dumped me today apparently I don’t stand up for her in fights I don’t care she use to push me around all the time
Today was a terrible day. My wife got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver
My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with pasta. – I’m doing well, but I do get cannelloni.
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. – A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
My girlfriend accused me of cheating. I told her she was starting to sound like my wife.
My girlfriend is like treasure to me You need a shovel to find her…
wha can you tella dog, but not your girlfriend…? come
Hitler visits a lunatic asylum. The patients give the Hitler salute. As he passes down the line he comes across a woman who Isn?’t saluting. ?Why are you not saluting like the others? ? Hitler barks. ?"Mein Fuhrer, I?m the nurse," she responds "I?m not crazy!?
So I caught my girlfriend masturbating with a carrot. My first reaction was “Shit, I was gonna eat that later, but now it’s gonna taste like carrots!”
My wife is like a mirror I can never look at it
its only ok to beat up an dwarf when they walk up to your wife and say your hair smells nice I saw my wife at the dam yesterday. Drat. I was hoping she might float a bit more downstream.
My ex-wife still misses me. But her aim is steadily improving.
Damn girl, are you a smoke detector? Because you’re super annoying and won’t shut up.
My girlfriend is a porn star. – She will kill me if she finds out.
A drunk man walked out of a bar and kept falling flat on his face. He wondered why this was until his wife spoke to him: Wife: why is your face all bloody? Husband: I was so drunk that I couldn’t stand up so I kept falling on my face! Wife: idiot. You left your wheelchair at the bar!
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