One night, I saw a woman sitting behind a dumpster. So I took her home. We talked all the way there. When we got home, I gave her a bath. Later on, things started getting passionate. We started doing intercourse, and some of the noises she made you would have thought she was still alive! My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole her wheelchair Guess who came crawling back
A programmer and his wife. She says, “We’re out of bread. Please go the grocery store and buy one. And if they’ve got eggs, get six.” After a while, he’s back with six loaves of bread. The wife asks, “Why did you buy 6 loaves of bread?” He replies, “They had eggs.”
A man walks into a bar and orders three shots. “Long day?” the bartender asks. “Well… My oldest son just came out…” The man finishes the shots and leaves the bar. The next day, the man comes back and orders four shots. “What now?” the bartender asks. “My middle son just came out.” The man finishes his drinks and leaves. He comes back the next day and orders five shots. “Again?” the bartender asks. “Yeah. My youngest son.” He drinks his shots and leaves. The next day, he comes in again. This time, he orders ten shots. “My God! Is there anyone in your family that likes girls? ?” the bartender asks. “Yeah… My wife.”
A man ordered a washing machine because his old one stopped working. As soon as the man opened his new washing machine, he immediately rejoiced because there was a woman inside. Without hesitation the man yelled. FREE DISHWASHER!
i cought my girlfriend cheating on me, with our dad.
My girlfriend got ran over by a bus I lost my job as a bus driver.
Damn girl, are you a smoke detector? Because you’re super annoying and won’t shut up.
I lost my job at the bank on my very first day. – A woman asked me to check her balance, so I pushed her over.
What’s the difference between a battery and my wife? The battery has a positive side
An invisible man marries an invisible woman. The kids were nothing to look at either.
I brought my girlfriend home and introduced her to my family. My kids liked her, but my wife seemed upset
My girlfriend treats me like God. – She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.
My ex-wife still misses me… BUT HER AIM IS GETTIN BETTER!
What’s the worst part of Breaking up with a Japanese girl? You have to drop the bomb twice until she finally gets it. I have a problem my dad any my girlfriend have the same birthday. So one took my virginity and the other is my girlfriend
Today was a terrible day. My wife got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver
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