Morbid jokes are just like girlfriends. not everyone gets it
A man with a gun goes into a bank and demands for money. Once he is given the money, he turns to a customer and asks, “Did you see me rob this bank?” The man replied, “Yes sir, I did.” The robber shot him in the head, killing him instantly. He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the man, “Did you see me rob this bank? ” The man replied, “No sir, I didn’t, but my wife did!”
A : Whats the similarity between your girlfriend and the Sun? B : They’re both hot? A : They’re both massive.
A wife and husband was setting up their computer and the husband makes the password my dick, but the wife fell on the floor laughing because the computer said the password was too short.
At the resturant, the waitress starts flirting with me. “She must have COVID,” my wife said. “Why?” I asked. “Cuz she clearly has no taste.” She responded.
My fifth wife asked me to help her dig in the garden. Here we go again
Two friends who’ve been bros for forever see each other in Wal-Mart in the card section. The first guy asks what he got his wife for her birthday. The second guy tells him he got her a Maserati and a card. The first guy tells him he got his wife a card and a dildo for her birthday. The second guy asks why he got his wife a dildo for her birthday. The first guy says, “If she doesn’t like the card I got her, then she can go f@ck herself!”
My girlfriend left me because of my obsession with pasta. – I’m doing well, but I do get cannelloni.
My wife told me I was immature. I just told her to get out of my pillow fort.
Why did the Mexican push his wife off a cliff? Tequila
Jon said:What do you call a pregnant woman? Mike said: I don’t know what? Jon said: kinder surprise
Once an orphan got a girlfriend. He regreted it. She left him too.
The doctor says “your wife is PREGNENT” the man says that he used a condom and the doctor says "ya but I didn’t
Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend? - Because he needed some space.
So I caught my girlfriend masturbating with a carrot. My first reaction was “Shit, I was gonna eat that later, but now it’s gonna taste like carrots!”
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