If depression is going to be my girlfriend. Will she leave me?
What do you call it if your mom is a guy and ur dad is a woman? Transparent
Tell someone to look in their shirt and spell attic hehe
FIRST DATE man: i work with animals every day woman: oh how sweet! what is it that you do? man: im a butcher…
Me at the Oscars when i see Jada Pinkett Smith, me, I said: “G.I. Jane 2, more like G.I Jada 2, can’t wait to see it” So will smith is laughing and then suddenly, Suddenly Will Smith walks up to me and punches me in the face Me: "Ow, oh, wow. Will Smith just smacked the shit out of me.” My nigcka Smith goes: “KEEP MY WIFE’S NAME OUT OF YOUR f@ckING MOUTH! ” Me: “Maybe you should focus on keeping her friends out of hers”
How do you know when you girlfriend is to young ? you have to make airoplane noises to get her to open her mouth… sorry
A lot of things have changed since I got my girlfriend pregnant. My name, my address and my phone number.
I see some objects over there… oh never mind, that’s a woman.
Do you know what’s the difference between a knife and a girl’s argument A knife has a point
I decided to visit Saudi Arabia with my girlfriend. She and I learned they celebrate Pride month by throwing stones.
A programmer and his wife. She says, “We’re out of bread. Please go the grocery store and buy one. And if they’ve got eggs, get six.” After a while, he’s back with six loaves of bread. The wife asks, “Why did you buy 6 loaves of bread?” He replies, “They had eggs.”
one day a couple was walking when the man stepped on something hard and squishy then they heard a sound from the bushes, instead of looking down they both ran. two years later they turned on the TV to find Ted Bundy on trial they asked him if he has ever been caught he said “No but a couple was walking as soon as i killed a girl i jumped into a bush they didnt know i was there but the man stepped on the dead body but didn’t look down then he and his girlfriend ran.”
My girlfriend got ran over by a bus I lost my job as a bus driver.
Fishing and girlfriends are exactly alike, there may be plenty of fish in the sea, but until i find one, i’m stuck here holding my rod
Wife: (on phone) hi Husband: hey I didn’t know dishwashers talk and make me a sandwich.
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