A wife and husband had been on a strict diet and the wife said yaknow weve been good about our diet lets have a cheat night tonight. The wife came home with kfc and wendys. the husband came home with sylvia from the office.
Some trans “woman” came up to me and told me to act my age so I told him to act his gender How can you tell if your wife is dead? – The sex is the same but the dishes start piling up.
A wife is like a grenade. Pull the ring and the house is gone.
“What does the word ‘gay’ mean?” asked a son his father. “It means ‘happy’,” replied the father. “Oh,” contested the son, “so you are gay then?” “No, son, I have a wife.”
i thought my wife was joking when she said she was gunna leave me because i wouldn’t stop singing “im a believer” but then i saw her face
“I’m not sure why my girlfriend’s father doesn’t like me.” “What was your first impression on him?” “I told him, she calls me daddy too.”
When your girlfriend has an abortion, it’s kinda like dodging your own bullets.
My girlfriend and I often laugh about how competitive we are… But I laugh more. How can you tell if you have a high sperm count? When your girlfriend has to chew before she swallows.
So I caught my girlfriend masturbating with a carrot. My first reaction was “Shit, I was gonna eat that later, but now it’s gonna taste like carrots!”
My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10. Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting 9! That’s the best I’ve done so far.
What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking? Stop and apply lubrication.
School Bully: How’s your girlfriend? Oh wait, you don’t have any! Me: How’s your parents? Oh wait, you don’t have any! *Continues to burn down orphanage
A woman visits the doctor as she has some abdominal pains and suspects she may be pregnant. After her examination, the doctor comes out to see her: “Well, I hope you like changing diapers!” She replies: “Oh my god! Am I pregnant, am I pregnant!?” To which he responds: “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”
A woman gets rid of polish with chemicals and no one bats an eye The Germans got rid of polish with chemicals and everyone lost their mind
A guy wins a free ticket to the Super Bowl and so he’s very excited. However, he’s not so excited when he gets there and realizes his seat’s in the back of the stadium. So he looks around him for a better seat, and to his surprise he finds an empty seat right next to the field. He approaches the older guy who’s sitting in the seat next to the empty one and asks if the seat is taken. The man replies, “No.” The young guy is very surprised to hear this and asks, “How could someone pass up a seat like this?” The older guy replies, “It’s my wife’s seat. We’ve been to every Super Bowl together since the day we were married but she’s passed away.” “Oh, how sad,” the young guy says, taken aback. “I’m sorry to hear that, but couldn’t you find a friend or relative to come with you? ” “No,” the man replies, “They’re all at the funeral.”
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