Bar jokes

A pirate walked into a bar with his ship’s steering wheel hanging off his pants. The bartender says, “Hey! What’s with the steering wheel?” The pirate says, “I don’t know but it’s driving me nuts!” A grasshopper jumps into a bar. The bartender says “we’ve got a drink named after you. ” The grasshopper says “seriously? Why would you name a drink named Callum?”

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A Pirate walks into a bar with a steering wheel attached to his dick. The Bartender asks him why And the Pirate says: Argh, It’s driving me nuts.

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A midget walks into a bar and asks for a beer, the bartender says no. The midget asks why, the bartender says “You’re a little drunk”

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A guy runs into a bar, and yells, “Quick! How tall is a penguin?” The bartender says, “Three feet tall.” The guy says, “Oh my God! I just ran over a nun!”

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A blind guy walks into a bar with his seeing eye dog. He then picks his dog up by the tail and starts to swing him around. The bartender asks him “Hey man What the hell you doing? ”. Blind guy says “Just looking around”

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A horse a fox and a bunny join together and make a rock band they started doing tiny gigs but they got famous and went on tour they all got so famous it went to their heads and the band disbanded the fox made his and bunny made her own the horse was sad that the band was no more so he went to a bar and the bartender asked why the long face Why did the chicken cross

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Jim walks into a bar and asks for a shot of vodka. He then says to the barkeep, “Who’s the toughest guy in here?” The barkeep points to a man at the pool table. Jim then knocked him out and paid for the shot and left. He did this every Friday for 2 months. Finally, the barkeep is pissed because Jim keeps knocking out all of his customers. He then orders a gorilla and puts him in the bathroom. Jim walks into the bar and gets another shot of vodka. He asks again, “Who’s the toughest guy in here tonight?” The bartender points to the bathroom and says he’s in there. Jim walks into the bathroom and everyone in the bar can hear yelling and screaming. The bartender asks, “What happened in there?” Jim smiles and says, “I don’t know who that was, but when he wakes up tell him I put his fur jacket int the toilet.”

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My favorite bartender serves drinks so strong, he gives a “get well soon” card with each one of them!

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%% %%A man with a mullet walks into a bar The bartender says “The party’s in the back”

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Dog walks into a bar… & Sez to bartender . I’m looking for the man who shot my paw…

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A hamburger walks into a bar. The bartender says, “I’m sorry. We don’t serve food here.”

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An American and an Asian walk into a bar. What are your names the bartender asks. The American says William Matthews. The Asian says Same Ting

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A man walks into a bar with a parrot on his shoulder. The bartender asks “where’d you get that lovely thing?” “Africa” the parrot replied.

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A blind man walks into a bar and starts to swing his guide dog around his head, the bartender asks him nervously “are you okay” the blind man replies “yeah I’m just looking around”

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A man walks into a bar carrying a big chunk of asphalt and says to the bartender, “Make mine a double Scotch and one more for the road."

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