Me and my wife were out at dinner me being 48 and her being 19, people where screaming at us and calling me a creep. It realy ruined our 10th anniversary
My girlfriend called me a bot in fortnite, so I called her sandwich maker 3000
I keep looking for my girlfriends killer but no one wants to do it.
Hey what is the difference between a painting and a wife?
Only the wife was hung up
My girlfriend treats me like God. – She ignores my existence and only talks to me when she needs something.
Billy: spits out food
Mom: BILLY! We swallow what we have in our mouths.
Dad: looks at mom
Mom: Shut up
If you get you get it
A woman comes to the doctor and tells her ‘doctor, my husband wants intense sex all day, what should I give him?’ The doctor says ‘my number’
Why do orphans make the best girlfriends?
Because They don’t need permission from their Parents
Women are like dogs… “Where are you going? Where are you going? Where are you going?” “Can I come? Can I come? Can I come? ” “I’ll wait right here… I’ll wait right here… I’ll wait right here…” SHOES
SHOES
An American woman married a British man. On their honeymoon, the British husband said,?You look like a million pounds!? The wife divorced him.
My kids are so ungrateful. I got them a new dishwasher and they just won’t stop complaining about their mom
Whats the difference between a lightbulb and a preganant woman you can unscrew the lightbulb
My girlfriend told me to stop playing Pokemon as it was childish.
I started thrashing about and roared “You don’t have enough badges to control me!”
A man wakes up from his operation and the doctor says ‘I have bad news and good news, what do you want to hear first?’ The man says ‘bad’ so the doctor says ‘during the surgery your girlfriend decided to leave a message that she’s leaving you for another man’ the man says ‘what’s the good then? ’ And the doctor says ‘I’m picking her up at 7’
Some trans “woman” came up to me and told me to act my age so I told him to act his gender
How can you tell if your wife is dead? – The sex is the same but the dishes start piling up.
A elderly woman and an elderly man were at a retirement home The man was shuffling a deck of cards for a card game The man asks "Is it your first time? " The woman replies “It’s been a while since a man has asked me that.”
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