A heavily pregnant woman is in an accident and gives birth to twins while comatose. Upon awakening some days later, the doctors tell her that her brother Tom filled out the birth certificates while she was out.
“Oh no, Tom’s an idiot, what did he name my daughter?” she asked the nurse.
“Denise. ” “That’s not a bad name. And what did he name the boy?” “Tom Junior.”
“That’s not a bad name. And what did he name the boy?”
“Tom Junior.”
Little Johhny is walking around and peaks in his parents room, catching them having sex so he asks, “What are you guys doing?” and they reply “Nothing, nothing! we’re just uh, making cake” and they send him away. So he continues walking around and he hears some strange noises coming from his brothers room so he walks in and catches his brother and his brothers girlfriend having sex and then asks him “What are you guys doing?” and his brother yells “Get out! were making cake!” So Johnny leaves and goes to his room. The next day the whole family is at the dinner table and Little Johnny turns to his sister and says “So, you and your boyfriend were making cake last night huh!” and she replies “OMG! Howd you know! ?!?” and Johnny replies “Because, I licked the icing off the couch” ayyyyyy.
Aunt: Stop telling the kids Santa isn’t real Me: Stop telling them their dad is going to get milk
A proud new dad sits down with his own father.
His father says, “Son,you now have a child of your own, so I think it’s time I gave you this.” And so, he pulls out a book: 1001 Dad Jokes.
The young man says, “Dad, I’m honored, ” as tears well up in his eyes. His father says, “Hi, Honoured, I’m Dad.”
His father says, “Hi, Honoured, I’m Dad.”
What is a lion call as a baby cocota
Dark humor is like a dad not everyone gets it
Little Johnny’s mom is taking a shower little Johnny walks in and asks what is that in between your legs mommy says that is my keyhole the next day little Johnny sees his dad taking a shower and little Johnny asks what is that in between your legs daddy says that is my key the next day little Johnny says to his dad looks like the neighbor has the key to mommy’s keyhole too. By:Xzavier
By:Xzavier
Who named their daughter Macadamia? A couple of nuts.
Bf: Do you love me?
Gf: Most of time.
Bf: Well it’s either yes or no.
Gf: …
Bf: Well when is it that you don’t love me?
Gf: 2:30 to 4:00. Every time when you to the river an hour than it takes me a half hour to love you again.
Bf: Why?
Gf: Cuz you always see that OTHER GIRL. Bf: MY LOVE! That other girl is my sister!!! Gf: Ohh…
Bf: MY LOVE! That other girl is my sister!!!
Gf: Ohh…
Daughter: Mommy?
Mom: Hey
Daughter: What kind of kids do they use to make sour patch kids?
Mom: They don’t use kids to make sour patch kids
Daughter: Oh that’s why the ones I made taste kind of funny…
Guys my sisters pregnant!
Im finally a dad!
Daughter: I know this is weird but I feel like that someone is watching me when I am sleeping.
Father: Sorry
So I’m banging the f@ck out of this slutty chick, right? And I’m thinking to myself, “She’s PROBABLY got AIDS.” So I go and get myself tested and, lo-and-behold, I’m positive. This gets me thinking, “Where the f@ck does an eight year old get AIDS? !” “Who has my sister been hanging out with?!”
Why do orphans eat cereal with water? because their dad never came home with the milk
Why hasn’t my dad come back? No seriously I’m not joking
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