Ex jokes

My ex died in an anchorage accident. She always was a sleeping hooker.

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My Smoothie Ingredients -Bananas -Strawberry -The Blood of my ex -Peanut Butter Gf- You are a drug. Bf- Why cause you are addicted to me? Gf- No, because you are number one most wanted in Montana.

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My ex-wife was deaf. She left me for a deaf friend of hers. To be honest, I should have seen the signs.

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So 3 guys are walking down the street together and decide to go rob a bank. The first one goes for the richest man in the city’s vault but can’t open it easily, and is caught and sent to death in jail for robbing the richest man. The second one goes for his uncles vault because screw that son of a bh he’s rich why does he need all the money. But his uncle was unfortunately at the vault that day and snapped his nephews neck. The third one went for his ex’s vault and thought “well that bh can suck my dk she’s so poor anyway who would care if I take all her money so she dies of hunger and dehydration and homelessness” so he managed to get into her vault easily because it wasn’t heavily locked and took all her money. The next day the third guys ex showed up to his house and said “imma fg murder you” so she shot him dead and got her money from his house. In hell the three guys see each other and explain what happened. The third guy did and then asked “you know I don’t get it. If the richest guys are heavily guarded but already have so much money in their house why does it need to be heavily guarded? I don’t understand why the poorer aren’t heavily guarded when they are so poor they need the money.” And the first guy said “bh I don’t know maybe the bank tellers think poor people should suck it and just die already”

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I hate family reunions I see too many of my ex’s there

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MY GIRLFRIEND BROKE UP WITH ME YESTERDAY. i ASKED HER WHY. sHE SAID, BECAUSE YOU’RE A PEDOPHILE. I REPLIED, “PEDOPHILE! THAT’S A BIG WORD FOR AN EIGHT YEAR OLD.” I had the WORST day ever. My ex was sent to the hospital from a gun, and I got my hunting license removed.

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What does an astronaut call his ex from space? SpaceX

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Today was a bad day. First My ex got hit by a bus. Then I lost my job as a bus driver

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Peanuts are hard to crack just like my ex wifes heart

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What do the twin towers and my ex-girlfriend have in common? They both went down on my dad.

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if u tell a girl there pretty they wont believe u if u tell them their ugly their never forget it… elephants never forget.

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My ex-wife was smoking pot with Snow White, when the 7 dwarf’s saw them they sang… “Look at those high Ho’s! Hiiiiiiii Hoooooo’sssss!!!”

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Today was a terrible day. My wife got hit by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver

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Me:Whats that sound? Ex:What? Me:oh its the elevator going up. BYEEEE see you on another level!

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My ex got into a bad accident recently. I told the doctors the wrong blood type. Now she will really know what rejection feels like

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