why did the hooker quit her job? she had a nut allergy Cindy goes up to her dad and says: "Daddy, can I have $100 for a new dress?" Her dad almost gags and says: "$100! You’re only 12, what do you want with such an expensive dress?" Cindy says: "Well daddy, I’ll look really pretty in it and I promise to look after it …" Dad gives in and says: “OK, give me a head-job then”. He flops it out and Cindy just get the end in her mouth and goes: "Eeee-yooo - that taste’s like shit! " Dad goes: “Well, your brother wanted to borrow the car this afternoon …”
John : hi boss it is raining heavily today so I would not be coming Boss: u stated in ur job application that swimming was it hobby so see u at at 11am
this isnt an orphan joke but. I got a job at a library, but it only lasted 15 minutes. Turns out, books about women’s rights shouldn’t go in the Sci-Fi / Fantasy section.
Boobs are like batteries… AA will get the job done… C is bigger than AA… D is bigger that C… …and if they’re square, you don’t want to put your tongue on them!
“I work with animals” the man said to his date. his date said “I love a man who works with animals what job is it for the animal” “I am a butcher” said the man
what’s the difference between a pizza delivery guy and a cop. pizza guys get punished for not doing their jobs properly
why did the zookeeper lose his job? for choking the chicken and spanking the monkey!
I hate these double standards. if you burn a body at a crematorium you’re "doing a good job" if you do it at home you’re “destroying evidence”
how come orphans know how to do laundry cause thats usually the moms job
Last Night I had a dream I was swimming in lemonade… turns out I peed the bed. What’s a spider-man’s dream job? Web developer
Employer: Can you preform under pressure? Me: No, but i do a pretty good Bohemian Rhapsody.
A guy was on trial for murder and if convicted, would get the electric chair. His brother found out that a redneck was on the jury and figured he would be the one to bribe. He told the redneck that he would be paid $10,000 if he could convince the rest of the jury to reduce the charge to manslaughter. The jury was out an entire week and returned with a verdict of manslaughter. After the trial, the brother went to the redneck’s house, told him what a great job he had done and paid him the $10,000. The red neck replied that it wasn’t easy to convince the rest of the jury to change the charge to manslaughter. They all thought he was not guilty and, wanted to let him go.
Today I learned that a group of piranhas can maul a small child down to the bone in under 20 seconds. Well I lost my job at the aquarium today.
so i was asleep and woke up and went to work my wife left already to her job i was driving my car and ran over someone i woke up in my bed realized it was htm title=' the my wife got hit bye a car'>all a dream 20 minutes later i got a phone call the my wife got hit bye a car
Yo mama is so ugly, she walked into a haunted house and walked out with a job application.
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