Why did the library book go to the doctor? – It needed to be checked out.
I was wondering why the frisbee was getting bigger, then it hit me.
I told the doctor I didn’t want a brain surgery. But he changed my mind.
My cow just wandered into a field of marijuana. The steaks have never been so high…
If trees could kill you, they wood.
I entered ten puns into a contest to see which one would win. No pun in ten did
How does a fish always know how much they weigh? – Because they have their own scales.
I have a fear of speed bumps But i am slowly getting over it
Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson decide to go on a camping trip. After dinner and a bottle of wine, they lay down for the night, and go to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend. “Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see.” Watson replied, “I see millions of stars.” “What does that tell you?” Watson pondered for a minute. “Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets.” “Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo.” “Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three.” “Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant.” “Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow.” “What does it tell you, Holmes?” Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke: “Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent!”
An atom loses an electron… It says, “Man, I really gotta keep an ion them.”
How do trees get online? – They just log in.
I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage. – I lost my case.
My friend gave me sugar for my birthday, she thought it was cheap I thought it was pretty sweet
What does a spy do when he’s cold? He goes under cover.
Last night I had a dream that I was swimming in an ocean of orange soda. I guess it was just a Fanta sea!
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